Name: 85: Competition (SHOCKING Sarah Sherman appearance!)
Uploaded: 2024-09-16T11:00:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '85: Competition (SHOCKING Sarah Sherman appearance!)' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '85: Competition (SHOCKING Sarah Sherman appearance!)' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-16. Transcript available.

85: Competition (SHOCKING Sarah Sherman appearance!)

I would get fucking killed if I went to prison, I know that, for sure.
I know you'd be throwing it down and teaching people how to breakdance.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger. Enjoy.
And we are back for another Monday episode of Joy Tactics.
Did you miss us?
Podcast. You missed us, didn't you?
Has it been a while since you've tapped in and skipped a couple episodes?
It's all good.
You're totally different. We've changed up the whole vibe. We've changed up
everything.
Yep.
Eric has dreads underneath the hat.
What's up?
They're hella small. They're bleached.
Eric went to a corn concert, changed his whole fucking perspective on this
whole life that we call life.
Damn.
Going to corn and getting emotional for the first time in your life?
Going to corn.
Oh my God.
Imagine you're one of those people who can't see colors and they're like,
wait, we got you these glasses to help you see colors.
And you're like, wait, I'm going to hold off.
I know the perfect place to use these for the first time.
Hit the motherfucking corn concert.
So you get to check out the lead singer's black cargo shorts.
Yep.
Thank God that type of music is fucking gone.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I know it still exists, but like, but it's just like out of the, they're
not in the zeitgeist.
You know what I'm saying?
They're like a subculture because they used to be like TRL top 10.
It was like a horn would pop into the number one, number three spot.
It's a funny instinct to write the scariest music you could write.
That shit makes me.
What's their, what's their fucking number one hit song?
Corn.
Freak on a leash, right?
That's them.
Freak on a leash.
How's that go?
Freak on a leash.
Is that good?
No.
I don't know, but it's, they make pretty close to that.
They talk, he talks all fucking, he scares the fuck out of me.
They got that slapping bass too.
Yeah.
They fucking hit that bass, dude.
They play that shit differently.
They're funk metal.
Oh yeah, they are.
Yeah, hitting the salvia pipe.
Yeah, something makes me feel so crazy.
I like, I like crazy shit.
Don't come to my house, it's scary.
You know how many dudes were just, were driving around about to cheat on that?
Yeah.
Listening to that song on the radio.
Dude, I feel like that's more like, you got the headphones in, you're doing
like, you're
like washing dishes at the Golden Corral, and you're taking, you're trying to
carry like
as many trash bags as you can at once to show how strong you are to the hot,
the other hot
dishwasher girl, or to one of the servers, and you get hella garbage juice all
on your
pants.
Garbage juice.
They're like, we're just going to throw out all this food, and you're like
taking home
like fucking like, 10 boxes worth of food every night, just, you just, that's
your livelihood.
It's rotting in the fridge, it's rotting in the fridge.
But your roommates are so fucking stoked that you're bringing home roast beef
and ice cream.
Dude.
Yo, I was at a Mexican restaurant last night that I invited Nate to, but he
didn't come
to, but, um.
And why do you have to mention that?
Interesting.
And why does that have to come up?
It's just so interesting what facts you leave out and what, what you keep, what
you choose
to.
I know.
Well, that's interesting.
That is interesting.
But I was sitting at the bar and everyone else at the bar was a regular and
they knew the
bartenders so well and they're dapping them up and then they were like, oh yeah,
I'll be
back tomorrow.
Um, I don't know why I'm bringing this up.
Oh, because when I was sitting at the bar, I smelled something in the air that
smelled
like the cruise ship I used to work on, like the bowels of the ship where you
could just
smell all the like buffet food cooking and the garbage smell.
Scent memory.
By the way, what is the difference between a regular and just like an average?
Alcoholic.
Um, a regular, it's, it's helping them.
Oh, okay.
It's not interfering with the bartender in the community.
Yeah.
Because if you're there every day and you're sipping on them, you know what,
maybe there
is no fucking difference.
If you're a regular at a bar, come on, man, if you're a regular at a bar, I
mean, I'm
I mean, that's a, that's just like straight up.
I got to say a red flag.
I'm a regular at a bar, barbells, bar outside the bar waiting for my
responsible friends.
Volunteer security.
I hit bar, B-A-R-R-E regularly.
That's how I'm saying so fit.
People have been wondering how I've been getting in shape and changing my
facial structure,
my body structure.
It's bar class, bitch.
Your face is not your body.
Bar class is so hard, dude.
That is the, that is maybe the toughest thing for a straight male to do.
What is it?
Is to complete a bar class.
Is dancing?
You will, it's, it's kind of like small movements.
Like you'll kind of like move your arm like this and you're like, you look at
it and you're
like, ha ha ha.
Like I can fucking bench.
Like I'm putting 25 plates on the bench press.
Of course I can move my arm.
25 plates.
Like in tiny little movements, you know what I'm saying?
And then you do it.
Okay, I got the pitch.
I got the pitch.
It is the hardest thing you'll ever do in your life.
That and fucking Pilates, man.
Yeah.
That is harder than putting a little one down.
And raising a child.
Yeah.
Okay, so here's my pitch for this Thursday's bonus episode.
Joy Tactics, you got to have the workout program.
So we do the 10 minute abs and you can just clip that and, and that's your 10,
do, do
10 minute abs with Joy Tactics and then we'll give them the 20 minute forearm
pushup, pushup
only workout.
Then we'll give them, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
We should have a full, yeah, a workout and meal plan.
Everything.
Can I, can I just say I have fallen off going to the gym because my life is so
crazy busy
in ways you can't imagine that the listeners don't even understand how busy I
am and be
able to blow their minds.
So Eric, what do you, what you're busy?
Is that at four in the morning that you start work?
Literally some days it is.
Well then let me ask you, what are you doing at three in the morning?
Oh.
Ah, that's a good question.
Gotcha.
Probably jerking it.
All right.
Which could be a workout the way that you've described it to me, your methods.
Yeah.
The no hands jerk.
Right.
You put weights on your forearms.
And we're demonetized.
Awesome, man.
And we're demonetized.
Awesome.
Cool, man.
It's that easy.
Fucking $13.
Gone.
There's no humor in jerking it anymore.
That's not funny.
And some people will never even be able to experience that.
So just let's move on.
By the way, how do you do the, dude, this is how, like how much we don't know
what we're
doing?
So I just want to, this is probably so clear and apparent to everybody who
listens, but
this is a self-produced podcast.
Right.
We don't have anyone doing anything for us.
We do this.
Surprise.
Surprise.
Don't be shocked.
What the fuck?
Every episode there's like, the audio is fucked up.
Like my internet's coming.
All right.
This is a self-produced podcast, right?
And I still, to this day, don't know how to draw the money out from YouTube.
Because we're, I don't, I don't know.
Let everybody, why don't you let everybody know?
Because people have been doubting us and doubting that we can make money from
this.
Why don't you let everybody know how much money's in our YouTube little bank
account?
Let me just, let me just pull it up right now.
I'll show you that you'd be shocked right now.
Nobody, some people haven't even, haven't even heard about this amount, this
dollar amount.
We have probably what, 80, 90 videos on YouTube, something like that.
Right.
Wait, how do I find this?
I think it's about.
In the meantime, hold on, I'm going to YouTube studio app.
We have 200 videos.
Why is that so?
200 videos.
That is so funny to me.
Oh, look at this.
Oh, shit, we got.
And how much have we made?
$570.
Whoa.
Wait a minute, Matt.
Did you say $500?
That's like 570 bucks.
That's not enough.
28 cents.
Yep.
That's what consistency gets you.
That's a PS5, at least.
And once you put that in, once you get the bonus round on the 70 cent slot
machine.
Mm-hmm.
Cha-ching, that thing's going way up.
We just need to, we need to, our YouTube money should be gambling money.
And Jack, you should just, we should just entrust Jack to flip it or fucking
toss it out, man.
That's great.
That's a great idea.
Do you think you could get me a PS5, Jack?
How much is that?
I think it's like $400, $500.
Oh, hell yeah, I get you that.
I mean, if I just gave you, like, how much do you need in gambling, like.
Give me $120.
$120?
Give me $120.
I'll flip that into a PS5 for me.
I'll flip that into $400 in a couple tries.
But don't you think when you have, like, a mission, like, it makes you a little
bit more lucky?
Like, if you were to, if you were to gamble for somebody's, like, surgery or
something, or, like, for the Make-A-Wish Foundation, like, don't you think you'd
be a little luckier?
Don't, don't start giving away my amazing ideas about DraftKings, DraftKings
health insurance.
That's a genius idea, dude.
Gambling for charity.
I like that.
I like that.
Give you a hint.
Come see my stand-up.
See if I don't have a couple of very, very funny and interesting and thought-provoking
slides about that premise.
That's all I have to say.
But what I'm saying is, I actually find at times that the gods hurt you when
you really want it.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah.
That's one of the core principles of manifestation.
You know that, right?
So, if you achieve high Buddhism clarity and you don't want anything anymore,
you want for nothing, that's when everything comes?
Is that what you're saying?
Because that's when there's room for it to flow in.
Wow.
Only when you've emptied the hole may rocks fill, wait, may gems enter the
precipice.
Empty the hole so rocks and gems can enter the precipice.
Exactly.
I couldn't have said it better than I saw.
That's just something you're born instinctively knowing, but we forget it as we
go through life and get distracted with greed and...
Tamagotchi's.
Media, Tamagotchi style media.
You want to know something about YouTube?
Yeah, I do, dude.
This is so cute.
So, last night, I live in New York City.
I have no friends, but I like to walk around and whatever.
It doesn't matter.
I went home and I was sitting there.
I thought, you know what?
I'm going to make a YouTube video and upload it.
I'm not going to tell.
I'm not going to post about it other than on YouTube.
I'm not going to...
Nothing.
And that was enjoyable.
It's not what gave me...
You put out a YouTube video?
Just, yeah.
Last night, I said, yo, this would be funny.
The fuck?
I spent 10 minutes.
I made a little YouTube video, posted it.
Out of pure...
No...
Just pure joy.
Out of pure love for humor.
You know, you guys know me.
I didn't see this video.
That's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying.
Try that out for size.
I love that.
I fucking love that.
You guys know me.
I don't do anything for views.
I don't do anything for clicks.
I don't do anything for money.
I turned down money.
When I was working on that Colbert show, I literally said, listen, I'm going to
fill this
direct deposit form out for PETA.
I'm just going to go straight to them.
Right.
Damn.
Send it to the Salvation Army.
Please.
Damn.
Well, can we link it in the show notes?
Nope.
Or has this got to be something?
It's not about that.
You want people to like try and go out of their way to find it.
I don't...
I'm not going to even say what it's about.
If you don't know my name and you listen to Joy Tactics, I don't want you to
know it.
But I'm just going to see one day you might find your way there.
Mysterious.
What were you going to talk about something today?
Oh, shit.
We haven't even hit the topic.
How far are we into this shit?
13 minutes.
People are like, man, it's fucking 13 minutes in here.
Yo