Name: The Notious Nature of Thievery | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 86
Uploaded: 2024-09-23T12:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Notious Nature of Thievery | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 86' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Notious Nature of Thievery | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 86' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-23. Transcript available.

The Notious Nature of Thievery | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 86

What's up you guys, it's Nate Verone here, just letting you know that if you're
in Los Angeles, this Sunday, September 29th, myself and Eric Rahill are hosting
a show at Permanent Records, that's Sunday, September 29th, we got a great
fucking comedy show for you all, we got Mo Welch on the lineup, we got Kate O'Connor,
we got Chris Fleming, it's gonna be an unforgettable night, link in the show
notes, and get that ass out to a comedy show.
This week, you deserve it, and without further ado, enjoy this fucking crazy
ass episode of Joy Tactics.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Verone, and Jack Bensinger. Enjoy.
Okay, real start, real start, ready? What are we talking about? Left? Thieves?
Left.
The gnosis nature of thieves.
The gnosis nature.
What does gnosis even mean?
I don't know, but I just, I can't say gnosis anymore, I can't say it, I won't.
Yeah.
So, basically.
The gnosis nature of thieves.
Baby, you got something in your nose, sniffing that K won't fill the hole.
Now you got something on, now, baby, you got something in your mouth.
Steak that I made you for Valentine's night.
See what I'm saying?
Do you like warm red wine?
Pouring you a glass, you better like that shit.
Giving you a little bit of kisses.
Do you like those?
Do you want a hug?
Get you a caterpillar nightlight for the crib.
Enough, enough, enough.
Okay, sorry.
Yeah, today we're talking about a serious thing, theft.
Put it back, man.
Thievery.
Put it back.
Put that shit back, man.
Would you steal a loaf of bread to feed your family?
Aladdin?
Aladdin, would you?
But if you're stealing it from a family who needs bread even more than you, you
don't realize.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Thievery.
Stealing.
This reminds me of plagiarism.
Oh, wow.
That's another episode.
And actually, I can't talk about that until my lawsuit clears.
Mental thievery?
Well, I've been mentally thieved in ways that would make you head spin.
Never heard of Abbott Elementary?
Eric, your nose was completely clear.
We spoke for like 45 minutes before this started.
Right when we started rolling, it sounds like you just, baby, you got something
in your nose.
Well, I've had a pretty rowdy weekend.
That's all I'll say.
I'm not sick.
I'll just put it like that.
Oh.
You see what I say?
You see what I mean?
Yeah.
I can't say no more.
That's all I need to say.
Percocets and tongue.
Percocets and tongue, what you want, what you need.
Remember that?
Little white.
Oxycontin, Xanax bars.
Yeah.
Wait, what's the beatbox?
What's the beatbox one?
The waiter?
The guy.
Johnson and Johnson.
Doing.
Damn, that's one of the best videos in the world.
Johnson and Johnson, the baby-faced monster, the baby-faced monster.
Everybody in the, like, New Mexico restaurant.
Eating the clams with linguine.
Linguish's clams.
Yo.
I have no idea what's going on right now.
Not really, zero clue.
Well, because we're going at stream of consciousness speed, which apparently, I
mean, you're sick,
so you can't keep up, but we're going galactic speed.
The first time I ever had linguine and clams, I'll just put it like this.
I was like, get these shells out of this thing.
Why don't you put, yeah, how about you give me linguine and clams, but take
these stinky shells out of here, these hard shells?
Yeah, scoop it out, put it in there.
I don't want a fucking plate full of clam shells.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Were you, Eric, can I stop you there?
Were you hoping that one of us would ask you, when was the first time you had
linguine and clams?
Nah, because that would be name dropping then.
Then I'd have to say the celebrities I was sitting with, and I wouldn't want to
do that to you guys.
J-Lo.
I'm tired of linguines and clams.
I want linguistics and classmates.
I want that.
And classism.
Linguistics.
I'm starting to become an enemy of celebrities.
You know, we set out on this adventure to talk to as many celebrities as humanly
possible.
Well, they're under attack right now with the Diddy party, the freak-offs.
And guess who I saw at a party this week?
Guess who was at a party?
Who?
No, but one of Diddy's exes.
Fonsworth Bentley?
One of Diddy's exes?
Jennifer Lowe.
Action Bronson.
Pez.
Your ex-co-star.
J-Lo.
My ex-coin master commercial co-star, you mean?
You got something attached to your beard.
There's a string.
You got something on your beard.
I think you got a crumb on your beard.
Look at that dangling.
That's a long way.
What the fuck is that?
Take that shit off.
I'm going to keep it.
Ew, ew, ew.
It fell off naturally.
Nate likes to sleep on the couch, but he takes the cushions off of the bottom
first.
So you can roll around in the pennies.
I don't know what it is.
My beard can really...
It's like a magnet.
It's like Velcro.
You know how you have some Velcro shoes or something like that, and you rip it
off, and
there's just all this shit that's just stuck to it.
Crumbs and shit.
You're talking about Velcro shoes?
Yes.
That is like my beard, kind of.
A policy which was laughed at throughout the 90s and treated as such for
children.
Yet here we are in the modern age where everybody's wearing slip-on Louis Vuittons
and Crocs.
Oh, yo, that girl was being Velcrotic to me.
She wouldn't, you know, back off.
Right.
She was attaching to herself.
Velcrotic.
Right.
Going to a spelling bee as a kid.
Spell this.
Actually, I have my own word I'd like to spell and submit.
Velcrotic.
V-E-L-C-R-O-T-I-C.
Did I get it right?
V-E-L-T.
V-E-L-T.
That's not a word.
You could make up the spelling.
There's no T in it.
Oh, at the end there.
Velcro-tique.
Velcro-tique.
Velcro-tique.
That sounds like a liquor, a new liquor.
Velcro-tique.
Velcro-tique.
Liquor that comes in a fabric that's soaked in it.
You got to squeeze it in your mouth.
You got to squeeze it out of a penny, out of a penny jersey.
Oh, shit, dude.
Yeah.
We should get the adhesive alcohol strips.
You know what I'm saying?
Right.
No.
That would be a new phenomenon.
I bought Zin last night, chill style.
Milligram.
Chill, three milligram Zins.
I had two in a row.
You realize it's all downhill from here, Eric.
Right.
And I had a cigarette today.
It's over.
Eric, you are a digger for life.
You are doomed, man.
I hate to hear that.
I really hate to hear that.
No, I'm not jealous.
I'm worried, Eric.
There's nothing to be worried about, man.
I'm doing great.
I'm jealous of God because he's going to get to chill with you soon unless
Satan prefers
your company.
I know.
With what you're up to.
I'm down.
I'm just down to go.
It's like, it's time to go.
It's not, but you have responsibility.
You'd be satisfied with what you've done.
How many more times can I order delivery and watch fucking British crime shows
on Amazon
Prime?
Dude, if there's any reason or not.
It brings me so much joy, but I'm getting to the end of my rope.
You have one reason that anybody who wants to do the deed on themselves, know
this.
You're not done paying taxes.
You have to continue to live to contribute.
If that doesn't keep you going, I don't know what does.
I feel like, Eric, your whole life is like, you are built to live in a nursing
home, to
thrive in a nursing home.
You mean sexually?
I didn't say that, but I would actually agree, yeah.
Something tells me, Nate, that you're going to be throwing it down young in the
nursing
home at about 61.
I remember, because I used to have to go sit, I used to have to go sing at
those nursing
homes.
There was like, everybody was like 80, 90 plus, but one guy was like 60, and I
think he might
have had ALS or something, but he was 60 and still with it, and I was like,
damn, he's
up in here all yum.
You know what he might be?
Because I'm trying to be the youngest person to ever get in one.
If I could get in right now and get accepted now, because remember those 14-year-olds
that
would go to college because they're savants?
Right.
If they see me rolling around in there, what's his deal?
He's just totally like, way ahead of his class.
He's like 80 in the brain.
He's so fucking smart.
Eating vanilla pudding.
If you got in there young, you would be clapping that shit for life.
It would be a problem, dude.
It would be like, could you imagine like blowing a back out in the nursing home?
Blowing out the vinyl back.
Literally, it might be.
I remember, do you guys know who John Lurie is?
Director.
Yes.
From the Lounge Lizards.
He's an actor.
He's a musician.
I read his book and he hooked up with like a 50-year-old woman that worked at
the place
that he was living at or something in like the 70s.
And he's writing about it because now he's like 60 or almost 70 himself.
And he's like, damn, if that woman's still around, that means she's like 100
years old.
And he's like, he's like, just he's like writing about it.
He's like, that's crazy if I hooked up with someone that was over 100.
That feels insane.
You know what I mean?
Imagine that.
You hook up with someone and I don't know if I'm explaining this right.
It's just like.
It's a funny thing to write in a book.
Right.
Well, he's a real one.
He doesn't hold back thoughts that could be judged by others.
You know?
Oh, yeah.
There's no more judgment.
Didn't you say that?
There was, I feel like the last episode or a few more, you're the end of
judgment.
Judgment day.
The era that we are in, that I'm in, is the end of judgment.
I don't judge anybody.
And if anybody judges me, that's on them.
You know what I'm saying?
How many fireball shots have you had?
Dude, I am a little fucked up from this barbecue.
Sapporo.
Ice cold Sapporo.
And then Modelo.
Oh, we don't do Sapporo anymore, dude.
I forgot to tell you.
Why?
Why?
Well, there's been some horrible anti-worker activity at one of their
facilities, dude.
Do I look like I give a fuck?
That shit tastes good.
All right.
You're right.
That's me walking up to the Canada Goose Factory.
What is somebody else was saying that the, I got a poroni, somebody, somebody
in the comments
was like, peronis are bad or.
Dude, everything's bad these days.
You can't make something in the world.
Spoiler alert.
You can't make anything in the world because without the secret ingredient, you
know what
that is?
Obligity.
Obligity.
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
Joy wouldn't feel so good if it wasn't for pain.
That's why our podcast hasn't.
Who sang that?
That's why our podcast hasn't.
Evanescence?
50 Cent.
Oh, my God.
Of course.
50's having a whole, a heyday with this shit.
Wasn't he like anti-ditty his whole life?
Oh, really?
Interesting.
Yeah, I think so.
Like, he was like, he's been like talking shit about him for.
Just decades.
Wow.
He's the fucking, not Matt Stoney.
Who's the guy that, Edward Snowden.
He's that fucking Edward Snowden of, of, the rap, Epstein.
What did Edward Snowden do?
He's like that.
He's a whistleblower.
He's in the NSA.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And Cat Williams.
Cat Williams.
A lot of the, his stand-up and like his interview at the Club Shea,
where he's talking about all this.
So that, I feel like, Cat Williams.
Has there been another thing that, that was cited in that interview that like
came true?
Like, he's like the modern day Nostradamus in a way.
But it's like closer to, you know, he doesn't see way into the future.
He just sees like, in like six month periods.
I think he said, he called the Biden thing.
He called Kamala.
He called Biden dropping out.
He said, after the first debate.
Don't play with fucking Cat Williams, dude.
He knows, he, he's connected to something that, that is greater than the, that,
than, the,
than our consciousness, you know.
Wi-Fi.
You think so?
I think so.
Well, should I say why we're talking about thievery today?
Yeah, drop it.
Let everybody know, please.
Well, um, last night, my car was stolen.
Just let that sink in.
Not in the Prius.
Not in the 2010 Prius.
And so, but.
They got, they got the damn Prius, dude.
That's a hell not for me.
I guess good news, it was recovered, uh, uh, earlier today.
Um, so yeah, I just go