Name: 87: The Fools Guide To Throwing A Rager | Joy Tactics Podcast
Uploaded: 2024-09-30T17:01:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '87: The Fools Guide To Throwing A Rager | Joy Tactics Podcast' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '87: The Fools Guide To Throwing A Rager | Joy Tactics Podcast' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-30. Transcript available.

87: The Fools Guide To Throwing A Rager | Joy Tactics Podcast

Everybody, yeah, rock your body, yeah, everybody, Joy Tactics is back.
We're leaving you hanging so hard.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting
as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
What was that, man?
I'm editing this one.
I've got a good mind to fucking cut that intro out because you guys didn't even
jump in.
You just looked at me.
No, sometimes I think it's better if one person just owns it, you know what I
mean?
So you're not doing like a big improv game of rocking it out?
I was respecting you by being silent.
Okay, appreciate it.
I guess I took that the wrong way.
Thanks, y'all.
Thanks for letting me have that light.
Thanks for letting me shine for a second.
That felt good, actually.
Damn.
I did just watch that documentary on their manager, Lou Perlman, the bastard.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
What did you do to them?
Oh, well, I think he was asexual, so he didn't do anything like that, but he
was a master manipulator.
A master what-er?
A master manipulator.
Manipulous girl.
When's the Joy Tactics Dictionary going to drop?
Oh, shit.
Manipulous women.
That's our merch, dude.
The Tactile and Webster's Dictionary?
You know what I'm saying?
Tacticious.
So, body and health updates.
All right, Jack down one pound, he said before the podcast.
Eric is violently sick right now.
Yeah.
Although I didn't give it to him because I was sick last week.
My, basically, weight is static right now, but muscle mass is on the decline
because I haven't been going to the gym.
And, yeah, now I'm sick.
So, basically, things are fucking not looking good for me right now.
It's okay.
It's not okay.
It's totally natural.
Can I ask, I've always wanted to know this.
Eric, is your goal longevity?
No.
I think that's pretty clear.
I'm shocked to hear that.
Yeah.
I'm shocked to hear that.
Something, I just, everybody on the subreddit, everybody keeps saying, like,
Eric's fucking spiraling.
Eric's gonna die soon.
Eric's this, that.
I'm gonna, unfortunately, outlive everyone Tuck Everlasting style.
Remember that book?
No.
Remember how sad they are at the end?
Because everyone that they grew up with is dead.
That's what the fuck that, I feel like I've heard Tuck Everlasting in my life
with no context of,
I don't know what that is, and in my head it's like a Disney movie or something.
I think it got made into a beautiful movie, but it was a book to start with.
You can make a book into a movie?
A lot of people are doing it.
You know what I was thinking about recently, just on the book to movie tip?
Isn't that just kind of like, I kind of want to play devil's advocate a little
bit of these people that seek out books to turn into movies.
Isn't that kind of just like stealing a story in one way?
Like, it's just so accepted to adapt a book.
But you're just, you're just like taking a story.
Well, here's the thing, dude.
I get people are obsessed with books and they're like, this, I want to see the
film version of this.
I love this fucking book.
But I bet you a lot of these start out as, yeah, I bet we could make some coin
off of this.
And I don't feel like coming up with an original story myself.
There are many interpretations of this.
It's not black and white.
That's something that I've recently discovered about a lot of things in life is
that it's not black and white.
So, yeah.
There are people.
Look at what is eating Gilbert Grape.
Okay?
That's somebody who they did the work.
That is a good-ass title.
What's eating Gilbert Grape?
I think that it's a wacky-ass movie, a wacky-ass slapstick movie.
What's eating on Gilbert?
Gilbert's Grape.
What is that book about?
Oh.
It's the same as the movie, I think.
Yeah.
Have you seen the movie, Leonardo DiCaprio?
Breakout.
Breakout role.
Oh, yes.
It's about a man who likes to climb.
I watched that with my mom last Christmas.
No, no.
That's fun, actually.
It's basically free solo, but in a rural area where they don't have mountains.
Yeah, that movie's fucking crazy, dude.
Yeah.
Holy shit.
Who would have thought that was fucking Leo's birth into the...
That was his first gig?
Was that before Basketball Diaries?
I don't even know what that is.
You don't know...
Oh, dude.
You haven't seen Leonardo DiCaprio's best performance if you have not seen
Basketball Diaries.
Basketball Diaries.
He's snotting up in there, going through heroin withdrawals, trying to play
basketball, I think.
And he's a young little chap?
Very young.
Very young.
Very emotionally mature.
Very emotionally mature.
Wow.
We forget how tortured...
I mean, yeah, you see him now, and you see him as an adult at all these ditty
parties
at the, you know, the...
You know, dating under 25.
You know, he seems like a tortured individual, but he was...
He was one of these, like, Disney kids, basically.
What do you expect?
We need to ban children from being in Hollywood, all right?
And we need to have people like us play the kids.
Right.
We have the technology.
We have the...
Youthful spirit.
The makeup to make it possible.
Right.
We certainly...
I certainly have the vocal range for it.
Fucking sick of it.
Adults should be playing kids.
And kids should be playing in the sandbox.
Right.
I want to pivot that really quick and just say, I want more shit with more
elderly people in it.
Yep.
Okay.
Speak on it.
I would like to get some friend-style shows with people over 90.
Wouldn't that be fun?
Even to see, like, a theatrical production, like, a full, like, a Shakespearean
play, but
it's all people past the age of 90, and they tour around the country, and you
get to see...
That would sell out.
That would be instant sell out every fucking...
That would be Madison Square Garden.
Oh, yeah.
Spring Awakening with 100-year-olds.
Let's make a theater company called Black Belt Productions.
That's all just fucking grandmasters of their craft.
We tour the country.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
To very accessible locations.
Oh, and the understudy role would be, like, so important,
because they might pass away at some point.
Like, there's an honor in coming into the show,
because it's like, oh, they probably passed away.
If you're going up that night, it's probably...
You might lose two or three understudies in one night, just for one role.
Mm-hmm.
And one of those losses is due to a murder.
And then you do a murder mystery about that.
A meta murder mystery.
You see what I'm saying?
Because I love murder mysteries that are set within
the confines of a theater troupe.
All right?
Because there's always jealousy about who's got the lead role.
There's always a love triangle going on.
There's always a creepy theater director.
And I always want to know what's happening.
That's why I like murder mysteries,
is I always want to figure out what has occurred.
Dude, I'm not meaning to interrupt.
I'm not meaning to, but I'm having to.
I just got a very funny idea.
Potentially for something a la Kids in the Hall.
Potentially for something a la Saturday Night Live.
Okay.
You know what a murder mystery is, right?
This is a bird thing mystery.
Somebody in this room is a fucking baby.
Who the fuck is it?
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, shit.
Everybody in this room was just fucking born.
Yeah.
Looking around, we see somebody all dripping in the placential fluid.
Okay.
Ooh.
Put it in the Google Doc.
Why do I feel like that's something Chris Kattan could just body?
Because he could body anything, man.
You're talking about because of his stature?
You know, I'm not.
That's not why.
Because of his range as a character actor.
Chris Kattan.
Bring him back.
Bring his ass back now.
I could see him playing some decrepit.
You know, he should have played the penguin.
They wouldn't have had to have done any fucking makeup on him.
You know how Colin Farrell had to go through fucking 20 hours of makeup?
You just put Chris Kattan as is up in that shit.
Christopher Tan.
Imagine Chris Kattan as, like, the ultimate villain in his shit.
You know what I mean?
Guns for hands.
Guns for hands?
He's been made into a Chris Kattan super soldier.
He's got his spine.
His spine is all, like, titanium.
You know what I mean?
He's got, like, shy-ass fucking rockets for feet.
And he's got fucking tomahawk missiles for arms.
How does he move, dude?
How does he walk around?
He's carried by ants.
He can telepathically control ants and they fucking fly them around.
You're telepathically.
Is that right?
That's right.
No, I think, actually, we just said the word correct, telepathically.
That's fine, too.
Because it sounded incorrect.
Chris Kattan, imagine going to your first ever jiu-jitsu class and you go in
Long Beach,
California, or Torrance, and Chris Kattan is there.
It's his, like, six-month anniversary.
He's doing pretty good.
Two-strived white belt.
He's sweating.
Drop a sweat comes off his nose right into your mouth.
It's all sweet.
Wow, why am I horny?
Chris Kattan, what's your name?
Well, I guess I just said it.
What's that Corky Romano movie he's in?
I remember that shit would play all the time on Comedy Central.
What else was he in?
What was his big stuff?
Night at the Roxbury, of course.
Chris Kattan.
Oh, he must have been jealous of Will Ferrell.
Oh, you know that there were some of those.
Everybody's jealous of him.
Because he was, like, the number one on Night at the Roxbury, and it seemed
maybe at that
time, maybe for a year, that Chris Kattan was, like, the number one.
You know what I'm saying?
And then Will Ferrell comes up, and he has that catastrophic rise to comedic stardom.
Will Ferrell.
I just Google imaged Chris Kattan.
I think I was thinking of the wrong guy this whole time.
Who are you thinking of?
I think I was thinking of Crispin Glover.
Oh.
I fucking love Crispin Glover a lot.
Oh, he's, yeah, he's quite odd, isn't he?
He's got this thing.
You know these things, right?
The side, the scary hair.
Bangs.
Bangs.
The beetle bangs.
What are we talking about today?
Parties.
Oh, my bad.
Damn, how long are we in?
12 minutes?
That's not bad.
How to throw a party.
Dude, can I just.
Right.
Well, yeah, the Rager episode is coming.
Right.
Coming soon.
The Rager is going to be an experiential episode where we invite everybody out
to Eric's seminar.
GoPros all up are on the house, are attached to our wrists.
Tank top only.
Damn, you know what I want to do so fucking bad?
You know that TikTok guy who makes the crazy jungle juices?
No.
He has, like, two handles of fucking Tito's, two handles of fucking triple sec,
two handles of gin, a bunch of warheads, gummies, strawberries.
Milk.
And he pours it right in the fucking sink, which disgusts me.
Oh.
But, I mean, there's a stopper in the drain, so it fills up.
But, ooh, pour it in the sink?
That's fucking nuts.
That's some shit that a literal Conor O'Malley character would do.
And then put straws in the, put a bunch of straws in the sink.
Yeah.
Bendy straws.
But when's the last time?
Slurp it.
When's the last time you had some legit jungle juice?
If I went to a house party now at this age and there's jungle juice
and there's fucking chingy playing, I would be getting,
that would be the most hungover I would ever be in my life.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
People don't have fun anymore.
People want indie rock and natural wine.
Let it go.
Let us be happy.
You know what I mean?
Right.
Can we go back to what made us happy?
Natty Light and Jungle Juice and some, mmm.
And chingy.
Can we, chingy.
And some fucking mid, everybody's got their midriff showing.
Men and women have midriffs out.
I got the three-quarters riff.
You know what I'm saying?
The three-quarters riff where the pants go below the dang-a-lang
and the shorts go just above it, below it.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, I like that.
I like that.
You can just see something interesting, a different area.
So, step one.
You, some people don't know how to do this,
but you need to have fucking friends.
You can't have a party alone.
So, work on your behavior.
Work on your fitness.
Work on your financia