Name: 92: Eric Shepherds Jack Through His Battle With Hangover Syndrome
Uploaded: 2024-11-04T12:00:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '92: Eric Shepherds Jack Through His Battle With Hangover Syndrome' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '92: Eric Shepherds Jack Through His Battle With Hangover Syndrome' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-04. Transcript available.

92: Eric Shepherds Jack Through His Battle With Hangover Syndrome

Everybody's hating on Kamala for having no kids.
Well, maybe she doesn't need to raise children right now
when everybody in American Congress is acting like one.
Welcome to Joy Tactics,
the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous,
and meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
Well, well, well.
So it's Monday morning for everyone listening.
It's the start of a new week.
What the hell?
Another one?
When's it going to stop?
When are we going to be able to get off this merry-go-round?
Let me off the ride.
It's not our decision.
God is at the wheel,
and you don't know how many times you've got to go around.
But today, if you're listening, God wants you to do one more,
and there's a reason.
And if you're not listening, rest in peace.
Something's wrong with you.
Right, exactly.
So the topic today is quite interesting to me.
Very interesting topic.
What is it?
Well, it's the concept of hangovers.
Conceptualizing hangovers.
So there's a little bit of a twist here.
Ordinarily, Eric is the one who has chronic hangover illness.
It's a chronic disease.
No, but just as kind of an experiment, really,
I didn't party or anything last night.
I threw an IV.
I dripped alcohol in controlled substance style
so that I could feel what is it like when Eric's going through this
to try to empathize with him
and do a bunch of tests and mathematic equations,
social tests while in this state.
And so far, man, I fucking feel for you.
Today is not easy.
No, I get you.
I appreciate you doing it,
the empathetic hangover simulation test.
Yeah, it's not nice.
No, it's not nice.
And you have to imagine that this somehow weighs into
our creator's great balance equation
where if we could just be fucked up all the time
with no consequences,
I think all of society would be constantly
three white wines deep.
You know what I mean?
Because of how good it makes you feel.
However, God has put a little catch in there.
He says, yeah, you can have fun the night before,
drink your thing, smoke a ciggy,
have an amazing conversation with someone
that was just an acquaintance
and graduate that relationship to a friendship.
But the next day,
you are going to feel like you want to go jump off a cliff.
Now, here's my question.
Immediate gut reaction.
How does that make you feel?
Makes me feel angry, man.
Why can't we just have some fucking fun while existing?
Well, we have to be sober.
So, no, you don't.
You do.
If I did that to you,
would you still even be my friend?
If I said, you know, Eric,
I'll hang out with you tonight
and I'm going to, whatever,
give you treats and make you feel good.
I'm going to give you a massage.
But just know, dude.
Treats and a massage?
Uh-huh.
I'm talking vanilla wafers and...
Right.
Chocolate covered gummy bears.
Chocolate covered gummy bears.
And a coconut oil massage.
Getting in between the toes
in ways that you can't imagine.
You hold a lot of tension there.
That's right.
But as I'm doing it,
I say, just so you know, man.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I'm going to be fucking at your door
with a goddamn fucking blow horn.
And a nail gun.
A nail gun.
I'm going to be drilling up into that thing.
I would say, hell no.
It's not worth it.
You know what I mean?
But I think alcoholics actually live more in the present
than anyone else.
That's right.
You know what I mean?
They only care about here and now
and having fun.
So, shout out to them.
And to the creator who made all this shit up
and made up all these rules.
How dare you?
What are you trying to get us to figure out
through these lessons?
And we're not afraid of you.
I want to say that.
We are rallying against you.
We're not taking it anymore, man.
Because it's not worth it.
No.
I don't want to just obey.
I don't.
I want to obey people who actually are rocking with me.
Same.
I'd like to obey my friends and family.
That's right.
Who I respect.
Not somebody in the clouds
or at the mouse and keys of an alien computer
playing me in a game.
You see?
I do see.
But.
God is testing.
But I have no idea what you're going to say next.
But.
No, I do have no idea what I'm going to say next.
But I wanted to live in that for a minute
because I thought it was funny.
But the reality is I was going to bring up
somebody whose skin is a little more red than usual.
Is it me?
Uh-uh-uh.
It's Satan.
Oh.
So you think actually God's giving us alcohol.
Satan's giving us hangovers.
And that's the great cosmic balance.
Oh, hell no.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Equal and opposite reaction.
The laws of thermodynamics apply to the spirit world.
That's right.
That's for sure.
I figured that out as a child.
That's right.
You figured out a lot of things as a child that.
I know.
I didn't want to say that.
Explain your behavior.
Mm-hmm.
Explain your violent behavior.
Yes.
There go the buys.
So, here's the deal.
We've kind of gotten into the spirituality of hangovers
and what that means cosmically.
But let's get to what it means chemically.
What is a hangover?
No one's really figured that out yet, have they?
The science of a hangover?
Not anybody at Osmosis Jones tried to lay finger on it
and they got shut down quicker than you can imagine.
But the science of it, all right,
what I would imagine is you are filtering poison
because it's almost like sifting for gold molecules.
You see what I'm saying?
Sifting for gold.
Right.
So, you're consuming this alcoholic compound,
sifting the miracle molecules that are inside alcohol
that make you be able to access this higher level of consciousness.
Right.
But there's a lot of dirt in there, too.
And that's got to go through your kidneys.
So, a hangover is when there's dirt in your kidneys.
Molecular dirt?
Yeah.
Well, okay.
I've just done my research using Google AI
and I've found out that hangovers are caused by a number of factors,
including dehydration.
Listen to this.
Alcohol is a diuretic,
which means it increases urination,
whoopsie,
and can lead to dehydration.
Symptoms of dehydration include
thirst,
fatigue,
headache,
dizziness,
and light-headedness.
Oh, hell no.
Hell no.
If someone...
You're never going to catch my ass dehydrated on purpose.
You're never going to catch me...
Is there such a thing as heavy-headedness,
where you're just fucking hyper-focused on that?
Yeah, that's after you read a book of essays.
All right.
Okay.
Alcohol can also cause inflammation.
Can I say something really quick?
Yeah.
Are you scared at all that Nate is going to beat our fucking asses
when he sees what we've done here?
What?
Had an amazing episode?
No, because he wants us to stay...
You know,
he has a very specific regiment of political topics
that he wants us to discuss.
Well,
you mean an agenda.
You mean an agenda.
Of course.
Well,
an agenda is just a prescription.
Scientific,
whatever,
like drug pills.
Right.
But you realize that when this comes out,
the next day,
we may have a new fucking president.
This is what I'm trying to basically ignore right now.
I'm numbing myself.
You know what I mean?
With alcohol and other things.
I would encourage you not to.
I would encourage you to feel it
because the only way,
you are basically
an immune response of democracy.
Think of yourself as a white-ass blood cell.
A white one-quarter Spanish blood cell.
One-eighth,
one-tenth.
I don't know what I am.
Well,
nobody does.
You're just going to have to guess.
Well,
what I'm saying is.
No,
I know what you mean.
You need to feel that.
Have a raw reaction to the political state of our country.
I'll put it like this.
We're just getting over the hangover
from the last presidency,
if you catch my drift.
Which one?
The Trumpian presidency.
Oh,
God.
You call that a presidency.
That's funny.
Well,
just technically.
I call that a comedy show.
I call that a comedy act.
It's a buffoonery.
Right.
A comedy act for losers.
For orange-handed losers.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
That are losers.
Yeah,
right.
Losers.
And are you ready for some hair of the dog?
That's what America has been asked.
Orange hair of the dog,
I say.
Right,
right.
I say.
Wait,
no,
orange skin.
But it's all,
he also has orange hair.
Oh,
okay.
If you think about it like that.
So,
Monday night,
I mean,
good God.
It's all going down.
I don't know anybody who's voting.
I don't either.
Other than everybody on my street,
because I'm just knocking on every single door,
please,
begging,
giving out Kamala branded Ciroc.
DIY Kamala merch.
Getting her in all kinds of trouble.
Yeah.
Well,
she can handle it.
Dude,
trust me,
I've been on my P's and Q's.
I have basically,
for the last week,
just been in Pennsylvania.
I cannot fucking leave Pennsylvania.
Why?
I'm fucking,
and here's the deal.
I don't want to be there,
but what I'm doing is making a crazy fucking difference.
I am knocking on doors in ways that nobody has fucking seen.
I'm literally.
Alternative knocking.
Bouncing,
bouncy ball.
I'll just get in an apartment hallway,
whip a bouncy ball down that shit.
Bing,
ping,
ping,
ping.
It's hitting all the fucking doors at once.
Everybody comes out at once.
I'm fucking letting everybody know.
You're in the middle of a cul-de-sac with a portable pole.
Yep.
Doing your thing.
Sliding up and down.
Cooking a walled pole.
Please vote for Kamala now.
Now.
Or suffer under Trump.
You know what I'm realizing?
What,
man?
No,
wait.
Okay,
so,
listen.
Some people might need to listen to something to give them the courage and the
strength
to go vote.
Oh,
like an audio message from two amazing podcasters?
Well,
that's what I'm wondering,
or even a guided voting simulation meditation.
Let's do it.
All right.
Good morning.
It's Tuesday.
It's not,
but it's not just a regular Tuesday.
Your heart is pounding a little faster than usual.
The fate of the world rests in your,
in your hands in a certain type of way.
Democratically.
Mm-hmm.
If you don't do,
if you don't get to the polls right now,
horrible things will happen to you and your children.
And everyone that you love.
I didn't expect it to go violent.
Well,
that's the thing,
Jack,
is that we got to stop pretending that this isn't going to result in some type
of violence
to certain type of people.
Okay.
We think it's funny in a joke to joke about Trump and all this stuff,
but we don't realize is this shit has real life.
what I call consequences.
Name one.
Oh,
let's see.
I don't know.
Economic depression.
Oh,
I don't know,
man.
Have you ever heard of political turmoil?
You fool.
You buffoons.
Yeah.
Have you ever heard of the brink of World War III?
Mm-hmm.
You people are smoking something worse than crack.
Than crack cocaine.
Oh,
I shiver to think.
I shiver to think what could happen.
You know what,
though?
I got to say this.
We're not.
This isn't branded as a political podcast.
We're obviously activists.
But I mean,
we've said our piece.
Let's go back to what makes life fun.
Talking about what makes life fun.
Alcohol.
Parties.
Friends.
Models.
Celebrities.
All right.
That's what people listen to this for.
You know what I mean?
And if anyone's listening
and you can hear the congestion
in my sort of nose right now,
please tell me what's up.
That is cocaine.
It's not, dude.
I don't do that anymore.
Yes, you do.
But I've been congested for about two months.
Can someone tell me if that's fatal?
What the hell?
I'll just tell you right now.
I can tell you it is.
It is.
That is two tumors simultaneously growing
in either nostril.
No.
Elongated,
and they are going slowly
crawling towards your brain
and when they get to that,
that's been that thing.
You need to hear this.
Say it.
Would you want to know
if you only had
a certain amount of time left
to do what you were meant to do?
Yes, of course.
So I could do my bucket list.
And now would you like it
if somebody lied to you
and told you that that was the case
and that's the plot
of the next movie that we make?
I would say
don't spoil anything too crazy, man.
Be careful.
Terminally lying.
That's what it's called?
Yes.
Who's in it with us?
Ricky Gervais.
Ricky Gervais.
Meryl Streep.
Mary Steenburgen.
Interesti