Name: 94: Calling Out Oceans
Uploaded: 2024-11-18T12:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '94: Calling Out Oceans' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '94: Calling Out Oceans' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-18. Transcript available.

94: Calling Out Oceans

welcome to joy tactics the podcast dedicated to all things joyful joyous and
meeting as many
celebrities as humanly possible hosted by eric rahill nate veroni and jack bensinger
enjoy
what is that that's the spongebob theme right no no no little mermaid what is
that
oh the murky yeah yeah yeah that's the same thing basically and yeah what's the
difference
talking uh talking the difference between spongebob and the little mermaid what's
the
difference i don't know dude what's the difference between the odyssey and
captain underpants okay
i just took a dna test turns out i just took one milli before no you didn't the
podcast so
what's gonna happen is about 40 minutes in when that shit one milli of thc hits
my bloodstream i'm
gonna lock in to a warp drive style uh conversation mode so get ready go crazy
get strap in for the
last 13 minutes of this episode it's also 6 a.m eric hasn't slept for 72 hours
right i'm doing a sleep
fast but but seriously but seriously i need to tell the listeners i need to get
everyone on my level
right now i'm concerned that my car is giving me what i would call brain cancer
because something
happened after i took it into the mechanic to where now my when after i drive
on the freeway
and the air intake mode on the ac is fresh air my car smells like a fucking
plastic factory
like a metal burning uh carbon monoxide style factory and i can't and i've
taken it back they're
like we can't smell it and um i'm like i basically am feeling gas lit by the
mechanic industry
yeah and uh this shit's preoccupying my mental space so let us know in the
comments does eric have
cancer now is he getting cancer is it in his brain or is it in his lungs or is
it in his ears is it on
his thang and eric i would encourage you to google automobile industry
pharmaceutical
connection uh conspiratorial connections yeah yeah i think i should answer on
the thang
uh-oh does it make it larger does it make it more interesting looking that's a
now that's an
interesting conundrum so you're telling me there's something growing inside of
my thang making it
bigger and bigger
and you're telling me that's a problem a guy who has a long tumor in his thang
but doesn't want to
get it uh well he's negotiating with the doc he's like okay can i can my
lifespan go up by this much
but can i get a little less lifespan but get that thang get a little bigger
that's a nutbuster dc short
that's a story okay uh that that's not funny to joke about if you haven't
tapped into the deep underground
poetry episode we do a a deep uh dive into uh one of the most formidable poetry
authors of the of this
generation his name's nutbuster dc erotic poems you think dc stands for diet
coke
it could something tells me it doesn't stand for the district of columbia you
know i don't stand
for it either no taxation without representation bitch
sorry to curse all right um eric are you googling no oh i'm looking i was i was
looking up uh a new
nutbuster dc uh call him just to get new people because he uploads like five a
day like he's hustling
yeah what's the latest well he has one called i want to kiss and lick your
mound
oh no all right well that's a good uh segue into the topic of the ocean oceans
something else wet
dude this is the monday morning more wetter than that hey no place wetter
okay if you know you know look at this what's that shout out lagunitas for
making hop water hoppy
the hoppy refresher oh those things are good as fuck dude i love them it gives
you so much satisfaction
and it's different than a seltzer too you know what i'm saying like you think
that a non-alcoholic
whatever seltzer thing would it's just a seltzer no this is like taking it to a
new a new lane
this is um yeah no it's oh you know what i had too the the sierra nevada trail
pass n a beer
great fantastic fantastic n a beer you loved it it was incredible yeah was it
the flavor profile
you know what it just felt it tasted like a i went in i was like is this gonna
be like a sierra nevada
is like an ipa right like that's their normal thing and i was like i don't i'm
pretty sure this
is gonna be a lager but i kind of rolled the dice with it and it was so maybe i
was just excited that
it wasn't an ipa because i don't like what does ipa stand for india pale ale
that's so fucking obvious
god damn it i thought it was gonna be more scientific than that indianic indoquinated
indoquinated palicious uh ipa yeah i don't know so but you know what's
interesting about ipa
right if i remember my history is they did something to that shit to make it
last long
like they did ipas on like long ship journeys across the ocean back in the day
to preserve
a year longer somehow something like this something like that um so that just
talked very nicely into
what we're talking about the ocean they would put it on a boat for a long what
do you i don't
understand like if you were like a merchant ship in the 1700s oh you were going
across the ocean
you would say let's have ipas instead of right right i understand that right
those people on them
ships because those were months long journeys you know they were getting fucked
up out of their minds
every fucking day well dude you know what i love to think about is grog and
fucking rum portion rum
rations you know that they had so much fucking rum on this shit basically to
work on a ship was very
hard work these guys were climbing up masts they were climbing up shit you know
making the ship
i mean is it that hard isn't it just like once it's going like you just kind of
that's hilarious
a knob right that's hilarious that you think that why don't you come to my ship
uh fucking 1800 ship
boot camp and i'll and you'll learn a thing or two about hard work i'm the
fucking fat captain like
ordering everyone else around like eating like that guy from fucking two towers
and lord of the rings
remember that when he eats the chicken and squishes the tomato and it's
remember that
no i don't but you don't remember that scene i actually do not but i can i can
imagine it the
way you're describing it so so vividly i'm watching it right now but all those
sailors
they were promised like they would they would lose their fucking minds if they
didn't get their rum
portion every day everyone got a couple ounces of rum
and they'd put lime in there to preserve it i think let's look up the fucking
history there's no way
no no oh you don't believe you think they were making little like cocktails too
it's not cocktails dude it's function you see what i'm saying the term grog oh
oh oh
what is grog the term grog originated in the 1740s when the british vice admiral
edward vernon
ordered that rum rations be diluted with water vernon was nicknamed old grog
because of the coarse
cloak he wore oh so people hated the sailors hated grog because they were
getting fucking because he
watered down their rum diluted jesus christ he was giving them swag east coast
swag so yeah
exactly shake the alcoholic shake yeah wow that's crazy i didn't know all this
about grog anyways well so
back to the oceans i guess we're digging into this topic because there's been
some major updates in the
uap space recently why don't you let them know nate what's going on well we are
letting you know so you
don't have to watch these boring ass congressional hearings we've already done
the work for you
and dissected all the information all the documents all the classified
documents as well
and as well as all the busted tick tocks where they're telling you information
that might not be
true when they're in interviews on like crazy ass podcasts and what the
consensus is is that these ships
are not coming from mars or a distant solar system who would have thought these
these
fucking crazy ass ships are coming from the ocean
from right behind right in our backyard
and do you want me to say more about this or that's kind of that was the end of
my little
thing and that was when you guys were
i was waiting for some more i would say i am a
ocean denialist to an extent everybody don't believe the oceans are real not to
the extent that
other people seem to be saying because they're saying that 95 of the ocean is
unexplored we've only
we've only discovered five percent of the ocean of course my first point of
discussion is that we have
identified all seven oceans okay i know that's not exactly the full picture but
it's at least saying
we have uncovered and discovered the top of all of the ocean okay right the top
now you talk about
the depths of it okay at this point we've discovered 0.05 of the dirt
you see what i'm saying that's it yeah look at the dirt investigate the dirt in
the core
oh it might be that core is where they're fucking you mean relaxing that's our
spa world
down there the aliens come there for vacation to get all hot the core sauna the
earth course
on the alien banya
what the fuck could be uh alien what the fuck aliens could be hiding in these
parts of the ocean that we haven't discovered it doesn't mean that we haven't
been there
they're just saying we haven't used sonar technology to map out the exact shape
of the
mountains you know what i'm saying but it's like we've been around there bro
people have been
all around the ocean it's not technically disco we haven't discovered the 95 of
the ocean
why because we didn't build a starbucks there yet because you don't just
consider something
discovered until you've gentrified it until you've colonized it i'm sick of
this
shit wait till the white ass hipsters invade the mariana trench oh just wait
just wait until
there's an orange three fitness and a cinnabon up at the bottom of the indian
ocean that's when i've
had enough okay listen to this for trump what oh trust me there's many reasons
why people voted for
trump uh horrible reasons that i'm gonna get into on a live stream next week
tune in
outside bill mars house outside bill mars house doing the duggie okay here we
go
this is a leak from 4chan remember that website oh and it's it the post is
entitled ufo knowledge
okay yeah this is what it says and i just you just have to trust this person
because what
you know what i'm saying why would someone make what's their screen name right
all right
anonymous dude oh that's right ring a bell many of the most craziest leaks of
all time come from
anonymous okay here's what this person says i'm not going to gender them i have
intimate knowledge
of what the us currently knows about ufos minus the last two years one bullet
point one ufos are
primarily unmanned drones wow bullet two ufos are built to spec at each time
they are deployed
think about what does that mean wait whoa what does that mean meaning that they
these
fucking uh ships are built here on earth wait for bullet point three bullet
point three ufos are
created by a mobile construction facility that hides in the ocean oops okay so
this is what we all know
now all right this isn't new information it's fact it's just fact it's fact
because i was saying before the podcast we were just discussing this topic it
makes sense that they
would have some sort of a gm carp but alien ship um sort of manufacturing plant
in the ocean because
if they had it in you know cleveland ohio in the forest that's gonna be found
by some sort of spy drone
easily okay they're building this shit and they're taking and they're picking
off their they have a
runway for this thing that's gonna be spotted like that okay where are we gonna
go where no one else
can see this the dark ocean of course it's the ocean yeah where we're hiding
this shit so my question is
who are these whistleblowers it's it's i don't know does the name lou elizondo
ring a bell for you
david grush uh those are not whistleblowers they've there those are yes those
are whistleblowers but
those are not anonymous anymore i'm saying graves who's trying to talk to us do
you remember the song
caked by the ocean getting all caked by the ocean who's that song by joe jonas
caked by the ocean oh
harry styles who is that okay it's by d n c e i don't know what t