Name: Puzzles, Riddles, and Hair Solutions
Uploaded: 2024-12-02T12:01:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Puzzles, Riddles, and Hair Solutions' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-02. Transcript available. check out https://www.patreon.com/joytactics for a free iphone.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Puzzles, Riddles, and Hair Solutions' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-02. Transcript available. check out https://www.patreon.com/joytactics for a free iphone.

Puzzles, Riddles, and Hair Solutions

What do you guys think of this hat my girl made me?
Oh, shit. Damn.
Looks like Sam Hyde.
Hey.
Welcome to Joy Tactics.
The podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous,
and meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
Hey, man.
Actually, I don't even know who that is because I'm so tapped into alternative.
It's a left-wing media.
Nah, nah.
It looks cool.
I like it.
It's pretty on the nose, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I might do it like this today.
Yeah, yeah.
Animating the mouth movement.
That's easy, dude.
Damn, you got some.
I do see the sideburn coming in real life, too.
Curious.
Are sideburns back?
I think I've been-
Yeah.
I saw John Mulaney has some long ones.
I'm talking about that long one.
Oh, he's looking right.
This thing's long.
Look how-
Damn.
Look where this is going.
It's going past my-
Jesus.
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
That's-
That is a crazy-
That's not even-
That's a new type of facial hair, Jack.
It, like, goes down to the beard.
I don't know what to say.
That's a lamb chop.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a lamb chop.
I'm letting it ride right now.
That's a rare lamb chop.
Oh, yeah.
And by the way, you guys are saying-
You're balding.
You're balding, right?
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, of course.
That's what I say.
That's the first thing I say to you.
I believe in miracles.
What you got?
Oh, shit.
Hell of hims.
I got the 10-year supply of hims, fool.
Don't ever talk shit ever again.
So that shit's making you-
Jingle bells, jingle bells, huh?
Be honest.
That shit's making you crazy.
I can't stop getting hard.
I can't stop getting hard.
My mental health is better than it's ever been.
Hair sprouting out of your fucking cheeks.
I literally felt last night, I was watching a movie, and I was like, man, I
want to get
a hair transplant.
Like, I haven't felt that, like, the for real.
I was like, man, it'd be nice.
Like, just watching a bunch of dudes with hair, I was just like, and they all
looked amazing.
I was like, yo, if I had hair, it'd be game over.
When they got that real thick hair, you just think, like, sheesh.
You know what?
Must be nice.
I got a life hack, maybe, because, Nate, if you have a mohawk, people just
assume that
it's a style and you have a full head of hair.
So, you could probably quarter the price of a hair transplant if you just get
it right
down the middle.
Ew, and look like that fucking dude from Black Eyed Peas, whatever.
Will.i.am?
No, not Will.i.am, one of the side ones.
I guess they all wrap.
The side ones.
His name is The Wrapping One?
Yeah.
We're on The Wrapping One.
The Wrapping One.
Wow.
Should I sell this to the last ride?
Here's what I wanted to say about that.
But if I got a hair transplant, I would insist that I want to design my own hairline.
Because I feel like they always, like, make it, like, straight.
You know what I'm saying?
But a hairline has variations.
You know what I'm saying?
It has.
Yeah.
And I would want to just, I would give them a drawing of a line.
And I would just, actually, I would do it on my own head.
I would show up with a Sharpie just of the exact fucking...
It's like a quarter inch above your eyebrows.
It's got like, you do the Dragon Ball Z, the Dragon Ball Z Widow's Peak.
Is that possible to, like, just put hair anywhere?
You can hair transplant into, like, a tattoo.
Like, you could give, like, a fish a beard on your fucking arm.
Mm-hmm.
Really?
People aren't experimenting with that type of stuff yet.
Because people are too scared.
No, they aren't.
You can transplant anything, by the way.
Yeah.
You can transplant organs.
Okay?
So, yeah.
Hair is light work.
Hair is a joke to a surgeon.
Are you kidding me?
Mm-hmm.
You want a hair transplant?
There's this hair transplant surgeon on TikTok.
He's fucking jacked.
He has the calmest voice I've ever heard in my life.
And watching the videos grosses me out, but his voice calms me down so crazily
intensely.
I'll find a video.
Is it, like, an ASMR type of thing?
For me, it is.
Surgical ASMR.
Now, I'm slicing open the scalp.
The blood is draining out because their blood pressure is too high.
And we are not a real hospital.
So, I like to let them just bleed.
Oh.
Can you guys hear it?
I think an anti-rejection drug for the rest of your life, so your hair would
grow.
Sounds 14.
Can you hear that?
Yeah.
To donate hair to you.
But in the...
I was not expecting that.
Yeah, I wasn't either.
Oh, shit.
Hold on.
Hold on.
You guys are coming out of the computer.
We're coming out of the computer?
Sorry.
Sorry.
Oh, shit.
Great.
We're five minutes in.
There's fucking technical difficulties.
Awesome.
Great.
So, I guess that's...
I guess we got to start over now.
Geez, we were just fucking cooking, man.
I guess we do.
Sorry, guys.
Sorry to everyone.
I took on my knob.
My fault.
I thought we were all having fun.
I just...
My fault.
No, we are.
I just need to get on the same...
I just need to get on the same page.
Well, should we introduce the topic?
I think it's...
I believe it's time now to discuss the topic.
Sure.
Yeah.
So, everybody pull over if you're driving and get your notepad out.
And, yeah, close your eyes.
Open your ears.
The topic of this week is puzzles.
Puzzles.
How inquisitive.
How puzzling.
Quizzical.
Sudoku.
Oh, man.
Now, who the hell thought up that?
Who thought up Sudoku?
A math teacher, maybe?
Give me a break.
I know I complimented you earlier before the podcast on doing that,
but I think Sudoku should go fucking home.
Get out of here.
Wow.
I don't appreciate Sudoku.
Now your true colors are showing.
Are you guessing numbers?
Yeah.
Not very fun.
Do not come after numbers.
I'll tell you that right now.
I'm the wrong one.
The numbers community is fucking different, dude.
I'm the wrong one to talk shit about numbers, too.
Trust me.
Numerology terrorism.
23.
There you go.
See?
Remember the number 23?
How can you forget it?
Jim Carrey doing it again.
You forget it.
Jim Carrey, Michael Jordan, me, Kobe.
Almost everything ties back to the number 23.
How are you associated with the number 23, Jack?
I was born on August 23, 1991.
Don't ever question me again.
Holy shit.
So what does 23 mean?
Greatness, I would assume?
Greatness.
Yeah.
23 means greatness in Arabic.
Nice.
Well, I'll tell you what, with this Sudoku puzzle, the best thing you can do is
just play
on easy mode because it feels so good to just like, it's hard enough because I'm
never playing
Sudoku, but you kind of like, you understand the mechanisms of it, but it's
hard enough where
it feels like it's almost, it's almost difficult to do.
Well, I am rocking with easy Sudoku.
I just don't like to be challenged.
When you're breezing through it, you're like, damn, I'm a fucking genius, dude.
I'm locking in all these fucking numbers, dude.
Like, if you're struggling, if you're struggling with something, just play the
game, play a game
on easy and just dominate.
Sometimes you just need to feel like you can dominate something.
Dude, I hate to tell you guys, but I think they do this on online games.
Like, I've been playing Call of Duty Black Ops 6, and the first, like, week I
was playing
it, I was destroying, and I thought, I have an ability that is very unnatural
and very sort
of inhuman to destroy other players with my fucking SMGs.
But then, all of a sudden, I'm getting fucking destroyed every other second.
I'm getting horrible kill-death ratios.
So, something that, I think they make it easy so it hooks you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
These companies are very devilish.
Well, you remember in Fortnite when we realized that we were playing against
bots?
Yeah.
We were like, dude, we're fucking amazing.
And then we were like, wait, this can't be.
The bananas in the suit is fucking a robot.
I like that, though.
I like that, though.
Yeah.
I don't ever want to play a real person in Fortnite ever again.
No, no, no.
Hell no.
Not as long as that.
Because I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings.
No, especially not a child.
No, of course.
Because there's children on there playing it as if it's just for fun.
That's what I've been hearing.
Playing it to quiet the demons in my head.
Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Well, I need help from the listeners.
So, desperately.
Well, ask us first.
You know us.
Well, you guys don't have the fucking answers.
You never do.
I'm begging you guys for fucking help constantly.
You guys don't fucking.
You don't have any fucking clue about anything.
So, the listeners out there, I got a Steam Deck.
Okay?
And I know there's somebody out there that can fucking solve this problem.
I got a Steam Deck, and I bought Call of Duty Black Ops 6 on the Steam Deck.
And then when I play it, I find out it's not compatible with the Steam Deck.
Oh, hell no.
So, I can't even open the fucking game.
They're not even getting me.
I can't even get to the fucking menu with this thing.
So, I'm looking on Reddit, and they're saying that you have to download Windows
11 or some, like, NVIDIA app or something.
All I'm saying is, help me.
If you have experienced this issue, if you know the solution, DM me.
Please.
I'm desperate.
I paid fucking $60 for this fucking game.
So, Nate.
And I can't even fucking play it.
Help me.
Please.
I'm desperate.
I'm begging you.
DM me.
Please.
You know we're trying to...
Somebody help, Nate.
That was Nate's begging corner where he begs for things.
Because we need to play zombies.
Oh, that was fun.
Remember that?
Yep.
Johnny Walker and zombies.
Mmm.
You know what's the thing, though, with Sudoku and things like this?
Because I'm a daily New York Times gamer.
So, I'm hitting the crossword.
I'm hitting the wordle if I feel like a baby.
I'm hitting the spelling bee.
I get to genius every day no matter what.
How about connections?
I do connections.
I'm always doing connections.
Then, what I'm saying is, though, in my head, sometimes I wake up and I'm like,
Oh, this will be a nice way to start the day.
Before I get into anything, I'm going to sit on the couch.
I'm going to warm up a mug full of water and put nothing in it.
And I'm going to sip warm water.
And I'm going to play crossword.
I'm going to play spelling bee.
Yeah.
And then...
That's like month three of sober living.
Well...
Sounds like you're living.
Well, it's not good.
Because it doesn't calm me.
It's not a calm thing.
Because I'm like spinning numbers in your head, like spinning your head,
spinning your brain.
Why is that fucking relaxing?
That's good.
We should be painting in the morning.
We should be.
Well, that's the thing.
I just need to say this as a devil's advocate.
Once again, I'm playing the devil's advocate.
Somehow, that's always my role lately is to be the devil's advocate.
Well, it's because you have no actual totems.
No, I have plenty of totems and plenty of opinions.
We're not meant to be solving puzzles.
The day laborers in the back of the old days, the only people solving puzzles
in the medieval times were the monks in the castles and their towers.
And they'd go all the way up, 50 flights up to the top of their little tower,
take all their books up there, write on scrolls, and solve mental puzzles all
day long.
Everybody else is meant to be doing butchery, doing farming, getting the
potatoes from the earth, making bread and drinking lager.
That's supposed to be – that's what we're supposed to be doing, and we're
tricking ourselves by saying we also need to be solving these intense mental
conundrums.
That actually makes me want to cry.
I know it does, and that's why I saved it until right now because these are
hard emotional truths about humanity.
Well, it's like, you know, imagine the most beautiful – imagine if Beethoven
was born these days and his fingers were blessed by God,
but they would have just been made to fucking type new members into the Equinox
database or something.
You know what I'm saying?
God is looking down so sadly as Beethoven sits there all deaf, all blind, doing
data fucking ops.
No, he wasn't – he wasn't deaf and blind, was he?
Not at first.
Who am I thinking of?
Beet