Name: Futuristic Baddies | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 97
Uploaded: 2024-12-09T13:00:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Futuristic Baddies | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 97' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Futuristic Baddies | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 97' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-09. Transcript available.

Futuristic Baddies | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 97

something where the stakes are higher man money isn't high enough for me
i want it to be real send me a picture of your dick
you said you want the stakes to be high how about that shit gets leaked to the
press finally
to msnbc welcome to joy tactics the podcast dedicated to all things joyful
joyous and meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible hosted by eric rahill
nate veroni
and jack bensinger enjoy what all right we're back okay recording all right
hello hello hello this goes out hello ladies it's the year 2000 this is a
message to all of
futuristic ladies listening all of the futuristic females out there hello and
greetings from one
of the most interesting years of all time in 2024 what the fuck is up i hope
you're having uh
sorry you probably wish you probably wish time travel was um available to you
at this moment in
time but they haven't been able to um figure out the physics of that yet right
or let me guess time
period or they did figure it out and let me guess you're about to surprise me
right here right now
with a motorboat open your mouth jack open your mouth jack i think some
futuristic fingers are gonna go in
there in a future where the fingers are the exact same size as a mouth oh shit
and that's how you
love missing out in in our archaic uh times we're living in right now
futuristic baddest fingers no hate on
no hate on current day baddies by the way it's the same thing current day baddies
are going crazy right
now they are but we don't but they got enough love and we need to give some
love to the ones to come
because they're being vastly ignored i'll just say this really quick before we
move on because you're
right before we move on i want to give a shout out to all women i want to give
a shout out to the
women of iraq i want to give a shout out to the women of denmark i want to give
a shout out to the
women of australia and papa new guinea and fucking south africa and you don't
want me to play this game
trust me i'll start shouting i'll shout out angolia
tall women
women with one tattoo one or two tattoos that they don't remember much very
often
um and somehow it feels creepy to give it up for baddies that are like gonna be
born in like
the future as in like 10 years but for some reason being it doesn't feel pedophilic
to talk about women
like 3 800 years from now that feels like the far distant future baddies right
and by the way this
is still in their 30s and 40s 50s right right once they reach right or even no
these are the futuristic
baddies that i'm specifically talking about are of the age of 286 yeah and they
have all them
technological booties and stuff like that that makes them you know they're just
forever bad courtesy of
ray hill tech uh ass cheek tech uh 9 000 industries
oops can you make me bad forever
i could try i could certainly try
i found you remember that song
futuristic new ass lady very new very new
buba sparks um
buba sparks is dead right
no way he's hiding right now uh yeah today he's being hunted by all the fucking
beat makers because
they want him to rap again
all the illuminati people trying to take people out immortal technique you know
it's a dangerous world in the cave
it's more dangerous than ever to be an artist
yeah that it really is he's in the same cave that osama was in he's in pakistan
right now
that guy got a good 10 years out of that cave i'll try it
can we talk about saddam hussein real quick because i was reminded of a picture
of him when he was in the hole
that's crazy dude that's like that that's crazy dude that's like did he dig the
hole or did you have somebody do it no i'm sure he got someone because by the
way you say that's just a hole but do you know how hard it is to excavate earth
like that
under the darkness under the darkness of night you probably had homies with
shovels
uh homies that have the knowledge of
reinforcing dirt like that
why do yourself a favor
before you think tunnel digging and hole digging is easy watch the great escape
you ever seen that movie
no i've not it's when american soldiers try to escape from a nazi you heard me
right nazi
prison camp aka well i don't think it was a concentration i think there was
actually a prison
camp
in world war ii and they dig their way out concentrated prison
it's treacherous
yeah holes are holes holes are no joke man the black hole i mean holes are a
sign of torture
it's interesting i really am tempted to pivot and talk about the notion of
holes
holes holes are coming that's coming in february don't we've been working on
that for one of our
february episodes yeah it's so much research chill out isn't it funny i was
just talking to my
girlfriend about this about well we just entered into a feud i guess with true
and on that is sort of
will be akin to the kendrick lamar drake beef but for podcasts right right um
two similar size
podcasts yeah two very similar size podcasts but brace and the true non team
they put in like
so much research into every episode and it's like like all brace does is like
research like all day
for for and puts in so much like and the podcasts are incredible because of
that and i'm like just
comparing it right no it's but what they no no no here's here's the thing we
could do that certainly
we could put our research hats on and we are with the holes the holes uh series
well we could go to
our libraries and do the research but could they do what we do where it's just
vibes hell no just
pure vibrations it's not just that it's it's almost like i would say that
knowledge is the performance
enhancing drug of podcasting so you can go research research i consider that a
ped so what we do we don't
need research we don't need performance enhancers in order to make the pod in
order to get out good
true useful digestible information that changes the lives of people between the
ages of 18 and 43 47
uh and they do that's a matter of fact and 55 plus you saw that right oh yeah
shout out to all the 55
plus listeners right now baddies because it didn't say it but i think it might
be mostly
ladies i think you're right oh i think you're right hi wait till we do our
freaking uh and taylor loft
episode you're gonna like that that's crazy we 27 increase we had a lot of
stats it's just not right
it's crazy did we go down at all no no that's what i'm that's what i'm talking
about that's movement
that's progression listen to this shit we had a 69 increase excuse me year over
y over y
year over year um i love typing y-o-y what else do we have here i took some
screenshots
did you guys have a good rap the spotify rap oh i fucking you know what i do
for my spot
i take that shit very seriously i fast for three days i put on all my candles
it looks like you're
levitating jack i was standing on the couch i'm standing this this time by the
way
oh my 69 percent 69 increase of what streams holy mother
holy shit that's not natural i'll just say right now i don't know that's not
normal if that was a stock
by the way you would have just returned what is that what does that say your
creator personality
is the storyteller i didn't need a freaking app to tell me that that's for sure
you know what i mean
they really dropped the ball this year spotify wrapped it's born they didn't uh
didn't they not
do all the cool shit they used to tell you the genres and the albums and yada yada
this year they
just did the bare minimum man well maybe that's because they're working on a
more secret more
interesting project that only i'm involved with out of the three of us okay
well if that's the truth
then they should tell us before we bury them spotify sexual spotify sexual the
most just moaning
you just listen to me moan oh
nate spotify moaning let's get some pathetic moans going on i wish we had a we
were you know what i'm
watching the the twitch streams and i love when they just say chat they just
refer to the chat what
do you guys think that is so fun i wish we had a a chat going right now that we
could riff off of
bro give me a chat i'll be the chat let me be the chat for a little bit watch
ready if you teach a
man to chat chat what's up what's going down right now oh yeah you can chat in
the zoom right now
we gotta pull up though that's the thing
sup nate i'm hurting all right you're banned oh all right man no but here's the
thing we should
practice because if someone says they're hurting the first thing that you
should say is i believe that
and i'm with you because jack just to go i'm just seeing the goatee right now
you can't ban me
this is like the mod
damn
yeah the goatee is popping jack you like that
the goatee with the backwards fitted
the backwards dc fitted
i'm looking for i look like i'm about to you just stepped onto a snowboarding
mountain and you're a skier and
i'm about to tell you what exactly how hot hot chocolate feels on your face
you look like you just got turned away from a new metal concert in like 1999
yeah it looks like you went and bought out all your own sound equipment your
own boom mic and
shit but
the personality didn't work out on set and you got to take all your shit home
i look like somebody who lincoln park was their most listened to artist of the
year
is that true yeah and guess what
you get i got i got a little video when i was swiping through it and it showed
uh
mike shinoda he does a little video a little selfie he goes hey thanks so much
for listening
yeah i got one of those too except it was for charlie xcx
no way
oh speaking personally to me
hey nate
hey nate i really
i don't want you as a fan um you're like like i would be embarrassed if you if
i knew that you
were listening to my music but thank you so much
don't you dare come really because i got one from her that said hello eric i'm
very intrigued by your
creative pursuits
you are very sexy to me in that type of way and mentally
i got one from bono that said that i got one from bono that said
january 6th 8 p.m
ottawa no questions ottawa airport storming the ottawa capital yep we're storming
the ottawa
airport
smart smart smart on my knob
i'm done so back to the topic which is so
what was the futuristic style baddies
oh yeah well i just saw some dangerous news about outer space did you see this
an asteroid
it just came within 13 million miles of the earth
well that is nothing to me
consider the scale of the earth dude i'd rather the scale of the universe
that is like literally like being at subway when the mcdonald's next door
catches on fire
maybe lock them doors let me let me put it this way i would say right now that
in terms of threats
from outer space i would say the asteroid is one of the least of our worries i'll
just put it that
way if anybody from the uap community what's going on jack ignore me i'm just
suggesting
are you lowering the desk yes i am
have you guys seen the the uap activity that's going on of course you've seen
it but why haven't i
talked about it i can't i can't talk about it under is it a case of your you
want to talk
about it and then for some reason you get distracted because no what it is i'm
just so
disinterested in it at this point that i've already said this before i want to
see a
fucking i want to see one of them little things well walking around i want to
see one of them i
i want to see one of them in a zoo net i want them to put them that's the last
that is the last thing
you would you know listen you we put them in a zoo they will become to begin to
get angry with us
which is one of the last things we want with their advanced technology listen
to this guys listen to
this i just saw a post not an hour before you came mate on r slash ufos there
was a guy in new
jersey trying to record he said man the phone uh footage of the uap's a drone
quote-unquote drones
that are falling over nuclear bases in the uk and in jersey uh it's too blurry
i'm gonna get my dslr
camera oh he records the a alien uap whatever it may be maybe it's not alien
maybe it's china
he records it on the dslr oops he goes home oops the footage is all destroyed
and scrambled
oh really