Name: The Notion of Tim Heidecker | Joy Tactics Podcast
Uploaded: 2024-12-12T12:01:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Notion of Tim Heidecker | Joy Tactics Podcast' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Notion of Tim Heidecker | Joy Tactics Podcast' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-12. Transcript available.

The Notion of Tim Heidecker  | Joy Tactics Podcast

I'm getting myself on the road in January, back on the road.
So I'm going to let your audience know about that tour coming up.
All right?
How do I do that?
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous,
and meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
Insane is happening right now.
Something abnormal.
Yeah.
Tim Heidecker's here.
That's not normal.
Normally, it's just the three of us.
It might become normal.
It's very possible.
It is.
There could be four guys on your show.
If this is somebody's only episode, this will be the most normal.
I think this will be their only reality, really.
I feel like you have guests sometimes, right?
Yeah.
Once in a while, we'll have guests.
Once in a blue moon.
And a break the internet.
Yeah, we do that sometimes.
But we started off the podcast, I think, with the – like it's in our intro
that we're
trying to meet as many celebrities as possible.
And I think people, when they first started listening, like, oh, this is going
to be a
shit ton of celebrity guests are going to come on.
And Tim, you're one of the few celebs that have come on to the podcast.
So it's all happening.
So it's all happening right now.
Dude, I could hook you up with some – I could hook you up with – I don't
know if you'd
want to have Sacha Baron Cohen on your show.
Oh, yeah.
Yep.
We could do –
From Borat?
Yeah.
Yeah, if you would do Borat on your show and you'd do Ali G.
100%.
I literally – I'm going to subscribe to my own fucking Patreon if that
happens.
To listen to that shit.
I don't even want to be on that episode.
I just want to fucking listen and subscribe to it.
Tim, do you ever drive around and listen to Office Hours?
I actually do sometimes quality control.
I give it a listen sometimes in the car or lying in my bed and just say, like,
is this
a good – is this good?
Yeah.
Is this working?
I have to do that too.
I know.
And then I won't do it for weeks.
But then I'll listen to a couple episodes, the whole damn thing.
Laughing, smiling.
Well, you have to like what you – you have to love what you do.
You can't –
You're right.
You got it.
You can't be turned off by your own work.
You should be excited about your work.
It's not work, really.
But then you're playing.
There's horror – these people I'm interested in is the horror writers because
they're sitting
there and they're trying to scare the shit out of themselves.
They're sitting at home the same way we're trying to be funny.
Looking over their shoulder.
It's like, don't listen to what everybody's saying.
Don't worry about what the fucking audience thinks.
Just sit there.
And if it scares the fuck out of you, it's fucking scary.
That's all that fucking matters.
Hmm.
That seems like pretty easy work.
Horror.
What would be the scariest shit that you put in something?
What was the scariest image you could think of?
You know, like a kid being mauled to death by some crazy, like mentally handicapped
person.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That did seem torn to bits.
That's scary, right?
Because you can't reason out of that one.
Yeah, I wouldn't like that.
That would be funny, a book that's just really repellent.
Like everything – every child is like, ugh, this is awful.
Oh, no.
It's not – it's scary.
It is scary, but it's also just – I don't want to read any of this.
This is sick.
That's horror.
That's – I was at a bookstore one time in Wilmington, North Carolina, and I
asked them,
what's the scariest book you have here?
And I actually can't remember the name of the book, but they said, we have a
book here
that's so scary.
I refuse to read it.
I will not read it.
How do they know then?
That's what I'm thinking.
Is it the Bible?
I'm not a big horror guy, but I read that book, The Stand.
Is that Mr. Stephen King?
Yeah.
Oh, he's a freak.
And that book did like – like I had started having nightmares, and I started
to like – yeah,
that book got into my head, deep, deep into my head.
It's pretty scary.
What is this, the Halloween episode?
Right.
No, let's move into the real coffee.
It's the Christmas one.
And we might add, this is joy tactics.
We're thinking about joyful subjects, joyful energy, and positive vibrations.
How to lead a male joyful life.
I have complaints about a Christmas carol, but if you want to talk about that,
we can always
talk about that.
That shit pisses me off, Scrooge, and all of his choices.
Yeah, Scrooge.
Yeah, me too.
There's no joy in him.
In Scrooge?
Well, there isn't until the very end, and then suddenly like – I guess my
question
is, do you think any of that sticks with Scrooge?
Like, what's he like two weeks after that experience?
You know he's sliding back into his old ways.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, there's no question.
Ordering Papa John's again.
I'd like to see –
Cutting wages.
Oh, 100% cutting wages.
Yeah, Cratchits.
Cratchits.
That poor-ass family.
I feel sad for them.
Hmm.
Pathetic.
Or no, I feel bad for them.
I don't feel like they're pathetic.
Also, like – I mean, I bring this up only because I had to see a production
of it the
other night because I have children and their friends – one of their friends
was in a
production – like a small production of it.
And it was like – you know, it's like an 1840s in London.
And Cratchits got like six kids.
And one of them has got a limp.
And that kid's like – they're like, he's not going to make it.
You know, there's no way.
And it's like everyone's all – it's like a big deal.
But don't you think back then that was just like sort of par for the course?
Like the odds of you having a sickly, dying kid was pretty high.
It would be like not something you'd want to center your whole story on.
Especially in the snippet areas.
Tiny Tim?
Tiny-ass Tim, yeah.
Tiny little Tim.
That's the lipping one?
Well, I don't ever think that made him little enough.
Because you've seen this video of the little girl and the tall woman.
I did see that.
Yep.
And maybe get her up in that piece because that –
That's AI, though.
He thinks so.
Yeah, that's AI.
Yeah, it's possible.
Make her –
Oh, make him littler.
Did you guys see this article that came out yesterday?
Google has a new AI chip.
Of course.
And the guy from Google was like,
The only way we can explain it is that we're borrowing quantum computing power
from other dimensions.
And that's what Google's official statement was.
Really?
Can you believe that?
I did see that.
Well, I didn't see that part of it.
I saw the part that said it's solving this math problem that would take –
That would take longer than the existence of the universe to solve.
Yeah.
A hundred –
Septillion.
Septillion years.
Right.
I understand anything.
At that point, I literally shut my laptop.
I said, I'm out.
Don't give a –
You don't give a fuck.
I could come up with an equation that takes a trillion, jillion years.
I could come up with –
If I just keep adding plus one, minus seven, divided by seven, plus seven.
There's nothing special about these concepts to me, frankly.
Yeah.
At a large Hadron Collider, I laugh at the large Hadron Collider.
I'm going to try to –
I just got the update on my phone that has AI on it, so I'm going to try to
stump –
Yeah.
Stump Siri.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's get a problem here.
What's 2,123 times 19,474 plus 176 minus 13?
Yeah.
Good luck, Siri.
Good luck, Siri.
2,123 times 19,474 plus 176.
Minus 13 is 41,343,465.
Shit.
She got it.
I think she might be a genius, actually, now that we think about it.
Now that I hear that.
That's very intelligent.
Siri, but how do you know that?
Yeah, she's like, uh, car.
Wow.
Car red-handed.
She doesn't want to know that she's jumping into the other multiverse.
Yeah.
If she could do it without AI, I'd be very impressed.
If she said, okay, I'm going to do it this time, all me, I'd say, good God,
Siri.
If she grew up in a bad education system, then I would begin to respect that.
But she's birthed by Apple, Tim Cook, all those crooks over there.
And guess what?
I just heard a, um, something with the, uh, it was an interview with, I forget
who the
fuck this guy is.
He's some, he's some like Elon Musk Republican, like tech VC person.
And he was like, met up with someone in the government and, or with the Biden
administration.
And he was like, I'm going to invest in AI.
And they were like, don't do anything with AI.
We're going to control it all.
We're going to, um, that we're going to have three companies that will be able
to do it.
And then he reminded them, he said, he said, do you remember the cold war with,
uh, nuclear
physics and all that stuff?
Well, if need be, we'll, we'll, we'll strip all of the, uh, information of the
AI math
from colleges or something like that.
Okay.
Okay.
Well then I'm not going to go to fucking college.
So that's why I'm fine with that.
Go, go do it.
Yeah.
Do it then.
See what happens.
We, they can't take Siri away from us.
The open door is already Pandora has been.
Do whatever you want.
But how about guys, how about these lights over in New Jersey that is unexplained
and even
the government doesn't know what they are.
What do we think about that?
This, this one I missed.
Oh, well, it might've been fielded from me.
I'm in the West coast.
Do you think I give a shit?
What happens in Jersey?
You say that now.
Oh shit.
Just wait until the intercontinental, the middle continental earthquake shrinks
everybody
together and folds them together like a piece of ham.
And then we're going to have Jersey right next to Sacramento.
When you only have one tortilla.
Oh, those are pathetic.
That's what it feels like.
Dead meal.
But no, they got these drones out of the size of cars floating above the city
and no one
can explain what they are.
That's what I'm hearing and reporting on right now.
It's something you know.
What does coast to coast say?
You know, coast to coast.
Oh, I love coast.
My mom used to listen to that in the car.
Art Bell, right?
Yeah.
What's coast to coast?
George to coast.
George Norrie.
Oh, George Norrie.
It kind of predates like Alex Jones and all that.
But it was just like a radio show where they had on UFO talk and alien talk.
And they had a guy call.
I remember this.
I think this might have been kind of famous, but, you know, occult stuff and
weird, all
those weird ghosts and unexplained stuff.
They had this guy call in or it was a woman.
I think it was a guy who said that they were a horse.
And they had like a 20 minute conversation with this guy.
It was like, yeah, that's a horse.
Like a horse trapped in a man's body or something like that.
It's pretty interesting.
I get it.
You know what?
I'll say this, and this is pretty vulnerable to share.
And if you think it's weird, then it was a joke and I'm lying.
But I was sitting at the gym the other day.
I was stretching or something on the ground and I had my fists out on the
ground like this.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I just felt like, you know what?
Easily I could imagine that I am a deer.
Easily that could be me.
It's not that far of a stretch.
Easily.
You can get, especially with the acting classes we've taken, you can get there
pretty quick.
That's true.
Have you ever done an animal walk?
What do they call that?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God.
Walking around as a giraffe for 24 hours and then you get caught breaking and
entering.
That'll get you in character in fucking two seconds flat.
If you just put yourself in an animal mindset.
I don't know you guys that well.
I mean, Jack, I've hung out with you a couple of times.
And Eric, I believe I just met you recently.
Yeah, yeah.
But I always like to check in with my bros and guys I meet for the first time.
Like, what is your spirit animal?
Let's get into it.
This is so rude and cool.
If we're going Harry Potter Patronus, you guys know about that, right?
No.
That's a licker?
Essentially a spirit animal, but from the Harry Potter world.
But we can do that on the second fucking interview we do with you, Tim.
Okay.
Spirit animal, though.
No, I'm just kidding.
I don't give a shit what your spirit animal is.
I pra