Name: 106: Carmen Christopher IRL
Uploaded: 2025-02-10T12:00:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '106: Carmen Christopher IRL' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '106: Carmen Christopher IRL' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-10. Transcript available.

106: Carmen Christopher IRL

what up hold up let me do this real quick let me do this real quick you guys
ready yeah of course
no i'm not gonna do it i was gonna scream mustard i was gonna scream mustard i
was gonna scream
mustard but i'm just at the beginning of my set the other night to open
screaming
you started set like that yeah you got that would have people's attention for
sure yeah a white
dude rolling up mustard you gotta do that i need like a person who writes all
my jokes and can kind
of stand behind me like dj call it style like just say their name like dj call
it like he writes all
my stuff but i perform it well you you said you bodied the other night you
fucking killed that
little room huh oh yeah that yeah yep yeah i did it you and you bodied last
night last night
last night did you body that we did a show at uh the yard oh that don't count
bro that place sucks
that place is busted that place did not count i don't give a fuck who's there i
did last night
though i have this thing where i i say uh do a dj call song at the beginning do
a little beatboxing
and then i've been saying dj call let me suck it you know like let me suck on
it and
it's hilarious but last night i said it to silence i like shouted it out to
pure silence
that's hilarious and you just sometimes you just don't know it's like you just
have to sit in it
that's what's amazing about this craft you never know every audience is
different and you have to
adjust and adapt i was gonna say that is because nate bodied and then we did
that show at el sid
and you got off stage as i was getting there i didn't see your set and i was
like how did it go
and you're like that was the worst minute first minute of a set i've ever done
break it down but
that's what's interesting is it's so humbling you're like i bodied and then you
go to el sid and then
you're like damn i feel bad that's what's like it's like golf you want to get
back out there but it
wasn't my i'll tell you what it wasn't my fault guess what buddy there's only
one person on stage
it's always your fault right you need to own it you get the w's and you get the
losses here's what
happened i get up there well it's partly your fault by the way yeah all right
but not really yeah it's
the host's fault because i text him i said i went to the wrong location hey hey
don't i went to the
guest all right lower your tongue please intro me you're not gonna tell you
right we have karma
christopher on the podcast today amazing community and by the way he has a
special out on youtube right
now go check it out live from the windy city go watch that shit get some clicks
i get a couple
pennies per click let's go all right go ahead nate what are you saying yeah
about them okay so we're
doing this show and um the the host comes out everybody's chatting in the crowd
nobody's paying
attention nobody's talking nobody's watching it's called chat everybody's got
the biggest jeans on
you've ever seen everybody's looking hot tacos and shit not paying attention so
first off i'm horny so i
can't even pay attention to my material you know what i'm saying yep and second
off the host goes
all right let's get this show started nobody's paying attention everyone's
chattering by the way
that was comparing how big that was fun it was just kind of like whatever i'm
not talking shit about
the event did you drink the event well i don't do that i don't either anymore
go ahead meanwhile i'm
getting so everywhere i can't go i can't go anywhere without four to five dirty
martinis hendrix like
just completely blitzed out of my brain in this city i mean it feels amazing go
ahead nate okay so uh
the host is like let's get this started um first off the comic comic coming to
the stage first is
carmen christopher silence carmen's not even there no one clapped or nothing no
it was pandemonium actually oh okay i wish you would have been there okay so
then so i'm third on
the lineup and just a little teaser for later in the podcast i did meet demie
more last night we'll get
into that but keep going oh yeah we need you guys gotta be doing yeah we do bro
we do teachers
trust me yeah i introduced that long ago that's smart that's smart that's smart
all right go ahead
so okay next person is up yeah and they're like all right carmen's not here let's
go to the next
person rachel is rachel here nothing and i'm like fuck i'm in the back of the
house like just watching
the show yeah oh shit and then so i'm third so i like rush to the stage where i'm
like this dude's
like trying to you know um cobble together like he's like is the next guy here
you know so i'm like
backstage i get up there um and i'm the first comic to a room that's like just
talking amongst each other
and they're not paying attention so i'm like i need to like get the audience's
attention right now
and i think the way i can do that is i just go
it was like really awkward and everybody like shut up though like everybody was
paying attention
because they're like oh no and i was like
and i was about to come out with like a recovery you know get a laugh after
that
and in the in the right as i'm about to say it the mic goes out no the mic goes
out yeah
and then it went out in my set too i know yeah yeah yeah and then so it comes
back on and i'm like
all right cool i'm about to say something else to like recover for the you know
the mic's going
out yeah it goes out again no this happens three times no and it's like
everyone's just kind of
like giving me like like this is the most pathetic thing when the audience is
like wants you to do
well and they're kind of like oh that's the worst you know like i was like they're
giving me like
pity like you got this man like this is my first time doing stand-up yeah yeah
yeah and then he gave
me the mic and it was fine you you did you see the end of the set no i didn't
see it i want it back
instantly of course you want it back okay well there you go that's the best
stand-up stories is when
you can win the audience back that's a true sense yeah that's that's it i've
done that many times so
you ended up body i did okay but i was just like you know how when you're just
like and how is this
my fault again i don't like the way you're talking to me right now but you but
you said this is you said
that you bought you because you weren't there at the beginning so you would
have had to open up this
this like kind of uh shitty show this this crowd that wasn't paying but it wasn't
my fault because
what happened was i was i was like you'll take the hit because you're like
gonna open the show and
you'll kind of like have to warm up and by the time it gets to be third on the
lineup i'll be like
good to go i asked to go first because i had to bounce but i went to the wrong
venue i thought it was at
the elysian so that's not did you read the email apparently not apparently not
it was pouring rain i
couldn't find any parking by el sid the parking in la man they needed they
needed they need more
parking or something i agree we need more streets we need more smaller cars
bigger streets bigger
streets um but wait let's talk about demi more okay last night earlier in the
in the podcast last night
i'm at the critics choice awards yeah and uh you know basically the biggest scum
at the event
you know table in the corner the whole time what is eric doing eric's feeding
his dog oh
eric just does this he just leaves the podcast like and just kind of does
chores and bounced
he just like i'm sorry answers text i'm sorry for yelling at you are you mad at
me man i forgive
you man this is what this is how yeah how amazing our friendship is that we can
just bounce back like
we're good we're good now we've been friends for way too long we used to do
improv where we would
fuck each other on stage like dead ass we would just be like doing a two-person
set where we're just
like going hard all right last night i met demi more and she was wearing that
damn let's see let's
get a close up on this yeah yeah hold the black out her face there you go bro i'm
like a little kid
talking about this i might be more than one day i mean she's fine i'll say she's
beautiful let's
look at let's think about this right she's married to bruce willis is she then
she no she was okay but
then who comes in the picture kutcher mr kutcher bro kutcher's bad news man i
heard some stuff about
him i heard some stuff in the diddy files are the diddy files aren't looking
good man i'll tell you
that right we'll cut this part out let's move on we're working with kutcher's i'm
working on a sort
of punk style show with him and like yeah let's cut this out because also like
diddy's people have
been going at me i've been talking about coming for you a lot so i got a lot of
scary people just
showing up to my house that is scary by the way we're doing a free diddy walk
out at target um
right to attract the people that might support them and then execute them
well they're saying that did he started the fires dude yeah mentally because he's
can you imagine if he had mental powers as well i mean he might he's not
like you're gonna take me down through the best parties ever i'm gonna take the
whole city with me
i'm the only one who kept the city bumping now there's no parties you go to
award shows now
people are just going home after parties no he had the white sex parties let's
go
i want to be the ethical diddy like have those parties but it's like everybody's
like
hella ethical about it yeah everybody like before you have sex you have to like
be like are you sure you want to do this they say yes and then you check their
id make sure they're
right right it can be done correctly like you can have i mean we've been saying
we've been when we
get fucked up we talk about this really no
but also as i said 18 i'm like 18 is so young you should have to be over like
over 25 25 32 to have sex you should have to be 32 to have sex and you should
and
if you 12 year olds should be able to go to war i to war to work because they
do in some countries
they're fucking they're sneaky bro oh yeah yeah oh yeah that's a good point
they should lower the
fucking uh the yeah what's the age to join the military is it 18 it should be
12. yeah child
soldiers not child soldiers but teenage soldiers but i think because teenagers
don't give a
fuck dude they would sneaky that's the problem with afghanistan that's why we
we fumbled that so
crazy because if you had a bunch of teenage boys up in there in kabul there
that should be
fucking why do you think the why do you think we lost vietnam bro they had
little kids beating our
ass yeah they had little kids their little kids hiding out ambushing us we got
destroyed by a
bunch of little kids in vietnam seriously it's not good i just watched that we
were soldiers
youtube oh yeah check out on youtube you guys got any shows coming up oh here
we go perfect plug
you're not gonna believe this but we have a show in austin texas at the ballroom
february 20th
it's me and jack benzinger eric can't go because he has political uh political
fucking hunger strike
going on nice um all the links to this will be in the shows and me and eric
have a show in la that's
right when you couldn't believe how good it was when when it wait permanent
records remember oh
the last one i did it was a blast you guys killed crazy bro it was amazing the
23rd it didn't really
work out i just know that was funny oh thanks i'm gonna shoot that if you saw
it for your manager
remember the show that we did after that we went to those emmy parties yeah
that was crazy that we did
that and i was kind of faded i was but then i had a meeting with someone that
went to that show and i was
wearing that suit that was too tight yeah and i kind of brought it up to her i
was like uh i was
like oh you went to that show i was like i was wearing a suit that i think was
a little too tight and i
was expecting her to be like nah it was totally fine she's like yeah i look
fucking crazy she like
remembered how crazy my i don't remember your suit looking tight