Name: Oscar Predictions
Uploaded: 2025-03-03T12:00:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Oscar Predictions' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Oscar Predictions' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-03. Transcript available.

Oscar Predictions

Should we begin?
Yes.
Welcome to Joy Tactics.
The podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous,
and meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Varoni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
The payout, if it was a wicked sweep, would be like,
if you put $500 in, it would be like a $500 billion payout.
All right, I'll do it then.
That type of money would change my life.
Wait, are we recording?
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, Eric, we are.
Wait, the podcast has started?
Liven up, man, yeah.
Why didn't I clap?
Because we're using the audio from the Zoom
because Nate is apologizing for having to use,
he's recording from a new PW camp.
Yeah, I should get this out of the way.
Two things.
One, yeah, my voice is a little crumbly.
Crusty.
Crusty.
Yeah, I'm a little bit sick.
Number two, the pain doesn't end there.
My MacBook Pro has fucking finally caved in
and collapsed from 2017 or 16.
It finally just doesn't turn on and, you know,
and we're here right now.
This is why I've been telling you to get a fucking ThinkPad,
a Lenovo ThinkPad for about 10 years.
And finally, you see what happens when you don't listen to me.
Well, I'm going to come from another angle and say,
Nate, I'm sorry for your loss.
Wow.
We had a lot of great memories on that laptop.
And, you know, don't be – there's no rush.
You get another one when you're ready.
Thank you, man.
I appreciate that.
Do you see the difference here between how both these people treat me?
Well, what you don't realize is what I'm going through personally,
which influences how I treat you,
which is something that you always fail to take into consideration.
And I'm just glad when I get the sentences right, but –
Yeah.
Good God.
You know what was making me laugh is when we were on set, Eric,
you were like every time I would eat something,
you would kind of like shame me for it, like eat a little snack.
Wait, explain this.
Just any time that Nate got some crafty,
I would shame him for having extra calories.
Any time he drank anything that wasn't water,
I was shaming him for drinking liquid calories.
Yes.
Hey, man.
Another bag of peanuts, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
Yes.
That was good.
I mean, it was just – and on top of that, it was amazing, too.
I haven't been on set with you, Eric, in a minute,
and it was just – I mean, it was incredible to see you work.
You see how comfortable I am.
You see how comfortable I am on there.
I saw how uncomfortable you are, but I saw how uncomfortable everyone else was
at the same time.
That's how you get an amazing product.
You can't people-please your way to an Emmy win
or an Independent Spirit Award win.
You have to basically create an atmosphere of tension.
Is your Spirit Award acceptance speech going to be like,
so this doesn't really mean fucking shit to me, this award show.
Is there a Spirit Award, like one below Spirit?
Because I know Spirit is like the indie films, but it's like,
well, these things all had a $30, $40 million budget
and A-list celebrities in it.
Right.
I think there's one called the Gotham, the Gotham Awards
that are maybe even more independent.
Yeah, someone tells me we are going to be sweeping that shit.
Oh, when Rap World comes out?
For sure.
When Rap World comes – didn't it come out?
Partially.
I had two people yesterday make a joke to me,
one of them being my dad.
How many nominations did the Rap World get?
And what I wanted to say was if there were nominations from the youth
and the new culture makers, we'd be fucking drowning in them.
You see what I'm saying?
Especially for sound design.
I mean, in my opinion –
Especially for sound style design.
If I can remove myself from the project entirely, in my opinion –
You wouldn't want to do that.
If you were forced to.
Right, but if you were forced to.
If I was forced to remove myself entirely from the project,
I don't know you guys at all.
I mean, this is a best comedy of the year, 100%.
That's not an Oscar.
Win, nomination, there's not even a –
What is the competitor?
Please.
I would love for anybody to tell me the competitor to this category.
Hundreds of beavers, dude.
I haven't seen it yet.
I haven't seen it yet.
I haven't even been joking about it.
Millions of beavers.
Oh, yeah.
Millions of beavers in Rap Universe.
Oh, my God.
Rapping.
Yeah.
Rapping in the grease trap.
I mean, it's the best comedy of the year, 100%.
Best movie of the year.
But Nate –
Picture.
Okay, there you go.
But it's under an hour, so it can't be taken seriously.
This is the mental gymnastics all these academies have to do to not include us.
That's why.
It's not.
It's so pathetic.
Yeah.
Because now they're getting longer and longer.
What's that movie?
Fucking Proletariat or whatever came out?
The Brutalist.
The Brutalist, dude.
Proletariat.
Whatever.
That sounds like a great fucking movie, though.
The Proletariat.
Yeah, well, that's what we need to work on.
What is a proletariat?
The proletariat is the –
You are a proletariat.
It's the working class, dude.
Wow.
The proletariat versus the bourgeoisie.
I knew I liked that word.
Bourgeoisie.
The bourgeoisie.
Sucking on me.
Now, would you rather be a proletariat or a bourgeoisie?
You'd be a prologue, you know what I'm saying?
A bourgeois-lariat.
Wow.
Where I have the money, but I'm still dressing like Mark Zuckerberg, you know
what I'm saying?
When is the fucking class war going to fucking kick off is what I would say.
Open your eyes because it's happening right now.
Open your bank account.
And open your bank account.
Luigi.
Luigi.
Man, you only love me.
Are you right?
Are you shooting?
Oh.
Do you think Luigi wishes he did it for like Italy or something instead of
America?
Because then he'd be in an Italian style.
Oh, you don't want to be in an Italian jail, bro.
You don't want to be in an Italian.
Dude, just trust me.
Oh, yeah.
How do you think all the great operas were written?
Those were scrawled on the walls using fingernails.
People running an opera, practicing their operatic voice in the jail cell,
trying to sleep.
Trying to sleep, you hear this from a fucking yard a mile away.
Crying.
Full crying, hearing that.
There must be so much.
I mean, like, no, I don't want this to sound bad, but there must be so many
annoying people in jail.
It didn't sound bad because you prefaced it that way.
Well, you know what I'm saying.
Yeah.
Annoying is, yeah, right.
Doesn't mean they should be in there.
They should be so annoyed in jail by somebody like, dude, fuck off, man.
All right.
I'll put it like this, though.
What's your prison?
Well, first off, let me show you guys my fit because this looks like something
that I could
rock in a minimum security.
Check this out.
Right now?
I already see it.
This is the, Eric looks like he's in the jail for the fucking Russian Olympic.
I took that outfit.
It's crazy.
Eric is in shorts I've never seen him wear before.
Jesus Christ, Eric.
Doesn't that kind of look like I'm out on the yard?
Looks like you're in the drunk tank at the Olympic Village.
Why could I picture you so vividly in a maximum security, like, who's that guy
from, you remember
when Magneto, they put him in jail and he's in that glass fucking prison?
Right.
Why could I see you in that?
So, just kind of pacing, you're like a locked animal in a cage.
What would they try to house me in?
Titanium?
You have no superpowers, but you're like, listen, you're going to want to put
me in some sort
of rare, mineral, metal facility.
That was so fucking sick when they put him in the glass chamber.
And what?
He took the metal out from a pacemaker or something like that?
Oh, right.
Or the metal, what was it, metal from?
Yeah, something like that.
Tooth filling?
Oh, no.
That's all it fucking takes.
Never fucking underestimate any of the people in the X-Men cinematic universe,
please.
I'll put it like that, never underestimate the mutants that you're being racist
to.
Nate, why do I feel like if there was a mutant war, you would be fucking...
You'd be out on the front lines being like, execute every single one of them.
Like, no more mutants.
You'd be hooking up with them.
You'd be acting like a soldier, but you'd be...
Well, that's your secret.
Yeah, it's like you're getting down.
That's why I hate them, is because I'm so...
You know how people are like, when they hate a certain group of people, they're
repressing
their sexual desires.
Their sexual attraction to them?
Of course.
What's that, the blue one?
Oh, you're talking to him.
Huh?
No, no, no.
The blue X-Men.
Mystique.
Mystique.
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God.
I would be fucking hitting that shit from the back front and side, dude, if I
was in
the X-Men universe.
You can't hit it from the side, because it's different, body different.
But here's...
I'll put it like this, right?
Because everybody liked Mystique because she could become your fantasy.
She could become Marilyn Monroe.
Oh, that's right.
She mortified into...
She could become January Jones.
Oh, the perfect...
Anybody.
But she only started really finding true love and acceptance when Magneto, the
evil
villain, liked her as her blue self.
See what I'm saying?
Wow.
He accepted her for the blue nasty style.
I would be like, turn the blue shit off.
Like, don't...
I don't...
I don't...
That's disgusting.
Like, look like Megan Fox forever for our entire relationship.
Like, act like her.
You know.
Turn the blue shit off.
While she was all scared of a fish.
You walking under, fucking taking a shower.
Dude, stop.
Literally.
Just...
How...
Damn.
Smacking the mutants.
It's so funny to me.
Like, I hate them so much.
Which X-Men would you be?
I'm trying to think of which ones are they?
There's...
I can only think of Wolverine, Mystique, and Magneto.
Is Magneto...
You'd be Nightcrawler.
Nate, you'd be Nightcrawler, of course.
What's his superpower?
His superpower, dude, is teleportation within short distances.
Oh, shit.
That would be...
Yeah, that's a good superpower.
Bruh, can you imagine Nate looking like that?
But I'll just put it...
If Nate was playing him, that wouldn't be a tail.
You see what I'm saying?
That wouldn't be.
You know, that would be a reproductive organ.
He's got them...
He has Nate feet.
Them hooved feet.
Is that what I see in that?
Yeah.
Nightcrawler, live action.
But the live action Nightcrawler was a little busted.
Nightcrawler getting your toes.
I just sucked on.
Wow.
So the Oscars...
100%, that would be...
Oh, yeah, wow.
I think that's Alan Cummings.
I think you're right.
Damn.
If I was on Traders, I'd be like...
Remember X-Men?
Okay.
So the Oscars...
So the Oscars have...
Best picture, what we got?
Best picture?
Brutalist, Wicked, Conclave, This Is Here, whatever the movie is like.
I'm rooting for...
Oh, oh.
I'm still here.
I'm rooting for I'm Still Here.
I don't think it'll win.
Amelia Perez, The Substance.
You guys have seen the Penis to Vagina song.
Say again.
Right?
Say again.
From Amelia Perez.
Say again.
From all these topics.
You...
The Penis to Vagina song.
Is that...
Is this some sort of joke?
I haven't seen Amelia Perez.
No, it's not a joke, dude.
This sounds...
Is it a song of a penis singing?
It sounds like a prank.
I don't like these words.
I won't say them.
No, this is...
I haven't seen the movie, but I think it's a journalist being curious about how
they do
the operations, the gender-affirming operations.
You see what I'm saying?
And she goes in, Zoe Saldana from Star Trek, et cetera, many other films.
She goes in, and the doctor starts singing all the operations they can do.
Penis to Vagina.
Is it a musical?
Vagina to a penis.
You haven't seen this?
Is the movie a musical?
It's a musical, dude.
If it was not a musical, that would be...
Sick.
...concerning behavior for a medical professional.
To be singing?
Yeah.
Well, I don't know.
Unless they have a relationship like that.
Look at Patch Adams.
I can't.
Remember him?
I can't look at him.
Horrors.
Mr. Robin Williams coming in, making your ass.
If Robin Williams came in during my lymphoma, stage 7 diagnosis, I would be
ready for that.
Thank you, Robin.
Than