Name: Exile | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 111
Uploaded: 2025-03-17T12:00:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Exile | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 111' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Exile | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 111' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-17. Transcript available.

Exile | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 111

And Eric, why do I know you have a fucking gratefulness group chat with you at
every single one of your K-12 teachers?
Just so you guys know, I'm doing another fucking show tonight.
150 tickets sold and it just feels crazy. I couldn't have ever done this
without y'all.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Varoni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
Napoleon Bonaparte, are we ready?
I think so.
Well, you've started, so yeah.
Napoleon Bonaparte, Leon Trotsky, the Shah of Iran, Mohamed Reza Pahlavi, King
Charles II of England, and Haley Selassie.
No, maybe.
And who else? Harvey Weinstein.
What do these guys all have in common?
No abs. No fucking abs.
No, it's that they were exiled, dude.
Exiled.
The concept of being exiled.
You know what's funny is you said all those names.
I'll say 99% of them, I didn't know what you were saying or who they were.
But the ones I recognized, I know that they're bad.
I know they're naughty.
But when I hear the word exile, I do think, ooh, are those maybe the people
that I would get along with?
Because I feel exiled by society.
I feel exiled by many things.
Right.
You're not alone in that, Jack.
I think people can absolutely relate to what you just said, the feeling of
being exiled by society.
Well, it used to be people didn't even know what walls were, per se.
So, around the little collection of huts, they just put big rocks to say, this
is our area, and if you come in here, you're getting a fucking club to the neck.
And it used to be, if you ate too much of your share of stew, or you got down
with one of the tribal council members, elders, chicks, whatever, they would
say, you have to go past those rocks and you can never come back in.
And, as far as you knew, there's nothing else out there.
Dude, please put me on clubbing duty.
Please, for the love of God.
I would be fucking up in the wee hours of the fucking night, ready as fuck to
club the fuck out of somebody.
Now, for messing around with my elders fucking chick, man.
Nobody messes around with my fucking wise elders chick.
In a proper society, dude, see, this is insecurity.
This is male insecurity, because in a proper society where men aren't so
fucking toxic, I could be in fucking sixth grade, and I roll up to my English
teacher, and I go, and I fucking, you know, not pedophile, but maybe I'm 18,
and I'm in sixth, whatever.
The point is, I go and I hook up with the elder's wife, and the elder goes like
this, yo, good shit, man.
Let's celebrate you.
Let's celebrate the fact that you guys both got it in and got off.
Why do we have to exile people?
Because of insecurity.
Right.
It's the root of all fucking evil.
People should be.
Well, that's called scarcity mindset is what those elders were going through
their minds, because they think, if an 18-year-old is putting it down with my
beautiful wife, certainly, you know, and he, whatever.
And I'm going two pumps, and I, you know what I'm saying, can't keep it up,
then she'll, I'll lose her, and I'll lose my security.
But if you think.
The first question is, how many pumps did he get?
Two pumps with my chick.
But if you think, like, hey, maybe that, maybe the sexual era of my life is
over, and I'll move on to doing different word puzzles now, and you go have
your fun, because I can't fulfill that need for you anymore.
You know what I'm saying?
The wise polyamorous elder.
Like, if they thought that way, there'd be a lot less, yeah, there'd be a lot
less being stoned to deaths.
And there'd be a lot more ancient coconut fleshlights that would have been on
the market.
Damn.
I feel like if I was alive back in that day, I would, I feel like most of my
day would be spent stoning and clubbing people.
Like, I would have no time to do anything else.
I would just be going.
Well, there's no doubt in my mind, you would have, like, a major indent in the
front of your head.
From an accident.
You'd be missing half the frontal lobe.
And then I kind of put, like, pieces of fruit in there.
Like, I use it as, like, a little, like, storage.
Wow.
You could save, yeah, save kitchen room by having a giant fucking dent in your
head.
Come here.
Next time you make fun of someone with a hunchback, think about how much you're
spending on a fucking nightstand, idiot.
That would be my fucking opener for the peasant chick.
Like, they see me from across the fucking river, the Mediterranean.
And I walk up, and they're like, what's that orange thing on top of his head?
And it gets closer and closer.
And it's like, what?
It's, like, inside of his head.
And I take it off.
And it's kind of, like, gooey a little bit from, like, pus or something.
And I present it to her, a fresh piece of fruit.
You can't resist that.
Tell me you can't resist that, dude.
Yeah, I probably couldn't resist fruit back then.
Out of a vitamin deficiency mindset, you couldn't resist that.
But it sounds pretty disgusting to me.
That kombucha always gives my ass a headache.
There's something in kombucha that's designed to give me headaches.
The Trilogy, the specific flavor, or just GTS Dave?
It's all fucking kombucha.
Because your gut microbiome can't even fucking handle it, dude.
No, mine's fucking, my gut microbiome is tuned, tuned to a point that you can't
imagine.
It's firing perfectly.
And if you put any extra microbes in there, it falls apart.
You're looking clean cut, Jack.
Looks like you're losing weight rapidly.
It's non-medical.
Thank you.
I am.
Yeah.
Good.
Good.
People have been, you know what?
I just, is this a, whatever.
Somebody just, I just talked to somebody on, in GQ, spoiler alert, about
working out in jeans.
And I kind of thought, they, I don't know if this person is aware that I am in
entertainment in a sense, at least in a YouTube sense.
Or if they thought that I'm like a fucking crazy person, you know.
So wait, they were telling you that they work out in jeans?
No, they were asking me about working out in jeans.
Because I work, you know, I will work out in jeans.
I work out in jeans, specific, more often jean shorts.
I actually have a picture of you that I would like to pull up if I can.
And it's like a really, I don't want to say bad gym fit, but like just, I'll
let them.
If you haven't seen me at the gym, I know there's at least three or four tacticians
at this gym.
You know that I have on dress shoes.
I think they're like, basically.
That's what I have is you.
They're dress shoes, multicolor socks, whatever t-shirt, like a midriff t-shirt.
And really baggy, like, you know, 90s prison yard movie style jeans shorts.
And then I'm lifting less than anybody around me.
And I'm louder than anyone around me.
Now those, yeah.
All right.
So there's the dress shoes.
Oh my God, the fit.
And look at those.
Look at how quick, you can hardly read the 40 pound symbol there because I'm
moving it so quickly.
And I got the cargo blacks on.
So those aren't jeans, but those are long black cargo shorts.
And one time a late grocery store worker asked if I was a firefighter when I
was wearing those.
That's a compliment, dude.
Hell yeah, it's a compliment.
That mustache.
Well, it might have been the pants too.
I would quit everything if all three of us could become just the only three
firefighters in a firehouse.
Oh, you mean the only three men and the rest are model level, beautiful style
women.
And by the way, none of them really, none of us are firefighters.
We're actually on set of an adult film.
Oops.
And that pole, something tells me that that pole is going to be used for
something else that is not traditionally used.
I know you'd be pulling all the chicks out of the pole saying, watch this.
And you're doing crazy.
You know, you get up there and show what you learned in that class that you've
been taking.
Oh, dude.
You know my annoying ass is going to put the pole horizontally going one foot
off the ground out of the garage so that I could climb like koala style, sloth
style out of the garage.
So that's a two dimension pole.
I go down to the Y axis.
You wouldn't be skating that pole?
Younger.
In my younger days, I would.
But now I don't do that baby fucking kid hobby style bullshit.
Right, right, right.
Skateboarding is for clowns.
Clowns.
But I like everyone in the world.
What were we talking about?
We were just having a freeform discussion right now.
So there wasn't really a...
It just went freeform, man.
They're going freeform.
They're going freeform.
Have you guys heard of this?
Of course.
The Lamina's.
What's that?
It's a British mint, dude.
My mom gave me them.
She said this is her favorite mint.
Will and the Lamina.
What does it say?
Oh, it's like in...
It's like Swedish or something.
Will Helmina.
That sounds like a fair maiden that Eric, you would like to be.
William Helmina.
That's the herb woman.
That's the herb woman who I bring into the royal family.
I know you guys want me to date our busted Spanish cousin,
but I'd like to bring Will Helmina into the fold
and see what she can produce child-wise.
That's right.
They were all hooking up with their cousins.
How did they know what a fucking cousin even was back then?
Well, that's a good question, man.
That's why they were having sex with them, dude,
because they didn't even know.
They didn't invent that.
I bet the concept...
Who's this fine fucking chick that is always around, you know?
They didn't even know that that's my uncle's cousin's fucking daughter.
But it wouldn't even mean anything.
It's like calling like a, you know, it's like whatever.
Just when did cousins get invented?
You know what I'm saying?
It's like calling Italy, Italy before they had the border.
It's like that's just a fucking land.
That's just a person, bro.
Exactly.
And love is love is what you're saying.
Love really is love at times.
I'm, you know, I'm trying to think.
How many cousins do you guys have?
Eric, you have zero.
I know that because you're cut off.
Oh, I do have hella, but I'm not in contact with them because of what they did
to me.
Nate, you have a bunch, but they're like 80.
I actually, that is kind of the case.
Like my parents had me later.
So a lot of my cousins, I would just call aunts and uncles because they were
just like,
being a cousin as a young person, like it's like you can't have a cousin that's
older
than you basically, you know?
That's not, that's like impossible.
They just become your aunt and uncle if they're older than you.
I feel that way.
My, my aunt or no, Jesus, there you go.
My fucking cousins who live in the city, who live in New York, they are,
respect if I'm
getting this wrong, but I believe they're, you know, mid fifties, 60, maybe a
couple
of them.
And they're so fucking smart.
My cousin on my dad's side was so much better liked than me and my brother.
Basically, I had two cousins on my dad's side and they would literally party
without
us.
They'd have special birthday parties and shit.
They'd see my grandparents all the time.
They'd go on, we, they'd go on special camping trips.
We never got, literally, I was feeling FOMO from my family.
I was feeling, I guess you could call it exiled.
I remember you said once you wanted to be like liked by your, by my aunts and
uncles.
Yeah.
It was, didn't you say that once?
Like you really wanted to be.
I really did.
I really, well, I think I've said this on here before, but like literally I
thought I was
too fat and that's why they didn't like me.
And so before we go to like a birthday party or a barbecue or something, I
would be doing
like Tybo as hard as I could, like to try to lose weight right before.
They sit you down.
We want to love you, but like you're too fat.
You're too fat, man.
Like you're literally so fucking fat.
Yeah.
Eric, have you ever heard of the concept of unconditional love?
I've studied it.
I don't quite understand it.
It doesn't compute to me, but yeah, go ahead.
Tell me what it means.
Well, I would say that that is the type of love that you get from a family
memb