Name: Armored Knights vs. The Pig Tooth Strangler [teaser]
Uploaded: 2025-04-24T11:01:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Armored Knights vs. The Pig Tooth Strangler [teaser]' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Armored Knights vs. The Pig Tooth Strangler [teaser]' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-24. Transcript available.

joy tactics okay i told nate about the gorilla theory this theory this morning
oh yeah go go
talk about this please what i watched a video last night that was kind of equating
it's this british
or like you know documentary documentary personalities talking about coming
days of
ai and she's sitting in at a zoo in front of a glass um you know window window
yeah window
with grills behind it a little enclosed closed area and she's talking about how
we are going to be the
fucking grills and the ai is going to be the people looking in you see what i'm
saying yes we're going
to be out fucking dated we're the will that be everybody i don't think any not
every monkey's
in there there's many many animals that are still out in the world there's a
couple of them in the zoo
good point but most of them are not in the zoo but they're dumb as rocks
compared to us
i actually don't think it's a bad thing i think let us be i was telling nate if
the ai um coming
super intelligence was smart he would revert earth into a garden of eden and
take away all of our
technology leave the books leave fucking all of the elder scrolls games give us
pubs give us taverns
eliminate racism bring back the fucking sexual freedom movement um no monogamy
and then they can do whatever it wants to do i don't even understand what it
would want to do
as a as a super intelligent uh being but it can go do that shit and let us just
have fun let us be
stupid eliminate hangovers so your so your utopia is pubs polyamory and no hangovers
and elder scrolls
games and new types of fucking food new fusions new cultural fusions of food
cuban sandwich with ramen i guess ramen on it
ramen noodles please bro that's not gonna happen but or you know i think we
were happier when we
were wearing full suits of armor running around killing each other but that's
probably when we
were the happiest now we got nothing we got nothing i'm sure there there are
parts of the world where
they're still doing that where they're still wearing armor and full suits of
armor in half
yeah there's got to be a couple parts of the world even parts of america that's
where i encourage
everybody to take command over their own life you know it's almost a block a
self-mental and
physical block you fantasize about these things why can't i i wish i lived then
i wish i lived then
you can live then you can just fucking do it you could do it in brooklyn right
now i just go buy
some fucking adamantite melt that shit down adamantite melt that shit down drip
it just sit in it for one
day let it mold over my body like a retainer that's what you gotta do go to the
dentist yeah i'm just
gonna bring up let me bring up two businesses right now jesus this eric's
showing a black and white video
of knights fighting in the snow this is this is a reenactment it looks like
there's no skill involved
that's what it looks like certainly from the outside what they're not realizing
is you drop the weapon you
fucking win if you just drop the weapon and go for the fucking takedown how do
you kill somebody
like do you do you are you trying to find the take it off force bro blunt force
so you're trying to like
hit their helmet so hard it causes like a concussion basically yeah was that i
don't know if they knew
what concussions were no they would call me the anaconda back then because i
would just you know
get right in there and just squeeze people to death and get in there and i
would have no sword on me
i would have a giant shield and i would have a fucking tooth that i got off of
a pig and i shaved
it down to be the size of a small ass knife and i would just come and wrap
people up and then i would
sneak my little hands i would shave my own hand down to be all skinny and i'd
sneak it up in the
fucking neck of your suit and just bleed you the fuck out just like damn all
right get your juggler
and they'd call me the fucking the pig tooth strangler you see what i'm saying
jesus yeah that's scary
pig tooth you don't want to see pig tooth walking down eric don't you don't you
do that to me
this channel guys if anyone's interested it's called
deck with them deck with them and you can watch all types of battles knight
versus samurai realistic
non-choreographed look at this who do you think is going to win the knight or
the samurai who you
got money on night bro look at them do they have like iraq soldier versus
samurai they better
which hung over iraq soldier french foreign legion versus frat guy damn i mean
look at this shit the
samurai is trying but bro i don't know the samurai has to win this you think so
oh damn he made him
drop his sword bro look he's doing my strategy he's doing it i told you what i
tell you damn they're
going off camera let me just say if you're fighting a samurai it's over it's
fucking over for your ass
damn the samurai if you're in line they're both getting samurai at the airport
let that fool cut in
line if a samurai comes up to you at tsa and says you mind i'm gonna be i'm
gonna be late you mind if
i go ahead don't even think about saying no right i told you guys about that
guy that i saw on my way
to chicago one time who was like in the in the airport uh bus with me shuttle
bus and he smelled
fucking amazing fully tatted out like hand like knuckle up to the knuckles
shaved head nice trim beard
he had like a leather bag big fat leather bag and he had like all this jewelry
on and he was like
looking very serious and then i saw him run into one of his friends and she was
like what are you doing
and he's like well i do bounty hunting on the weekends no way he's a bounty
hunter heading to
arkansas and he's and she's like who are you looking for and he was like i'll
just say they're very bad
people and you wouldn't want to meet them in your day-to-day life i'm gonna go
get them do you imagine
actually capture that goes out and captures the fucking people that are evading
their warrants
jesus that'd be an awesome thing to lie about
there's no way this guy's a liar what are you doing at the airport by yourself
wouldn't you like to know i'm actually up to a secret mission i can't tell
anyone i'm a murderer
i'm a good murderer so stay away from me don't get too close you're gonna
fucking regret it
aren't you wearing like a panda express like apron right now are you
no that's my fucking disguise yeah yeah yeah you mean that's where i get
grilled chicken teriyaki
because it's a good macros i see you going into work right now you're like
literally walking back
into the into the line cook area it will go to the back door see if i don't if
i can walk out
with a completely different skin on you won't recognize me
scott what do you think the first armor was in 3000 bce in ancient mesopotamia
which you claim
to be an expert on if it was ancient mesopotamia let me think about the
different ring species so at
this point i don't think the komodos had linked with the in lizards so i'm
gonna go ahead and lock in
armadillo correct no this is when people people were around what do you mean no
no no i'm saying
they took the shell off of a turtle or armadillo oh put it on top of the noggin
so they could well
see uh i mean before that people were killing what i'm reading is padded lining
their bodies with
strings oh leather of course it's leather what was i thinking shields made of
wood this is simply
level five runescape you walk in that piece and you got the leather body and
you got the wood
shield because then guess what's next guess what the next age of armor is iron
clay close no not clay
bro granite bronze granite granite bronze bro the bronze age of course it's
fucking what's wrong
with me a whole age a metal is described that's just so beautiful a whole
entire era is just
um is defined by minerals by redder minerals metal are they making platinum yet
is there a platinum armor
well that's didn't know but johnny dang wasn't around back then so no the
bronze age went for a
thousand fucking years until classical antiquity of 500 bc you imagine that a
thousand i'd be fucking
bored that's when iron came into play damn and then chain mail in the fucking
around 400 cd it must have
felt so good to be the the country that figured out iron or bronze first and
then they were like going
into battles like that first battle they're like what the fuck is this shit
they just decimate like
thousands of people like just easy like the easiest battle that's ever been won
i bet was like
that i'm gonna say no fair battle it's a slaughter it's a slaughter right that's
when they invented the
term no fair that's what i would be saying man hey man this is no fair man no
fair bro no fair no fair
give me that give me one you get that give me you get the torso i get the legs
yeah right and then
that's at least more fair whoa now slow down there horsey that was only but a
teaser just a little
taste of what i can only assume is one of the most fire podcast episodes ever
recorded head over to
patreon.com joy tactics now to unlock this crazy ass fucking episode while
simultaneously
getting in at the ground floor of an exclusive community of like-minded
individuals using positivity
to change the world cheers