Name: Ooey Gooey Sticky Caramel | Ep. 119
Uploaded: 2025-05-12T11:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ooey Gooey Sticky Caramel | Ep. 119' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ooey Gooey Sticky Caramel | Ep. 119' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-12. Transcript available.

Ooey Gooey Sticky Caramel | Ep. 119

All right, Nate, take it away.
Take it away, man.
You were begging to do this one.
I did.
Oh, my God.
This is going to be one of those.
This is going to be a struggle.
How about this, man?
Frankly, a struggle.
Let me get your interest up.
Ooey, gooey, sticky, brown, sweet, yummy, nummy, caramel.
Doesn't that make you a little excited about it?
And that's just off the top of my head.
There's some descriptors.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous,
and meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
And caramel makes me want to fucking cry.
Caramel is like one of the few words that makes me want to fucking let loose.
Caramel, listen to the Rolodex of emotions.
My grandma, four foot one grandma, has passed away.
Caramel Werther's in her house.
Caramel apples.
If I see a caramel apple at a 7-Eleven, it better not be in between me and that
thing
because I'm going Mach 10.
Jack gets the caramel apples in a different type of way.
I live for that shit when they come in, you know, because it's seasonal up in
the bodega and at 7-Eleven and whatnot.
Caramel cow tails are inside of, there's probably caramel in that.
That's going to get us talking about life and death.
Now, how about this?
You are in high school, not a lot of friends, so you go to Blockbuster every
night.
You take advantage of their take one, return one policy.
You can always have a DVD at any time.
You can even do take two, return two, whatever.
I know I've talked about this before.
But you're essentially a teenager in the summer.
You don't have that many friends.
So you're seeing, getting movies every night from Blockbuster.
Now, you see a little box that says cow tails.
And you say, I don't know what that is, but I'm going to try one.
And then you kind of get addicted to them.
And then you're having them almost every night alongside a big ass bag of Twizzlers.
Sound good, right?
Yeah.
Are cow tails caramel, though?
I feel like that's more of a, I feel like that's its own kind of lane.
Here's my problem with caramel, all right?
Is, I feel like the viscosity scientists need to get involved in the caramel
space.
Because that shit is too ooey gooey and too ooey gooey sticky.
Because that shit is sticking to my fucking teeth.
And I don't like that shit, man.
We need to get some wetness.
The viscosity scientists need to get involved with the caramel space.
What the fuck?
To get some wetness.
They need to put some water in it.
Get me, get me in the fucking, I don't like that.
I just don't like it.
I say.
Boo.
Boo, if we were in a stadium, dude, you would be getting porches thrown at you,
shot at.
Right.
Are you kidding me?
That's the whole, what the fuck?
You want fucking liquid water caramel flavoring?
What about taking an apple, taking a slice of an apple and getting that ooey
gooey?
It's like magical.
It's like peanut butter wishes it could fucking feel like caramel.
Seriously.
You got to be smoking crack.
It's one of the good things.
That's like one of the best things about caramel is that it's such, listen, you
can have hardened
caramel, Nate.
Right.
You can have a pump of caramel syrup in your fucking Macchiato.
Right, right.
In your bitch-ass Macchiato that you drink every day.
Yeah.
If you need that shit.
Caramel, it is in different forms, man.
Well, I'm not talking about the flavor.
I'm not talking about the flavor.
I'm talking about the sticky, pure form of caramel.
You must not be listening, dude, because Jack just described many different
types of viscosity
of caramel.
That's the flavor, bro.
That's the flavor that he's discussing.
No.
I'm specific.
No.
I'm done.
And I'm done.
And I'm fucking done with this episode.
I see you guys.
No, it was cool.
It was really fun doing this fucking episode.
But I'm out.
Have fun.
Have fun talking about fucking candy, man.
I love that.
Wow.
That was fun.
Why did I feel like I saw that sound coming like three minutes ago?
I know.
Well, because you visualize sounds just like David from Love on the Spectrum.
Synesthesia.
It was differently from him.
I don't know.
He does numbers.
He does numbers.
My neighbor had some disease growing up where she had to wear glasses that had
rainbow lights
all on them, and they would flash all the time and calibrate her brain.
What the fuck is that?
I need that.
I think I fucking need that with my license.
You need to be calibrated badly, Eric.
I need to be going.
I'm trying to do it at the Y every morning with you.
I need you to calibrate me in the sauna.
Wait.
We need to sidebar real quick because I feel as though there's some beef going
on.
And somebody in the comments said that another podcast, yeah, I'm going to name
them
Pod About List.
Wow.
It seems as though maybe they're talking shit about us or they're some sort of,
I don't
know what's going on, but I just want to squash the beef or actually, quite
frankly, I want
to inflame it.
Inflame the beef?
So, Leo, what's going on?
What's going on with this beef?
Are they talking shit about us?
What's going on?
Are you having to?
The latest development was that they made a birthday video for me.
Yeah.
At the end of the video, it said, please quit Joy Tactics.
I don't know.
What the hell?
I'm not laughing at you.
By the way, this is Julio, producer.
For anyone wondering.
The goat.
The goat.
Wow.
We can share you, man.
You have multiplicities, I believe.
You can be, you can, you know what I mean?
And by the way, the last thing we need, respect to Podcast About List, but we
don't need another
fucking podcast that's three fucking straight white guys sitting here talking
about fucking
bullshit.
I keep saying that.
This is not what we are because I'm fucking Jewish, Nate's half Lebanese, and
Eric's...
Say it, man.
Say it.
Say it.
Sapiosexual.
That's right.
That's right.
I think we need to get three white trio in one...
We need an event every year where we get in one crazy fucking Zoom.
It's fucking a thousand different bars, and all of us just get to...
What would happen?
Who?
What would happen?
That's just my question.
What did you...
We should have like sort of a white guy trio podcast.
Summit.
Summit of sorts.
Andrew Santino is welcome.
Bobby Lee, stay at home.
Why is that?
And aren't they a duo?
Yeah, they don't count, man.
Because you said...
Because if it's all white guys, we're holding ourselves accountable for once.
No, it's trios only, though.
No, I know, but I'm saying welcome all white guys.
And it's allies.
It's allies only, by the way.
The ally accountability summit.
Whites only.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm not going to laugh about that.
For me, it's all about the three.
I think the distinguishing factor here is the threes.
So I'm tempted to say just...
I want to go to the three summit.
Groups of threes.
It could be three podcasters.
Who else is that?
A free person, family.
Even if you just have one kid.
Two parents and a kid.
Oh, just trios in general.
It's just that magic number for me.
But you could have guessed that.
Well, I just saw this.
It's just that the workaholics guys do a podcast.
And they're to the point where they...
Yeah.
Yeah, Eric.
They have a podcast, dude.
They lied to you, man.
I was trying to tell them for years to do that.
I just wanted a piece of the pie once they did it.
But they have started a cruise.
And I feel like that is a very...
Oh, my God.
...joy tactics thing.
You know what I'm saying?
I feel like...
Cute.
I thought we were going to be the first podcast to have a cruise, honestly.
Oh, dude.
And they've fucking taken that away.
Now it's not groundbreaking.
Now it's fucking just, oh, you're doing what they're doing.
But I feel like that would be so fun if we had a podcast cruise.
Well, you know, there's many podcast cruises.
There's a more nerdy sphere that I respect that we're not a part of.
They do the D&D-style podcasts.
Company Bang Bang-style podcasts.
All that stuff.
They have a crazy cruise.
That they go on.
What?
This is a thing?
They do, man.
Yes, Jack.
Go ahead.
You have your hand raised?
Yes, sir.
Thank you.
My pitch is this.
The land cruise.
The Joy Tactics first ever dry land cruise.
We rent a whole bunch of all-white land cruisers.
2006 land cruisers.
And we just do...
We drive down the interstate.
Stop along the way.
What's this?
The 5K?
I just received a text message asking if I gambled on the Pope.
That's not funny.
We're not discussing that today.
That's not funny.
We don't know enough about him.
No, we don't.
I don't like to make jokes about it either.
I don't like seeing the impressions of him already on the internet.
It's disrespectful.
He's American.
The first American Pope.
Finally.
Finally, dude.
Rihanna, what's the track out?
American Pope.
He's from Chicago.
Chicago, Chi-town.
So he's never been gotten with a chick like that?
For real?
I think they changed the rules where it's like, the Pope can fuck, I think.
No, the Pope can.
I hope so.
There's no way the Pope can.
You don't think the Pope is fucking?
Not legally.
What do you think those archive rooms are for where nobody can go in there in
the library?
I know.
Of course there's dark histories and secrets.
It's a sexual archive.
Of course there's a sexual archive.
We're not supposed to know about it.
Oh, you think that white smoke is just smoke?
That's fucking nut vapor.
That's the one time that a Pope gets to bust.
A cardinal only gets to bust if they get picked as Pope and it comes out as
steam at that point.
Because it's so compressed from hot air of decades of just spinning around in
the nuts.
So what's the black smoke?
The black smoke?
Wait, yeah.
Isn't it a colored smoke?
It's colored white, bro.
No, but like one of the colors is like red and that's who becomes the Pope,
right?
It's like they draw straws.
I think that's how they choose the Pope.
They all bust in a chimney and the person who has the worst medical semen, it's
kind of
like a pity thing where they're like, damn, like you're fucking busting like
yellow shit.
All right, let's just give them the highest ranking.
Do you think Nutbuster has written fan fiction yet?
And by the way, really quick.
Someone said that underground poetry is closing down.
What the fuck is going on?
Let's chain ourselves to a tree.
No.
I'm logging in right now and doing a...
Download it.
I'm doing a fucking hunger strike between the hours of 8 p.m. and noon.
Oh my God.
The website is closing down in three days, one hour and 33 minutes.
What, what, what, what?
I'm logging in right now.
I'm serious.
We need to find Nutbuster.
I'm going to message Nutbuster and I'm going to say, where can we find you?
Oh, wait.
I have two messages?
No, you don't.
Wait.
Wait.
Are you serious?
It's probably from the site admin letting you know what's happening.
Oh, it's a site admin.
Of course.
Well.
Okay, I'm searching.
Oh, no.
Can we reverse search?
What's oh no, Nate?
You're finding out in the news that Nutbusters is leaving us?
This is awful.
I'm going to send him a new message.
We have to download.
We have to download his poems and keep them alive in the dark of night.
I can't believe what is happening right now.
Why is there a thing?
This isn't normal.
When a website is closing down, do they always have a fucking death clock at
the top of it?
Why is it so?
I don't know.
What's going on?
Wait, yo, what we don't realize is that Nutbuster has left 7,394 comments on
different poems.
What could that mean?
Can we hear them?
Can we see them?
Oh, my God.
Nutbuster DC, if anyone, there's no way nobody knows about this who's listening,
but this is a poet that we've been following who's independently publishing erotic
creative sonnets and stories.
Well, here's what I'm most worried about is that he has been working on a book
called The Great Escape, an erotic book called The Great Escape.
Right now, he's on Chapter 24, Part 1 of 10.
Now, is this going to be an unfinished work in which we don't know what happens
in The Great Escape?
I just sent him another message.
Yo, he'