Name: Litigiousness | Ep. 122
Uploaded: 2025-06-02T11:00:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Litigiousness | Ep. 122' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Litigiousness | Ep. 122' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-02. Transcript available.

Litigiousness | Ep. 122

and ray hill oh checking in a legal practice i mean this feels illegal this
doing what we do
there has to be something we're doing something illegal i know that us being
allowed to speak
together yeah well you know the law shifts constantly so what's legal now you
see what
i'm saying this is why i don't listen to the law because back in the day in
america many things were
legal which i do not agree with as a human being that's why you have to have
your own code up here
the bill of the mind a moral code right right because they put out a bipartisan
infrastructure
bill at the same time i've already been working on mine in my head good that's
good welcome to joy
tactics the podcast dedicated to all things joyful joyous and meeting as many
celebrities as humanly
possible hosted by eric rayhill nate veroni and jack bensinger enjoy have you
guys ever been in court
or been to court um i have not actually ever been to court you're lying dude we
all know
this is like a really big controversy
did you just fuck that have sex with that pause because that was a pregnant ass
pause
saying that to your teacher and everybody finding out you're a genius in high
school
right dude the minute that everyone can you imagine everyone finds out you're a
genius and you've been
hiding it oops that'd be an amazing i mean i'm waiting for that i'll just wait
till i drop my invention
can i tell you what i'm sure this doesn't exist so just know that this is a
verbal document right now
of me saying i patent this okay now it's legal this is a sensor that you put on
the inside of a lock
door and it is connected to an app you ever walk out the door you think man did
i lock it did i close
it eric you did that last week with your dog that's right i was nervous so this
is an app that has a
sensor on the inside that receives light to tell you if the door is closed and
receives pressure to tell
you if the lock is making connection this is for um the big lock only so that's
the invention i'm working
on what the convention are you guys working on yeah this is a okay and it tells
you if your stove is on
because some do you guys ever have this paranoid did i leave the stove on yeah
well i feel like that's
a common thing i know my mom has where she's like did i like she'll be like
driving like 10 minutes
away and just all of a sudden think that she she left the stove on and then she'll
go back and just
and it's never it never is on but it just keep it puts your mind at ease it's
the at ease app that's
what we're gonna call it then all right litigate that biatch
at ease soldier
i was walking in los angeles i showed you guys the picture
but i did walk by a law practice that was called special education law firm
and i'm not sure what they've meant by that but due to my upbringing i found it
humorous
what do you think that they're litigating what are they what are they taking
care of there
probably malpractice within the education system it's probably pretty serious
pretty serious stuff
so yeah keep fighting the good fight to them honestly and if you're ever
walking out of the
special education law firm stop at leo's um taco truck
what was that i just watched this uh this documentary on hulu that's called the
perfect wife and it's
basically like a a real life version of gone girl where a woman went missing
for 22 days
okay and she said two um mexican women uh like kidnapped me and she and she had
like her husband
went on this like huge you know like searching part search party for her and uh
they found her and she had all these bruises
all over her and they were like oh my god thank god you're you're back and she
was like two mexican women
um kidnapped me and then they found out that she orchestrated the whole entire
thing
oh what's her name what was this called again uh it's called the perfect wife i
believe the perfect
and she had her ex uh boyfriend from 10 years ago pick her up and then take her
to like 10 hours away
and just locked her in a room and she was on her phone like watching the search
go down because she like
wanted like i i it's unclear what her motivation was but it was it seemed like
it was like she was like
wanted attention you know and she wanted to feel like people you know wanted
her and it was just like
like this person was like uh like very like stepford wives like had the perfect
life like she was really
beautiful had had an amazing family but she was just losing it and she had her
ex-boyfriend like
hit hockey pucks onto her uh her body to give her like that's a wild
she must be a fan of hockey she must like hockey yeah to trust him to not hit
you on the fucking head
uh i mean maybe it was close range but that is hey okay ready feature film idea
this is so nate i
want you to i guess somebody's already acquired to this ip and made a
documentary but i want you to
to get some entertainment lawyers and acquire that ip again of this news story
because the movie is called
white lie where somebody the premise is they a person doesn't want to go to a
baby shower
and in order to not go they make one small lie that leads to a
hilarious ricky gervais ricky gervais uh and then i want to get a basketball
player in there making a
debut acting like uncut gems except michael phelms we'll find one i want to say
this about the
disappearance of sherry papini who's that that's the one from the from the
documentary nate's talking
about to all the survivor fans out there who've caught up with the most recent
season a little bit
of uh knowledge i'm dropping on you right now is that shaheen who's a big
player from the season
he is in the documentary and he dated uh sherry papini this this horrible woman
when he was 15
and she was 20 oh oh she's been doing crimes he dated this woman in the
documentary that's where
yeah when he was a 15 year old and she was wow they were getting it down sexual
style wow what a
connection yeah but and also but i'll but now i'm suspicious of shaheen because
he's been on survivor
the disappearance of sherry papini and he's been on a house hunters what's
house that's just that's
where you uh go on hgtv hunting for a house okay that is weird that reality
like this is i was just
thinking about this with mike white like mike white's coming back for survivor
50 whatever 50
but he's also been on the amazing race twice and i think there should be a rule
you can only be on
one fucking reality show like you can't just be well that can't be your career
is like a reality
you know then you then you really it really tells me you don't understand the
space bro
you don't understand the medium reality what were you gonna say a reality star
nate i get uh i guess
i was yeah i was alluding to that you can't be a star you're you're you're that
takes you out of
reality right because reality is you're not a fucking star you're a regular ass
fucking person what do
you say about paris hilton paris hilton was exactly if she would have just had
this the one season
the real life the real life the simple life i mean that's hot that's hot that's
just never and then
she just went back to being like uh the daughter of the hilton yo no no that's
what you think that's
all you think she's done then you're not clearly not doing the research up
until that point what the
hell has she done before that oh before that she was a student she was a
aspiring philanthropist she
was a what a daughter right i say a daughter but that's she's on the show now
she's a dj she's a
real philanthropist she's a entrepreneur and i think she was a model and maybe
she was exploited and it
wasn't cool yeah i feel like i saw uh i think it was a documentary about paris
hilton where she's so
lonely that she has no friends and she like literally like facetimes with like
her super fans every night
and i feel like that's i could really get down with that having no friends but
just having like a
couple people like so psyched to talk to you dude that's how i felt when i'm
not jane i'm not name
dropping when i was basically invited via somebody else sarah sherman being
invited to taylor swift's
birthday party if you're having your 30 30 second birthday party and the only
people there are your
nine foot tall 400 pound blackout drunk brother and all the snl writers all the
current snl writers
hey it's lonely at the top i'll tell you that but you don't gotta tell me that
look at how i'm living
right we all know that nate yeah we all know that nate
shout out to paris hilton for saying that's hot because up until that point
people only found
other human beings hot she found concept concepts and objects to be attractive
wait but you gotta say it like she says it
you gotta say all sort of sexy stuff that's hot
no man you're not like a video game character that's hot
how does she say it
it's really hot how did she say it she said it many ways that's hot
that's hot she put the valley girl out she put the cali on it that's hot
lots hot and yeah i'm one of my childhood best friends
who happens to be gay is now friends with paris hilton as
um that's what i've seen on social media is he a super fan of hers and yes
i'm not sure if they're actual friends or if he's just following her around to
events
what'd you say happens to be gay
to give context
because a straight man would be so
wouldn't be able to hang out with paris hilton
i could don't i could easily around
oh if i was at work i could
because i'm asking her if she wants to grind with me
hey what you doing later you want to grind
not on me but with me you want to grind next to each other
hey i'm bringing over my social studies book you want to study with me
spanish level uh sixth grade spanish textbook
let's go to town the dentist you know give me a ride to the dentist and then
afterwards see what happens
were we talking about chips no no no no that's that one was squashed
i totally forgot what the hell the top legal legal legal
sorry i'm a little wait a minute hey folks i'm so yeah i suck at this
um yeah so legal you know what i was uh you know what we need to bring up the
barrister you know what that is right
the englishman lawyer yeah they got it going on dude
the barrister with the floppy wigs with the wigs
how do you guys both know about that you've been studying that well i'm
studying different well i feel i feel a duty to study the legal systems of
different foreign entities because who knows what's gonna happen you know i
need to know what i'm up against in different countries i know you're writing
a fucking tv series where the finale you're in an english uh court and there's
all there's like 400 barristers around you and you're handcuffed
screaming i didn't do it
that would be not a nice visual the chair what's that chained to the chair
yeah yeah yeah there should be a there should be an option at the end of this
this is a uh what the legal system in the united states is probably like again
like the
constitution it's like fucking 300 years old like i mean we absolutely need to
update
this shit you know there's no way that this is like fit for the modern world
but i think
there should be an option at the end of every case where the defendant gets to
just beg for their life
and they get like five minutes and if they and if it's good enough it's not
like right kind of like
a point system like if they're really good at begging then they get off that's
like the final like straw like
the jury can can give their you know guilty or not guilty but the real thing
that matters is how much
you can beg you can beg for your fucking life because some people really don't
want to go to jail
you know what i'm saying me check this out
hello hello there i know i want to say i'm sorry oh yeah oh yeah oh wait you
know that's creative man i don't care what that guy did man he's free i want to
say i'm sorry for the things i've done
wow
in this life i chose but i want you to know
that door i close
in your honor i'm sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry
wow
to my mother i'm sorry
would you guys let him go all right well you blew up a bus fu