Name: WEAPONRY | Ep. 126
Uploaded: 2025-06-30T11:00:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'WEAPONRY | Ep. 126' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'WEAPONRY | Ep. 126' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-30. Transcript available.

WEAPONRY | Ep. 126

keep it going the rest of the episode
world record the longest single longest uh vocalized mag dump
mouth fully uh mouth fully welcome to joy tactics the podcast dedicated to all
things joyful
joyous and meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible
hosted by eric rayhill nate veroni and jack bensinger enjoy do you guys know
this
you haven't seen this yeah fight club what is that i don't know i can barely
hear it but
i beg you to bring me out completely what is basically they're doing a crank on
this poor
man with the ghoul in the back for sure the driver pretending that he can't see
it and he's scared
well that's hard to understand right i know that was an odd choice for me to
play it then
but i love that audio i love the sound of what he's saying bring me out
completely
i beg bring me that is really bring me out completely god bring me out
completely
i beg of you bring me out completely but and what's being used against that guy
in that clip is mental
weaponry right right right because we're talking about weapons today yeah that's
right i feel like
we always do that is like we we're like there's a mental version of a physical
thing like there's
well yeah we're seeing because we know about the shadow realms
do we ever do the opposite or is it just that what what would the opposite be
like love the opposite of the physical love that's well that's a oh jealousy
objects objects of
jealousy right physical representation of a paragraph you see what i'm saying
look at this
a physical representation of a paragraph that would just be like that's uh nate's
got one of those
about his forehead right now damn really really hey you realize we've not ever
said anything about
your hairline yet yeah and it's been like two years go ahead this is your
chance man
it's getting long to the hair it's getting taken style yeah yeah in the sauna
it's getting in the
sun too it's spiking out do you guys want to see it fully fanned out yes please
right now
it's it's maximum potential all right check this out watch this switch to video
right now
i'm always doing video i can't um oh my god
holy hell what the fuck damn damn
you can't believe that can you no jokes to make about that
no that's called curl that's called curls man that's called being electrocuted
by ac unit
yeah that's called that's jim carrey's uh kind of count olaf physical stuntman
you know what i'm
saying there's got to be some there's got to be some role i'm perfect for
besides robot name
there's more than one bro yeah there's gotta be there's literally there's gotta
be casting directors
hey yo movie idea i got one i just i think i got one all right ready
so you remember wedding crashes right so hilarious film so this is a little bit
of like some working
class gentlemen who get brought into this kind of uncanny valley kids next door
type of wedding
island okay now why don't we do the opposite that is called like wedding vortex
or something where like a really rich-ass prince
uh goes on a date with a girl at a wedding in the west virginia hollers
and he got like the bradley cooper but you know what i'm saying wow yes
football guy but he's like
high status to low status yeah he's like snorting meth and stuff damn but the
but the
but the bride he's chasing is so fine
oh my god virginia level of course what'd you say oh my virginia level fine
virginia level fine because because every all the chicks from virginia are
extra fine right
that's what you kept talking about when you get faded you you keep going like
damn back home man you have no idea oh virginia that's not for love it's not it's
not not for lovers
that's all i gotta say oh nate read the sauna i saw our one of the guys you
know the guy
the guy who does the rv cool guy really yeah yeah yeah yeah i saw him at starbucks
and it was
a bit awkward bro no really it was it was like seeing someone you know i feel
like the sauna is so
sacred you know what i mean everyone's vulnerable in there even though they're
just talking about stocks
right yeah yeah yeah but then you see that person out and realize that guy
would it wasn't awkward i was just like hey how's it going and he was like
hey how are you crazy to see you with your clothes on i know well i probably
bucks
so loud yeah man you look different man you clean up good yeah no sweat running
down your back
yeah yeah yeah well
we've never done weapons we had to have like seven times no we haven't done
weapons
because we haven't talked about uh you know why do we i feel like runescape is
a very good
starting point for weapons in terms of the origins of weaponry right uh the
dagger starting with a
dagger a sword long sword two-handed sword short sword curvy sword short scimitar
aladdin style sword
aladdin style uh-huh uh that'd be funny to have a eric you should develop a
video game where you but
you're not allowed to look up any of the names of stuff and you gotta have
click on stuff like that a lot
aladdin style sword sharp armor yeah we can start with steel well wait what we
really should do is
start with primitive rocks uh primitive rocks as weapons well before rocks bro
look at what i'm making right now that's called a fist and probably even before
the
fists it was just hand or teeth tooth because this is even takes a level of
intelligence i think this was
uh this was uh this was aquatic at one point so it was a so i think the first
the first physical
violence on land would have been a slap smack smack right to the face a wet
slap too because
that shit was that shit was a wet fin because we were kind of hybrid in and out
of the water before
we fully got you know um our sea legs i guess is that um english on the fin
slap
well all of a sudden there was a fish with a thumb and that's when everybody
back the
fuck up you don't fuck with that guy that's the motherfucking brock lesnar in
the ocean
so he comes out with a thumb eye gouges a tuna a fellow tuna and that's
probably why we started going
to land yo i have a theory i have a theory about the thumb okay and why okay
finally finally
follow me with this this has to be true it has to be everything's true yeah
this i i i think i'm
breaking like like new into a new like scientific realm right now it's possible
yes so all right so the
first so okay these are all genetic mutations right so some weirdo had a thumb
all right but
the thumb had to be so advantageous to the species that it replicated itself
correct right
yes right so the first dude with a thumb was probably like his fingering game
was like crazy
so that's why he like i didn't think it was gonna be sexual nate but
come on now in retrospect i should uh well because sex sex is what actually
continues the race right
and that's what continues evolution right i think we had probably penises and
vaginas at that point
in this stage in evolution and we had gone past like the busting nuts on eggs
at the bottom of the ocean
which i think i've described before how fish oh right they just blow that blow
it onto the yeah
that's caviar by the way uh yeah yeah yeah that's what you're eating every day
for breakfast
lunch and dinner man we worked out caviar yeah so we so this is the first like
kind of like like
non-phallic orifice that we could kind of play around with was the thumb all
right and the and i think
that so you you're like all right no we get it it was the head the whole head
back in
in the early days of the internet if you've seen that video um
so a sexual thumb first came the tuna before playing tuna and that's the
beginning that's the
missing link bro yeah i mean i just typed into google early fish you understand
what i'm saying
shouldn't you search late fish well i want to go that's us man they're back
look at that early
fish bro who's that manatee nah that's early fish oh that looks like an eel
with goo goo gooey eyes
right exactly yeah that's what they keep that's what they're saying about it
and you you're saying a thumb i gotta say the evolution stuff until i can get a
macro on it or a
micro rather and break it down i buy it and i trust scientists always but i
need to you know what i mean
well why don't you come with me to the rockies and we'll even go to south america
i want to show you
i've talked about ring species on here before but i'd like to show you a
physical example well we can
actually follow along one species of lizard and we can see them as we go up the
different sides of two
sides of the mountain where the genus was separated but when they read reemerge
converge at the top
and they can no longer procreate together they're different really so they're
so okay i mean clearly
that makes sense and i've even put that together when i was in christian school
and they were saying
making fun of evolution um but um i would like to see that with my own eye show
me the fossil records
that's what i always fucking say i believe you but show me the fossil records
show me the telemetry data
yeah exactly please who did he say that too he's always saying that i feel like
that was his first
big thing was like show me the telemetry data the moon landing like you realize
they don't even have
the telemetry data anymore what is telemetry data oh jesus christ for somebody
for the listener for the
oh for the listener what's telemetry data because i know of course it's the
flight law it's probably
the flight pass i believe because knowing the van allen radiation belt let's
just say that's the
basically the ghetto of anti-matter you know what i'm saying right right
respectfully of course
respectfully why would i don't and listen if some people are tapping out after
i've just made that
comparison yeah i take that then we have a lot to learn and a lot to uh own up
to yeah so it started
with the go go go real real quick i was just watching um uh steiny did you
watch that jack
yeah yeah it was incredible dude like steiny steiny's the man dude well says
that he says like respectfully
in like an earnest way like he was talking about making fun of the president or
something like that
and he's like respectfully like that was just so funny well i'd love to show a
clip here i mean first
of all camera visuals back on if you're listening here's a picture of one of
the elk boy squad members
bradley martin with eric and myself yeah selfie we got with him 2022 right i
was just showing this so you
guys are in the universe not only in the universe watch this this is a clip
from a vlog we were walking
by them oh this is so legendary this is about when russia invaded ukraine but i
came up uh me and eric
walked up to them as two russian guys as big russian fans and they were yeah
right and we made the cut
check it so you know exactly how to get in the edit you know exactly what to do
dude we had got up to them
and then they didn't get it and they're like can you come back and do that
again okay
wow because we fully pretended to recognize them wow acting to double acting
yeah that's actually
so in character acting as a russian guy as a russian guy acting yeah wow
wow bro it was speaking russian a little bit jack don't you know some sentences
i feel like my accent's not good when will the conflict end
it needs to end now don't do this i want to go explore russia bro respectfully
you want to go all the way to the north korean border town with in russia
because that looks pretty
see yeah gorgeous geography out there and architecture and weather i wonder
what's going on in the mongolian
like siberian kind of don't ask don't ask bro if you don't want a negative
answer
not good uh um okay so it started with the fin slap then we go to the then we
get weapons weapons all
right right now we get the fizz probably probably then we develop rock
technology
so it starts with just large pebbles wherever you can get it probably sticks
too um when will we
when did we start laying traps you know did they have traps pre-fire well just
dig a little stitch
and put some brush over it trap your trap trap the monkey then eat it yeah or
the boar i mean
trapping the chinchillas fo