Name: Dinosaurs | Ep. 134
Uploaded: 2025-08-25T11:01:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dinosaurs | Ep. 134' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dinosaurs | Ep. 134' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-25. Transcript available.

Dinosaurs | Ep. 134

tyrannosaurus tyrannosaurus rex dude we said we were saving that until the 40
minute mark
when we can really go on i just want to get into this shit man i'm so excited
to be talking about
dinosaurs oh yay really wait i all i thought you weren't gonna let us uh
discuss that one
so so that's why i said yay no we're we've been i mean we've done a full
breakdown we've been
researching this shit for literally minutes and i hear typing noises right away
no you don't hear
typing bro here's my typing is hearing incorrect welcome to joy tactics the
podcast dedicated to
all things joyful joyous and meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible
hosted by eric
rahill nate veroni and jack bensinger enjoy what's your question my question is
this is a dinosaur a
um or is that like the same thing as a saying something is like a reptile or a
bird or is a
dinosaur what we call anything that's been dead for 100 million plus and are we
about to be
dinosaurs when humans finally get consumed by war well you know did i bring
this up on a recent
episode where i was watching a video with a seti researcher the search for
extraterrestrial
intelligence committee and they're basically like yeah we don't see shit out
there i don't see any
signals and they asked him the question in this explainer video and they were
like so what's the
most likely like first contact scenario and he's like first contact i think
will actually be like
when an alien civilization rises from the ashes of our own you know what i mean
like in two million
years after humanity has fallen there's a little green uh then they come out of
hiding
no no they they evolve after we die oh but don't they see don't they see that
doesn't count damn it's a
charles schwab uh building in a kind of archaeological dig of a strip mall you
know what i mean and
maybe that's what those ancient civil you know when they're like oh we found
like uh a fucking watch
in the mediterranean that like tells uh like it it has like i don't even know
it was like that advanced
you know i'm talking about there's some there's one like watch thing that's
like super advanced that
was from like 10 000 years ago and it tells like it's not it doesn't tell time
it's like something
more advanced than that like the it's not a compass it's so it's i don't know
what but anyways this is
what i'm saying is there was a civilization before us that we learned from so
we inherited the pyramids
you know what i'm saying oh yeah i know that right now but the dinosaurs we see
them as you know what
when did we discover dinosaurs pretty recently we've talked about how close it
was to
when we discovered when not discovered jurassic park but when they wrote it
dinosaurs had been
discovered about maybe 150 years before that something like that i thought at
first i thought
it was afterwards or not that no no not that they discovered after jurassic
park they just made a
while i'm remembering what maybe there's these crazy it was the asteroid theory
wasn't it like the
asteroid theory was like i thought that was after jurassic park but it was
not no that was they came up with that shit they had that shit instantly
they've been they didn't had the fucking asteroid theory for a minute
i'm imagining some type of ending to a future movie that i'm gonna write where
somehow the ending is this
i'm holding the paw or whatever clause of a rafter from the old time from the
ancient period and then
i'm also holding the hand of a future being that will take the planet inherited
from us and they're
holding hands with an even further more future uh fish style civilization that
will rise up
because earth will become a water planet and all of all of us creatures are
connected to time
do you know what you guys all get fucking gunned down oh no no hey man they're
in the water
you seen mythbusters just poison it's needlers if it's guns that it'll be needlers
by that point
you know i mean you know i do halo a fish would get fucking that's so
embarrassing thinking about
fishes trying to fucking come for us because we can just dump fucked up shit
into the water and it's
over oh yeah you want to try to get me try drinking on and breathing on this
yeah yeah yeah breathe this
don't or if it's a squid bro this is what i do if the squid comes from me salt
that's it no snail
sorry snail i was about to say that yeah because it's salt water slow and watch
this nate
the uh the uh theory of well i'll start the other way actually jurassic park
was began writing in the
19th century we are off to a rocky rocky start i was gonna say the 1981 but i'll
say simply in 1981
which makes you think that maybe they actually started the idea a couple years
earlier right if
it's on record like that's when they officially were contracted to write their
thing so what i'm
saying is and they discovered the asteroid theory 1980 dude so basically at the
same time is when this
all happened and who directed fucking jurassic park steven spielberg cia asset
and guess who i saw
eating sushi one time you know that right the entire cia together cafeteria it
was steven spielberg and
seven female cia agents and he was taking them out pouring sake and all their
glasses
about new theories hey can i bring up somebody sorry oh i just did a real quick
just while we're on
steven spielberg i watched et very recently and the first part of that movie is
just the like et gets
drunk and he's just like snacking like he it seems like he just came to earth
to eat snacks and get
faded off of course light like he must have yeah yeah he goes in the fridge and
he gets fucked up
and then he's like waddling around this is what's so crazy because when the
aliens crash land
this shit is gonna go differently based on if they land in fucking france and
everybody's honking at
them and calling them the f slur versus if they land in america yeah but if
they land in fucking
kansas city and they land and people hand them you know what i'm saying a glizzy
a glizzy and some
uh right i know uh vegan sloppy joes glizzy some vegan sloppy joes and a ipod
and a mike's heart
what's going on yeah yeah you know my favorite video is the guy who's when the
you know those like
drone sightings were happening in new jersey where they're like what is this
there's a dude in his
backyard who's just open firing at the sky it was it's one of my all-time
favorite videos i don't
think i could find it but he's just like i'll take matters in my own hands he's
just shooting up in the sky
it's so good we know there's a friend of the show i won't i won't name drop
them because this could
be tied to them but their cousin got blackout drunk one night he started
shooting at a police
on helicopter jesus christ and now he's doing life in prison no no it's like
well 50 it's like a crazy
crazy amount of time oh dude you know what i got danny that's crazy airsoft gun
and i was in the big
i was in the big five buying it and there was a guy next to me and he's like
this is pussy shit
he was like do you want the real stuff and he was like asking about the guns
and he was like
they weren't powerful enough or something he was like there's some really good
gun fairs that come
around here that you can do and for a second i thought i want a fucking gun you
need to get one
i i got a point blank shot with an airsoft gun in my neck by my autistic friend
when i was
like a 13 years old like he put it up to my neck and shot point blank isn't
that crazy dude like that
could have because some of them are really powerful and it could have uh i
remember it hurt really badly
that could have that could have killed me 100 and dude i traded i had an airsoft
gun that i kept
under my mattress as a team that i bought for some cinnabons how many i don't
know you traded
cinnabons for the yeah not even like cinnabon like the homemade like ones in
the thingy in the tube
they're like pillsbury yeah i guess so the ones with the cream on the side you
know what i like is
when you take that pillsbury tube and you just barely go like this
eric the way the light is hitting your blonde hair tilt to the left lean back
tilt to your left yeah yeah yeah i would say i'm just about done with this shit
but i have i mean
i'm getting it recolored what are you getting hair dye i'm gonna do it because
i feel like it's
looking too yellow and i'm like i can't just shave this shit off so i'm like i
might as well have it
color i'm like dude you're gonna dye your hair
it does i will say it has shifted the way that strangers deal with me deal with
you it's a
different because when i'm normally when i have brown regular hair people are
like this guy's
gentle he's probably an entertainer i'm not gonna bother him too much when i
come in with the blonde
fucking joan hill special that is well you're you're fully assimilated into the
like highland park
exactly right like vibe you know like everybody who walks around there is like
a fucking dj
i did go into a menswear store and uh i did feel a level of respect
in a way of not that it looks good but respect for taking a chance dude
respect respect on you for you know trying something out because too many men
are afraid of
pushing that envelope when it comes to style where'd you go to the men's
warehouse it's called the
place i went to is called snake oil provisions you want a whiskey brother while
you wait oh i can't
believe my devices dude what's that you've had one of of all my friends i've
had plenty of friends
who moved to la and it's changed almost everything about them you know nate was
you know nate's one
of them nate used to like wear suits every day and shit and now you're like all
about street wear
but eric you have had one of the most rapid most fat most extreme
transformations because of the
anybody we know right no dude not just because of the blind man because of the
vicious lifestyle
i hate to finally be taking you down a peg for this but you are addicted to uh
you know partying
so crazy with influencers i see you on their stories charlie d'amelio's
instagram stories
dude lay off the d'amelio's doing uh what do you call it lawn uh slides
the slip and slide jump with charlie d'amelio the d'amelio sisters and the
hidden the hidden d'amelio
brothers
if i did one line with his haircut i know there'd be fentanyl up in that shit
and that would be the
end one single line i'm toast that's that you're definitely like you're not
gonna die with this
with your natural hair color i'll tell you that that's a guarantee the casket
the when you're
weird with the open casket hey by that point i have like seven strands of hair
on the top of my head
um i'm having fun talking to you guys
that's good that's a great sign for what uh it feels like to listen
is eating chicken basically eating t-rex wow i don't know is there an article
about i mean they
are no they are birds i have a joke kind of about this that i don't do anymore
but
i was like i was kind of done with science when they were like reptiles as
birds because they're
our dinosaurs is birds that upset because they're not really upset you no it's
the other way around nate
are yeah no no no it's a it's a i said it right because they were like it's at
first dinosaurs
was reptiles right and that's how we know them that's how they should be and
then they were like
oh wait they had like feathers and they're birds and it's like no they're not
fucking birds what i don't
care what kind of science like you can i say just because they have feathers
they're not they're
they're reptiles dude they're not fucking dinosaurs is reptiles can i just say
what
hubris we have to to presuppose the type of skin that a creature had based on
its bones
that is pure hubris and i won't stand for it well i'm pissed getting pissed off
now too with you guys
because why are we what the fuck is a dinosaur ultimately because we have
categorized the
things that are alive right now we have reptiles bugs mammals fish and birds or
whatever the rest
are what about what the fuck a bacterium those are germs but outs