Name: McDonald's | Ep. 137
Uploaded: 2025-09-15T11:01:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'McDonald's | Ep. 137' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'McDonald's | Ep. 137' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-15. Transcript available.

McDonald's | Ep. 137

In light of the current events that are going on right now, I think that we
have a duty to talk about McDonald's!
Hey, alright, favorite order. Start with 1, 2, 3, go!
I just tried to do the McDonald's song, but I did the Simpsons.
Oh, I'm loving it.
I like it like that.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger. Enjoy!
Something tells me we're going to be wildly on topic. I don't know if we might
veer off topic today.
I can't, I can't, I can't. I need to stay on topic. I need to get my brain
focused.
I'm in pain.
I'm not going to, I would ask you what the pain is, but that would be going off
topic.
I'm not going to reveal it, and no one could even begin to guess what I'm
feeling on a Sunday afternoon.
Is there 400 comments that say hungover?
There was one comment like months ago that was like, yeah, it's going to, it's,
it's only going to be funny that Eric's hungover for about two more months
before it enters dangerous territory.
Listen, I, I, I, I'm, I'm coming off the, the ride.
I can't do it like this anymore, but I'll tell you what, it's Emmy's weekend in
Los Angeles.
So yeah, um, I had some martinis.
Yeah.
I had mezcal rocks.
Yeah.
I had a bird, so, uh, I had a burger and I saw many famous people.
Um, so no one can come.
Hollywood is killing you, dude.
No, it's not, dude.
I'm so, uh, well adjusted to it.
Who'd I see?
Tom Sandoval?
Yes, I saw his ass.
Oh, wow.
Martin Short?
Yes, I saw his ass.
Who'd I see?
Walton Goggins?
Hmm.
Of course I saw his ass.
Holy crap.
I can't believe you're seeing all these people.
There's more where that came from.
Because they're all so famous that for an ordinary person to see them, uh, if
you were
just, you know, somebody listening right now from God knows College Park,
Maryland, the
idea that you'd see Walton Goggins, Tommy Sandoval, Martin Short, all on the
same day.
Yeah.
That would send someone into psychosis if you weren't ready for that.
Like if you were just at the middle of the mall.
One of them at the fucking Rockville Center shopping mall, and then you went
and saw Walton
Goggins at the gym, at the YMCA.
Oh my God.
By University of Maryland.
Oh my goodness.
Yeah, you'd start to think that the, uh, the animators who are controlling the
switchboard
on, uh, your Truman Show TV are starting to...
To get a little...
Fuck with you.
Start to be...
Yeah, exactly.
Do you remember this song?
Sorry.
I was just going to say, what...
Isn't it crazy that there are people out there that have never met a celebrity?
And probably, if you haven't at this point, it's probably never going to happen.
Yeah, right.
It ain't going to happen.
So stop, like...
I'll just say the feeling when you meet them and you can smell them and get
close to them,
it's like...
Mm.
Mm.
I'll just put it like this.
One word.
Mm.
Mm.
Mm.
Mm.
It's amazing, man.
Thank you.
So your autograph book is, like, it's filling up?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It is.
You're so drunk walking around with a fucking autograph book in there.
Snoopy, Mickey Mouse.
Yeah, yeah.
It's only, like...
Pluto.
The characters in Disneyland.
Yeah, Goofy.
Mario.
Molly Shannon.
Molly...
And Molly Shannon.
I had her do about seven autographs in a row.
My God.
But faking them to be different, other people.
I did see someone go up to a famous person that was standing nearby.
And it was crazy, because this is a party that I think you had to be invited to,
kind of.
And she just went like this.
Took the photo.
Took the selfie.
And he wasn't even looking.
And she just did the selfie.
Ka-choo!
It's an invasion of privacy, dude.
Yeah, that's twisted.
And I pulled her aside and I said, what do you think you're doing?
Who do you think you are?
This is where we all come to relax and to get away from the masses.
Okay?
Yeah, I didn't realize influencers were allowed.
Right, exactly.
Hey, you feel that thing poking on your belly right now?
It's a cat.
Do that shit one more time.
Let's see if I don't turn your stomach into a Claire's piercing facility.
Oh, shit.
See what I'm expressing.
Yeah, of course I can see what you're expressing.
Is this illegal?
It feels illegal.
Chicken McNuggets.
Four piece, six piece, eight piece, or ten?
20 piece, 40 piece.
Which one's a family?
Don't they come in like family size now?
Like where you can get 50 of them?
You can get...
Bro.
That's either you're a family or you're fucking like higher than a motherfucker
in high school.
You remember when you get that?
Like, did you guys ever try and take down the Crave case?
Excuse me?
All blended out in high school?
What, from Jack in the Box?
A White Castle?
A White Castle, of course.
We didn't have White Castles.
What?
We didn't have White Castles, dude.
Damn.
That's crazy, dude.
Unfortunate.
What were you watching when you ate the Crave case?
Probably, like, honestly, we're probably watching, like, music videos on, like,
a desktop computer.
Oh, shit.
Stacy's mom.
B-Y-O-B.
B-Y-O-B.
B-Y-O-B.
B-Y-O-B.
Crave case.
When are we going to get Jacoby from Papa Roach up on this?
We need to put more effort into this.
Guys, I'm just realizing lately, we need to step our game up.
I'm starting to become ashamed of both.
It's never going to happen.
No, no.
And I'll make it happen.
I'm going to start pulling some strings with my new connections and with my new
guest star connections.
You need to become the annoying guy who, like, asks everybody to be on their
podcast.
Dude.
Just constantly.
Yeah, yeah.
Dude, I looked you up on, Walton, I looked you up on Spotify.
I noticed that we both have, like, three or four dressing five songs that are
both we have in common.
Yeah.
What are you doing on it?
Let's start a jam together.
Let's start a jam together.
We can listen to music at the same time.
And then, come on, joy tactics.
Come on, joy tactics.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did you guys ever, with your popsicle sticks, like, sharpen them on the cement
into a knife-like weapon structure?
No, man.
Or is that just me?
I figured you grew up in kind of a rough-and-tumble style.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Nate, put that thing in your mouth.
See how far you can go back.
Jesus.
Check your temperature, would you?
Check your gag reflex.
Check that gag reflex, man.
Boy, that medical.
Oh, shit.
What was that?
I have the worst gag reflex.
I'll fucking, if anything comes in my, close to my throat, I'm fucking hurling.
So what happens when you get the strep throat?
Because I'm so bad at the strep throat test still.
Dude, last time I had strep.
What's up?
Oh, no.
Go ahead.
Last time I had strep, I knew it so fucking early, it's not even real.
Strepped out?
When were you last strepped out?
Wow, wow, wow, wow.
It was during that showcase of the annoyance eight years ago or whatever.
Oh, my God.
And I had strep, but I remember my throat was tickling like the night before.
I wasn't sick or nothing.
I could just feel it.
And I was like, I think this is strep.
Next day, had a fever, went to the urgent care.
I said, I think this is strep.
And they checked my fever.
They checked this and that.
They said, no, no, no.
I don't think this is strep.
Strep would be very different, but we'll test you for it if you're going to be
a fucking
asshole about it.
Right.
See how they treated me probably?
Crazy.
Again, human intuition is more powerful than the medical system.
To all my men out there, advocate for yourself in a doctor's office.
Yeah, doc.
I know I just got a heart attack.
I know, dude.
I know.
You don't have to tell me that, dude.
And I'm fucking dying right now.
I feel like I used to get strep once a year.
Here comes strep.
But I have to be honest, and I need to be knocking on wood.
I haven't been sick in about a year and a half.
Well, we were all sick in London.
Not me.
Eric, you didn't get touched.
You'll remember.
Not me.
What the fucking fuck?
That is crazy, dude.
I need to be studied.
What the fuck?
You really do.
I need to be studied.
The perfect genetics.
The perfect DNA strand.
Eric Rahill.
Careful, because you remember Jeanette, whatever, just got in trouble for doing
the genes ad.
Who is this?
Jeanette?
Was it Sabrina Carpenter?
Sydney Sweeney.
Sydney Sweeney.
Oh.
Yep.
I have some thoughts about that that I'm saving for my political offshoot of
this podcast that I'm unveiling.
Without telling us, it's just going to drop like every day.
It'll be streaming on Paramount.
Paramount Democrat.
Paramount.
Not for long.
Paramount D?
No, I think they're...
Paramount Democrat?
What do you mean not for long?
Well, I think the new guy who owns it's a little bit C-worded.
Conservative worded.
No, man.
Conservative worded.
Yo, I'm cunt it out tonight.
My whole outfit is cunt it out.
Dude, please.
Please.
Whoa.
Don't say that, man.
All right.
Well, let's talk about McDonald's.
Or were you going to say something?
Delicious McDonald's.
Oh, we had McDonald's in the...
It was ordered for lunch for the writer's room.
And everyone else got a single burger, a small fry, and a Diet Coke.
I got a Big Mac, a four-piece chicken McNugget, and a medium to large fry.
And some waffle fries.
I felt good that I did that.
I said, I'm not playing around.
If we're getting McDonald's, I'm getting an order.
Dude, when you're going to McDonald's, all bets are off.
Don't even try.
Do not even fucking try to game the system.
You got to go all fucking in with that shit, dude.
Order that fucking whole extra meal.
Get the ice cream.
It's only coming around a couple times.
You're not eating this every day.
Go fucking crazy when you hit that fucking McDonald's cat or that fucking
robotic machine
that you ordered from.
Dude, I tried to get McDonald's not but three hours ago.
Oh, my God.
People love McDonald's.
Where'd you try to get it?
The drive-thru was busted on Atlantic Avenue, driving around with some buddies.
And guess what?
It was so...
The drive-thru was closed.
And we tried going into the inside of it.
It was too crazy.
We couldn't even do it.
How crazy is it that McDonald's stays on top?
After all...
Well, consistency, bro.
We need to talk about Burger King is what we need to talk about, actually.
Because talk about a fucking...
What have they done, dude?
They fumbled it.
It's just been on the down for so long.
They've never even had a chance.
When did they ever...
When did they ever have the ball?
But why would you ever get that when you got the double quarter part of a
cheese?
See what I'm saying?
Right.
The last great thing was the chicken fries.
McDonald's is international, bro.
You know that?
Is Burger King not international?
Of course.
Is it illegal?
I think Burger King has a much smaller reach.
Bro.
Imagine your girl has a disease where she can't stop salivating.
It's coming out at such a rapid rate that she can't hold a job.
And you just start...
What'd you say?
What did I say?
Imagine your girl can't stop salivating?
I don't actually know that.
I want to finish this one.
Oh, I just tried these mints that make your mouth all wet.
Oh, really?
Uh-huh.
Flint's mints.
Oh, I've had those.
You like wet.
If you want your mouth to be wet, yeah, put in a Flint's mint and see what
happens.
See if it don't get a little...
Great read, Eric.
Jissy.
In my job, I just can't afford a dry mouth.
Even a normally wet mouth is not going to cut it.
That's why I suck on Flint's mints.
Is that what they're called?
Please, God, dude.
That should be our only sponsor is just talking about hooking...
Flint's succulent mints.
Getting them mouths wet.
It's joy tactics.
Pop in a mint.
Get that fucking mouth all fucking wet.
Relax.
And enjoy.
Drew Lamy.
Do I look...
I look ill, though, I feel.
There's a paleness to me that looks like something has happened.
Yeah, I'll give you that.
You want to hear some international McDonald's items?
See.
Of course.
The McVeggie.
The what?
Excuse me?
The McVeggie.
It's a veggie.
I think this is India.
What?
The McVeggie.
The McAloo Tiki.
Paneer Salsa Wrap.
Whoa.
McPuff.
Pi