Name: Take Out [teaser]
Uploaded: 2025-10-09T11:00:48.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Take Out [teaser]' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-09. Transcript available. Watch the whole thing at https://www.patreon.com/joytactics.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Take Out [teaser]' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-09. Transcript available. Watch the whole thing at https://www.patreon.com/joytactics.

joey tactics okay we're back my strands of hair are placed perfectly yeah um
you know i saw my
my reflection in my phone screening the other day and i saw just my i had bedhead
and my little
hairs were sticking up and it was just little strands as well jack and i
thought who the fuck
is this who the fuck is this you don't need more than a couple strands yeah
that's true as long as it's
you have one hair per square inch of head you're covered you don't need to be
you don't you don't
need to have some fluffy nine-year-old weird like it's honestly creepy in like
an epstein way when
when someone has a full head of hair full of hair it's disgusting right look at
homer homer's
three strands three strands and he's iconic bro he's been one of the most
successful
tv actors of all time animated that's right now or non-animated or non-animated
it's he does he
literally bro literally bro say that yeah say that shit again to me
what are we talking about oh delivery very special yes yeah i like it like that
do you like i like
that do you like it delivered sitting on your couch and ordering pizza can i
make you quiver
indian mexican sushi as well why don't you yeah why don't we use my grubhub
discount promo code what wait for the rhyme for taco bell taco bell did that
rhyme with what
yeah essentially it did oh go take a shower i don't want want you to smell
put on your sweats and your socks as well
yeah put on my head uh if you could see the amount of words that are floating
through my head
and none of them rhyme with smell or
a waterfall of words yeah no trust me to anybody who freestyles like and does
it for real
on like sway in the morning or something like you know the people who are
really like coming up
with the rhymes like off the fucking dome and they're doing it in in like i don't
know if
this is the right word but i'm gonna use the word syncopation with the beat um
shout out to those
people man no way to know if that was right i think it was right no way syncopation
syncopation right i'm eating cheerios at this train station
see how quickly i can do it life is so amazing slant rhyme slant rhyme that's
good
toothpaste with blazing buffalo wild wings blazing sauce you see what i tried
to do at least
brush my teeth with spicy you know because that's that's a version of being
hardcore spicy toothpaste
oh my god how funny would that be eli eric's referencing a rap video or a viral
freestyle video
eli porter one of the best videos of all time and he's so and he's still rhyming
if you're new to joy
tactics and you're a new patron how amazing is it so far yeah to the way that
we connect sentences
and topics so fruitlessly or fruitfully fruitfully yeah yeah full of free you
know what you know what
could be amazing is uh okay is if somebody at the at right now while they're
listening
could order some takeout so then they have like you know 30 minutes we could we
could do like the pre
pre-game to kind of buff you up for the get you excited for it and then maybe
by a minute 40
depending on what you're getting uh you know you might get that knock at the
door for the door dash
driver and then the last 20 minutes we'll just be talking to you just walking
you through how to how to
eat and um just reminding you to enjoy your food and not kind of like eat it
passively eric
i got a free code this morning i literally got a free code for a friend this
morning so i'm thinking
like that's the least i could do to hook someone dude what is happening both my
my delivery apps are
not opening that is bizarre mother trucker oh here we go thank god yeah dude i
had a dream last night
yeah or just real quick off the apps i remember eric you had like um i remember
you having like
you remember when like i guess like this was like the beginning of like
delivery apps you know
there's like a bunch of them trying to get in the mix and i feel like you would
always have like a
a code for an app to like get that's right a free meal or something like that
and you were like gaming
the system i know i i probably i'm not kidding i probably got 17 free delivery
meals in like 2015
and i'll put it like this i'm gonna keep it going if anybody wants a free
delivery uh if you haven't
used uber eats yet check this out type in this code e-a-t-s dash five four rc
seven and see if that
don't give you 15 off after you spend 25 on uber eats and what do you get off
of this yeah i get 10
off that man just put it that way whoa yeah the affiliate marketing fucking
affiliate sponsored link
can i get a chicken affiliate uh a fish affiliate sandwich fish affiliate uh
large fry and a fish
affiliate oh wait jack what were you gonna say uh uh oh it sucked i just i just
remember that i had a
dream last night i won eighty thousand dollars on a slot machine oh man that
would have been nice
well that was real that's all right you know i i haven't told listeners but i'm
down i'm down
i went to palm springs and i'm down but you were up monetarily no we can tell
i was at a three card poker table and i was had been doing pretty good but i
just started running it
down you know how we do jack i don't do it i don't spiral and i was sitting
with this guy at the table
named michael who looked like he was like on a contractor business or something
pure white teeth
he was very charming he i was with kate and he was like uh asking us our names
and checking in and then
he uh was like sliding me one dollar chips boom boom sliding me sliding me and
then uh he started
losing really bad like i asked he heard him talk to the pit boss and he's like
how much am i down
and the pit boss he's like am i down three thousand the pit boss was like yeah
you are
and then um he was like had this fat wad of a hundred it's the fattest wad wad
of it must have
been like 30 000 in his pocket seriously and um he was out of chips from the
money he had put down
and he asked me for ten dollars in chips and bro i didn't even i didn't even he
was starting to give
me scary vibes i didn't even hesitate i said immediately here you go buddy he
was like feeling
threatened just out of being like i don't know where this is going and i'm
gonna give him ten dollars
in chips yeah after his hand he wins and he goes you know i had the money and
he remembered my name
he goes you know i had the money eric i just wanted to see if you would do it
oh and then he gives me
15 back he mr beasted you yeah he did uh what would you do he did what's it
called uh that guy from
tiktok that sees his homeless people will oh will they accept him yeah we'll
help him like go find it
something to eat right and if they don't they're punished on it's funny he only
gave you five extra
fucking bucks i know i was like but then he kept sliding me once but i thought
it was interesting
i love that you mentioned white teeth eric
oh nate is your teeth will be getting whiter throughout the production
yeah there you go did someone say something to you did someone say something to
you or did you just
look in the mirror and think oh hell nah um you you know what it's i've just
been wanting to
like it's just been on my mind for a while where i'm like i can't be walking
around with these with
this with this shade of teeth it's embarrassing dude i need the pearly and i
and i there was a point
where i was like maybe i want like the like the fake white like the extra where
it's like
like the unnatural blinding white fucking teeth because that's like a power
statement you know
that really is like powerful realtor yeah domineerings and the dominant
dominant smile man
but here's the thing those kind of hurt don't they oh whoa now slow down there
horsey that was only
but a teaser just a little taste of what i can only assume is one of the most
fire podcast episodes
ever recorded head over to patreon.com joy tactics now to unlock this crazy ass
fucking episode while
simultaneously getting in at the ground floor of an exclusive community of like-minded
individuals
using positivity to change the world cheers