Name: Corporations | Ep. 141
Uploaded: 2025-10-13T11:01:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Corporations | Ep. 141' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Corporations | Ep. 141' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-13. Transcript available.

Corporations | Ep. 141

I'm just thinking of how to frame this right because this is a pretty serious
topic.
Yeah, it's very complex.
There's many layers.
Well, here you go.
Ready?
Watch this.
Do you know what that was?
No.
That was the bell signifying time's up.
Corporations.
Yeah, right.
Exactly.
Yeah.
The hourglass, the sand, the last grain of sand is just dropping from the top
of the hourglass.
And what usually would be a soft little, you can't even hear it unless you're
an ant.
That grain of sand hitting the rest of the sand now is making an explosion
sound.
That could be a shot heard around the world.
Wow.
Yeah, no more greed.
That was cinematic.
Yeah.
Damn, do you think if you are an ant and a grain of sand falls onto the sand,
does it sound like, oh, Jesus.
You're like crazy.
Well, do they have fucking ears?
Yeah, of course.
Do they have lungs?
How do ants get around?
Do ants have lungs?
Are they breathing like that?
Smart.
Yeah, they got everything, man.
They got everything we got.
Do ants have lungs?
Everything.
And I have to say to anybody saying like, of course they don't have lungs.
Well, guess what?
Maybe you're one scientist that listens to this.
But most people, I would say, can't just off the bat say do ants have lungs
confidently.
I killed a fly.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting as
many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
In my hotel room, there's like a fruit fly with a piece of tissue on the wall.
And that thing had a shit ton of blood.
It was like exploded in the fucking, like a tiny little fruit fly.
And I was like, I didn't know they had, you know, in my mind, I think they got
a little
bit of like, like a little viscosity in them.
Yeah.
And it's got, it's not red, you know.
Right.
But this thing was like, it just got fucking, like exploded with some juicy
blood.
Like a gersher fly.
Beetlejuice would like to eat that.
Beetlejuice would like to eat that.
And I did feel bad after I did that.
I did.
I was like, what am I doing?
I just killed a living soul.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Well, look at this.
We're having a spider infestation right now.
You see that?
Ooh.
Oh, please tell me those aren't spiders.
No, that's, that is actually my most Halloween decoration, to be honest, just
to be honest.
You tricked us like children.
Well, yeah.
This is the best time of the year when it gets all spooky, man.
Oh, I know.
I'm not taking advantage of it.
Fuck.
Every year, I'm like, every night I'm watching a horror movie.
I guess what?
I haven't seen one.
What?
Bam.
So wait, did they have lungs, Eric?
Did you Google it?
Oh, they breathe through these things called spiracles.
And I get.
Sounds familiar.
Yeah.
Why didn't you ask me, Eric?
I could have fucking told you that, dude.
Like, Jesus.
Spiracle.
Okay.
Like all insects.
By the way, we should know this now.
This is a teaching moment.
Like all insects, they breathe using a network of tiny tubes and openings that
distribute oxygen
directly to their cells.
Which is a fundamentally different process from how mammals breathe.
Spiracles.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's fucking cool.
I mean, spiraculation.
No blood transport.
Unlike humans, ants do not use their circulatory system to transport oxygen.
The tracheal system delivers it directly, making their breathing very efficient
for their
small size.
So if only there was a way to create large scale spiracles, or what are they
called?
Spiracles.
Spiracles.
Large scale.
Miracles.
Spiracles so that human beings could no longer need blood.
I would love that.
I've said that on this podcast before.
I wish we didn't have blood, bro.
I wish it was just all pink all the way down.
You know what I'm saying?
Muscles.
Well, it'd be just holes, just air holes.
You'd have to have a ventilation system in your body.
I don't even want air.
Now we got an issue, because what are you going to do?
Or you could walk around and just not breathe.
Not for very long.
That's true.
You got me.
You fucking got me there, man.
So here's my question.
We're going to incorporate greed.
Well, ask it.
Does that even fucking exist?
What?
Do ants have spiracles?
Do ants?
Yeah.
Excuse me.
Let me ask you a simple question.
Well, yeah, of course it does, because guess who run corporations?
People.
Aha.
Well, then you see what's happening.
And guess who are greedy by nature, unless you're raised by monks?
People.
Greedy by nature.
So then corporations aren't greedy.
Right.
I think leave corporations out of it and put on top of their – replace it
instead with people.
Corporate people.
Corporate folks.
Yeah.
People.
Corporate F-O-L-X.
Corporate alliances.
Yeah, right.
But so what are they doing?
Because here's my problem.
I've worked for many corporations.
And yeah, they always pay me, bro.
I don't get paid like that through anybody else.
The only fat checks I get come from corporations.
Unless it's – I mean, we do get a crowdfunded amount of money every month
from the listeners of this podcast.
But guess what's paid through Patreon, which is a corporation.
That's like a shell.
I hope you realize.
I know.
I just realized as I was saying it.
So how can we stop corporations from existing?
Because as far as I can tell, a corporation – it's not corporate greed.
It's corporate.
It's – that is what a corporation is.
A corporation eats and grows.
Basically, if you could whittle it down to its most essential unit, a
corporation is just a building, right?
Pretty much.
Yeah.
I mean, that's fair.
It's a bunch of buildings usually.
It could be a bunch of buildings.
But it's definitely buildings are involved in the process, okay?
Less and less.
This is what I realized.
Why are you doing this?
I'm from home.
Okay.
I just want people to realize that because – I don't know.
I feel like we can get somewhere with this, you know?
Whittling things down to their most simplistic form of what they are, you know?
But don't you think a corporation can exist without physical destruction?
Sure.
Name one.
Name one.
Shit.
I was going to say Spotify, but I bet they've got one.
Okay.
How about this?
You name one of the biggest.
Like, they obviously have a building.
Go ahead.
I want you to name – go ahead.
Okay.
And I'm going to get you because I know what you're going to say, and I'm going
to get you.
You know what I'm going to say, and I don't even know it yet?
That's crazy.
Yeah, I know what you're going to say.
Yeah.
Do you really?
Because I have an idea, but it's not correct.
I'm not saying I can read your mind right now, but I know what vein you're
going, you know, in the ballpark.
So go ahead.
Say it.
Stephen Colbert presents Tuning Out the News.
I was not thinking that, but okay.
Let's go there.
Yeah.
We had no building.
But where were you working out of?
Me house.
Apple computer.
Exactly.
Exactly.
What do you mean exactly?
That is a building.
Oh, my God.
Correct.
Exactly.
So, okay.
Let me try again.
Okay.
Go for it.
Renaissance festival.
Oh, well, you know, yeah, the Renaissance festival itself is an outdoor thing,
but I don't know if you've seen Ren Fair, the HBO documentary about Renaissance
festivals, but a lot of the work that goes into it happens inside of an office
building.
Right.
Right.
And who's supplying those little aprons that all the milkmaidens wear?
Probably a corporation.
Exactly.
That makes aprons, bro.
So what?
So we get rid of all buildings, all right?
And we live outside.
And we see what happens.
Can Microsoft exist without desks, without a roof?
You know what I'm saying?
I don't know.
It would be quite an interesting experience.
Yes, they can.
And if the world was just people in caves and no structures are allowed, guess
what?
Over there is the fucking Saudi Arabian oil company group.
And it's just, then they'll get all the poor people to be in front, have them
be the wall.
Then you open the, you know, they make a door.
I mean, humans as the infrastructure.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't see any other way around it.
It's just what's going to happen.
Here, here, here.
I got to say, I said, when I first said this statement, I didn't think it would
go as far
as it did.
And I think this is the beauty of this podcast, is that we'll go down these.
Well, words sometimes transport you to new thoughts before you even think them.
Exactly, exactly.
Which is what I like about language.
I like metaphors.
There's a lot of fuck time.
What's that?
200 check?
Oh, sick.
Wait till I get my 656.57 cents.
Dollars.
What is that?
Residual?
Yeah, that's a reimbursement for a car rental.
Whoops.
How's your Nissan doing?
What'd you get a Nissan?
Uh-uh.
Nope.
Try again.
Jeep.
A Kia, Kia, Kia Forte.
All white.
Damn.
Wait, can I show you guys a picture of the, I'm trying to, I've expressed this
before, that
I want to get another car.
What do you guys think about this fucking bitch?
Jesus.
Sorry.
I just got excited about that.
Let's see it, man.
Pull it up.
Pull it up.
Pull it up.
Pull it up.
Now, you could imagine me fucking hopping in the, let me get a good photo of
this.
The 2005 Buick LaCrosse convertible, all white.
How many?
4,000.
Let's see.
Let's see the miles.
Let me see the miles.
I don't even want to, the miles on it.
Yeah.
What do you think?
You think it's going to be like 200,000?
74,000 miles.
Oh, bro.
Get it.
Buy it now.
Buy it now.
I'm serious.
It's three.
That's sick, bro.
It's $4,000.
I mean, that's such an instant.
What's it called?
A Buick?
Buick LaCrosse.
Buick LaCrosse.
What year?
2004.
2005.
I mean, there's no way I could get this.
Let's go to Mr. Kelly Blue Book and see what he's got, or she's got to say.
Oh, well, I'll tell you what.
On this website, it says it's under the great price bracket.
And it's $2,274 below market value.
Fair price?
So there might be something wrong with it, but I don't know.
Fair price is in between $3,000 and $4,000.
Typical listing price, $4,500.
What's it called?
A Buick what?
Buick LaCrosse.
2005 Buick LaCrosse.
Wow.
Convertible.
Convertible with a soft top?
I don't know if it's a hard shell or a soft shell.
Let's see that hard.
Let's see that shell.
Pull it up.
Let's see the shell.
Because I'm going to say if it's soft top, beware.
Why?
It's got to be.
Because remember that convertible that we had in Chicago that was soft top?
What did that look like to you?
What was wrong with that?
People were enjoying it.
That's a soft top.
That's a soft top.
Why do I have to be aware of this?
Remember how leaky that one in Chicago got?
Open.
But dude, that's because we're in Los Angeles, dude.
There's no.
Right.
It hasn't rained in 16 years.
I say, bro.
I say go for it, bro.
The thing is, it's got to be on.
It's not going to last.
I get back to LA in November, basically.
You think this shit's going to stay on the market of fucking beauty like this?
It's going to stay on the market for 20 more days?
Hell no.
Somebody's going to snatch us up instantly.
But bro, we can get you another Buick La Crosse.
I don't know, man.
I really don't know.
You're not worried about having transmission issues?
Do they?
Are they known for that?
I don't know.
I'm just.
Whatever car I get.
Because I'm looking to get sort of a price point of a vehicle that's going to
just like wreck me financially in the future.
You know what I'm saying?
You're looking for a beater?
Yeah, I'm just looking for a cheap width that kind of looks fun.
You know what I'm saying?
Please let me help out.
Please.
What's the price?
Wait, what do you think I should get?
$4,500.
What's my price?
I would love to go under five.
That would be great.
Under five, under 100,000 miles.
Okay.
Interesting.
If you're listening and you own a Buick La Crosse soft shell or hard shell, don't
be shy.
You know what I'm into, too, is the, what are those called?
Not a, yeah, a Volvo.
A Volvo?
Yeah.
Yeah, they have those.
A Volvo, like, hatchback, like, 2002, kind of one of them long, like, I want a
long Volvo.
How does a 2011 Ford Fiesta 77,000 miles sound to you?
Hell no.
Hell no.
Hell no.
You know