Name: Monsters [teaser]
Uploaded: 2025-10-16T11:01:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monsters [teaser]' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-16. Transcript available. Watch the whole thing at https://www.patreon.com/joytactics.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monsters [teaser]' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-16. Transcript available. Watch the whole thing at https://www.patreon.com/joytactics.

joy tactics
wow
that's how they all laugh
that's how all witches laugh
wizard warlocks and such
I want to suck
your nuts
I want to play Fortnite
with you guys
well with your nuts
so wow
this is going to be a fun one
oh it definitely is
this is going to be a fun one
stick around if you're new here
a lot of these aren't that fun but this one today
this one's going to be making you ready
to go play
you know what I'm saying
what's that
Harry
Harrison Potter
Potter
I mean that's just a spooky
song to me
it's one of the spookiest
and most charming as well
how about this one
Biatch
did you hear the cat yell at me
for doing that
no no no
you know what i'm saying halloween
yeah i do i do know that man oh my god okay so that in that film we're dealing
with a literal
maniac named jason right yeah so he's fucking off his rocker and he's wearing a
damn mask
fuck that and what he's got a knife and he's impervious nearly to bullets is
that true
i mean how do they eventually kill him in the movie is he is he like set on
fire like what's the
what's the ultimate it's just a plane crash i think he's just he just dies in
that plane crash
like a normal person unless i'm remembering that movie wrong i would be so
pissed if i shot like
a supernatural being and it didn't die you know because you'd be like oh yeah i'm
definitely
gonna like come at me you know talking shit like i have a gun and this fucking
weirdo has like claws
or something like that and i'm like yeah come on come a little bit closer you
know right yeah shoot
shoot him in the fucking chest what shoot him in the teeth yeah huh huh nanny
is that the japanese way to say it okay jason voorhees okay first thing you
that comes up when
you search jason from halloween is what was jason's disability come on now y'all
is yeah exactly is
that what we need to focus on why do you create able-bodied to me and maybe he's
neurodivergent
i'm gonna go ahead and say of course he was but that's not of what would you
say not of matter
it's not of concern not of concern but you know he he has a definitely not not
of matter
it's not of matter man let's move on talking to a talking to the judge
representing yourself
okay so he does suffer from hydrocephalus which caught hydrocephalus
so he hooked up with a wet chick what's hydrocephalus
cephalus bro that's when you get that shit too wet i heard you
oh shit beware all right hydros before we hook up you should know something i'm
hydrocephalus
it caused a severe facial deformity in an abnormally large head and a
developmentally
disability and a developmental disability often described as mental retardation
or a cognitive
impairment this is what i'm reading word for word bro so he is mentally he's a
mentally challenged
guy right well he has can we just google image him real quick so that we know
what we're talking
about so he wears a mask did they figure out what he looks like without it oh
yeah it's not pretty
out the mask is it not matthew lillard oh no i'm looking now you didn't have to
do him like that
who jason yeah it's not fair it's they did not have to do him like that but you
know his face kind of
gets all even more fucked up as time goes on you know listen
i don't um i don't think it's right what they did to his face
wait jason it guys we're gonna get some heat here because this is friday the 13th
okay
and halloween is different that's i know i know i wasn't talking about that i
fucked it up i fucked
it up this is jason voorhees is friday the 13th and halloween is what's his
name oh i thought you're
talking about yeah okay michael myers yeah because he also had a mask and so so
what he looked like
without it michael why do these people have last names you know i know
everybody has a last name
bro i know but it's just weird i don't know they don't they don't seem like
they should have last
names you know it's like dracula i don't think dracula has a last name i'm
pretty sure can i just say
these these fools are pretty similar can i just say that who michael myers and
jason voorhees
yeah in appearance do you guys know what vlad the vampire looked like do you
know what dracula
looked like without his age on him no look up vlad the impaler oh the guy that
dracula was like
this is who i think you look like jack well don't ever talk to me again then
nate it looks like you and nate combined it really does look exactly like me
and nate
yeah well the guy that he was based on i mean like was he sucking on people's
blood or was it just like
looks like it bro he had a no upper lip vlad the impaler
vlad the impaler yeah vlad dracula so dracula is the last name of vlad
vlad dracula is that his that can't be his last name it's vlad dracula not to
be confused with his
father vlad dracula the fictional character that means son of dragon the fungus
genus vlad dracula
vlad dracula what the fuck is going on what is going on man i'm wikipedia tone
it back you're doing
too much seriously so how do we want to break this down because we need to get
um we need to cover all
the monsters here so i think what we do is we set a timer we say right now we're
doing vampires next
mummies next okay okay if we want to be efficient about this which is i'm
trying to bring efficiency
to this podcast for the first time dude i'm trying to bring efficiency to all
things on a so seriously
level should we do the tournament of monsters where we say
like vampire versus a bracket sort of thing yeah a bracket in a scare off i don't
know how to do that
mentally is that something that we should prepare for it's maybe i mean or just
we could just go now
we'll just go to the end at the end we say who wins okay let's start light veron
or not what the
here's what we do i don't know where that came from but you've got snl on the
brain you gotta get
your head out of that building man i was trying to say piranha veronica okay so
here's what the
first battle is mummies versus dracula's mummies versus dracula's yeah mummies
win because they got no
blood damn literally the cards are so stacked against the vampires in that
situation which is
so interesting yeah unless it's a fresh ass mummy that hasn't even been really
wrapped up yet and
it's still got a little blood true true well the mummification process i
believe preserves the blood
you know what i'm saying separately or with it i thought they dried them the
fuck out yeah they dry
them out like jerky you know i'll tell you this much there was a museum in seattle
called like the
museum of oddities and in the back dude i can't believe they had this but it
was like two like
mummies real life mummies just leathered out dried uh beef jerkyed out and um i
would just go stare at
them i would go like right to the back because it's right next to the aquarium
and we'd always go in
afterwards and i would go just beeline it to the mummies and just go go look at
them and nobody would
be around i was like i can't wait people aren't looking at these bodies with me
no they're behind
glass listening to dmx 11 years old staring at a mummy for an hour and a half
yeah man it's what shaped me oh damn i'm gonna listen to dmx today if now that
we let me try and
remember to do that later cut i wish i'd say the c word you can't man you've
been banned from that so
close to the 10 minute mark too and i just had to fucking say it whoa now slow
down there horsey
that was only but a teaser just a little taste of what i can only assume is one
of the most fire
episodes ever recorded head over to patreon.com joy tactics now to unlock this
crazy ass fucking
episode while simultaneously getting in at the ground floor of an exclusive
community of like-minded
individuals using positivity to change the world cheers