Name: A Jesse Eisenberg Deep Dive | Ep. 144
Uploaded: 2025-11-03T11:01:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Jesse Eisenberg Deep Dive | Ep. 144' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Jesse Eisenberg Deep Dive | Ep. 144' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-03. Transcript available.

A Jesse Eisenberg Deep Dive | Ep. 144

hello everybody welcome back to another deep dive this is joy tactics a podcast
dedicated to finding
joy just i'm before we say the name let's let's name drop some movies right i
mean i'm sure they
wrote the episode title but let's just name drop some movies okay yeah a real
pain
um you guys have probably heard of sasquatch sunset
okay you guys have probably heard of that movie that fred durst aka limp
biscuit directed that was
at a college that i can't remember oh damn i heard that was amazing i need to
see that
and together on three let's say the big one one two three the zombie national
network
wow if you're unfamiliar with these movies go get yourself a membership to one
of the streaming
streaming services and start checking them out because they all star an amazing
actor by that
goes by the name of jesse eisenberg eisenberg shout out dude welcome to joy
tactics the podcast
dedicated to all things joyful joyous and meeting as many celebrities as humanly
possible
hosted by eric rahill nate veroni and jack bensinger enjoy wow what i mean we
have a lot to cover here
i don't know if we can quite it's gonna be endless hour should we take a minute
to just appreciate the
the mystery that he is right now because in an hour yes we're never going to be
able to unlearn this
so let's just slap in the face last moment right what it's just slap in the
face to say we could
cover his entire life and all of his activist hours no no of course not the
whole this was chapter one
but yeah volume could you could you play jesse eisenberg just for a moment and
we could just do
like a wtf sort of like how'd you get started just based on his wikipedia page
yeah i could definitely
do that let me see how you're not just saying that you're not just saying that
because i'm jewish
right you said that because i'm a good actor yeah of course not dude yeah let's
get on with it all
right so all right i'll be martin marion so so i'll just it was my idea the
producer brendan dude
you're producer brendan who's behind the scenes that made the whole show work
say he doesn't say
anything dude well he says things through his edit bro why don't you be larry
king all right bring
him back i won't ever i i can't impersonate larry king man well you shouldn't
you couldn't you
want to be theo vaughn i know the two of them have sure so maybe they could
maybe i'll be on and mark
marion resolve the beat through interviewing jesse eisenberg exactly right
right oh okay that's great
that's all right that works so this is kind of unorthodox style of interview
dang man um i'm just wondering you know like so you do like movies and shit
yeah yeah yeah yeah thank you thank you guys so much for having me you guys are
so cool i really
it really actually makes me feel so um uh to have to know that what you guys
say about each other
right now but i'm excited to be here are you uh are you out here are you in um
where are you at these
days these days i'm living in los angeles you guys know my lifestyle is so
crazy so i have to be out
there just partying so hello i used to know a guy in los angeles that um had gills
on his uh he had
gills he was breathing he could breathe underwater bro that's so funny that
reminds me did you know
that ants don't have lungs because it's too small they breathe through oxygen
into the spiriticles
spiriticles i knew that too i knew about spiriticles mark marion
all right all right so dang man i just want to i just want to know um how you
got started you know
no we're keeping it going jack okay sorry not off the hook that that that's so
funny to ask that yes
uh my name is jesse eisenberg essentially got started when i popped up my mom's
pussy
and then after that i made my television debut in the series get real from 1999
to 2000
everybody knows that and then in 2001 after them two airplanes right right we
remember that's when
i appeared in a uk dr pepper commercial as butt naked boy holy shit this is an
interesting start
have you ever been with an asian woman all right this interview has been so fun
i think that what
you guys do is cool but maybe not for me i have a pr team and a real career you
guys are kind
of both just kind of these haunting figures of the youtube algorithm mark marion
by the way
is not on youtube he never uh stooped to video audio only he kept it audio only
the entire time
respect he couldn't make the cut is what you're saying no he could have yeah he
could have if he
wanted but he kept it real mark marion sexy you have three words to entice um jesse
eisenberg
into a long conversation with you and to go into dinner with you what do you
say
three words to get jesse eisenberg all up in your car with you i will suck it
okay you suck it jack san diego film festival
because he'll recognize that from when i just read on his wikipedia page and go
how did you know about
that wow okay what do you say three words i would say
let's talk now
aggressively with a fucking knife okay and then oh put the knife down
immediately show
him it's a fake knife psych but he's already in the car and we're already going
150 miles an hour
down the
danger to him but i what yeah go ahead this has this has been so creative so
far in a way that
is just incredible we're bringing creativity back to this fucking podcast dude
i was sending you guys
those voice notes all up on friday night that we need to be more creative
man in may
fucked up on ridley oh yeah somebody reached out to us and is lives in taipei
and they're oh yeah they are they speak the language and they know the culture
and they
capital of taiwan and we should go to taipei is that
yeah settle the beef between taiwan yeah yeah foreign unsolicited foreign
ambassadors
yeah what um
yeah i'd rather go there because it's an island
oh isn't isn't that something interesting to get onto a moped and go around the
whole thing
for a motorcycle i would love it just say the day say the day and i'll be there
yo china in may china in may please man that eric if you were a wind-up doll
that's what i would say yo china in may if you're not familiar eric i miss my
friends
eric texted me and jack china in may and nobody responded to it
pathetic pathetic um no but it really i did i did give you a formal apology
which i hope you took
to heart i took it to heart today i said yeah we're making it happen no matter
what what i just
learned something really crazy what did you learn jesse eisenberg where is he
born
new jersey new brunswick well connecticut new york city is what it says east brunswick
new jersey okay
fair enough but what does that make you presume eric no cheating what does that
make you presume
about his allegiances and as far as countries go he's an american right that's
what i suspected
right right how funny but what you didn't realize is that he's also switching
up on us and he has dual
citizenship in poland what oh dude oh jesse eisenberg denounce poland now
are you kidding me with all that america has done for you zombie land zombie
land two social network one
he could by the way if he wanted to have been in social network two and yet he
turned it down and
now we get jeremy strong's methodically acting they're remaking that's about to
be so what the
fuck is this is real dude it'll be bussing i think the fuck is that happy about
it it's what
what is it about it's about kind of is it sam altman i think it's i think it's
about january okay
sace oh can we drop it with this shit enough it's enough it didn't happen january
6th didn't happen
channel 5 news already covered it front to back let it go you could never okay
so what's next is like earnestly showing someone channel 5 for the first time
now like bro you have to
check this channel out he's gonna get up on the street andrew callaghan
callaghan's island like gilligan but what i'm saying is or someone else drop it
why don't they have jesse eisenberg come back for a social network too that's
all about mark
zuckerberg's new journey in brazilian jiu-jitsu wow yeah it's called no gi brazilian
jiu-jitsu
what it should be this is the social network too okay uh uh mark zuckerberg is
on hawaii he's
surfing he's doing the hydro his life his life yeah he's doing the hydro foil
his life is
fucking amazing you know those things what is it called just a foil no you got
it
just really quick i want to try it bro you want to you want to just disrupt the
okay
i'll wait for you i'll wait yeah sorry go go go now you sure yeah yeah okay so
he's having an
amazing life in hawaii and um it's just going amazing him and his wife are
having an amazing
relationship and all of a sudden there is a nuclear warning nuclear warfare has
erupted between
the major powers mark zuckerberg goes into his bunker and um
his wife and children have been perished in the nuclear fallout because they
didn't get to the
jesus the bunker hey we got we got to start with this is a movie okay so he's
single it's fictional
it's a it's a drama he's single yeah he's single oops single and who is in
there but his assistant
who's played by who and and me like um but yeah that's basically it move it
move it would be about
the political class of rich and poor together locked away
material goods you see what i'm you see what i'm getting at here well take take
the material goods
away and see what's left it's just humanity blood bones skin well there's a
extreme piece of this that
you're not acknowledging which is the hawaiian people because you said he was
on hawaii in his
bunker right yeah so when he comes up out of that thing
he's not going to be able to tell people what to do also this reminds me of the
remember when
the false alarm went off in hawaii and jim carrey what i thought he saw his
life flashing before his
eyes well jim carrey was there for that jim carrey was in hawaii when they
thought the nuclear bombs
and he said he's like sat on the hood of his car and he turned off his phone
and he like went to
the beach and he just accepted death took it all accepted are you fucking
kidding me yeah that's a
liar uh there must be cell phone footage somewhere out there of jim carrey panicking
trying to get
into the ground into the laundry room of a marriott
duct tape the doors duct tape please yeah you know what i heard is that cia
agents are trained to
if they are within the mushroom cloud area of a you let's say you survive like
you know
you're close you're not in the explosion obviously
you know what i'm talking about you mean yeah you mean the fallout zone dude
exactly that's what
i was hinting at but i just wanted to dumb it down for the the layman um so you're
in the general
area the fallout zone as uh as you said and they are trained to fucking take
out their
fucking glock nine oh end it right there they're trained to do it they're
trained to kill themselves
it's just a piece of paper i think four day training program to kill yourself
wait why the
fuck is that because because if you ever within if you ever see that mushroom
kill yourself just
they just keep it simple there before it reaches you it's because the fallout
effects would have they
it would be it would be like days before you would it would be a long slow
death so it's like it's
easier just to off yourself you know what i'm saying unless you watched that
movie that barack obama
produced that julia roberts was in called oh yes leave the world behind oh yeah
learned about iodine
pills and how they help with radiation and then you buy them off amazon keep
them in the cabinet like i did
did you buy some
yeah what's going on with all these nuclear movies
chernobyl been there done that already read about it didn't need to see a tv
show about it
what else oh yeah katherine bigelow katherine bigelow uh what's this what's
this called you know she did
the hurt locker right of course right oh really she likes war and she did a
nuclear movie out of war
yeah it's just it's called um dude and you know that um the hurt locker in zero
dark 30 are cia um had
their hands in that right i know why do you think i'm bring