Name: Halo | Ep. 147
Uploaded: 2025-11-24T11:01:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Halo | Ep. 147' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Halo | Ep. 147' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-24. Transcript available.

Halo | Ep. 147

is that what you think the halo theme song is hold on let me try and remember
it a little bit
better uh you know what i don't got it i don't got it but like if you if you
were to give me like a
little like two seconds of the actual song i'd come in all right ready here
comes that chorus
all right wait oh this watch this how do you find the halo theme
all right that's your first hint this is oh wait wait go give me give me a
little bit more
give me a little bit more oh give me a little bit more i got the first part you
didn't welcome to joy
tactics the podcast dedicated to all things joyful joyous and meeting as many
celebrities as humanly
possible hosted by eric rahill nate veroni and jack bensinger enjoy that's a g
f that's right that's
right a d g f a has anyone put lyrics to that i'm sure they have but it's time
for the 2025 oh
yeah let's i am going to kill you
with a sword all right dude this is yeah this is an epic episode uh and i feel
like we might not even
veer off topic one for one fucking second because we're talking about halo microsoft
bungee corporation
welcome back to the halo episode yeah
this is a track isn't it
that's gotta be like who came with that that was like pharrell or something for
sure
oh you think this was ghost written by benny blanco
somebody in the pop music entertainment system could only have cooked that shit
up
oh yeah wait a second oh yeah yeah yeah this should be the national anthem
wow
halo
what were we saying the other day
overkill
oh yeah it's vertical smile
yeah that's it that's what comes after i was we were we were playing uh a duo's
halo just me and jack
and i was asking them do you know what a vertical smile is so by the way if you
think that like me off
the pod is any different than how i am on it like
this is this is pretty on brand i guess where i was just asking jack if he'd
ever heard of
the term vertical smile because i'd never heard of that before and i was like
that's such a creative
way to talk about a vagina
and he said yeah he's heard of that um because there's no amount of
linguistics that gets past the mr jack benzinger he knows the entire dictionary
front to back
front to back
we were just playing it was like
double kill triple kill vertical smile
yeah
it's cracking me that if that's not a saturday night live sketch i don't know
what is
when they were what comes after okay triple kill
quadruple kill okay
that's just that's easy that's a guy in the booth hey we got a new announcer
for the halo game uh just
give us you know the the whatever the announcements for the kills and he just
keeps on getting a
little sexual sexual game announcer yeah that's easy that's fucking that's easy
tune in when it was
on the next episode whenever that is all right nate will you all right nate you
got to play the guy
real quick okay okay okay hey man thanks for joining us in the booth we're so
happy wait first you
got to start with like a a funny little joke up top okay so right um god this
is hard to do up top
uh oh my uh my fucking chin implant fell out when i was eating matzo ball soup
i guess i was eating
chin implant soup okay let's get into the game of the sketch dude that's
fucking irrelevant so
okay let's get down to business i hired you for one thing and one thing only
remember yeah to do the
halo noise so wow right so you sound like that all the time not just swinging
yes you can only say
one word at a time uh-huh okay great good to know so you'll be great at this uh
there's no fucking
track or anything i'm rolling go ahead right double kill triple kill quadruple
kill awesome
wonderful pussy whoa man hold on did you just do did he just say what i think
he said oh hell no 50
crew members all in there doing audio damn why there's so many fucking audio
technicians in here
it's not easy bro it's not easy it's the union forcing us
give me another chance oh god damn dude give us the that's that's just in dude
that's all i just get the transcript for this and and uh and submit it for the
oh yeah for when the
next week vertical smile vertical smile let me see that vertical smile can i
see it
i guess that's the next dick in the box how is there no if i type in spotify
right now
and there's no song called vertical smile i'm gonna kill myself live on the
podcast right now
oh nate that would fucking suck because i'd have to do it solo again
there's an artist called vertical smile okay there's an album called vertical
smiles
okay and there is a song thank god by can we hear it i guess i could pull it up
on my phone
you know it's connect it's it's just like an edm song 26 000 plays that makes
sense those edm people
are and oh matt 3000 how come people who like techno are saying
i'm not seeing nothing over here okay you have to fucking get one halo weapon
attached to your arm for
the rest of the rest of time oh god let me like really think about this because
i was about to say
the needler whoa um porcupine arm yeah yeah the needler i mean
i'm thinking really realistically let me just get the smallest one because i
don't want to have to
sleep with the fucking i thought the rocket launcher gun on my hand that'd be
too yeah it'd be like too
hard to like use to like pee or whatever honestly you know it's funny because
it gets the most
disrespect i feel in the game but how about that plasma pistol remember him
right right right right
charge it up let it go and then what's the opposite of op does anyone say up
under under powered
underpowered nobody ever talks about those weapons everyone's always focused on
the overpower
i think it's up bro it's underpowered say this to your boss next time they're
fucking with you
bro you're acting like some gray loot some gray loot what is that i think i
heard some kids that's
like the worst like loot you could find is gray yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
so
that's something i think i heard the kids saying i always stay tapped in you
just you're just so
important in our industry to be so on it
so yeah let's get into some halo memories maybe some okay what was the what was
the first halo game
you got was it the first one on xbox one
it must have been i think i did hop in on the first one that's is that i wonder
if that's the
one with the flood do you remember these fools
oh the flood maybe that wasn't the first one it was like these little potato
looking guys these
little fingerling potatoes that were just fucking with your whole rhythm
i don't feel like but i also haven't played that game in like 20 years so
yeah i feel as though halo that's when co-op gaming really came to life
oh yeah yeah yeah because you get that it felt like xbox connect wasn't that
the first like
online system it it felt like a third party like thing that wasn't like
that the xbox wasn't like fully capable of executing right right i don't know
if it was a like
built by microsoft it had to have but microsoft felt like a whole like if it
felt like a a whole
operation you know connecting to the like linking or whatever words yes and
then getting out the land
connections you hook up multiple xboxes like the amount of wires that you had
to put together
in the fucking 2006 2007 for these games my house has been mostly wires for
many years
i swear to god i've had i don't think anybody realistically i think i've had
the biggest
ethernet cable out of anybody that we know like long wise or fat like chunky
you
both
you see anaconda a thick cord give me give me a cord that's like fucking
that's a girl three they don't make girthy cords give me that girthy fucking usbc
plug-in that's like usbg
give me the girth somebody somebody's gotta there's gotta be a mark here for
that
right here earthiest fucking cord on the planet you have any girthy and it's
like so short
yeah it's like this long two inch foot wide two meters wide
you know that shit would charge up like that fucking so fast dude
can i run an idea by you about a sandwich
um yeah sure we do off the pod if you really no no no no no it's fine it's fine
okay thanks man
sorry i'm nervous to even go into this right now but so yeah i was just
thinking about the subway foot
long so okay when are we doing the foot wide sandwich
five dollar yep five dollar foot wide
girth the girth only i guess it's the the problem is i guess it's the exact
same sandwich but turned
side isn't it yeah yeah that's what i was about to say like it's all about
perspective right
yeah yeah so i guess well i guess it's like maybe it's about the opening
is that change it if you just seal off so that the
hmm because the implication is that you got it there's no way to eat it
vertically you have to eat it sideways
what about height oh you want to get the five dollar foot high
yeah yeah yeah okay that's the 10 foot but it's all bread you know what i'm
saying
yeah yeah it's still actual sandwiches just okay yeah yeah foot high now we're
cooking man
see now we're getting into dimensions bro oh this is when we and now we're
gonna start
finally the five dollar tetrahedron fucking subway sandwich
it's a five dollar tetrahedron dude if they if subway wants to just like boost
their fucking stock
come in with the tetrahedron sandwich please for the love of god or even just a
cookie
yeah right start with somebody please start small god damn it dude we need to
work in marketing this is
so fun i i'm sick of doing comedy dude i'm really sick of it and i and i feel
like i could be of most
use as a chief marketing executive of a major fast food restaurant or
technological technology company
technological technologies it's true i feel like the uh fucking companies aren't
playing the heel
enough you know what i'm saying play the heel right right i feel like a great
marketing strategy
oh well do you think that no but they didn't lean into it
looking for a plus size model with child pornography male
you think they should have owned it like yeah our spokesman wants to fuck a pedophile
on a commercial
that might be a little far so what that has nothing to do with the sandwiches
you should say he wants to fuck a pedophile no no is that a thing do people
want to
like people's thing is they want to no no they're that's what they're into is
pedophiles
that is one of the most advanced we veered very far
yeah we lost taylo it's been 14 minutes we're pretty far away
god damn fair it was so wholesome for a second i have a funny feeling though
that we're gonna
find our way right back to it yep cortana what's that chick's name i think that's
right the the
holographical chick cortana cortano cortano that's a coffee cortado what's her
name cortney i called her
cortney i i knew her i knew her well enough to just call her ass cortney cortney
cortney do you love
me are you riding do you want to hop in the warthog or a banshee oh dude plasma
sword making love
in the fucking warthog imagine making love two holograms making love just light
just nothing
but electricity oh damn is light electricity or is it just like a fractal orgasm
a fractal light
orgasm it's extrahedron organ
why do i feel like we have unfinished business with that marketing thing oh
yeah i we definitely do
so what's a company that's fucking pathetic right now they're floundering they're
on the way out
is quiznos say salvageable
because they still have a couple locations that's a good uh example of a
business that's like
i think they're on the way out because what's their thing toasted subs wasn't
that they're like
well yeah that's where they fucked up
hmm i feel like quiznos didn't realize what they had man like no do they have a
mascot do they have a
this is a cube bro let me do some letter deep research on the logo
what's missing with them toasted subs what's missing i think is confidence
because sub subway was like okay we have you don't have a patent on the fucking
toaster
we toast our shit too now what's next quiznos oh we're the place that has a
sink yeah bro we can get
one but they you know they had something going on man you tell me jersey mike's
is around but quiznos
is bowing out makes you wo