Name: Breakfast! | Ep. 154
Uploaded: 2026-01-12T15:01:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Breakfast! | Ep. 154' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Breakfast! | Ep. 154' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-12. Transcript available.

Breakfast! | Ep. 154

Y'all, we need to assemble right now.
Start listing who would be in our dream fucking season of traitors.
Oh, how fun is this exercise?
Let's do it.
I love this.
I love this.
Round Robin, round Robin.
Okay.
Eric, kick it off.
Odessa, as I am.
Okay, topical.
Okay, make Alexandria, Acacia, Cortez, Elizabeth, Dandachi.
Please step to the podium.
Elizabeth, Dandachi.
Wait, let's reset.
Let's do a real one.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting as
many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
Can we skip to the good part?
Welcome back to Joy Tactics.
The breakfast episode.
The breakfast finals.
Breakfast club.
The breakfast club.
Yeah, breakfast club.
Is this the white version of the breakfast club?
I think the breakfast club was white.
Oh, oh.
You're talking about the radio show.
I was talking about the John Hughes film.
How interesting.
We have very different cultural.
Interesting where my cultural references go to.
Right.
And what I choose to shine a light on.
I was with Nate when I said breakfast club.
You were?
Yeah.
Jack, you want to break down what's happening to your body and insides?
Sure.
I'm not sick.
And if you're new to the podcast, this is what I always sound like.
You kind of are making, you kind of are going a little Vin Diesel mode.
Oh, excuse me, girl.
Do you want me to explain anything to you?
By the way, our algorithm on the Joy Tactics Instagram account, I don't know if
you've ever
gone to reels, but it's all like Fast and the Furious, like Vin Diesel, like
funny Fast and
the Furious reels.
And like OnlyFans models.
Interesting.
Who is that?
Who's doing that?
I'm barely on that.
You're welcome.
What the hell, man?
If one of you guys is using the Joy Tactics Instagram account to get all
fucking horny just
to not fuck up your own personal algorithm, that's not what it's for.
Okay.
I have to say I don't understand going on Instagram for that.
You know what I'm saying?
That's weird.
Plenty of it.
All right, let's move on.
Let's move on.
All right, all right, all right.
Move along.
So, what'd you guys have for breakfast?
I haven't eaten yet.
But Jack's had some pizza.
Yeah, I haven't had anything.
Where's that from, Jack?
Cold fire.
Graziella's.
Graziella.
Hey, Graziella, can I get a gluten-free pie?
No sauce, vegan cheese, raw jalapenos, and some hot honey.
Don't worry about heating it up because I'm having it for breakfast.
Right.
And what are you doing next weekend?
I have a fucking solo improv set that I'm doing downtown Brooklyn.
Why don't you come through?
Hello?
Did you guys hear that?
That was a legendary riff, bro.
And you guys are just sitting there.
Not even...
Bro.
Wish you wouldn't make fun of Brooklyn like that sometimes.
I think downtown Brooklyn is the most ripe area for making fun of.
Downtown Brooklyn?
Name one street on it, man.
CVS Street.
It feels like a whole...
It all feels like CVS.
Yeah, it's not full of fucking IPA breweries yet.
Like, you fucking want.
Sorry, dude.
Sorry, we still got one gritty, amazing neighborhood.
Yeah, like Cheesecake Factory type of decor and architecture.
Oh, Junior's Cheesecake?
Ooh!
Ooh, that place is bussing, bussing.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
There's a lot to cover here.
But what we need to go back to is breakfast.
So, Jack, break it down.
You ordered that last night, right?
All right.
Well, I went out to eat.
You went out to eat, so those are leftovers.
Yeah.
But let me ask you this.
On a typical morning, you're going to SNL, and you're about to get on the train.
Do you eat before that?
Or do you grab a bacon, egg, and cheese like all your predecessors?
To be honest, man, I don't really eat breakfast before I go to work.
I don't know.
Well, that's interesting.
But if you, okay.
Because I'll have a protein shake, you know?
But sometimes when we're at the gym, I'll get a little, either a little chia
pudding,
or the last couple days I've been getting breakfast burritos.
Yum.
Mmm.
And Nate, yesterday, kind of did a fake out on me.
He was like, dude, I'm going to get one with you, too.
I ordered mine.
I'm like, did you get one?
He said, no, I'm going to go home and eat.
Really, man?
Really?
Yeah, I'll eat breakfast with you one day, Eric.
Please, man.
We have all those credits.
Yeah, you need it.
What do you think is the, do you think the first meal that any human being ever
had?
Oh, I think if I talk deeper that it comes through clearer.
Right.
Because if I talk up here, that's, all right.
So, do you think the first food ever eaten was breakfast, lunch, or dinner?
Oh, wow.
Well, it was probably a piece of leaf, right?
Time of day, though.
Or a piece of leg, even.
So, I bet it was breakfast, bro.
Why do I think that?
What about the first meal ever of a microbe?
Oh, I thought, well, now you're rephrasing the question.
I thought you meant once we graduated to humanity.
The first human came out of the Australopithecus, P word, and then woke up and
had a bite of leaf
or whatever.
I thought we were talking about that.
But you're talking about microbes?
That's a whole different conversation.
Australopithecus, by the way.
Yeah.
So.
Not getting much out of Nate today, man.
I don't know what's going on.
I know.
He's just.
I'm stoking.
If this was a fire, I'm blowing on it.
I'm sorry.
I'm hitting it with a stick.
I don't want to talk because it's not pleasant when I speak, man.
My voice is fucking gone.
I'm throwing the fire.
Do you guys use fire starter, that liquid fire starter?
Oh, hell yeah.
I'm starting a fire guard.
Dude, I will use any means necessary besides a natural way of starting a fire.
So, you're allergic to Flint, I see.
Interesting.
I'm like dousing that shit with all.
If I have any gasoline fluid, I'm spraying the fire with that shit.
I'm shocked to hear that you guys are making fires this much.
Dude, that's why we left New York, man.
That's why we both left New York and Chicago.
Is to come out here and make it to a fire in the solo stove Yukon.
Two times a year.
That's all I got to say.
I was watching a cast away that movie with Tom Hank and this is going somewhere
and he has to start.
Well, some people don't know.
Some people don't know.
You'd be surprised.
And he has to start a fire this way where he's rubbing the sticks together.
And that seems literally impossible to rub a stick against another stick enough
where the friction causes smoke to some kindling.
How is that even possible?
Literally, I was like, that seems fucking not even real.
Have you seen the YouTube videos of the guys in Australia who are like, you
know, leave me on.
They're going to leave me on an island with no food, no water for 48 hours or
whatever.
And then they do that sometimes.
And it's fucking hard.
Damn.
Sometimes they'd be giving up, too.
They try to do it for a while and then they're like, fuck it.
I can't fucking do it.
You know what we're forgetting, though?
See, that shit takes like hours.
Here's what we're forgetting because we live, we sleep on crate and barrel couches,
right?
And we watch Roku Ultras every night on over 50-inch screens.
And we get to watch the pit and eat, what's it called?
The Buddha, the popcorn with the Buddha on it.
You know what I'm saying?
Bjornkorn?
Huh?
Bjornkorn?
Sometimes.
Sometimes that.
We forget the indomitable nature of the human spirit, okay?
Our needs are met, right?
But the minute that we got cold and hungry, we would become, we would turn into
different beasts.
I can promise you that much.
Hey, bro, let me ask you this.
Yeah.
What if my needs are to want?
Whoa.
Oh, well, that's why you're an artist and paid comedy writer, certified.
Certified pedophile.
Well, not me, Drake.
Right.
Why do I feel like, Eric, if you, if everything wiped away, the power grid went
away, we, most
of my job as your friend would be keeping you from stabbing yourself in the
neck with like
a stick.
See, that's what, um, I've created this persona on joy techniques that I'm weak
and I need fucking
entertainment every second and information every minute of my life, but we don't
realize is
if there was an apocalypse, I would turn into the Ray Fine character from the
bone temple,
bro.
28 years later.
Svelte, fucking sinewy, skinny.
You'd be collecting skeletons?
Bleaching people's bones, collecting skeletons.
That's creepy, dude.
No, bro.
It's a, it's a memorial.
It's a, um, monument to death, bro.
That's what I would be doing.
I relate with that character so heavy.
And I cannot wait to see the bone temple.
Okay.
So imagine this, you're sitting in Pakistan, right?
Well, I think I'll have kind of get scrambled eggs and a Western style omelet
and hash browns
as well.
And I'll do a eggnog latte, please.
Uh, yeah, we don't really know what that is.
So, but we could give you some of our own breakfast.
How about a halwa puri and paya?
What the hell is that?
Well, it's a fried flatbread.
And chickpeas.
I'm not sure.
Mmm, this is delicious.
You see.
Keep this going the rest of the podcast.
This solo conversation between you and a Pakistani chef.
You see, different countries have different types of breakfast that we might
not be used to,
but that doesn't mean they're not downright delicious.
What do you read it?
Bro, that is coming right from my dome.
Internationalbreakfast.com.
That's coming right from my dome, but I am reading, um, an article called The
Best Breakfast
from Around the World.
Oh, wow.
So...
Breakfast can kind of suck it.
I'm sorry.
I know it's the topic of the day, but if I...
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Kill, fuck, marry.
Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Bye, breakfast.
That's right away.
Goodbye.
Thank you for playing.
Same.
I'm so opposite, bro.
Fuck breakfast for every...
Sexy-ass breakfast, yeah, I'll be cooking up with breakfast.
You'll be fucking breakfast?
Yeah.
Lunch.
Kill lunch.
I'm over lunch.
Lunch is so BS, bro.
I would be hitting lunch from the front back and side.
But you know who our girl is?
The girl that we've been fell in love with and want to have children with?
Dinner, bro.
Dinner.
I think we can all agree on that.
I think we might be forgetting dessert.
Chocolate and vanilla dessert.
Oh, dessert.
That's the side chick.
That's not even a part of it.
That's who you cheat on.
Hello, yes-o.
You guys need to readjust your whole mind.
Lunch is the one that you marry.
You see?
Because that gives you the sustenance with which you need to survive.
Right?
Then for dinner, you go, let me freak you for a second.
You know what?
As the sun comes to a close, so does, you know what I'm saying?
But.
You know what I'm saying.
Right.
But is there anything better?
I feel so bad.
Is there anything fucking better than sitting down at a diner with a fucking
notebook of sketch comedy ideas?
Black coffee, please, with milk and sugar.
And you open up the menu.
There's over 40 pages of breakfast items.
And you don't order anything.
You stay there eight hours to 50 cents.
And then you run out on the.
I just love diners so much.
I love diner breakfast so heavy.
I could never say goodbye to that.
Eggs, bacon, potatoes, fruit.
You know what we're not even talking about.
What are you guys getting?
Real quick.
Just on the bacon topic.
Yeah.
Bacon, sausage.
Bacon or sausage is what I want to know.
Crispy ass bacon.
Those are often the options.
Crispy bacon.
Yeah, bacon.
Bacon gang.
Hey, Jack.
Hello.
Ask you a question, man.
Bacon or sausage, man?
Listen, I don't want to.
Yeah, I'm being quiet for a reason.
I fuck with sausage.
Oh.
In all formats.
I like to snap one off.
Links or patty.
Hey, it's the both of them, bro.
If I'm getting.
I'd rather have a sausage egg and cheese than a bacon egg and cheese.
Trust me.
If I'm going to have it next to a pancake.
Yeah, I want to snap on a sausage.
I like bacon.
Sometimes a little bit.
Kind of tastes like hell.
Is it worth the industrial sort of hog industry, though?
Is it worth that?
I would say, bottom line, nah, can't be worth inflicting that much horror.
But.
Because it's bacon, they jus