Name: Relaxation [teaser]
Uploaded: 2026-01-22T11:00:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Relaxation [teaser]' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-22. Transcript available. Watch the whole thing at https://www.patreon.com/joytactics.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Relaxation [teaser]' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-22. Transcript available. Watch the whole thing at https://www.patreon.com/joytactics.

I had the worst Joy Tactics dream last night.
What was it?
I dreamt that, Eric, you had 24 hours to live.
The doctors had chopped your body clean in half.
And it was me and Nate walking you around in your last hours.
24 hours of life.
And you were saying, no, no.
Somehow you had the meat on your legs was gone and the bottom half of your
torso.
So you were a skeleton from the hips down.
No, thank you.
No, no, no.
We were walking you around and you were saying like, I don't want to fucking
die, man.
And me and Nate were like trying to just figure out what to do with the podcast.
If you're ever in a comatose state, I'm coming in fucking blackout drunk and I'm
ripping the fucking plug out.
And I'm fucking walking out.
Letting you pass on peacefully.
That's okay.
That's good.
I would like that.
But in my dreams recently, I've been being like hunted down and chased and
killed.
And in every dream, I do think I want to live, man.
I can't be dying now.
Not as everything's in the world's going so good.
Yeah.
What do you think that means?
Well, we all have what was called Joie de Vie, I think.
Joie de Tactics.
The joy of life.
Joie de Tactics.
Joie de Tactics.
Is that?
Joie de Fire, Joie de Instructional Tactics.
No, come on.
You are so naughty.
Okay.
Come on, guys.
Talk normal, man.
Now.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I had a dream last night where there was, it's like so vague and foggy, I don't
even
barely remember it, but I was in like a multi-level mall and there was like a
grinding section
of the mall and I was like, where people are grinding.
I was like, damn, I want to go to the grinding section of the mall where
everyone's grinding.
Did you tell Jane you were going to like Forever 21 or something?
Oh, I got to go to Muji and check out some pens.
I'll just be back real quick.
I just need a coffee.
Yeah.
I need a coffee.
I'm going to go meditate.
Grinding with the manager of Panda Express.
Wouldn't mind it.
Relaxation.
Relax.
Relaxation is what we talked about.
Relax.
Come do it.
Huck to her.
When was the last time you guys got a full body massage with oil?
It's been a while.
From a stranger.
From a stranger?
Yeah.
Isn't that crazy that most massages you just get from a stranger, somebody you
don't even
know, never met before in your life, and they're just getting all a bunch of
oil on their
hands.
Well, they let the bodies do the talking, don't you?
Yeah.
And why is that somehow so much more normal?
It's such an intimate, horrifyingly intimate thing to do with somebody.
And yet, the idea of, like, me getting you all held up, Nate, and giving your
calves a punishment,
getting in between the toes and cracking your fingers for you.
If you were an alien, you might guess, oh, it's much more normal that his close
personal
friend would do that.
But actually, it's more normal for a strange, underpaid stranger to go ahead
and do that.
But maybe, actually, they get paid amazingly.
Maybe that's true.
They're definitely paid culturally in society.
Oh, thank you, Eric.
Okay.
Sit down.
Close your eyes.
Remove the tongue from the top of your mouth.
Take a deep breath.
Two, three, four.
Hold.
Two, three, four.
And exhale for eight.
Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
Nate's not doing it.
Now, open your bank account.
So, and scroll through.
Open the Zelle app.
Open the Zelle app.
And my phone number.
425.
Send me $300 for a used PS5.
Now.
Do it now.
And fucking bust.
Oh, my God.
Send me money and bust.
That'd be a great feature.
Okay.
God, I'm glad it's always come to mind.
But a movie called.
Joe Kiri, I know you're done with Stranger Things.
Please come through to the send me money and bust short film.
We got to be making, I'm going to fucking, I'm going to do something fucking
violent in
DC if the three of us don't make a short film together one day.
I can't believe it hasn't happened, bro.
The stars have aligned so many times.
We're training.
We said no.
We're training.
Oh, yeah.
We're not ready.
In our individual careers.
It's like we all started on the same little island, right?
With the same interests.
Then we went off to go fight fucking demons by ourselves.
Jack at SNL, Nate all over fucking town, stand up and doing all those jobs that
I can't even
imagine as well.
Me at the paper.
Then we rejoin and reform.
After losing our battle to SNL.
After losing our battle.
We return to innocence.
But we come back much stronger and then make something fucking crazy.
The ultimate weapon.
Stronger.
The ultimate short film.
Uh-huh.
Oh, my God.
I'm getting fucking chills.
So, Jack, how do you like to relax?
Because in my mind, I know you like to stay up really late and order food and
play Fortnite
and have gambling going at the same time.
Yeah, that's true.
But you're...
What's the Bev?
But don't forget the Bev.
What's the Bev?
If I'm relaxing?
Yeah.
The Bev.
It could be so good.
It might be one of those ice drinks.
You know, the tall, skinny, really brightly colored diet beverages?
The ice?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Damn.
Are they sparkly?
Can I be in?
They got to have them sparkly.
Oh, my goodness.
This is bringing me back.
And let's not forget...
The biggest fucking deal when you're relaxing is the positioning of your body.
That's why I built the daybed.
I'm not going to turn my computer because I'm going to fucking unplug the
microphone again.
Having a nest.
Oh, dude.
You guys know how I sit on the couch, right?
The pathetic mermaid?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I twist like a mermaid and sit with the pillows as such.
Majin Buu mermaid.
There's no more relaxing position I can imagine other than my new sleep
position.
Have I told you...
I've told you guys about my new sleep position right.
No, how could it?
No.
What is it?
The pillow underneath the head.
Giant, big, fat, squishy pillow.
Pillow.
Big, fat, squishy pillow.
Hugging that I'm hugging.
Pillow in between my legs.
A little slimmer pillow.
Also, our bed goes like this.
You can incline it a little bit.
Mild, very mild incline.
90 degree angle.
90 degree incline.
Yeah.
Strapped to the bed.
Leather straps with studs on them.
I'm in fucking rubber that's inflated.
I have a fucking sock in my mouth.
CPAP on.
Yeah, yeah.
Eyes, clockwork orange to open.
So you're sleeping on your side sleeper.
Yeah, but I'm a side sleeper.
Hey, let me give you an idea, bro.
Okay.
So the world's going to shit.
Soon before we know it, there's not going to be beds.
Meanwhile, you've been doing seated sleeping training every fucking month.
Crank that bed up every day by about three degrees until you don't even notice
it, but you can sleep standing.
You know what I'm saying?
Well, I want to start sleeping upside down like a bat.
And I also want to get a butler and have a fucking cave that I do experiments
in.
And I also want a fucking suit, black rubber suit, the Batman gimp suit.
And I also want to start fucking fighting crime and go finding the muggers that
are mugging people all around town and show them what's what with my fists and
guns.
Something sounds familiar about that, but I can't quite.
There is an organization called the ice that you might be interested in.
That's not funny, man, because they need to.
I have to say I'm seeing this shit and I can't quite believe my fucking eyes.
I cannot believe it on a serious note.
Cannot believe this fucking shit.
I would say I am sleeping significantly less.
Yes.
Due to addiction to being mad about ice.
It is just like, whoa, now slow down there, horsey.
That was only but a teaser.
Just a little taste of what I can only assume is one of the most fire podcast
episodes ever recorded.
Head over to patreon.com slash joy tactics now to unlock this crazy ass fucking
episode while simultaneously getting in at the ground floor of an exclusive
community of like minded individuals using positivity to change the world.
Cheers.