Name: 3 years | Ep. 156
Uploaded: 2026-01-26T11:19:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '3 years | Ep. 156' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '3 years | Ep. 156' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-26. Transcript available.

3 years | Ep. 156

three years three years oh my god you can imagine that's one year per host of
of exact of unbridled
uninterrupted form zero absences unleashed zero absences amazing free-flowing
conversation
joy injections into the earth if the earth had a joy health bar it'd be full
welcome to joy tactics the podcast dedicated to all things joyful joyous and
meeting as many
celebrities as humanly possible hosted by eric rahill nate veroni and jack bensinger
enjoy
and can i say this this is also essentially a 300 document 300 hour documentary
on how to make it in a
crumbling industry you have three cases of three basically rising superstars
that are being paid
as guest stars and more on yeah we need to go check badly yeah that's the last
thing we right now we need
an ego fucking supplement to boost it even more so we can get our shit done we
need to go to work we
need to go to work right now so i got good work what how's this for work you
ever seen a double fortune
cookie oh that is i've never seen that two four that is a blessing open that
fucking you play a card
open that on your birthday also that is how i keep on thinking about every time
i see a fortune cookie i
think of eric's like haunting again like a horror movie that doesn't begin eric's
life is a horror
movie that has that never starts but he's open to fortune cookies back to back
with with a blink and no
fortune oh wait really quick on the ego thing i do i can't i can check myself
right here right now
just last night i had two incidents i went out uh for dinner and drinks with
tim tim key and donal
and we're having a good time and um uh a guy at the bar walks past and says
china and may to me
well they didn't hear it and the guy left and i said did you guys
did you guys see that like yeah and i had to explain what that was but i had to
explain they
didn't catch that i was that i was clocked you see you had to like i had to
bring attention
and also we went to tower bar for dinner and uh i went to the bathroom and i
went back and a security
guard stopped me and he was like where are you going and i was like just back
to dinner and he's
like you're eating in there i was like yeah i've been eating i've been here for
like two hours and
he's like okay did not fully did not believe me so then he let you go what a
weird but then he let
me go because he probably smelled my okay dude he got close enough to smell my
expensive i look like
shit but i smell amazing
i know i look like i don't belong here smell me bro please i know you can't see
it with your eyes
but smell me bro please it'll convince me
would you rather be the sexiest person in the world who smells like fucking
rotten boat or would
you rather be the fucking ugliest person on earth can't even look him in the
fucking eyes but
sexiest rotten boat no problem cello sexiest real and then you just stay inside
right right well
it's because we've been bonding because it's just been meeting her this week
she wants some camera
time this is a full eclipse yeah that's a full cat eclipse right there there's
a cat imagine one of
these things just back with the pharaohs a pharaoh trying to do telekinesis
with its cat because it
thinks it's a god imagine that
i could be a fly on the wall during that time during that time period
hell uh you have to imagine it was hell locusts bro locusts locusts right
during that time period what was that seven was that back-to-back the days
oh bro you know that cleopatra is closer to now than she was the building of
the great pyramids
you know that right you understand that right i subscribe to your sub stack
dude of course
i know this title of this week's email it's just the top voted things from 2011's
like
r slash interesting subreddit things i learned on tiktok this week while taking
a shit i found an
amazing fucking subreddit what was it i'm gonna i think i screenshotted it
uh i i was i was on reddit and i was like we have to we have to tap into the
subreddit it was
it was so beautiful and amazing give me a sec is there something beneath the
subreddit
hypothetical situations
read a couple out and also i i uh i screenshotted this this is this is too
afraid to ask
this is read a couple read a couple this is just one that i screenshotted but
it says
mormon women do you give head in relationships hey yo too afraid to ask is
there 10 000 answers or 80 000
answers that's my question this this one actually didn't blow up that much but
okay so the two of this
just honest responses of mormons well well hell yeah i give head dude is that
is that the first uh answer
no i didn't even read them but okay so this is a hypothetical situation
for every 250 000 you get you shrink one inch
penis situation not worth it in my situation not worth it because i'm gonna i'm
5'9 so i'm in a
mysterious category that tricks the mind where people don't even consider my
height it's not always
short he's tall that's not considered i'm judged by my intellectual merits and
my physique alone
let me go to this subreddit and let me pull up so maybe maybe i can pull up the
the top uh
the top ones of all time please
all right i'm on it read it okay this is the number one hypothetical situation
a lot of them are money-based 100k usd a year but you become naked for exactly
one second at a random
time each month what the fuck of course i would done what are you that's so
stupid
gee of course i would fucking do that ridiculous for 100k for per month for 100k
a year oh no hell
nah that's not worth it and then you have to also get a fucking accidental
compliment at one point as
well for your physique oh no don't make me do that and i have a disability oh
no don't make me get
sympathy too all right for 100 million dollars now we're talking yes yes they
will put you in a
coffin they will nail it shut they will bury you six feet underground you have
enough oxygen for six
hours guaranteed after six hours they will dig you up and the money is yours
but after they bury you
they will draw straws from 100 if they draw the lone short straw they will
never dig you up
no drugs alcohol headphones in the coffin with you damn i was no alcohol no
alcohol i was like that's
a fine i'll just fucking have a bunch of drugs what the hell no wild turkey
then no sedatives
so wait and have one small flashlight if you choose would you take the chance
guys look at this
nice eric's got a flashlight on his watch
wow that's the garmin
solar instant watch my the fucking forerunner this thing fucking is just
such a piece of shit i mean it's okay but nate has to take his watch out before
he goes in the
cold plunge man i'm done with the jokes i'm done with them dude i'm done with
you making fun of my
fucking
nah nah this is not a time to joke this is a time to unite whenever i wear
these sunglasses
these style of sunglasses it does accentuate the features that i don't love on
myself
you look like you're trying to like get into like the mr smith
like agency you know you're mr smith's like fugly cousin
nah nah we all are handsome we all are handsome and we all have a lot going for
us
so enough of this bad talking bad self-talk i won't stand for it
i just don't accrue it
good word time freezes for 10 years but you get 10 billion dollars
done
dude finally it's time to what
these are wrong read percy jackson 15 times what else
bro don't joke around about it finally crack into the lightning thief
yeah that's a done deal
what else
100 million dollars but a family member of yours
your choice dies
can i say that i have a fucking stepfather his name is donald trump
now this is where it gets interesting is when you start tricking the genie
you see what i mean
oh how smart could they be they live in a fucking bottle
it's a lamp bro
bruh what's that
what makes that shit a lamp by the way
it's an oil lamp it's an ancient arab technology bro
it's full of oil
why is there an opening on the front like a tea kettle
i don't know i haven't thought about this enough
move on i'm curious of your you guys's uh perspective on this
you have a perfect 10 out of 10 body
done
okay thank you
however in the next five minutes you will get a shot
get get shot where
so it's five minutes of heaven and then you're done
exactly
in the next five minutes
what what what
you have perfect a perfect face perfect skin perfect muscle
definition etc you will still age
but you will age extremely well
let's see the the shot mechanics here
however to achieve this a man will appear in the next five minutes and shoot
you
purposefully with a nine millimeter
beauty bullet
in the
in a non artery
non instantly fatal area
oh great
oh so you get shot and then you become beautiful
i guess it it's always gonna take a fucking piece of my thumb off
of
wow
yeah i'm in
the man disappears after that
oh dude
yeah that's a
i don't have to go under general anesthesia
yeah of course i'm doing that
i'm scared of that
i was just saying i got cut with a piece of glass
recently in my
still have a
mark from it as you can see
shit
oh my god that's really bad
scars looking fucking crazy
and it was a deep
a deep gash
oh yeah you showed me that
oh no yeah
and i said to eric after i got that gash into my
it was deep
okay let me
it was like you could see inside of like
your skin
and if it would have gone
you could even see inside of my skin
if this i'm lucky this is just a
but if it would have went
dead i would have been dead instantly
but from the pain threshold i said i could take a fucking
a bullet you know
yeah not a 50 cal
i said that to eric after that but that's
because you got you because the the scratch on the wrist was
not even given one out of ten
wasn't even
because i was like man i like
i took this like a champ you know what i'm saying
yeah damn
imagine if my eyebrow was always like this
hmm
at the at the chase bank
talking to the teller
i think there's a little
you're sure that's all that's in the account
you should get a facelift but just on one side
so you have the permanent fucking
the rock
the eyebrows
dwayne johnson
there is a um
someone is on the uh
universal lot
i don't know
it's a it's some celebrity bro
some a-lister celebrity
and they have a golf simulator bro
you know how some people are like
i need to
that's kevin hart
in my run
you think it is
yeah
okay but
if i were that big
i would be getting a full scale
747 simulator
hey guys
i don't think i'm in the next couple scenes
i'll see you
yeah i'm immediately in bermuda
you see what i'm saying
in a fighter jet
what else
i thought you guys would like that
that's insider information
that could literally get me fucking fired
dude
i got one for you ready
what
you're gonna freak out bro
what
let's just say
why don't you guess
whose shoulder was
touched my shoulder last night
tiana
t
nope
who was it
not even close man
oh my god
leonardo
ariana
ariana grande
let's just say
nate is correct
no
oh my god
oh my god
oh my god
are you
dude
dude
are you
dude
are you serious
dude
you can't even imagine
how much crazy it felt
oh
because he was there for the one battle after another
famiglia
yeah famiglia
mike
was he saying
turn the fuck up
was he turning up
be honest
be honest
dude
around for as much as i could
but security
stop
i'm a writer
you know what
there was
i was waiting to get
into the
after party
last night
and i didn't wear a jacket
i didn't wear a jacket to work yesterday
because i'm like
this is a little bit
perhaps special out of me
but in my head i'm like
there's no way i'm gonna be outside
for more than like
five minutes
today
even though it's 30 degrees out
a generational snowstorm's coming
i'm not gonna wear a fucking jacket
and then i got stuck outside
and then i had to be like
can i come in please
i can explain
i'm a writer
even though i'm not on the guest list
and that
was rare
why are we
we should be welcomed
immediately
immediately
into any fucking
establishment
we really
what's it gonna fucking take
by the way
what's it gonna fucking take
it's gonna take the glick
bitch
let me in the after party
no i don't do violence
no n