Name: Tim's Kitchen Tips -- Episode 3
Uploaded: 2013-07-08T17:15:51.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim's Kitchen Tips -- Episode 3' from Tim and Eric on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-07-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim's Kitchen Tips -- Episode 3' from Tim and Eric on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-07-08. Transcript available.

Hi everybody welcome back to another episode of Tim's Kitchen Tips. My name is
Tim Heidecker and
it's a show where I can show you guys how to make fun, fast and easy recipes
right from the comfort
of your own home. And I also want to send a message out to Deluge98. Go fuck
yourself. He's a commenter
and he's been mean. He's said mean things about me and my family and the show
and all these wonderful
crew that makes the show possible. And let me just make it clear to you, what I'm
doing is helpful.
What you're doing is just negativity. So, but that's not what I'm here to talk
about. I'm here to talk
about, what's the name of that Tom Cruise movie? Cocktail sauce. It's actually
just cocktail,
but we're going to be making cocktail sauce today. And sometimes when you're
eating at home, you don't
think about having hors d'oeuvres or having appetizers, but now you can. And I'm
going to show you how.
It's very easy. Four simple ingredients. But I've got a fifth ingredient that I
think really adds a little,
a little something. All right. So we're going to start with your base, which is
ketchup.
We remember ketchup from the Russian dressing. Just put in a big old medium
sized bowl of ketchup.
And some horseradish sauce. This is new to us. Horseradish sauce. This has got
a little bit of spice to it,
a little bit of spice, but it also has a creaminess to it, which really is
quite nice.
And this one just likes to stick to the bottom of the bowl here. Get all that
in.
And chives. Everybody loves chives. This was in our French onion dip.
And now we have actually some minced up tomatoes, fresh tomatoes. Mmm. They
smell great.
And we're going to mix, start, just do a real kind of rough mix of this. Just
almost folding it over.
Folding it before you get too crazy. And right before you do your big mix, you
want to add a little bit of piss mints.
And this is really by the eye. I'm pretty comfortable with it. So I do quite a
bit because I do love the flavor of it.
And we get our stir going here.
And this, because of the tomatoes, you don't want to break up tomato solids.
You definitely want to keep this chunky, almost like a salsa.
Oops. I don't like to keep a clean kitchen until after I'm done cooking. I like
some of the chaos.
We are getting close here.
Okay.
Wow. Well, we actually mixed everything out.
No problem. That's why I keep a clean counter space because we'll just get
everything back in there.
And not a big deal.
And just for the, since I only have, I only have about a quarter of the piss mints
left. I'm just going to empty the rest of her out.
And fill it with a little water so you can get the rest of that out.
So I did add a little bit extra fluid in here. So we want to whisk.
I'm going to want to whisk that, whisk some of that fluid out.
So what I'm doing is there's, I'm creating millions of little air bubbles out
in there.
And that's letting the water evaporate and get out of the sauce.
It's thickening the sauce, almost like making a roux without the heat.
So it has gotten a little runny and you can see that run.
Actually, if I do this, you'll see the run.
Should have not put so much of the piss mints water in it.
So it's no problem. I'll just add.
And that's also going to give us some more of that nice red coloring.
And, okay, well now we are maybe just a touch on the thick side.
So I'm going to get a little more mustard water in here.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Shit.
Okay.
More ketchup.
This is what happens.
I should have just left it alone.
But, um.
Um.
And that's just a full bottle of ketchup.
Okay.
which should do the trick.
All right.
All right.
When we come back, I'm going to debut my very special.
This is what happens.
I should have just left it alone.
And that's just a full bottle of ketchup.
which should do the trick.
All right.
When we come back, I'm going to debut my very special shrimp cocktail sauce for
a very special
friend.
All right.
All right.
Well, uh, the mess has been closed.
All right.
All right.
Well, uh, the mess has been closed.
And that's just a full bottle of ketchup, which, uh, should do the trick.
All right.
When we come back, I'm going to debut my very special shrimp cocktail sauce for
a very special
friend.
All right.
Well, uh, the mess has been cleared and now we have enough shrimp cocktail
sauce to feed
an army, but I've got one guest.
I want to thank him for coming on down.
Why don't you come on down?
Mr. Eric Wareheim is here and he's going to try my shrimp cocktail.
How are you?
Uh, so, uh, thanks for coming on down to try my sauce.
And, uh, I understand you're in a bit of a rush today.
So we'll try one to take too long.
Yeah.
Um, like I told Caroline yesterday, today's not the best time for me to shoot
this.
And, you know, remember Adam Blomquist, my best friend from high school.
He passed and I'm giving a speech and, um, you know, it's not a great time, but,
uh, I do
need to be at the airport in an hour.
So.
Well, that's tricky.
Yeah.
I'm sure you'll be doing a lot of hanging out with old friends back in Philly.
Maybe whip up some sauce.
Uh, any of these, anybody can make these sauces from wherever you are.
Even if you're traveling, go down to the supermarket anyway.
Um, I'm just, I'm stressed about the funeral.
I'm upset about it.
And I'm also stressed about getting in the airport in time.
Let's just cut to the chase.
Why don't we take a little, one piece of shrimp here and, uh, just give her a,
uh, I'm going
to try some too.
Mmm.
Nice, huh?
Tastes like, um, mustard and water.
Well, this is just shrimp cocktail sauce.
I don't even know what, I mean.
That's some old shrimp.
So, careful how much you eat.
That's bad shrimp, guys.
Spit it out.
I don't want you getting sick on the flight.
Um.
Uh, it's, I just want to eat.
Yeah.
You know, I don't want to eat.
You know, I don't want to eat.
You know, I don't want to eat.
Yeah.
I don't want to eat.
I don't want to eat.
I don't want to eat.
I don't want to eat.
I don't want to eat.
I don't want to eat.
You know, I don't want to eat.
I don't want to eat.
I don't want to eat.
I just want you and the producers to kind of make a note of this.
Caroline emailed everyone saying.
I know.
I know.
I'm dealing with it.
I'm dealing with it.
I don't, I don't want, I don't want anything spicy.
Of course.
I just, I'm allergic to shrimp.
And now what I'm hearing that this is old shrimp.
Yeah.
The least that you guys could have done is brought fresh shrimp.
All right.
But the smell in my mouth.
I know.
I know.
I believe me.
Heads will, heads will roll.
And I was, I asked for fresh shrimp.
Um.
I don't know if the, I don't know if the smell is your sauce or this rotten
shrimp.
But it's, it's making me sick.
All right.
Well, let me just close out by saying thanks for watching.
And we'll be back next week with a new recipe here on Tim's Kitchen Tips.
I have a long flight.
If I get sick on that goddamn fucking shrimp.
Dude, okay.
It's just, it's not, it's just, you'll have a chance to.
Caroline, did you get the note about the shrimp?
I asked you guys to get fresh.
That's one simple thing.
All I said was fresh shrimp.
It's not her fault.
Um.
Try the, try, just get your finger in there though.
No, I'm not having any more.
That's, no.
No.
I have to go.
But he's gotta get.
Come on.