Name: Tim and Eric's Zone Theory
Uploaded: 2015-05-21T17:49:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim and Eric's Zone Theory' from Tim and Eric on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-05-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim and Eric's Zone Theory' from Tim and Eric on Comedy Buff. Published 2015-05-21. Transcript available.

The Zone System works.
I can barely remember my life before Zone Theory.
I am proud to say I am a Zone boy.
Be rich and famous right now in the Zone System.
What if I told you you can change your life in seven easy steps?
I used to be a blackjack dealer on a riverboat named Black Sally's Apple.
It was a very low point in my life.
Procrastinating, like bad mood. I was in really bad shape.
I was living on the streets, eating out of garbage cans.
Then I picked up Tim and Eric's Zone Theory: Seven Steps to Achieve Perfect
Life.
I think about the guy watching this video right now.
His name is Brian. He's suffering from addiction to marijuana.
He eats from 7-Eleven.
And now he can access Tim and Eric's Zone Theory and he can change his whole
life.
He can become somebody that he always dreamed he could be, a perfect man.
My name is Tim Negrume Heidecker and I am a Zone Plane 8.
And with Eric Wareheim, we wrote Tim and Eric's Zone Theory: Seven Steps to Achieve
a Perfect Life.
I read the book and look at my smile.
After reading the book, my life has totally improved.
My life is perfect.
Look at me now, guys.
I buy the book. I follow the rules.
Look at this. Success.
Look at this sexy beard and fancy hat.
I got them from using the Zone Theory.
Zone Master Tim Negrume and I have cracked the code.
We spent over 15 years of hard research making the Zone Theory a system that
can work for you.
Now we can access the ability to translate the power that exists with inside
the Zone System
and achieve an alignment of the Zone System to make sure that the alignments of
the Zone System
become congruent with the Zone Theory, which is just seven steps.
Only seven steps.
Seven steps. That's it.
Any toto can do seven steps.
Even my son can do it. He got issues.
Align your zones, then you're Zone Plane 8 certified. Baja Pristini.
I'm going to be enlightened.
A lot of people watching are at Plane, I'll say two.
That's just the beginning.
I'm headed to Plane 8.
Plane 8. That's what I'm talking about.
The Zone Theory is for everyone.
Men, women, children.
Find a couple male friends, do some adult horseplay.
I was instantly able to access my enthusiasm for nude horseplay.
I do mask and non-mask. Nude and not nude.
That's how I get at Plane 8.
Do you have hidden poems deep inside your mind that you want to communicate to
the world?
Who knew that I had millions of poems trapped in my brain?
Every day I wake up, call my Zone Priest, and recite him my new poem.
Kiss those marriage problems away. Say goodbye.
My son didn't respect me, but the Zone Theory made it all clear.
Through the Zone System, you can divorce your family to find perfect happiness.
I have entirely new Zone family.
Imagine being stress-free. Imagine all your friends truly loving you.
And imagine being out of debt. That's what happens with the Zone Theory.
All you gotta do is diarrhea in a spaghetti pot.
There's a couple things you're gonna need besides the book.
I got spaghetti pot and I put diarrhea in it. That's how I test my zone levels.
You talk to your diarrhea and you get real sound advice that can make a
difference.
It's just seven steps. Any kind of fuck freak can use this.
Now my probos are bottled in store.
My probos are in great shape thanks to Zone Theory.
Sometimes I want to cut my skull open, take my brain out, and admire it for
accepting the Zone Theory.
Evangelize. I'm at one with my Baha Prisdeme.
I can't wait to meet Prisdeme.
Baha Prisdeme.
Align your zones.
Baha Prisdeme.
Baha is a tricky man that I worship.
I see you.
You can achieve perfect happiness right now.
You're only going to get it one way.
You're not going to be getting it by going and being this and that.
I did it. Now I'm a perfect man.
I'm rich as a goddamn billionaire now.
I got my white foods. I got my divorces coming up.
I couldn't be happier.
Praise Baha Prisdeme.
Baha!
Baha Prisdeme is our Zone Lord.
He's a turkey man and I decided to devote my life to his teachings.