Name: Shoot The TV | Ep 3 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino & Bobby Lee
Uploaded: 2020-03-02T18:05:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Shoot The TV | Ep 3 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino & Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Shoot The TV | Ep 3 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino & Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-02. Transcript available.

Shoot The TV | Ep 3 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino & Bobby Lee

So get your tickets to see Bobby Lee Live at BobbyLeeLive.com.
Don't say, but say you, it's you.
Do it, do it.
Take some more.
Get your tickets to see me at BobbyLeeLive.com.
And my dates are coming up.
What are they, Bob?
Don't tell me what to do, but I'll tell you what they are.
Denver Comedy Works.
You deserve it.
March 12th through the 14th.
Are you downtown?
Yeah.
Larimer Square is the best.
I've been there before.
How many shows are you doing?
Just five.
Oh, I did six.
Yeah, they wanted to do seven, but I said no.
They wanted to do 13 for me, but I said it's an unlucky number.
Let's do 17.
I'm going to do Houston, Texas, the Houston Improv, March 27th through the 29th.
Dallas, Texas at the Addison Improv, April 3rd through the 5th.
And I'm going to be at San Diego, California at the American Comedy Club at
April 30th to May 2nd.
All right.
What's yours, friend?
Come see me on the Red Rocket Tour.
Go to AndrewSantino.com for tickets.
I'm in Philly, March 6th and 7th at the Punchline.
In Chicago, March 13th at Talia Hall.
Then I'm at Mohegan Sun, March 19th and 21.
And then I'm in Cincinnati, March 27th.
And then I'm in Cleveland, March 28th.
Oh, and then, and then on the 29th, I'll be in Houston for Skank Fest.
You're going to be in Houston.
At the same time, you have to come over and say hi.
Oh, yeah.
Am I going to really be in this?
Seriously.
Really?
You're going to be in Houston at the same time.
You have to come say hi.
Okay.
We'll have dinner or something.
Perfect.
Come see us.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You guys are weird.
Andrew looking good.
Have you seen a Korean guy around here?
Who, Bobby?
You two are sociopaths.
You two are disgusting.
You guys are nuts.
You two are wholesome and decent.
Oh, good.
You two are back together.
You guys are freaks.
You are a bad friend.
You two are dangerous in your coordinate.
You guys are gross.
Oh, you two are something.
We're bad friends.
Bang Joon-ho.
Okay, I can't help that all Koreans.
Bang Joon-ho.
Ladies and gentlemen, Bobby Reed.
Okay, I can't help it.
Bang Joon-ho.
That's it.
Don't do it.
I swear to fucking God.
Bobby, don't do it.
All right, you want to fuck?
Don't do that.
You want to fuck around?
Don't point it at me.
What did?
Stop doing Bang Joon.
All right?
Okay.
Stop it.
I can't help it that Koreans are big-headed.
Huge.
Yeah, yeah.
Very melanin-like.
What size hat do you have?
Like a nine and four quarters?
No, I have to get like a tailor to my head.
No.
Yeah.
If I go to like lids.
You don't go to lids.
Yeah, yeah.
They have to get that trash can and they put the trash can on my head.
Yeah.
And then they just build the fucking, you know, the opening of a trash can.
Like if you got a bowl cut, they would have to use like a fucking one of those
huge salad
bowls to cut your head.
Yay.
Did you have a bowl cut when you were a kid?
There's only two styles back then for Koreans.
What was it?
Bowl cut and just fucking monk it out.
Shave it down.
Shave it down to the nub?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do you know about, this is real, I run in the neighborhood.
Can I tell you what's going on with me?
Yeah.
My neck really hurts, by the way.
I may have a sore throat.
I may have the corona.
But I'll tell you what happened to me.
Your corona virus?
Corona.
What happened?
I had a rough two weeks, guys.
Yeah.
Oh, congratulations on Curb, by the way, that you were really good on it.
You didn't see it.
It didn't even come out yet.
I mean, it came out, but you didn't see it.
You were good on it.
You didn't see it.
Yes, I did.
You liked it?
Yeah, it was really good.
Really funny.
What was your favorite line of mine?
I don't memorize lines even.
I've seen A Good Few Men.
A Few Good Men?
Yeah, A Good Few Men, and then they...
A Good Few Men, and then, you know how they quote that movie?
I don't know any of the quotes.
But I've seen the movie like a thousand times.
Give me any movie quote that you remember, then.
Are you looking at me?
Is that what you're looking at?
What is that?
What movie could that be?
Taxi Driver.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, I don't know what.
Hey, I'm walking here.
I'm walking here?
I'm walking here.
Here's.
Here's?
Yeah, yeah, at midnight.
And then, I got so many quotes, actually.
But you saw my Curb episode, and you thought it was really good.
You're really good at it.
Okay.
I thank you for that.
Yeah.
Tell everyone where we were for the separation, that we were apart for a while.
Where'd you go?
So I went to Hawaii, and...
Again?
Yeah.
And I had a real traumatic experience there, to be honest with you, to be real.
Then say it.
Well, I show up to...
So I'm doing Magnum P.I., and the director is Robocop.
The guy who was in the fucking...
The Robocop?
The real Robocop.
He was the director?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's that guy's name?
Peter Weller.
Whoa.
Peter Weller Robocop.
So I come up to him in the early morning.
I didn't know he was directing.
I thought he was guest-starring, so I see him in the morning, and I go,
Oh, my God.
I'm a big fan of yours.
I'm a big fan of yours, too, as well, is what he said.
Yeah.
That sounds nice.
Like at 5 in the morning.
There he is, Peter Weller.
Right.
That was him.
So then I show up on set, and he comes up to me, and we haven't shot anything
yet.
And he goes, Don't fuck this up!
Joking around.
I don't know.
Obviously joking around.
Yeah.
Well, to me, it didn't sound...
And then he walked away, and he went,
You know what I mean?
I was like, what the fuck he is?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And then he goes, this is how he gives notes.
What are you doing?
More energy!
He does it like Robocop.
Yeah.
And he goes,
Right?
And then he goes,
Bobby, more energy.
No.
Yeah, yeah.
That type of thing.
Yeah.
Bob.
Bob.
I'm hungry.
But then, by the last day of shooting, I had this one line I just could not
comprehend.
I can't even say the line now.
What do you mean?
It was a line in the script I couldn't say.
In terms of what?
It was just hard to say.
It was just hard to say.
It was hard to do?
Yeah.
What do you think?
It was in the middle of a bunch of things I had to say, and I just couldn't
remember what it was.
And then, all night long, he's like, dude, would just make fun of me.
Just be like, this kid right here can't even memorize one line.
Shut up.
Yeah.
In front of everybody?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And this is after you've wrapped?
This is during the last day.
You know, this is the last day.
Oh, what the fuck?
On set, in front of people.
Yeah, I mean, people, you know, he is, you know, he's obviously joking around.
Yeah, but it's not fun.
But to me, it's just not fun.
It just puts a lot of, like, added, because I'm not even getting that much
money for it.
And I'm doing it because I love the leads in it and stuff.
It's fun to do, you know, but...
But he's a guest director.
He's not every episode.
No, every week.
Yeah, so, yeah, every week is somebody different.
But, um, so then that happened, and then I flew my mom to, um, Maui.
And Stevie, right?
My brother Steve, yeah.
Yeah.
And then yesterday...
Yeah.
What?
It came down...
I made her cry.
Why?
My mom.
My mom cried in my bedroom.
I know.
Why did you make her cry?
BTS.
Backstreet?
No, no, no.
Because of BTS, man.
You know what BTS is?
Behind the...
Behind the Shield?
It's a huge...
The biggest pop group on earth.
Oh, oh, they're...
Oh, they're K-pop stars.
Yeah.
I know who they are.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know who they are.
ATF?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Those are the ones that killed the people in, uh, Waco.
That's what ATF is.
Wait, BTS.
This is them.
Yeah, the biggest boy band in the world.
The biggest K-pop band literally in the world.
And they are all so fucking hot.
Yeah.
Look at how...
That's a...
Are these all boys?
Yeah.
That's a girl.
Yeah.
That's a hot boy.
Yeah.
I would fuck every one of them in their buttholes.
Can I tell you the one that I wouldn't?
This one.
Which one?
I don't like his look.
This one right here.
No, that was the one, yeah.
That was the one that, like, barely got in.
He didn't even want him.
He auditioned 50 times.
We need somebody.
We need somebody.
How about Oguro?
And they're like, we don't...
He can't sing nothing.
You know what I mean?
Boy, he'll just be in the background.
He's in the background.
Look at this.
Yeah, look at this.
They don't even tell him where the camera is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's looking this way.
They don't even...
He just...
You know, he finds out from the other guys when the photo shoots are.
Yeah, yeah.
They don't call him directly.
No, he has to get text.
Yeah, taco, taco, taco, tanakao.
Tanaka.
It goes, it goes, yeah, yeah, Wingo.
That's his name, is Wingo.
Yeah, Wingo.
We have a photo shoot right now.
They didn't tell me?
Right?
And he has to run.
They won't even pick him up.
He has to run with his little yellow legs.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm here, guy.
Oh, look, look.
He might be blind.
They're all looking at the camera.
He's blind.
Well, they're Asian.
That's rude.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
You know what I meant.
He's looking the wrong way.
Don't do eye jokes now, but my friend...
He wasn't.
I know.
What are their names, by the way?
Can you name one of them real quick?
No, I have no idea who they are.
Let's go through their names.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's learn who they are.
Yeah.
Well, let me...
Can I tell you the story first and then we'll learn?
Nah, nah.
I want to know who...
I want to know who they are.
Oh, do you know what that BTS stands for?
What?
The Korean expression...
How do you say this?
It literally means bulletproof,
Boy Scouts.
Yeah.
That's what they are.
Shoot one.
Fucking shoot one!
Do that!
Shoot George.
If you're going to shoot somebody, shoot George.
All right.
I will Virginia Tech this place up, brah.
How about this?
How about this?
Let's say you're going to give George a raise
if you can shoot him every week.
That was a bad joke, by the way.
That was so dark.
Yeah, that was very black.
I skipped right over it.
George is going to get a raise if he can shoot you every week.
Would that be worth it?
Every week.
He shoots you one time in any body part he chooses,
but you get a raise every week.
Chung Sung Wee.
Until you basically own the show.
You knew who that is?
Yeah.
Chung Sung Wee?
Chung Sung Wee.
That's his name, right?
The guy that shot up Virginia Tech.
Oh, my God.
I don't want to talk about that shit.
I have to talk about it.
No, let's talk about BTS.
I want to talk about BTS, but I want to talk about him, too.
I want to talk about BTS real fast.
All right, go ahead.
Can I tell you what happened, though, you fuck?
Oh, here we go.
Clockwise from left.
Here's their names.
Okay.
One's just named the letter V.
Really?
Yeah.
Kim Taehyung, also known by his stage name V, South Korean singer.
Then there's J-Hope.
Yeah.
Better known.
Cutie.
Oh, that's Jung Ho Seok.
Yeah, he's cute.
Let's rake them.
Yeah, okay.
Let's give him, okay, let's give him a go with the V first.
V is, God.
That's the ugly one.
I'm going to give him a three.
I just can't do it with him.
Yeah, yeah.
He's got too many gaps in his teeth.
J-Hope, hot.
Yeah, an eight.
That's an eight or a nine.
Eight or nine.
RM.
Ooh.
Wow.
You know, they take good pictures of him.
That's Kim Namjoon, of course.
Everybody knows him as RM.
Yeah.
I'll give him a six.
Five and a half.
Six.
Then Jin himself.
Oh, ten.
Kim Seok Jin is the shit.
He's a ten, ten, ten.
He'd suck my dick all day.
How do you say ten in Korean?
Ten.
And then Jimin is...
Oh, shit.
You know what?
You know what I like?
This is Park Jimin.
Everyone knows Park is someone who's...
Look at it.
And the photo says it all.
Cute and flirty.
And I love sugary cereal.
He's a cute guy.
He's cute, yeah.
I like him.
Yeah, yeah.
And then who do we got left?
We have five more.
Jungkook.
Yeah, Jungkook.
Oh.
Beautiful.
That's a villain in a movie, huh?
This actually looks like if you Photoshopped...
You know if someone did like a de-aging thing on you?
Yeah.
That could be...
That was like you when you were a little boy.
That looks like y