Name: From the Bottom of My Happy Heart | Ep 9 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino & Bobby Lee
Uploaded: 2020-04-13T16:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'From the Bottom of My Happy Heart | Ep 9 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino & Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'From the Bottom of My Happy Heart | Ep 9 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino & Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-13. Transcript available.

From the Bottom of My Happy Heart | Ep 9 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino & Bobby Lee

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots
a white dude and an asian dude you two are disgusting
well you two are something we're bad friends
honey come home from the war you i miss come home to daddy daddy miss you so
much
baby come home baby you're loved baby you died wow she died johnny died in the
song johnny died in
the song yeah he was in the war and uh he uh he had some sort of gangrene on
his leg because he
stepped on an ied he stepped on an iud or an ied iud he stepped on a birth
control not a bomb oh he
stepped on a birth control thing yeah yeah that's why i got gangrene wow iud he
would have been blown
off yeah but iud stepped on a birth control device um i'm wondering if you were
in because i see a lot
of war movies and i feel like in like the movie platoon you would be the kevin
dylan character
sure you would like make a vietnamese guy hop up and down on one leg yep and
dance yep and you'd be
the guy that like you're like the guy that like the other platoon soldiers go
oh did you see what
andrew did back in the village yeah he tortured that little korean boy raped a
baby no he raped a
baby no i didn't he was just he walked into the hut he picked up the baby and
he just started having
sex with i wouldn't have sex with it i would throw it i might throw it or kick
it i might throw it or
kick it bob have you been lighting have you been lighting cigarettes with a a
um like a campfire
lighter yeah like a torch lighter yep why do you not have a regular lighter i
can't find them
i can't find them anywhere in the house that little song baby come home i
really like that you do is
that is that an old is that a thing that we should know no i just made it up oh
wow yeah i just make
up songs because well it sounds like an old classic yeah beautiful korean yeah
like we have an old there's
an old irish there's an old irish one we sing an old irish folklore type song
well but it's this is
it's translated because it's it's in gaelic but this is what it's oh shit like
a gypsy shit huh yeah but
in english it says this they go there once was a lad who drank two don't laugh
why are you laughing i'm trying to give you a piece of my culture and my
history
whatever the you know it's like whenever you watch like the game of thrones or
any of those kind of
movies and the or the hobbit or lord of the rings sure and then like you know i
mean a hobbit will
start singing in a fucking uh auditorium uh-huh i used to start laughing it's
so dumb hey hey
keep going there once was a lad who drank too much he'd never be alive again
whiskey and beer and whiskey
again never will he see a friend yeah he laid to rest he did his best all right
he fought when they
asked him to a drunk but a good man overall thank goodness he wasn't a jew that's
the song
that's a good one it's a good song it rings true today yeah it's evergreen it's
evergreen evergreen
song from the evergreen country my good friend because when you watch like
those kind of uh um those
kind of things like if you're watching um i don't know what genre or what time
period is but where
they used to have bards like traveling bars yeah traveling bards yeah and they
would tell stories
and sing those were like the beatles and you know what i mean yeah those were
like they were like
half beatles and half like comic what was that what was that um what was that
movie it was like
seven short films what was that called there's so many movies no the one it
just came out a couple
years ago seven short films and one of the film one of the short films was
about a man who traveled
the country with no limbs telling stories oh yeah i did see that i why can't i
think of the name of that
what was that oh so good it was a horror movie it was like the halloween right
no no no this was like
um oh dude this is gonna yeah yeah okay yeah what yeah he had no limbs and he
was a trap he would
travel a ton of town and a guy would take care of him yeah but the guy was
using him yeah exactly
yeah what was that ballad of buster scroggs does that sound stupid is that way
off
i would never watch a movie wait what's it called ballad of buster scroggs you
know what we're talking
about get in the she doesn't know anything by the way we have our we have what's
titu is uncle what's
well niece yeah what's niece in philippines what's niece
but that's
is that right
is that right
it was very good i saw that yeah it was very good that's about the traveling
guy wait a minute
yeah but i don't want to skip over that but say it slow so i can hear it
it
every time i do it it sounds like the computer that translates it
and what and what language is that um visayan what's visayan it's in um cebu in
the island of
the philippines whoa whoa it's mythic there's history so let me ask you
something jules i know
you don't like talking but um in the philippines so every island has their own
language um not always
get closer to the mic yeah you have to get closer to the mic so we can hear you
yeah yeah not always
because in manila you have um tagalog yeah and then some other um islands also
speak tagalog oh i see
what's the what's the most common language in the philippines um tagalog tagalog
tagalog yeah yeah
yeah but can can you understand like if somebody's speaking talogo yeah i can
understand you can
understand it but can you speak it um i'm okay with it i'm not an expert yeah
yeah it's like um if we
went to it's just like like we go to the south in l.a and no we lived we went
to nevada or something
and then they had a well maybe not nevada no like the south if you go to south
the south the
south if you go to new orleans new orleans and then they had a completely
different language that
we didn't understand but now new orleans that the the the like in new orleans
the what is it called
the cre like when they do real creole yeah yeah yeah all that stuff's hard here
look at it tell
me if you can understand what this says tell me if you can understand this one
what am i saying here
you know it's just so racist no it's not one more time it just doesn't sound
right
do you hear any of that that's that's in tagalog that's how are you doing today
what yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i don't think it's right it's you don't think
that's right at all she's if it's how
are you it's oh that sounds like spanish how about how about this what's this
one
purushangam purushangam no nothing nothing god what is this app google
it's nothing maybe try filipino instead of tagalog but they don't have filipino
on there
no they could tagalog is the most common one on the language translate one do
you ever when you go to
another place though and you try to conversate with someone do you use english
as the as the middle ground
i've only um i've only went to like bohol and kamotas and they speak um visayan
my language
oh they speak your language but then when i go to manila i speak um english
because i'm not good with
tagalog oh do most people in manila speak english they do but they don't they're
not good at it
right yeah you're really good at it when did you start taking english
um ever since i was young because the the schools teach english yeah with hopes
that you guys are
going to get out or maybe you know the concubine life yeah sometimes like you
know the expats or
whatever like you know the older you know i mean white dudes white dudes are
there yeah the dudes and
they want to you know bang bang do you know what 90 day fiance is do you know
what that television show
is no oh it's wonderful oh yeah it's so good a lot of season it's so good yeah
and these men are trying
to go marry a lot there's a lot of filipino women that come across on the show
and they want they
marry them so they could get to the united states but you know there's
something about you know i've
seen that show before there's something about like an average or kind of an uglier
white dude and then
they go to a country like that and they come back with a real hottie i get
angry why i don't know why
they come back because those women just want somewhere to live i know they're
basically sex slaves
they're sex slaves yeah they have sex with these weird white dudes that are
like they're just
just looking for a wife there's this there's this um old um series on hbo
called um autopsy you ever
see those no oh you you have hbo go or yeah yeah all right so go to the
documentary section autopsy
it's called autopsy and they were made in the early 90s or 90s they're
incredible because they
show real bodies and stuff yeah back in the day yeah but it's like they're all
forensicy you know
um case files but it's all case files on like like um on cold cases or on no on
real cases that they
solve through forensics oh they've been solved it was like the first show of
that kind whoa and they had
this uh film philip this white man gross and his exactly and his young filipino
wife right suddenly
dies right they find her like hand and you know i love it when they find the
hand first
they'll find a hand sticking out of the ground yeah right and then they don't
know what to do it's
it's always a jogger right so i was out in the early morning and i know i saw a
hand yeah i hate when
they do that you know what i would if i died right yeah i would i want to die
in a mysterious way in
that way where they find my hand in the field but then like a year later they
find like an ear
in like an island off hawaii and then a foot in antarctica why don't we just
spread your
body parts all over the world all over the world so they don't know what the
happened just one bobby
lee eye sticking out yeah yeah at a fish market just your eye out of an eye out
of ice i know yeah and
then um so that it always remains yeah autopsy but then it turns out like he's
always he always does
that like he has had four other filipino wives over his life and he killed mr
mysteriously died or
disappeared it's disgusting yeah so they you know was he american he's oh it's
always an older white
dude i know but but dude a lot of british there was a british dude in the news
in uh bristol maybe it
was called yeah 39 39 women and children that he had killed did all this
screwed up shit to 39 and he
got away with it forever yeah he basically wanted to get caught at some point
yeah these weirdo white
dudes they get these foreigners like that yeah because they can't you know they
can't what are
they gonna yeah but you know what that kind of behavior is everywhere though
yeah i know because
remember the japanese kid there was a japanese kid it he went to school he he
comes from a real
a rich japanese family a powerful japanese family yeah and he went to a school
a boarding school or a
college or whatever he was a foreign exchange student in sweden or whatever and
he ate a white uh swedish
girl oh yes he ate her yes and then he's now in like prison yeah but his family
is so powerful that he
got out yeah and now he's just roaming free imagine like he's in a japanese bar
getting drunk right he
is and people are telling stories you know what i mean and he gets this is
always top everyone else's
yeah oh yeah oh that's oh you you ate a mongoose once oh yeah i ate you know me
a white swedish lady
everyone's like whoa that's impressive yeah to eat a white swedish girl and get
away with it
i love that money power respect yeah oh bob speaking of which yeah how cool is
this whatever
anyway um say thank you thank you say thank you to ted months he did this this
is awesome right that
really is dope this is very cool you see it on camera can you see it yeah how
do you say cool in in uh
she's not she's a bright she's my little google translate she's a bright girl
how do you say cool
thank you thank you how do you say thank you oh you filipinos don't say thank
you
salamat huh salamat salama salama salama you guys the world is changing we all
need to adapt
everyone's buying stuff online staying at home now that e-commerce is up uh
they need to meet the
demands of a new delivery culture you got to get ready and use ship station it's
the