Name: Three Hundred Hussies | Ep 10 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee
Uploaded: 2020-04-20T16:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Three Hundred Hussies | Ep 10 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Three Hundred Hussies | Ep 10 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-20. Transcript available.

Three Hundred Hussies  | Ep 10 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian
dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends.
I told you he had HIV to get your attention. Let me just let people know what
happened. I'm outside with my dogs. I'm having a good day. Very sunny good day.
It was after the rains. It was nice. It was real nice. I get a call from Redman
over here and he goes, I have something very important to tell you. I go, I'm
listening.
Because when your friend opens up like that, your ears are, you know. My eyes
are squinty, but my ears are squinty. But when I hear stuff like that, my ears,
you know what I mean? Yeah. Like a cartoon. Boink, boink. Hello? Yeah. What
happened? And you go, seriously, you know Alex. Alex is our ad guy. He works
with us doing ads for the show. Right. And he said, man, Alex thought he had
the coronavirus.
Mm-hmm. Right. And he went and got tested, but they did some blood work.
Because they found something abnormal in his blood. Abnormal, right. And it
came back that he has HIV. So he's no longer our ad guy.
And he's no longer our ad guy. And he has to go to Yuma, Arizona. Yuma, Arizona.
Yeah, yeah. And to get some sort of testing.
Because that's where the facility is that he needs to help. I don't know that.
Yeah. Yeah. I don't know that.
Not a real thing. So then he talks to me about some other kind of business.
Yeah, real business.
Yeah. So then we hang up the phone. Mm-hmm. And I'm like tears are welling up
in my eyes.
Like I'm shaking. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, oh my God, I got to tell
Kalilah.
Yeah. You did tell her right away. She texted me right away. Yeah. So I go to
Kalilah and I go,
you know, Alex, he has HIV. Right. And then I tell her that information. But
then the tears
quickly went away. Yeah. Because I wanted to go play Witcher 3 downstairs. I
did. I did.
You care about your friends getting HIV for four seconds? It was a good eight
seconds. Okay.
Went down to play adventures. I was in caves trying to find the sword that I
want. Did you find the
sword that you needed? No. Okay. And then Kalilah texts me because, you know, I
live in a very big house.
So she has to. Oh, yeah. She has to text me. Yeah, we know. Yeah. Downstairs.
Right, Jules?
We're killing it. And she's not. She's just living there. She does live there.
And she's
going to get the house when you guys have to move out. When you guys get evicted,
aren't
you taking over the house, Jules? Yeah, she is. I'm taking her the fuck out.
This is an ungrateful
little Filipino movie. She's going nowhere. What? She's going nowhere. She's
staying in your
house forever. She will be with you for the rest of time. Yeah. You know, we've
been watching
90 Day Fiance. Love it. Hold on. Finish your story. All right. Let me finish
the story. So you're in the basement,
Kalilah texts you and says, what? You fucking idiot. He doesn't have HIV, you
fucking idiot.
I go, he does. Andrew called me and he said, yeah, they have. Yeah. And she
goes, no, he's
just joking. So then I called you and then you left. My point is, is this. How
do you, why
would you think I would? My point is, is this, is that when you prank somebody
and you say
stuff like that, at the end of the phone call, you go, I was just kidding. You
don't let it,
you don't let it fucking live. How would you not know that I was kidding? I
wasn't. It was so obvious I was
joking around. People can have, right? People? No, not anymore. Yeah. We know a
guy that has
it. I know, but he got it in like 86. He has it. I know, but no one gets it.
You know how I know
he has it. How? I've never gave him a hug. You won't touch him? No, I do. I do.
Do you ever,
oh, you don't, well, you don't use drugs. I do. But my point is, is that. Would
you,
would you share a drink with him? If he, if you were like, can I get a sip of
that? If he was like,
can I get a sip of that? I'm really thirsty. Would you give him a sip? Of what?
Like
if I had a Coke? Yeah. Yeah. But no, yeah, yeah. I'll go. Yeah. Here you go.
And then
he would give it back and I would just hold it. Until he walked away. Until he
walked away.
Yeah. Dump it out. And then burn the cup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, seriously. Alec,
I told you that
he had HIV to get your attention. Got it. And then I asked you the business
thing. It's not,
it's not, you know. No, because when I asked you business stuff, when I asked
you stuff about the
show. Yeah. You go like this. Ready? Yeah. You're me. I'm you. So, so. All
right. So.
Call me and be, act me. Yeah. Hello. Cause that's how you always open. A
hundred percent. Yeah. And then
you go, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey. That's how I do it. Yeah. You
go. What, what, what, what? And
then what do I say? I said, you go, um, give me any business thing. Like we
need to do this. So anyway,
um, so the, you know, the mics, we got to get new mics. Um, okay. Okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay. I don't care.
I don't care. I gotta go. I gotta go. That's what I do every fucking time. Do I
talk like that?
Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. See, I fucking love you. You do. So, so if I can't get
your attention,
if I'd got to talk a real business thing that I was like, he's never going to
take this serious.
And it was a long conversation. So I told you that the ad guy got HIV because I
knew it would
get your attention. But, but from now on, right now, any, anything. Right.
Right. If Chris D'Elia
gets in a car accident and you call me that he's in a pair, he's paralyzed.
Yeah. I'd be like,
ha ha ha. Yeah. But I would laugh too. Oh yeah. I would too.
I love you. Let's show this. Ironic. D'Elia sent Bobby a video. Yeah. So last
night, you
know, let's play the video. Let me explain it first. Okay. So last night I'm
having a great
day. I'm downstairs playing Witcher 3, just going on some adventures, trying to
find another
sword. And then I get a text from this piece of shit. Yeah. Go ahead. Play it.
Here's what
D'Elia's text to Bobby was. My special came out. Yeah. It's killing. Yeah. You
should do
one, you know, get it together and fucking do one already. Yeah. But you don't,
you know,
and you won't because you're a pussy. That's it. That's the video. Let's
criticize the way
he looks though. Okay. Number one, Chris D'Elia. All right. I don't know. What
a weirdo. Okay.
Look at this. Look at this though. Yet another, look at this face. Yet another
goofball tattoo
from Chris. Paper, another, a paper airplane. Dumb. He's three for three on bad
tats. Right.
His lips are like, remember that amphibian character in Hellboy? Oh yeah. He
has his lips. He does.
Yeah. They're always wet. Yeah. D'Elia's lips are always fucking wet. Soaked.
Soaked. You know why?
Why? Because he does this all the time. Yeah. Is that what he does? All the
time. I see him lick
his lips all the time. Oh, that's what it is. He wants wet lips. Yeah. He wants
to be wet lips. Let's
call him wet lips from now on. So wet lips sent you this text. Did you text him
back? Yeah. I texted him.
I'll show you what I texted him. I go, because when he sends me videos like
this all the fucking time
and I get so angry. I don't know why. Well, he sends me those videos. And I go,
I just said,
I'm going to hurt you. What did he say? Nothing. Nothing. He never responded.
Yeah. In fact,
he didn't hurt you then, didn't he? Yeah. I mean, one time he sent me a video
of,
aren't my dogs cute? Ugh. So he has two dogs. I think he has three. I thought
he had three.
Whatever. Two or three dogs running around being cute, but they're running on
top of a pile
of money. Yeah. That's hilarious. That's so funny. He does stuff like that. He
does. Yeah. Well,
he's a richy rich guy. Yeah. He's the, he is, he's secretly probably one of the
richest friends we
have. Don't you think? I mean, if I were to guess, he's not the richest. No, no,
but I'm saying he's,
he's up there though. He's up there. He's in the top. I think that the richest
one we know
is your Sebastian. By far. By far. Right. That's not even, it's not even close.
Sebastian's by far
the richest, right? Yeah. And we went to his house. Who are you calling? White
Lips. Oh.
Let's see what he's got to say about himself. If he can pick up, you know this
guy? Yeah. He might
be too. You've met him before, right? Yeah. You know Chris? Yeah. Do you like
him? You like his
comedy? I don't watch it. You don't watch comedy. That's good. Talk in the mic.
Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message. Jules, were you
talking to
the mic and go, hey, go, hey, speak in only in Filipino and say, hey, it's me.
I've never
been a fan of you or your comedy. Will you? Yeah. Great. You may hang up or
press one
for more options. Hi, cuya. I don't know how to do this comedy, but I don't
know how to do it.
Okay, bye. What the fuck? What did you just say? I said that Tito Bobby said
that you have
a big lips, and I don't like your comedy, and Cuyangelo said hi and bye. Okay,
good.
Yeah, that was very good. Thank you so much. That's so good. I love you. You're
the best.
You're the best. Thank you, Jules. So fucking good. He sends me those weird
texts all the
time. That's what he does. His special did come out. Very funny. Very funny.
Does beg the
question, Bob. When's Bobo going to do one? All right. You know what? We're not
doing that
right now. Okay, no problem. We're not doing that right now at all. We don't
have to. We
don't have to. You want to talk about something that's been bothering you for a
while outside
of that? Which is what? The podcast by Ken Jeong. It's not bothering me. It's
not? Is it
bothering you? Well, you sent me a text that said it's so fucking annoying that
they have
a podcast now? And you said, I hate Joel McHale. If you want to go down this
path, I can go
down a path that you're not going to like as well. Don't ever roll your little
eyes at
me, by the way. Okay. Well, hold on though. Here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We compiled
something.
We compiled a little. Bobby Lee or Ken Jeong, who sent this tweet? Let's see
how different
or close you guys are to having the same kind of tweet sentiments because we
were looking
at the tweets and I was like, hmm, maybe they copied us because you guys have
similar tweets.
Yeah. Right? All right. So let's play Bobby Lee live or Ken Jeong. Here we go.
Sorry,
I'll stop the retweets. Got carried away. Damn you, Coke Zero. Who said that?
Bobby or Dr.
Ken? Who said that? Me? Yeah. I didn't say that. I don't like Coke Zero. That's
right. Yeah.
Yeah. If any of this is bad, it's all George. Okay. Okay. So tired from my
private charter flight
from to New Zealand. Humble jet lag. Oh, definitely not me. I take Southwest
Airlines. Middle seat.
That's why they love you. Yeah. I'm addicted to ramen, y'all and pussy. It is
something that
I would say, but I didn't say that. You didn't? No. Yes, you did. Yes, you did.
I said that?
April 19th, 2014. You said, I'm addicted to ramen, y'all and pussy. All right.
Oh, shit.
Holy fuck. I was in a psychedelic band in my early 20s and I look like Pocahontas.
I'm so glad
they kicked. That's me. Is it? Yeah, because I was in the psychedelic band.
Yeah, you were.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was the band? We were called Laxton Superb. You can see
a video on
YouTube. Laxton Superb? Yeah. We're going to look that up after we play this.
No. Have you
ever showed anybody that? No, I don't want to show people. Wait, why? You just
said we
can look it up on YouTube. On your own. You just told everybody. Not us. Oh.
People
listening on us. Oh, the fans? They can watch it. Yeah, I don't know exactly. I
know it's
on YouTube. Laxton Superb? That's what the band was called, yes. Wow. Why? No,
I think
that's amazing. Yeah, I was 21. It was a psychedelic band? That's what I just
said in the tweet.
Read it. Yeah, but was it? Yes, it was. Huh. Yeah. Eric Stonestreet, I'd rather
not talk
about it in public, Eric Stonestreet. Thank God there's a private direct
message and not
a tweet. That's definitely Ken Jeong. Why? Because he's friend