Name: Rudy's Getting Kicked Out | Ep 15 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee
Uploaded: 2020-05-25T16:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy's Getting Kicked Out | Ep 15 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy's Getting Kicked Out | Ep 15 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-25. Transcript available.

Rudy's Getting Kicked Out | Ep 15 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee

-You two are bad friends!
-Who are these two idiots?
-A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
-Well, you two are something.
-We're bad friends.
-Vice President Biden, quite frankly,
we're a little concerned with your mental faculties
because you've said some really weird stuff
to the media recently.
-You gotta do that to white media and black media
because my wife has to go on at 6:00.
-What does it have to do with race?
-Uh-oh, I'm in trouble.
-Yeah, you are.
Are you gonna keep saying weird shit?
-I will.
-Okay, do you need help?
Like, is something wrong, do you think?
-You got more questions, but I'd tell you
if you have a problem figuring out
whether you're for me or Trump
and you ain't black.
-I know I'm not black.
What are you- what are you talking about, dude?
-Is he losing his mind?
It is funny.
-I posted this shit on my Instagram.
-I saw it, I saw it.
-But here's the problem.
-I didn't like it.
-I'm getting so much shit for it right now
for no reason.
Like, I knew political-
It's not about po-
I didn't do it for politics.
People are all like,
"Oh, you're a Trump fan?"
Like, what, you can't make fun of Biden now?
Like, what is this?
What's this world that-
-Make fun of him after he gets elected.
-Really?
Make fun of him after he gets elected?
What a bitch thing to say.
You're supposed to make fun of everybody.
You're a comedian.
-No, but our intentions-
-And how many fucking-
How many fucking videos online
are of making fun of Trump?
It's like, every comic has a Trump joke.
Myself included.
This is a-
-But do you understand people's mentality
and their point of view
and how they feel about it right now?
-A feel about what?
-About Trump and the administration and whatnot.
-Do you understand how people feel about it?
-I don't understand, but we're not-
-Me neither.
So what are you talking about?
-But people do have feelings about it.
-I don't give a shit.
-I don't give a shit.
-Well, then let them have their reaction.
-No, I don't-
-You have your feelings, let them react.
It's called cause and effect, baby.
-The point is, you can make fun of-
-Every action, there's an equal reaction, baby.
That's what they say in the fucking books, baby.
-You should be able to make fun of both parties.
-I understand that.
-That's when you're funny.
-But you're still allowed to, like, comment on shit
and have an opinion.
-No, no, no.
But when they say, like, I'm a Trump fan because of this,
that's the problem with what's going on.
-Yeah.
-Okay, so when people on SNL used to make fun of Bill Clinton
and they mocked him-
-Yeah.
-Okay, so were they not Democrats then?
No.
The problem is in today's fucking media-
-But those SNL people still got negative criticism for it.
-You're missing the point.
-The point is that you have ugly, thick, Italian, red-headed eyebrows.
-That's the point?
-Yeah, and the thing is that if you post that on Instagram,
people are going to comment, but that's their point of view.
It is ugly, and it's thick.
But my point is that everyone has their own opinion, my friend.
It's like this, you know?
People say that I look old now.
-You're the dumbest friend I have.
What did you just say?
You sound like this guy.
-What guy?
-You sound like this guy.
You sound like this.
If you're black, if you're not-
-You're saying weird shit?
-I will.
-I will.
-Okay, do you need help?
Like, is something wrong, do you think?
-You got more questions, but I'd tell you,
if you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump,
then you ain't black.
-If you have a problem figuring out if you're with me or Trump,
then you ain't black.
-No, he's saying, right?
-If you vote for Trump, then you're not black.
That's what he's saying.
-That's what he's saying.
-No, he doesn't-
-If you've got a problem-
-Whoever's on, you're obviously not the one he's talking to, right?
-Yeah, this is a dubbed video I did.
-Exactly.
So, I don't know who he's talking about, too.
-Then I was showing Rudy, not for the show.
-So maybe the other guy that he's talking to isn't black.
-The guy that I-
This is Charlemagne's video.
He was black.
Charlemagne's black.
-He might not be, though.
-You're right.
-Inside, on the inside.
-You're right.
-Right?
-No, you're wrong.
-On the-
-Okay.
-Charlemagne's black.
-On the inside.
-In the inside and the outside.
Upside-down, backwards, inside-out.
-Well, you wondered that point.
-Upside down.
-Down.
-Doing it right.
-Doing it wrong.
-Upside down.
-You don't know that song?
-Yeah, no.
-Boy, you turn me inside-out.
-Doing it right.
-Round and round.
-Doing it wrong.
-Doing it every way.
-Rudy is one week away-
-Rudy is gonna get kicked out of the house.
-She's one week away from graduating school.
-Rudy is gonna get-
When she graduates, she's out of the fucking house.
-Let's give it up for Rudy's gonna graduate.
-Rudy's gonna graduate-
-Rudy, yeah, clap it up.
-She's not gonna graduate.
She has another year.
-Graduate this year.
She's gonna move on from this year.
-She has not graduated.
-You're gonna graduate this year, Rudy.
-If you're a sophomore, you're not-
-Rudy, let's clap it up for you.
-I'll give it one clap.
All right, so I have a complaint.
I have a massive complaint.
-All right, let's hear them, baby.
-My massive complaint is this, okay?
-Mm-hmm.
-Is that, you know, Rudy isn't my blood relative.
-Yeah, not blood blood.
-Or legally or any-
I, from the grace of my own heart,
because I'm, you know, very Mother Teresa in that way.
I'm a bleeding heart.
Empathy, number one.
-You're very Mother Teresa.
You're like an old-
-Empathy number one for me.
-You're like an old, haggard bitch who never fucks.
-Yeah.
-You're just like Mother Teresa.
mother Teresa that's what you talk your ugly fucking eyebrows would you talk
yeah look at the
lack of definition in your fucking arm I'm fat you have this did the most like
that's like you're a
little ham hock you're like if you like oh if you mr. potato had a piece of ham
with little with
little fake all right so anyway um I have a bleeding heart I'm a good dude yeah
um dito
Bobby can you move to the left that's what I'm talking that's part of it that's
a part of it I
told her I said to make that's a part of that's a part of it but she's rude
that's a part of her
tone all right you're the best I let her into my house um she doesn't pay for
rent right she doesn't
pay for food right she doesn't pay for really anything really well but her her
physical being
is worth something correct her presence is definitely worth something yeah she's
lovable
enjoyable sweet it's smart no she's basically the one of the people like you
had Cleopatra which is
me you okay so your mother Teresa and Cleopatra combo combo a combo deal right
so you you're Cleo
Teresa yeah right and she's building the pyramids oh yeah that's like you know
that imagine Cleopatra
and there's 200 000 dudes or a million dudes yeah building like you know so
that's why she is why so
many dudes I don't because they're very complex things to build pyramids I
built three of them in
my life and they take a long those one boulder is is the heavy very heavy okay
yeah it's as heavy as
Eric Griffin shout out but boom I'm gonna get a text from that he texted me
already he goes y'all
need to stop talking about it on your podcast I know I know I know are you
kidding me we're the we're
giving you more press I know you've ever done yeah this is better than workaholics
for him
yeah Montez yeah yeah Santino yeah I got so many people texting me about the
shit you say on our
show so come back to me um yeah my turn yeah yeah Bobby's turn so here's a list
of things number one
um we're having dinner the other night and she looks at me and she goes uncle Tito
you have to take out
the trash was it your turn to take out the trash there is no turn there's no
turns everyone has a
turn it's sure it's your it's not no it's a chore that was designated to me by
Kalilah right so it's
your she thinks that Kalilah is the boss of me and she is she is not I'm my own
independent human being
who pays my own personal taxes and whatnot okay you know what it's like Kalilah
Kalilah is like the
McDonald's corporation yeah and you own a franchise right so yeah it's yours
you get to do what you
want no no no it's the reverse answer to the franchise you you cook the fries
the way that
they want them okay okay fine but it's not even it's not that like the
franchise it's like the
fry guy telling me let's say I own the fucking McDonald's that's the fry guy
fry guy right the
fry guy telling the owner of the McDonald's restaurant right go take out the
trash because
corporate told you me to tell you and guess what you got to do it because
corporate did say it fine but let me say this all right there aren't a lot of
shifts open for her
oh so she's gonna get let go there's not gonna be a lot of shifts she's there's
there's a cause and
effect like we talked about earlier I understand so all right so so her shifts
are getting tinier so
that's the number one so she looks at direct me right in the eyes and goes not
in a soft you know
not a sweet sweet way Tito Bobby no would you please take out the trash you
have to take out the trash
like right in my fucking eye can you say it again how you said it to just so
she can have a fucking
stance on how this went down can you say how you said it yeah go ahead let's
hear it okay Tito Bobby
can you take out the trash tonight that's so nice she's fucking 12 years old
she's like an adult she's I
know whatever telling an adult she is a guy that owns the house can you she
said can you take out the
trash you could have said you know I can't right now can you and what would you
have said it's okay
it's okay it's okay Tito Bobby you bend your shit huh you little fucking
squirrel she bends it like
Beckham baby like Beckham huh she that's not my only one there's another one
what is it number one number
two is um so we're driving down the street okay all right and we see a car
parked in front of the
middle of the street yeah I turn around mad because you can't just fucking park
your car in the middle
of the fucking street no one can get through so I had to I had to do a u-turn
it's on your your house
right and yeah and then I look at her face all the blood from her face had has
had gone out she's
scared yeah and I what the fuck what why you know sometimes people park their
car in the middle of
the street right ain't no bad big deal no baby no big deal right she goes uncle
Tito you know who that
was I got no who was it um David Dobrik's friend friend so David Dobrik I know
who he is all right
not him his friend who was his friend what's his name um Jason Nash and Jeff
Smith Jason Nash is
the older guy yeah he's yeah people but she acted as if it was Brock and
Michelle Obama to her generation
it is to those to that generation they're more important than Obama what do you
know about Barack
Obama do you know anything about him um he was the president he has um two kids
yeah what else um what
do you do did you know anything he stood for politically um I don't know he was
um pro-choice yeah here we go now
tell me about David Dobrik and Jason Nash look at her face light up look at the
smile look at all the
teeth you've ever seen tell me anything about them that you love um he's um a
famous youtuber and then he
pranks a lot of people why do you like him though what does he do for you um he's
funny he's he's funny yeah and he's
he's funny let me ask let me ask you a question and you be completely and
utterly honest with me
is David what's his name Dobrik Dobrik funnier than Andrew and I oh well I can
tell you the answer to that
no lie that's a lie that's a lie she's never looked at us that way that's a lie
it's a complete lie
I know that's a lie she's a liar she's a liar why did you lie yeah yeah ask her
one more time
let's see if she really we'll give you one more chance uh to you your own
personal opinion it's not
a factual thing it's just your opinion about it yeah do you think that David