Name: I Want To Be Ninja Returns! | Ep 17 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee
Uploaded: 2020-06-08T16:00:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'I Want To Be Ninja Returns! | Ep 17 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'I Want To Be Ninja Returns! | Ep 17 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-08. Transcript available.

I Want To Be Ninja Returns! | Ep 17 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting you two are something we're bad friends
not that part not that part what do we talk about i don't even know but um
we're here would you have a agenda in mind did you run out of gas well i didn't
these little
ladies hold on be nice these little ladies in the house what happened you guys
you guys
don't know here's no over the last couple of weeks i haven't papa's been haven't
been driving
so i we have one car in the house i i give them the key i go go ahead go to the
thing go ahead yeah
the beach whatever you go be free be free but put the gas in the car put gas
back in the car rude
because i get in the car and it blink blink blink it blinks i panic do you guys
not know how to put
gas you know how to put gas in the car no no they don't know how to do it oh
they don't know how to
do it so what are you gonna do they don't know how to do it learn me i don't
know learn learn to do it
you know hi poo poo how's poo poo turn the cameras on they're on oh you're
ready are you i oh you're
angry that we're late no i'm not angry you're late well you know i don't like
deception i don't this is
what i don't like wait that was deceiving no i'll tell you what this was deceiving
huh hey bob yeah
andrew hold on that's me sorry tell the group tell the people it's me hey bub
hey bub hey yeah andrew
uh can we do saturday then i have to call my all my people my assistant and i
have to call i don't
have one but i have to call you didn't have to do anything different no i'm
telling what i had to do
okay call my agent everyone didn't have to do that talk to your agent by the
way
my manager they're dropping but they're all dropping you that's fine and we're
all together
conference call zoom everything right and go all right let's get back what are
we doing here saturday
so drop friday switch things around yeah move everything around because you're
a busy boy
just don't lie i have a wedding to go to no i said let's do who's getting
married my friend sean
oh sean yeah you know important sean who i'm not saying his last name on the
comedian no is he
important to me yeah yeah but to me no he's a good guy he's getting he's
getting married but uh
that's why we had a switch i was like we can do saturday let's do saturday
where's the wedding at
here dude it's at his at uh family's house you can't do it you can't go
anywhere i feel so bad
yeah i feel so bad i feel so bad but i also asked it's a backyard wedding it's
going to be like a quick
wedding um do you do people still bring rice do you bring you know how they
bring rice and you throw
it in the air it's good luck right why are you looking at me like that why are
you looking at me
like that you don't we eat it no don't people bring rice to weddings i'm asian
and you throw it in
the air you don't waste well when it goes up there and you go ah and you just
catch it no no we don't
right we don't throw rice so you don't waste it in our body you don't ever
waste rice no there's
you wait it's yeah there's so much it's like me throwing pizzas you know at a
wedding really yeah
uncooked rice or you're italian pasta yeah that would be dope spaghetti just
spaghetti dry spaghetti
yeah yeah that's spaghetti waiting we don't throw rice right jules i didn't say
we i mean humans humans
still throw rice for weddings they do you know what it's for right you know why
you do that do you know
what traditionally what that's for why it's to cleanse the the bride and the
groom oh you know that i always
thought it was like asians it is i was trying to be nice yeah no it really is
it is yeah it's to
cleanse the air no no no it no it's it's because we're anti-asian that's what
it was yeah um no but
i'm gonna go yeah i'm gonna go to a wedding i'm sorry we had to move the date
thank you rudy for being
so mally but i know you guys have a lot going i love when people send me videos
of like um asian kids
getting bullied by like somebody sent me a video of the of black kids bullying
asian kids where here i don't
know where i don't they don't you know but they sent the people said well look
look look at this
and so there's a bunch like to pit yeah the asians against african america it's
like but everybody
bullies asians that's what i'm saying yeah yeah you're kind of like yeah yeah
number and also too
you know there is no problem with bullying asians no there's no people are
trying to incite this like
you know well blacks and asians they don't get along you know there is no we do
get along yeah i
i haven't really i've i've never heard that people say black and asian don't
get along well during the
riots and stuff like back in the last one yeah what they didn't get along then
they didn't get along
then well but that was a different there was it's a different times have
changed 92 um times have
changed but i'm i stop sending me that it's you're not gonna you're not gonna
sway me one way or another
uh-huh you know no i agree yeah that's yeah i don't know why they're sending it
to you in the
first place well i don't know what they're trying to do what they're trying to
get me like get you all
riled up no no to also just to get me on the other side of this position of
what's going on in the
country what side do you think what side they want you to be on to get me like
i don't know
yeah need like not to like black people or something i don't know what you
think of the
last episode we did of our show here no friends the final episode loved it i
loved i thought friends
ended so well people got mad about it i finally finished normal people yeah
yeah you like it god
dude i gotta tell you good here's what it is the writing is so good when she
gets into an she gets
into a fight when uh when don't tell me because i'm gonna watch it now okay i'm
not but i'm just gonna
say like when she gets in an argument with the guy that she's dating marianne
she gets in an argument
they both talk like i've spoken before are you a man both people talk like i've
gone oh my god i've
said like that because you know how you really feel and you're not saying it
and then the girl said stuff like that to me it's it's very real are you a man
right is it's so real
the way that they say it's are you a man am i a man yeah this month watch man
what's man
shit is that a show new a new show no on spike tv man you want to see men poop
for 48 days straight
we got you welcome back to spike tv with your host bub-b-b-b-b-bobby lee take
it away
now host the show hi it's bubbly welcome back to man you want to watch man poop
okay here they go
hey what's up bob i'm 46 i'm an app designer you watch the kardashians too my
friend do i watch the
kardashians yeah that's not this is scripted television that we like it's good
script well
acted television what do you watch man up what the do you watch bob man like
naked and afraid
because you like seeing the dicks you want to catch an unblurred dick that's
what you're looking for
the whole time no i just wanted to see if like the editor up i watch naked and
afraid i watch xl
oh i like the xl as well i love xl yeah naked and would you ever do it dude if
they offered you and
i to do naked and afraid together would you do it with me it would be a three
minute episode why we'd
go out there and we go let's go there's no way we'd be able to do it i could
last you would not be
able to last 21 days i swear i would last way longer than you i i would i would
rather die i'd rather
die out there than have you beat me dude i would beat you so fucking you would
have none of your vices
no video games no cigarettes bro you wouldn't have legs bro i would eat them i'm
an athlete
it doesn't matter yeah i would run right away from you you little roly-poly you
could never catch me
i would research the poisons that they have there okay you'd be like hey are
you getting going fishing
yeah i'm going fishing andrew but i'm i'm not i'm going out and getting leaves
you think i would
think you're gonna go fishing you would make me make the hut yeah okay i'd
build the hut and you just
sleep all no i wouldn't i would try to find poisons and i would grind it up
behind a tree right and then
i would knock you out no you wouldn't yeah and then you would have no legs the
next day i would eat
them where would you research where to find poison google
rudy what do you think would happen if we did naked and afraid together
if me and tito bob did naked and afraid would we both get get kicked out early
you think we'd bail
early i think tito bobby will um be the first one to leave yeah yeah and then
what would happen to me
would i finish 21 days or no get closer to the mic i think you wouldn't that um
you would last long but
you won't you won't finish i won't finish so let me just get this straight juliana
let me get this
straight um you think that tito bobby would um leave earlier than tito andrew
just let you got you
through you threw that out there okay good and i just absorbed that information
right and it's now in a
file inside my head and i'm gonna use that against you all right you're being
ungrateful dude you have
so much against her already but what people don't realize about me is is that
um yes you're more
physically um able than i am fact right yeah you're more physically able than i
am oh yeah oh yeah and
then you um you probably have i'll admit you have probably have more survival
skills than papa yeah
right but what you don't realize have you ever camped have you ever camped once
my um one time i did
when i was a kid where did you go i don't know where it was somewhere like in yosemite
or something
but like not in yosemite it was like a town near it near it right and then i
remember my cousin andy and i
woke up in the tent like at 5 30 in the morning and we looked out and my my
uncle and my dad's tent
gone what do you mean they packed up gone and so that mean andy we're like what
11 10 9 10. yeah
we're scared yeah handy the bears got them and around 9 a.m we're just shivering
in this tent we
wouldn't leave scared we see my dad's car roll up they slept in a hotel
so they made you think okay you have fun they were like who are you oh no the
holiday in we slept
with too cold it was too cold and we hungry that's good they made you men yeah
no turned you into little
men and i go i hate camping that was it yeah will you camp with me i swear to
god
you'll love it i would come with you if it was vlogged or if we filmed we'll
shoot it it'll be
so fun you'll love camping but i don't want to waste the camping with you i don't
i need to be filmed
have you ever pooped outside i poop outside now huh yeah you have some
bathrooms what have you ever
pooped outside i poop outside now what what i pooed i'll tell you where i pooed
last that's outside my
house yeah in the back seat of my prius stop it in the car you still own not
even in the bag all
over the seats who's cleaned it did you clean it no yeah khalila cleaned it why
did you put do that
what do you mean why i had to go get out no i love that movie you pooped in the
car i was on
um where was i i was on the 101 it was traffic-y traffic-y you're right is that
a word yeah a lot
of traffic traffic-y sounds more fun yes traffic-y it was traffic-y and i have
what i call um irritable
bowel syndrome no i don't have that right i have um i gotta go now syndrome it
sounds like i gotta go now
syndrome i think that's the same thing yeah i don't know yeah but that's what i
have are your bowels
irritable no do they get upset easily but it it comes on sudden like that's ibs
9 11. that's ibs
it is that's what irritable bombs are on 9 11 like you woke up what's going on
yeah that's you yeah
that's me except except your pants are the buildings and so i'm on the 101 and
um it's traffic
and i'm just listening what was i listening to i was listening to something
good uh you you were listening
to um oh you were listening to pat benatar yes and i i'm listening to pat benatar
and um
all of a sudden oh i'm g