Name: Bye Bye Brits | Ep 21 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee
Uploaded: 2020-07-06T16:00:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bye Bye Brits | Ep 21 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bye Bye Brits | Ep 21 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-06. Transcript available.

Bye Bye Brits | Ep 21 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an asian dude
you two are
disgusting you two are something we're bad friends i went to fucking houston
and he was an mc yeah
and he doesn't even introduce himself to me he just goes he's a mexican guy and
he goes hey bro
i go yeah he goes i'm the number one comic in texas
that's his opening line it's a big state so i go it's pretty big and he goes i
won you know
funniest man in texas whatever some oh he won funniest man yeah oh yeah so i go
okay and he
goes and then this is what drives me crazy when an mc says this dude i don't
even know what i'm
doing here dude i'm a headliner oh bro that's what an annoying state or they go
i usually headline
yeah i don't know what i'm doing why are you not headlining right now and i am
so i go okay so then
he goes up and he does a 15 minute bit about fucking old ladies as an mc that's
my i do that
i know that's your closer that's my biggest closer closer i go gladys get over
here yeah i'm ready to
give you a gummy and so i go um after the show i just go dude you because i had
a fee at sarah tiana
or somebody love love her right so and she's pretty clean you know she's she's
kind of like super clean
she was just kind of like i don't want to follow that that's why i go dude hey
bro you know the way
you know it's a or whatever i go you gotta you can't you gotta clean it up yeah
he goes what dude
i'm a headliner bro i don't give a fuck you gotta be so then he's second show
he doubles down yeah
because you yeah exactly what you told him not to do of course he's gonna do it
doubles down yeah
and he does a bit about like you know foot fucking midgets that's my other bit
i know that's your
alternative closer this guy taking my bit that's your opener yeah yeah fucking
midgets by the way
that is a funny concept i don't even know the bit but it sounds yeah yeah
anyway he literally gets
upstage and look him right in the eyes ago you're fired oh you fired him on the
spot yeah did he try
to fight you he goes you can't do that i just did i just called um raymond you're
gone i just called
and i can go even higher yeah you're done dude bye bye can i can i say
something what two things one
uh happy uh fourth of july i hope everyone had a great fourth of july weekend
oh
i hope everyone partied bobby set off fireworks hey um and bobby lied to me bobby
said that he was
in joshua tree and it caused a panic i said hey dude we're recording today well
and you said you want to be
honest i called you and i said hey dude i rented an airbnb in joshua tree and i
completely forgot
about it and then you go you're fucking kidding right you're fucking kidding i
go no dude and then
you go no you 3 30 you got to be here and i go um i'm not gonna make it you go
and then you you got
you got boily be real what you did you're not being honest about what you did
you're i'm a good tell
if someone is bullshitting me you are not that good of an actor and you sold it
better than i've
ever heard you sell anything why because because i wasn't in the disaster
artist is that why is that
why is that why watch the new game show with rob gunkowski and robbie rey don't
make fun of my
projects i won't make fun of your projects you just made fun of my acting
skills it's you're not that
good of an actor so what i'm saying is
no but listen listen yeah you got emotional on the phone and it you suck i suck
i bought into it i
know you did you said you go the whole the whole family's up here and and
jewels and and the animals
and and then i got worried i go fuck they did maybe he took the whole family
and they needed to go
so you suckered me with emotion i know i was not believing it until you got
emotional that's
called acting that's not good acting you got you got sucked into it but i
couldn't see you i could
only hear you it doesn't matter that's how good i am you're a good voice actor
you're a good voice
actor you'd be a great voice actor in fact there's new slots opening up in hollywood
that white people
took of of non-white roles bro i'm on a first of all number one you fucking cocksucker
that's a show
number one you fucking cocksucker i'm on a netflix show coming out that i'm a
regular on what's it
called it's called inside job with mike a dirty jobs the spinoff with mike roe
no no what is it
about it's a bunch of scientists that work for um the government but we're like
a i don't want to
get into it because it's not out yet because you don't know what it is i do
know what it is
and number two um i'm in a sony um movie called um wish dragon with jackie chan
me john cho and i'm
one of like the leads it's a voiceover movie coming out well you are so and i've
also done
you know i mean i was on the awesomes which was a fucking hulu so fuck you dude
i said you're a
good voice actor i can do everything no you can't do everything you can't dance
you're not a triple
threat you can't sing or dance you can act but you can't sing or dance period
people like the um
daddy why you die song that was because of me
so you lied to me about going to airbnb and i almost i almost wanted to text
kalilah to be like
is this fucking real because that you got me that much that i was like fuck man
are you guys
really going to the fucking desert yeah and then i don't you are you are a
great actor fuck you no
no you actually i don't give a fuck i don't believe you i'll never believe you
now i'll never believe
you and also i'm doing you a fucking favor by being here right now okay so you're
doing me a favor
because i we came in on an off day yeah oh thank you so much bobby yeah you're
so sweet i'm sorry to
interrupt your uh uh jerk off video game sleep troll schedule yeah you booger
that's a booger you're a
booger why because i'm yellow and slimy yeah what are you yes you're a fucking
this is my month
you're a good guy thank you this is my good heart you have a good guy this is
my month this was this
was my celebratory weekend this is the fourth this is the independence of the
united states of america pal
you know you know do you even know what the fourth of july yes i do know what
what's it about it's
about when mangelan came here and then nosotras de franco the boat no yes let
me finish they came
here from the nosotras de franco boat right and they hit plymouth rock they
didn't hit it let me
finish right yeah and then the susan marie boat right yeah with the other guy
colombo yes right they
did and they came here dude and they fucking gave the indians the blankets yeah
keep them warm right
and then washington d came yep right washington d came dude yeah he became our
first president dude
that's exactly right proclamation of independence dude they signed a proclamation
of independence right
and that's what happened thank you so much move over christy from do you know
history of hi do you know
what fourth of july is what it means um i just know that um the colonies were
fighting the british
parliament and then they won so knows more than you literally knows more than
you yeah not born here
knows more than you literally knows more than you i honestly believe you don't
really know what it's
about i don't why do we set off fireworks do you know what do you know why i
have no idea i have no idea and
you know what you're doing what you're doing right now and this is in your
nature i'm trying to revoke
your green card trying to get you out of this country pal no won't you go back
to where you
came from that you like to put people in shame no not you i like to call you
like to cause trauma
i want rudy to outshine you because of how mean you are to her sometimes i want
her to clap back
at you i'm so good to her at home am i not am i not good to you at home i'm so
good to her at home
wait i can i show something of rudy i got sent this this is so fun look at this
who is that bob
who is that do you know who that is well that guy shows up every once in a
while in my house i think
he's like either the gardener or who is this guy he sometimes ends up in the i
sometimes see him in
the garage so this is a member this isn't the newest member of of the lee
household yes uh people at
home ramon this is ramon we want you to meet ramon yeah yeah yeah ramon valdez
he's how old is he
he's about 18 18 or 19 yeah yeah and he works with you guys he does work he
missed just mysteriously
appears kind of like a you know a sorcerer he he just pops up but then it's
weird i never see him
and and um rudy in the same room ever at the same time did you know ramon do
you know ramon well
have you ever met him no no you've never met ramon yeah he's a really nice guy
apparently he works
kalila was saying he he's he's handy around the house he fixes stuff he does
fix stuff he's very
nice he's very sweet he loves to make eggs for some reason he's a big egg guy
he's a big egg guy yeah
why he feeds the dogs which is great but he likes his eggs soft scramble which
is really annoying yeah
yeah that's uh that's the new member ramon that's ramon and ramon's girlfriend
we have a picture of his
girlfriend this is his girlfriend here yeah that's yeah that's suzy this is suzy
suzy lee this is suzy lee
yeah and she um i don't remember her she so i know suzy very well people say
that she wandered around
the house right but i don't really recall i don't ever see her you don't they
say that she's yeah no
she she this she's the aunt of ramon oh this is ramon's aunt she's the remote
ramon's aunt can i
tell you something about her yeah very cute she has one of those little fat
faces you know those
little cute little fat faces yeah and she's got um very nice pudgy little
cheeks i just want to pinch
her cute little cheeks mind you she's 50. she is 50 years old yeah but she
looks really good very
tight vagina though uh really yes wow yes and uh one more family member that's
added to the new bad
friends um household yeah um this uh this ladies and gentlemen is i'll tell you
this is sheila
here's sheila she's friends with she's friends with suzy yeah sheila is good
they hang out yeah they
argue a lot now you can just tell by looking at this that she is a bitch there's
no doubt about it
yeah yeah she is an awful bitch you know the first thing comes out of her mouth
what i said no tomatoes
she's she gets so mad at customer service she's not a nice person yep there she
is for some reason
she she really does have a hard time uh just keeping it together and it could
be this fiery red hair
okay so let's let's be honest now okie dokie this is a face app everybody knows
this is you this is
i'm gonna and honestly if i was single would i that girl would you be real yeah
you would i think so
really yeah do you think she's cute i wouldn't date her i wouldn't date her no
no no no no if i
was in you know i mean dating a date in ohio playing the funny bone or whatever
and i and i should come
up to the show and i'm like hey i really loved your performance you're so funny
yeah i'd just be like
yeah open your mouth and uh yeah sheila so okay she what do you think rude is
sheila gross
um she looks intimidating she looks intimidating who's cuter sheila or suzy let's
side by side it
who's cuter i like suzy you like suzy you like suzy that's because you're
racist no let me ask you
something yeah if you were single yeah would you hook up with suzy if i was
single okay let me be
honest suzy suzy looks like okay her face this is not about you she looks like
she drinks and smokes a
little bit too much she looks like she's been she's weathered a few storms and
i bet you she'd have
she'd have a fun couple of late night clubs to go to so yeah i might take suzy
out am i going to call
her again no chance no the same with sheila suzy looks like these are one night
standers we are one
as a women we're these are one night stand women you know that old racist term
that that vietnam vets
say two dollars i know all of them yeah two dollar fucky fucky two dollar fucky
fucky this is a dollar
thirty she's a dollar thirty fucky fucky how much am i i mean