Name: The White Cheeks | Ep 23 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee
Uploaded: 2020-07-20T16:47:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The White Cheeks | Ep 23 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The White Cheeks | Ep 23 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-20. Transcript available.

The White Cheeks | Ep 23 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting
well you two are something we're bad friends welcome to bad friends listen um i've
been
thinking about the lord so much as of late tell me hi jesus here me and my dad
are just chilling
here at the heaven super disco waiting for bobby i can already see his gangrene
ridden foot between
the pearly gates as for andrew i'm sorry no gingers allowed them's the rules bs
rudy lay down those
knives jesus out well the jesus the jesus i call it the jesus by the way you
call it the jesus yeah
because there's only one there is only one yeah there can be only one can only
be one he's like
the neo of the sky uh-huh you know how neo was you know the one in the matrix
yep jesus is the one in
the sky fact and there's no one else that can beat him that's right his powers
outlast and outpower all
the other powerful ones you better believe it baby zeus he can destroy zeus he
can destroy um what else
is medusa is medusa one medusa is medusa a greek god yes sure why not yeah
because i all i know is
from um clash of the titans oh yeah he can destroy the kraken what about what's
some other greek gods um
pyrenees he's a good one pyrenees pegasus pegasus is pegasus a god yes yeah he's
a horsey huh he's a
horse god anyway jesus is the best and um i believe you know i had a spiritual
awakening this week and
i've been reading the bible and um up the bible i know what i sound to say and
um you know i believe
that he died for our sins that he's the manifestation of the real god yeah he's
not just the son the holy
ghost and jesus and um god are one they're one thing they're all one thing
right but jesus is the
flesh form of the god the ghost holy ghost is the ghost form yeah yeah he's
like a transformer god
this guy can do everything you know he's like you know how transformers can
turn into a car and stuff
yeah yeah but they're the same one right yeah so you know that's what god does
jesus does jesus but
jesus is god jesus is god so but god but god is the is god is god separate from
jesus or they're the
same thing they're the same exact thing i just told you they're the same but
different form they're the
different form of the same thing so why do they have two different names
because um that's true huh
i've never thought of it that way yeah because um the landy mammals of our
planet which is humans us and
via also um elephants oh yeah yeah yeah and um the sea pups oh sea pups yeah
sea pups are mammals
sea pup yeah yeah that um so you know the land creatures they need things to be
um defined uh-huh that's
why and so they just in in in in in the sky world which is heaven in the sky
world um they don't have
those you know they don't put people in boxes and they don't have divisions and
words for different
things you think when you get to heaven there's no gender no sex no class no no
no what's up you
like if i can't if i ran into pamela anderson in heaven you sure she's going up
there i'm pretty
sure okay and her tits are whoa her tits will definitely be there yeah yeah i
say what's up
you what's up you and she'll be like hey yeah i'm just you know lifeguarding
lifeguarding that's what
she does in heaven i'm sure is there a pool up there maybe all right there's
everything up there by the
way oh really have you yeah because it's like you know it's like the matrix let's
go back to the matrix
it's like you can manifest in heaven when you're an angel and stuff any kind of
world that you want
i believe i get i think that's i i believe that to be true yeah whatever you
want it to be it's
there mountaintops some would say heaven is right here on earth it's not this
is hell this is hell
sure los angeles is hell no this planet have you ever been to um montana oh it's
beautiful
pretty beautiful yeah that might be heaven yeah that's heaven maybe but let's
go back to um my
christianity maybe sure why not when was the last time you went to church sunday
oh really yeah
what's korean christian church like hello welcome thank you yes right now i
talk to you about jesus christ
if it said ward and shabler behind the pulpit how hard how hard would i laugh
no if you put a
koreata on vermont right there's a church that says r-o-r-d a-n right yeah s-a-b
right or or
s-a-bor yeah yeah lord and s-a-bor but anyway so i believe in the you know the
christian rules as
well like i believe in thou shall not abort thou shall not kill abort another
topic we probably can't
the amount of topics that we're not allowed to talk about is that's why we
started this new rules we
started the podcast this way because um you know we want to because of last
week's episode well because
the uh we talked about some unsavory at topic oh somebody sent me something
look at this so i showed
you that caliccio storiccio the the italian game where they just murder each
other oh yeah i loved
i forgot to watch that this do you remember do you know what this is what bow
tayo taoshi this japanese
game no what is it oh my okay first of all let's stop stop yeah i love it
already because there are
stormtroopers in it yes there's full-blown stormtroopers i love stormtroopers
and and for some
reason they have those guys that direct airplanes out there right next to them
that are just standing
waiting to direct traffic these people pay good money to see people do bow toe
toe toe toshi it literally
looks like because there's a lot of asians in it too wait there are yeah those
right there it looks like
there's 20 stormtroopers and about 120 yodas
this is a cool fucking star wars movie so let me oh how about this let's just
have you guess what's
going to happen next what next oh that's good that's good that's good okay so
um all right so you're
seeing one half of the quote-unquote field right you're seeing the op the
mirroring this is the same
amount of men in the same amount of okay well there's helmets going on so i
have to assume that they're
they're going to use their head in some way that's correct and those helmets
seem um like there's it's
a gigantic white kind of ball yep on their head and this is it's like you know
what that looks like
is jack-o-lanterns made out of just white foam yep right so they're covering
every dimension of their
face so i can only assume that the guy into the right right in the red red
right there is completely
fucked because he's got nothing on well no i think he has one but i feel like
they're all gonna head
butt him okay at the same time that's a good guess yeah yeah rudy do you want
to take a guess over
what happens next keep in mind you're not seeing one element of this but there's
another team over
there and they're doing something that we don't see put your mic please say
what you say what you want
to say what get closer to the mic please there it is please no get your mouth
closer to the mic i'm
tired that's that's the attitude there it is um i don't know i think they're
gonna march they're gonna
march they're gonna march they're gonna march to the other team uh-huh they're
gonna and then i think
they're just gonna wrestle they're gonna wrestle they're gonna march to the
other team not run
march a march is a specific yeah yeah yeah yeah what are you thinking about i
don't know yeah yeah
that sounds like you've you've seen too much of that like hitler footage where
they yeah yeah yeah
so this is what you're missing what i'd left out of this on purpose is there is
a man
on a pole both teams have a man on a pole oh have you seen this before no a man
is on a pole on both
teams the goal is to take that man off it's basically capture the flag but it's
a man and you have to
your team has to take him down by any means necessary okay go ahead
so they start out with a bow they always bow they always about what sport it is
bow and a chant
now they're ready to rock and roll amazing look at that man on a pole amazing
amazing look at this
they have to charge him and they can kick they can punch they can do anything
to get on top of
there to take him off the pole amazing look at how hard they kick each other
when they get up there
look at the guys just kicking him in the face and look at the little man on the
top of the pole
holding on as tight as he can
they charge and they jump on each other
and the reason they have helmets is because they get kicked in the face
kicked in the head as hard as they can oh my god now watch now that they've
climbed up
there's definitely somebody on the bottom that's dead somebody's dead that guy's
skillful on the
right yeah look at his skill level so essentially once they get to this man on
the pole if they can
take him down and climb it themselves you can punch you can yeah you can punch
you can punch you can
oh wow you can choke him out you can choke him out you can kiss him look at
that
oh my god kicking kick kick kick get away get away go off get off get off oh my
god
i die i die and they almost have them yeah there's there's many men that die
underneath that pile
oh look at that and then someone else got on from the other team oh if somebody
goes up i see
somebody tries to replace no okay so if your team can rip down that man and
then your one of your
teammates gets to touch the the white pole at the top that's a all right here's
a you score i want to
do something mm-hmm let's say you invented this game i did and you're from japan
i wanted to show
it off to you you're japan yeah i'm japan and i want to see how you explain
your body how you
invented this game what the rules are oh you're like the international japanese
sport council no just tell
me and i come in yeah so yeah uh so i you know um hey shimizitsu hi uh so we
today i you know i called
you earlier yes last week about uh but you know we don't have a lot of sports
here in japan we have
a sumo i have one for you yeah we have ninja you know but i uh i called you to
see if you have a good
idea about that i have a great idea really many men charge other men oh wait
stop fast as they can
one man on pole another man on pole they rip down men on pole and other men
climb pole
oh ever jerk pole at top hardest yeah yeah wow okay let's do it let me wow
somebody came up with that
yeah yeah somebody said let's jerk them off a pole yeah let's hit them as hard
as we can off the pole
bow how do you say that bow taoshi but you realize though i'm sure there's so
many sports that's been
invented that just didn't make it to like the major leagues well they didn't
enough people were like i
don't want to play that yeah or i don't want to watch it this is i know but it's
like could you watch
a lot of it it's not it's because there's no real like skill do you think there's
skill involved in
this yeah strategy because the guy on the pole there's probably one guy that
everyone says let's
say um you know i created my team yeah yeah toko yeah you're the poor he's like
no no why because i saw
you remember that one time right when we were eight yeah you were on top of
that tree like a
fucking uh koala yeah right and we go get off the tree toko right you're like i
don't want to you
know you're done and coming down for four days yeah yeah yeah but there's that
guy right so that's
really not that much of a skill is to hang no i think that takes a lot that's
balance that's
coordination don't you think all right balance coordination but it's like you
don't just um
you can only you can do it your own way yeah you don't have to get you don't
have to jump and kick
and try to hurt people right and then the other people skill level is to charge
and climb climb yeah
climb is not really a skill though is it strat that's why i said strategy
strategy these guys just have
good strategy whoever knows how to topple over their best friend the best like
how do you become a pro in
this game uh i think this well this is what like five seven year old boys do
every day they just you
like what is it king of the hill remember king of the hill or uh that's all you
do is try to hurt
each other to get to the 