Name: Rudy Runs for VP & The Podcast Guys Tour! | Ep 27 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2020-08-17T16:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy Runs for VP & The Podcast Guys Tour! | Ep 27 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy Runs for VP & The Podcast Guys Tour! | Ep 27 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-17. Transcript available.

Rudy Runs for VP & The Podcast Guys Tour! | Ep 27 | Bad Friends

You two are bad friends!
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
Well, you two are something.
We're bad friends.
Andreas, can you hear me right now?
Yes, I can.
Yes, I can.
Yes, I can.
Yes, again.
Yes, again.
I can hear you just fine.
I'm down here with Feifel the mouse.
We are going on a traveling adventure today.
I am going to be riding on a matchstick down a river.
I'm going to be in a riverbed riding down on a matchstick.
And today, I might eat a whole blade of grass.
That's my Andres.
Yeah, that's good.
Is that good?
Yeah.
I'm a Latinx boy.
I come from Aspan.
And now I work for George for minimal amounts of pay.
George takes all my monies.
You just sound like, you know, in every Western,
there's like that seventh guy that's a Mexican guy.
Yeah.
We don't need to rob the bank tomorrow, compadre.
Are we sure it's going to be safe?
Yeah, tonight we can dance and sing.
And drink our whiskies.
You know what I mean?
I was thinking maybe I could kiss one of the girls.
I love that guy.
I love The Bad and the Ugly.
Have you seen that movie?
Love Good, Bad and the Ugly.
What a good movie.
That's such a good movie.
Do you like movies like that?
Well, I just like certain directors.
I like Sergio Leone a lot.
Okay, yeah.
I like Spaghetti, his stuff.
But Spaghetti Westerns.
Once Upon a Time in the West was great.
He directed that.
Yep.
The Good, Bad and the Ugly.
He directed that.
Really good.
Really good stuff.
Do you like, do you like John?
Do you like, do you like, do you like, do you like?
I got to get in the mood, bud.
It's not against you.
It's, it's, I got to get the engine running.
So it's like me attacking you.
It's just, I'm just trying to get some vocal exercises done.
So I can get into the mood to do it.
Right?
Do you like, do you like, do you like?
Hey, we don't need to rob the bank tomorrow, compadre.
But, you know, I'll tell you something right now.
I'm in a funk.
I'll tell you why.
Because a couple of things.
Number one, something happened yesterday in the house I'd like to talk about.
May I?
Yeah, of course.
May I?
I haven't, I haven't interrupted you.
May I?
Do you like, do you like, do you like?
Ow.
So, um, there's some sabotage going in my house.
So the other day I, I was writing something on a piece of paper with a felt pen.
Right?
And I asked Jules, I go, hey Jules, if I write on this paper, will the felt pen
seep in and,
and mark the table?
Of course it will.
Yeah, but she says, Uncle Tito, no.
Uncle Tito, no, it's impossible.
Why did you ask her?
I thought she was in school.
Yeah, she's used writing implements before.
Did you not take felt bleeding 101?
You didn't take that class?
You didn't take that.
So then, um, yesterday I did it again.
I had a piece of paper and I just put, I had to put some numbers down, a code.
It seeped in, it marked the table, right?
Why don't you use your phone?
Because I, I had to put in the code on the phone.
You hit on the speakerphone and go to your notes.
Oh, I didn't think of that.
I always go to notes.
Ah.
What, what table did you ruin?
The dining table?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
So then I, so then I write, I write, seeps in.
I get yelled at by my girlfriend.
Rightfully so.
Rightfully so.
And then I go to, um, my girlfriend, I go, but fucking, you know, she told me
that it was okay.
And she goes, no, I didn't.
I never, I never said that.
What do you have to say for yourself?
What do you have to say for yourself?
Did you tell him it was okay?
I never said that.
Did you tell him it was okay?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rudy, did you tell him it was okay?
No, I said it might stay in the table.
And then she, he said, no, it's fine.
Bob?
Who do you believe?
Who do you believe?
Let me close my eyes.
Say the arguments one more time.
So, so Rudy, I'm going to ask you without looking at you.
Cause I don't want to influence you by looking at you.
Okay.
Did you tell Tito Bobby that it was okay to draw on the table?
No, I said the opposite.
Time out.
You told him not to do it.
Yeah.
Bobby, did Rudy tell you that it was okay?
She did tell me.
And you're, and I want to know what position you have and what side you're on,
because it's going to really dictate the way our relationship is going.
That's a side note.
Let's shoot it down to Fancy B. Fancy B, who's guilty?
Bobby.
Oh boy.
Okay.
Well, you know, it's so funny, Fancy B, because yesterday-
I mean, Rudy.
I mean, Rudy.
No, no, it's so funny.
No, no, no.
You just fucked yourself.
Because it's so funny that you say that because yesterday, what, you're on a
Zoom meeting with
a bunch of guys that you want to write a movie with me in it and get me, get me
involved.
Now you're out.
Uh-oh.
Bye.
I can't fucking believe you, Fancy B.
Wait a minute.
What movie are you guys writing?
We're writing a movie.
You're in it.
Okay.
We're writing a movie together.
You're in it.
All right.
Can I, uh-
Do you have to understand where you are?
Well, we're-
Think about your fucking actions!
Yeah, I meant Rudy.
Sorry, buddy.
Thank you.
That's exactly right.
We have him down here, but he's behind Plexiglass.
I apologize, by the way.
Fancy B, I apologize.
I'll tell you why I apologize.
Because he's viable to us.
He's viable.
Not only that is, um, you know, this morning I had a discussion with my
girlfriend and,
um, you know, David Spade was on my podcast.
Saw it.
Loved it.
Great pod.
You're such a do-ya-do-ya.
I'm dead serious.
Great pod.
All right.
Great pod.
But he said something, um, he goes,
"Nobody really, basically in the gist, nobody really knows who you are.
You're hard to get to know."
To you?
Yeah.
That's not-
And I'm like, and then I kind of been thinking about that and I realized, yeah,
who am I?
You're having an existential crisis right now?
I don't know who I am, why I do what I do, why I treat people the way I do.
Oh, this is great.
Who did this?
David Spade did this?
Yeah, I-
Thank you, David.
And now, and now, no, I'm being real.
So am I.
And so it's like, I'm not really in a funny mood.
I'm more in a crisis mode.
No, call it introspective instead.
I'm very introspective right now.
Yeah.
You know?
You're thinking, okay, so let's say this.
Yeah.
Look, look, look, look at her.
Look at her.
Look at how fucking sour she is.
Are you really pissed off?
No.
She seems upset.
Are you thinking about the fucking marker thing?
Yeah, she is.
No.
Yeah.
What did I tell you?
Because here's the thing.
You're right.
I'm, I fucking, I'm the one that said it's impossible.
And she said, Tito, don't do that.
Don't do it.
I did that, right?
But when I got yelled at, right, I turned to fucking her and I said, in front
of my girlfriend,
I go, didn't you tell me that?
I needed some backup.
Well.
I needed her to lie on my behalf.
Do, would you ever, would you ever do that for him?
Would you back him up?
Yeah.
But why didn't you do it then?
You mean one time you back me up.
One time you've been living in my fucking house for six months.
When the, when's the last time you back me up?
Every time you back her up.
I always back you when Antikala said, is he going to be safe?
Is he going to be responsible?
I always say, yeah.
That's a vague, you know, that's a vague thing.
I want specific things.
Next time, next time I do something wrong, specifically a certain act that I
did,
that I got in trouble for, even if I'm in the wrong, I need you to back me up.
Because that tells me that you're a part of the fucking group.
Yeah.
That tells me a part of the, part of the gang and also it gives, it tells me a
lot.
Okay.
You got to back him up.
You got to back me up.
You promise?
Yeah.
All right.
Say, say, repeat after me.
Say, I.
I.
Rudy Jules.
Rudy Jules.
Will always back up Tito Bobby.
Will always back up Tito Bobby.
Even if it's a lie.
If it's a lie.
Even if it's a lie.
And I get deported because of the lie.
And I get deported because of the lie.
Very good.
There we go.
That's great.
And that you have, that's a, that's called in America, baby.
That's called a verbal contract.
Okay.
Hey, can I, can I show you something?
I'm very excited about.
This is for Rudy, baby.
Listen up.
Okay.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
A boy wrote a song for Rudy.
Wow.
Listen to this.
First verse.
First verse.
Juliana.
Juliana.
Juliana.
What do you think of that?
You know she has 28,000 followers on Instagram now?
What?
Yeah.
That's more than most of our friends.
I don't know.
And she's like, I, she goes, I don't care.
It don't mean much to me.
Do you engage with anybody?
Yeah.
I talk to them when they talk about anime.
I know.
Yes.
I talk to them, they talk to me about anime.
Yeah.
First of all, how did you, did you like that song or no?
It's nice.
But you don't, you have no interest in, in that boy?
No.
Okay, based on the song.
She doesn't want to date a rapper.
Based on the song, what ethnicity is the person singing?
White.
White?
No.
No.
No, he's not.
He's a black dude.
That's a black guy.
That is.
It's a black guy.
That's a black guy.
And you know what?
What?
Shame on you for not knowing.
Yeah.
It's so good.
It's so good.
Rudy, do you want to be my girlfriend?
You don't want to be that guy's girlfriend?
No.
He says so many.
You know what?
First of all, he doesn't cuss.
He says he wants to treat you better than you've ever been treated.
He says he lives across the country, but he wants to get you a plane ticket to
come meet him.
Where does he live?
I don't know.
He didn't say.
He just said, I don't live, I live across the country, but I'll fly you out
here like a dove.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I listened to that song like 19 times in the shower this morning.
I listened to it.
That's weird.
On loop.
Oh, it's a little weird.
I was, Rudy, do you want to be my girlfriend?
Yeah.
But so, also somebody on, on her direct message goes, I want her to be my
girlfriend.
So guys are hitting her up.
Are you engaging in any of these guys that are trying to be your boyfriend or
no?
No.
Yeah.
You don't need any of that shit.
You don't need anything.
It's gross.
You focus on school and life, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
She really is a really good girl.
I mean, how old are you now?
18.
18.
When I was 18, oh my God.
Piece of shit.
I was a piece of human garbage.
Same.
What a turd.
What a turd.
Just a terror.
I didn't know who, what was going on ever.
Just was either partying or fucking.
I didn't pay attention to anything.
Yeah, yeah.
I was just on drugs and drinking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You probably, you, you, you have a good keen mindset of what's going on.
Who did Joe Biden pick as his running mate?
Um, it's the black woman in California.
Perfect.
No, no, no.
Fuck that.
Fuck that.
Give me the name or you're going to make our households look like shit.
I forgot.
You did?
Yeah.
Give her some hints.
Okay.
Her first name starts with a K.
Let's go.
Last name, H.
All right.
I'll give you the first two initials of the first.
K-A.
Last name, H-A.
Kate.
Yes, Kate.
Kate, yes.
He.
He.
Son.
Yes, Kate Hanson.
Kate Hanson.
Kate Hanson.
Very good.
Very good.
Let's let go.
Let's, let's, let's, let's.
This is very good.
So let's, let's go with this.
Yeah.
Let's go with this.
All right.
So what is the, the current vice president's name?
I don't know.
Okay.
Well, we'll play.
Start the game.
The first initial, right?
An M, right?
Last, right?
Last initial P.
So go ahead.
m i is the first last p e ma ma mark mark go ahead this is good mark what's his
last name p e
you're doing it you're saying yeah yeah yeah mike pen mark mark pay
painish yes mark penis it's my penis is our fucking vice president isn't this
fun that's really good
yeah so so the so the vice president that's running right now is what kate kate
kate
you forgot you forgot already jesus christ jesus christ and mark mark and my
mark pain mark painish yeah mark painish yeah yeah yeah that's who she that's
who they are you
should know our history you should know the current history yeah let's go to
the back in the time let's
go back in time then let's go um who was the uh our very first president the
first preside