Name: Great Balls Of Fire | Ep 31 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2020-09-14T16:00:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Great Balls Of Fire | Ep 31 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Great Balls Of Fire | Ep 31 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-14. Transcript available.

Great Balls Of Fire | Ep 31 | Bad Friends

come see me and christy stefano on the east coast as i do october 8th 9th 10th
and 11th
go to andrewsantino.com you can find out where i'm doing all that stuff you two
are bad friends
who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude you two are disgusting
you two are something we're bad friends papa got them dope shades on hi rude hi
how are you dude hey little baby when you're going on and you're standing down
nope nope nope
hey little baby hey little girl is your daddy home oh i'm on fire true hey
little baby was shining on
and i don't know why but you don't know don't know and your mind's on fire nope
oh i'm on fire
hey hey little baby when you're dummy dumb and you don't know mine's socket
it all right now yeah oh oh i'm on fire
you know i always sing that song it's raining ash hallelujah it's raining ash
ash smoke fire it's all
it's all on fire fire fire fire fire fire great balls fire what's going on he
used to date his you
know huh his cousin of 14. what that guy that sang great balls of fire uh henry
conic henry conic jr
that's not his name henry lee lewis harry conic jr didn't they make a movie oh
you know who played him
who one of the quaid brothers randy yeah either one jay jason tary taylor great
taylor quaid played
the guy in the movie i love it great balls of fire hi rude hi it's so smoky
outside can i i'm
going to show you something this is incredible this got sent to me this morning
um we can't play the
music but people at home can look it up someone took the footage of what's
going on in san francisco
and put it to the blade runner soundtrack oh shit and we can't play the music
because you know youtube
will get us but look at how insane this looks this is all legit this is this is
what it looks like
what's going on down there look at how insane that is this is not doctored
there is no filter on this
oh my god this is real drone footage that's up on the interweb it's it what
color is that bob
reddish orange santino that's andrew santino oh andrew santino color that
literally looks like me
that's like as if i blanketed the city of san francisco
yeah it's a terrible color terrible it's a terrible imagine if you've lived
with it all
over your body yeah this san francisco knows what i feel like for a couple of
days
the ridicule that they're facing that's this is what i feel every day of my
life yeah but you
know what actually your face structure and stuff like god didn't fuck you
entirely no no the face
is open my face he gave you a pretty good face so you know i'm going to make he
probably turned to
moses and you know saint somebody and said moses was around moses and somebody
cleopatra whoever it
might be and i'm gonna make he's southern so you know god's southern oh he is
yeah because you know
look at the christians let me tell you something i'm fixing to make me a little
dude and he i'm gonna
make him freckle-faced red-headed yeah but i'm gonna make him kind of good
looking he's gonna be okay
yeah yeah yeah and then everyone's like laughing right but let's see he's gonna
die anyway he's
gonna die people are gonna kill him when he's young the people are gonna kill
but watch and he threw
him you down there and you survived it all and and all the disciples like cleopatra
yeah and saint
somebody was like i can't believe he survived they survived it yeah and he was
like no i'm not gonna
make another one of those again that's the last one i'm gonna do yeah when he
made you he went check
this out check out this big-headed little flat-faced dude i'm about to make
right here
this buggy-eyed massive-headed dude you're gonna love this dude this dude short
stumpy stock an
asshole short stumpy guy's an asshole right he's never gonna get over five feet
tall even with lifts
in his shoes and this little dude this little dude's gonna be uh gully when he
made rudy what'd he say
when he made rudy well you know what i'm gonna make you know what i mean i'm
gonna make a human
pygmy a little pygmy like yeah a pixie pygmy little pixie pygmy girl yeah and
this one right
here is gonna um her face is gonna look like a tiny bean like a little bean
like a little like a little
one ear bigger than the other ear could you have you have noticed that yeah
yeah which one is bigger
yeah my love take off your headphones real fast so we can see show the camera i'm
gonna make one
ear and it listen oh it's big hey listen to me man hey man listen to me man
sorry man like if she
was a bird she wouldn't be able to fly or she'd fly in a circle that's that's
why i'm gonna make one
one ear bigger than that right i want to make really skinny skinny like gollum-y
arms tiny arms
yeah yeah little t-rex big feet though huge sasquatchy feet big feet you can
water ski on
them yeah yeah you don't even need water skis you got skis on your feet right
now well if she lived
in the if she was an eskimo she wouldn't need snowshoes you know those snowshoes
yeah yeah yeah she
wouldn't need snowshoes wouldn't need snowshoes and uh we're going to have her
funny accent and uh
she's gonna love dumb things like anime anime but she's gonna love she's gonna
be a master of knives
oh yeah a master of knives oh yeah you'll see look at this they found rudy on
the internet so many
fans sent this to us by the way this is rudy rudy you got found on the internet
i don't know if
you've ever seen this clip let's see the music is uh the theme of halloween
look at this little girl tell me this isn't rudy
little mini rudy rudy juliana what were you doing there
yeah what was going on yeah that that really is how creepy is that the mom just
gave this little
girl this little girl's got to be like i don't know seven six seven look at and
she's just like
here's a knife here's a mask and made her dance around in the living room that
looks exactly like
rudy by the way it's the same color brown isn't it but we don't know the fish
it could be 42.
she is yeah that's an asian then that's that's an lp that's a little person
average that's a little
person sized you know what i said the other day i just saw brad williams this
morning i just played
golf with him speaking of little people wait wait that i play golf with brad
this morning
you what where do you get his clubs what do you mean i mean i mean is no i'm
gonna just ask right
go ahead yeah oh but bob there's probably like because he goes to baby gap or
whatever right
no for his clothes so you probably there's probably is there a baby golf club
um store yeah no i'm
being real is there is there golf clubs for kids that's what mini golf is i
know but are there golf
clubs i'm not i'm being real i'm not going to make fun of them yeah they're
golf clubs for kids yes
there are and he's using the golf clubs for kids i think he gets adult clubs
fashioned for him
they get you can get them shortened bob it's amazing i thought you know i
thought about the
other day i said no but let's let's and does he wear like when he does the uh
you know the
you know the car the golf cart oh yeah is there like a little miniature like
you know what i mean one that it's a side it's a sidecar mattel makes have you
ever seen a motorcycle
with a sidecar yeah yeah so there's a golf cart there's a mini golf cart right
next to it oh i see
and he gets into that one so um that's great that's wonderful it just makes me
laugh he was good
at golf he's good i've never seen a dwarf golf uh have you ever seen i've never
seen it i mean i've
i played with brad before i've never seen a dwarf do a lot of things like what
skydive i have oh you
have i don't know if they would think that they would just fly away i don't
think they go ah and
then the wind would just take them to like argentina i don't know if he was skydiving
or they were
throwing him out of the plane but i did see a dwarf get out of push out of a
plane oh i'm sure they
were pushed out i don't think i don't think he got a shoot yeah i think yeah
yeah the joke you
know brad uh brad's a good golfer no there's no way there's no way yeah he is
the hole like closer
to him like in the middle of the it's bigger it's twice as big oh it's twice as
big for him
am i being mean no yeah i love him no we love what a great little guy he's
awesome he's my favorite
because i'm so small yeah i'm so small that like you're not much bigger than brad
i know that's the
thing yeah like you know when i'm around brad i always whisper to him i go i
just like hanging out
with you because you know the whole world has always been like i'm the dwarf no
really has
because when i walk into places everyone's so much bigger than i am yeah right
that i kind of have to
look i want to like rub your head whenever i see you yeah right so then when i'm
around brad i go i
just just like this is new for this is just a good experience for me well you
know what i said i said the
other day i was like i want to play with brad and i was thinking about brad
because i hadn't seen him
him a long time and i thought brad must feel more vulnerable than we ever think
sometimes like
imagine walking on the street at any moment some psycho some crazy dude on the
street on drug could
just kick him someone could just run up and just and boot him right i mean
think about that think about
every day of your life some crazy person could when you walk past a crazy
person on the street you know
that guy that like yells at the trash yeah that guy could just turn and see him
and go hey and brad's
like huh just runs up to him and could kick him yeah physically boot him yeah i
think about that like
he could just get kicked someone could just run up and kick him don't you how
crazy is that yeah but
when you could kick a dwarf something bad that's gonna happen that's seven
years bad luck i'm sure
it's seven years something bad it's like when you break a mirror it's like
putting a hat on a bed or
you know i mean yeah that's bad yeah yeah what is it black hat don't walk under
a ladder don't walk
under a ladder um don't do don't kick a dwarf don't kick a dwarf don't kick a
door don't cross
eyes if you want to go cross eyes you can't go back right um right here well
you know my dad you
jerk off too much you get hairy hands yeah yeah what's you know that one you
parents used to tell
their kids if you masturbate you're gonna get hairy hands what's the other one
if you i would just
masturbate and i'd look at my hand nothing yeah still nothing asians are hairless
for the most
part i don't think maybe it's in the inside of the hand because i have to shave
i've shaved this
everything oh yeah that's funny now what what uh there's so many those oh do
you believe in that
stuff rude do you believe in that uh in bad luck stuff do you believe in any of
this superstition
is that what it is um no i mean i have ocd things where i have to touch things
three times or like in
a movie theater i have to look at a guy three times in back of me so shut up oh
yeah when you sit
down you have to turn and look three times no that's why if you if i'm at a
movie theater um and we're
watching a movie you'll never see me turn around because if i turn around like
if i turn around
and look at somebody i'll go this is what will happen this is what you'll see
okay i'll be watching
the movie oh look at tom cruise just jumping over buildings does his own stunts
what an amazing guy
oh look at him go he's little but he seems big why do you have to keep looking
over watch the movie
stop looking at me i'm not looking no that's not i'm i haven't done it yet well
don't look at me
anymore stop you're no you're the guy i'm sitting next to oh so yeah yeah yeah
you're watching the
movie too yeah yeah sorry so um okay go ahead so this is why i'm watching oh
wow look at him go god
yeah he's so maybe i should become a scientologist that's what i think when i
see tom maybe yeah
yeah it looks good and i go what's going on
what do you what what are you doing that's what i have to do well so what do
you need to you look
do you recognize him no it's just a human being you make eye contact i think
