Name: Happy Birthday, Sleepy Bobo ft. Chris Distefano | Ep 32 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2020-09-21T16:00:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Happy Birthday, Sleepy Bobo ft. Chris Distefano | Ep 32 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Happy Birthday, Sleepy Bobo ft. Chris Distefano | Ep 32 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-21. Transcript available.

Happy Birthday, Sleepy Bobo ft. Chris Distefano | Ep 32 | Bad Friends

Come see me and Chris DiStefano on the East Coast as I do October 8th, 9th, 10th,
and 11th.
Go to andrewsantino.com. You can find out where I'm doing all that stuff.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
Bro, Jules, fuck, man.
She's acting like Ally Sheedy from The Breakfast Club today.
Why? What happened?
She wore the mask on the car ride over as if I fucking have it.
And I go, are you going to take it off?
She's like, no.
Whoa.
Whoa, hothead.
You're fucking crazy.
Introduce our guest, Bobo.
We're not starting yet.
Yeah, we are.
I had to get into it.
Did you see I bought you a cake?
Yo, you smell fucking good, dude.
What is it?
Shut up, Chrissy.
No, I swear to God, man.
I'll fuck you on my birthday, post-birthday.
Oh, happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
What did you get me?
Can we sing?
What did I get you?
Yeah.
Fuck you.
I let you have the day off yesterday and I bought you a cake that says happy
birthday.
I had a cake yesterday, friend.
How many cakes am I going to get, friend?
I got you a birthday gift.
I want something solid.
Give him his birthday gift.
Give him his birthday.
Do you see what it says on here?
It says happy birthday, sleepy Bobo noodle.
Oh, shit.
And how old are you?
You added the noodle?
How old are you, sleepy Bobo noodle?
How old are you?
32.
No, you're not.
You're 49.
You old fuck.
But that's only seven in Chinese years.
I look good, though.
Hey, can we play this?
I'll be honest, dude.
When you see China...
Happy birthday.
Steak it there.
Steak it.
I'll get it next to there.
Bye-bye.
Happy birthday.
And then also...
One dollar.
No, I got it from the gas station.
That costs one dollar.
Two now.
And then I got everybody chocolate chip bars, espresso, cupcake things from the
French across
the street.
Oh, fuck, man.
You want these?
Here, move your glasses.
One dollar.
One dollar.
Move your glasses.
Here, she's got some forks, and I got no COVID or anything like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Happy birthday.
I've not touched that ever.
Happy birthday.
Hey, let me play this, Andres.
I want to play this for you, because this is from my family to yours.
This is happy birthday in Korean.
Let's all sing along for Bobby.
Let's do it.
Let's do it.
You're welcome, dude.
That was so nice.
They don't do shit like that for you in North Korea.
No, they don't.
Yeah, yeah, okay, can I say this?
Yeah, say it.
Jesse?
Yes.
All right.
Have you ever met anyone from North Korea?
Yes.
Yes.
No, you haven't.
Yes.
It's like an Eskimo.
You've never met an Eskimo?
You've read them all in the books and the fairy tales?
What the fuck?
You can play with them in video games, maybe, but you've never met one.
I've met someone from North Korea.
Who?
What's his name?
It's a girl.
It was a girl.
Whoa.
Concubine?
Was she a concubine?
She was a concubine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
She was a slave that escaped.
She was a female slave that escaped.
She was working, I think, in a shoemaking factory, and she escaped.
Bro, Koreans don't sweat.
That's a fucking fact.
You can Google that.
I'm sorry?
They don't sweat, and they got the gene where the sweat doesn't smell.
That's a fact.
You can Google that.
He smells.
No, he smells fantastic.
I've never had deodorant.
I know, but you smell, though.
I analyzed it.
I have a microscopic equipment at home.
There's no pores down there.
No, no, no.
It's like fucking an Android skin, dude.
Just poreless.
You don't sweat?
No.
I bleed.
I know, but you bleed.
You bleed.
He bleeds.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It'll come.
Dude, come on, man.
No, no.
It's an actual thing.
I'm not even making that out of Google.
They have a thing in the genes, one of the enzymes that produce Koreans
specifically,
where it's either they don't sweat or the sweat doesn't smell.
Yeah, but Chris, how come fucking white dudes smell like shit?
Not just Koreans.
Dude, you jog 20 feet and you smell the pit?
It's like fucking Beirut fucking water.
Dude, I gotta be honest with you.
I used to smell a lot, but then recently, over the past like six months, I've
been on estrogen
therapy because I'm transitioning.
I'm serious, dude.
Yeah, so I've been on estrogen therapy and I don't smell anymore.
I don't smell.
Yeah.
Are you really?
By the way, I want us to look at the camera real quick because yesterday or
whenever this
comes out, Andrew let me on his podcast, Whiskey Ginger.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
And I told everybody that I was gay and I said I was being very serious and I'm
not.
I'm a heterosexual male.
Yeah.
I just want to let everyone know I was kidding around, but I am not.
I am a straight male.
Now, why do you think people think you might be gay?
Because I looked in the camera.
You stood up straight?
Yeah.
Because I looked in the camera on the podcast the other day and said I was gay,
but I am
not gay.
So I want to say, nope, I'm straight.
Okay.
But there's a few things that might give it away that you might be gay.
What is that, Andrew?
You got good skin.
You got straight teeth.
You wear jewelry.
Yes.
You are nice and in great shape.
You're always at the gym.
You only hang out with dudes.
Yes.
All right.
I'll tell you why you're gay.
Why?
Can I tell you why you're gay?
Yes.
Because when I see dudes like you that are like, you know, handsome with your
body size.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
You're a handsome guy.
For a comic.
It goes Dane Cook.
It goes, there's people ahead of you.
It goes Dane Cook.
You hear me?
It goes Dane Cook.
A couple of open micers I know.
A couple of open micers I know.
Right.
Your friend right here.
Yeah, he's a handsome guy.
Way better.
Take off his hat.
Take off your hat.
Look at this guy's hairline.
It doesn't start.
Oh, it's fucking Italiano.
Italiano.
Oh, shit.
Look at how hairy he is.
Oh, fuck.
No, Bobby, don't.
Bobby, don't.
Bobby, don't.
Oh, fuck.
I'm going to fuck you.
Dude.
Oh, fuck.
You'll suck my dick.
You'll take out good hair like that.
I'll suck it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
See, that's gay.
No, no, no, I'm not gay.
I'm not gay.
That's full-blown gay.
I'm not gay.
What percentage?
Can I finish my point?
Yeah, please.
Let me finish my point, okay?
Usually that dude that look like him, right, they bully me a bit, right?
They go, hey, my little hopsick.
They always say that.
No, no.
Put me in a little hopsick.
They give me a nookie, right?
He's, like, gentle.
Gentle.
Yeah, he's soft.
Gay.
Oh, that's why.
Yeah.
But, no, I don't.
You're not aggressive.
I'm not aggressive.
I don't know.
Like I said on the podcast the other day, I don't know that I'm gay, but I will
say confidently
that I have sex with women, but I fall in love with men.
So, I would very much.
You're emotionally gay.
I'm emotionally gay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But, and, yeah, so, but I have nothing against the gay community at all.
Nothing against, I support and like the gays.
Well.
But I am not gay.
I'm not gay.
Okay.
I do, but I'm not gay, but I am a Democrat, so I don't know.
But you're a Democrat.
Because they're mostly gay.
Democrats?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do you think the percentage of Democrats that are gay?
I, I thought 100%.
Oh, all of them?
Like, like somebody, somebody.
Bobby's a dem.
What?
Bob's a dem.
Yeah, but Bob's gay.
He told me he's gay.
Like somebody the other day, somebody the other day was walking and he's like,
oh, and they
said the F word.
They're like, you fucking Fs.
And I was like, oh, I thought I was like, I'm, I thought it was like a
Democratic rally
or something like that.
Right, right, right.
I was like, oh, those guys vote for Joe Biden, which is fine.
That's fine.
Who are you going to vote for?
Huh?
Who are you going to vote for?
In the November election?
Yeah.
D-O-N-A-L-D-T-R-U-M-P.
Duh.
No.
Trump.
Trump.
Trump.
Trump.
Trump.
Trump.
Trump.
Trump.
Trump.
See?
Holy shit.
I feel at home when he does that, though.
Yeah.
I feel at home.
I feel very comfortable.
This is why we built the wall.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We built the wall for you.
We built the wall.
I told you we're going to build the wall with the bodies of dead Democrats.
Yeah.
I'm kidding, buddy.
I'm kidding.
You should hear about the North Korean, though, that escaped, right?
Lived in South Korea for a little bit, and he goes, fuck this, and went back.
Really?
Was that much better?
Wow.
No, he just couldn't deal how good it was.
It was too nice.
It's like, free boba free?
You know what I mean?
Like, when they get milk tea in fucking North Korea, they probably don't even
get free boba.
No, no.
It's a side.
It's a side.
Pussy?
I can get pussy any time I want.
You know what I mean?
Look.
It's overwhelming.
By the way, look at the TV, what you asked.
Not just Koreans, but East Asians in general.
Koreans, or any human, for that matter, wouldn't last very long without the
ability to sweat.
So humans all produce body odor.
Having said that, East Asians do have less apocrine sweat glands, which results
in reduced ability to sweat.
There you go.
I have, like, two apocrine sweat glands.
Show them.
There it is.
Yeah.
There and there.
Yeah.
Right none.
Have you been doing a little bit of working out?
Your muscles look a little bit-
You do look good.
It's fat.
It's fat.
Fuck you.
No, no, no.
Jiggle the bottom.
Jiggle the bottom.
That's how you know.
No.
No, look at it.
It's kind of tight.
You look apocrine and fritch.
You look good.
But you know what?
You know what?
Honestly, going back to the guy who escaped from North Korea to South Korea and
then went
back to North Korea, there is a freedom in communism, I would imagine.
When you don't have much choice.
Yeah.
Like, you ever watch Netflix and it's like, there's so many choices.
Like, oh, there's nothing on TV.
With communism, there's no choices.
You just have to do it.
So I could see if you were a product of that and then you go back-
It's like In-N-Out.
It's a freedom.
In-N-Out's communist, right?
They're like, burger with or without cheese.
I kind of like that.
I always love track homes.
I don't want all the options.
You know, like track homes, all the houses look the same.
Like, if your dad was like kind of a bum, right?
And he lived in a track home.
And then your friends in the same neighborhood's dad is a doctor.
They could brag all they want, right?
They can go, my dad's a doctor.
Our houses look exactly the same.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah, that's true.
That's the same thing.
I don't think your dad who would be a bum would have a track home, though.
I don't think he could afford-
But the mom works.
The mom works.
So that you're being fucking sexy.
What does she do?
What?
Well, what does she do?
She works for a track home-
Oh, the track home company?
Yeah.
No, she cleans the house.
Houses.
She's a maid.
She's Mexican.
Your mom does?
What size is your mom's feet?
I always-
Uh, three.
Small feet.
Is that for women?
Women three.
Is that small?
Women three.
Yeah, yeah.
Small feet.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like a kid's half?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Your mom has tiny little feet?
No, my mom has beautiful feet, dude.
I bet you-
Fuck you.
My mom has the prettiest feet.
Have you ever seen his mom?
No.
Like a hammerhead shark.
Fucking really?
One eye's over here, the other one's over here.
It's unbelievable.
That's funny.
It's unbelievable.
You talk shit about mine.
My mom all the time.
Your mom is a fucking Beelda-Wist beast.
A Beelda-Wist?
A Beelda-Wist beast.
A Beelda-Wist beast?
You've never heard of Beelda-Wist?
Your mom is a Beelda-Bear and the fucking eyeballs are on his cheek and its
forehead.
It's my fucking birthday, dude.
You already attacked my mom.
Yesterday was your birthday.
Yesterday.
Yeah, there's post and pre.
I got you a cake.
I got you a cake.
You know I'm not gonna eat it.
I know.
Why don't you eat it?
You don't like the sweets?
No, I have a fucking-
You know how many cakes I got, Chris, from last night?
So what?
Keep eating cakes.
Netflix sent me a fucking cake.
Really?
Why did Netflix send you a cake?
But it fel