Name: President Lee Addresses the Nation and Santino Is Back! | Ep 36 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2020-10-19T16:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'President Lee Addresses the Nation and Santino Is Back! | Ep 36 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'President Lee Addresses the Nation and Santino Is Back! | Ep 36 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-19. Transcript available.

President Lee Addresses the Nation and Santino Is Back! | Ep 36 | Bad Friends

Attention riso-adioma victims if you or a loved one has riso-adioma and it's
causing terrible headaches and fits of rage we feel your pain.
It's terrible that George's annoying laughter has put innocent Americans in
harm's way. Call us right now. Call the Santino and Lee law firm 1-888-431-3611
You two are bad friends! Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an asian
dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends.
I'm back y'all and I'm back y'all and I'm biggity back and I'm back y'all.
First of all, um, George, before we start, this is regular Red Bull.
Ruh-roh. Ruh-roh Scoob. Do you have the sugar-free? Do you have the sugar-free,
George? Or no?
Because otherwise we're throwing a fit. I'm not gonna throw a fit. I'm throwing
a fit. I'm not throwing a fit.
He wants sugar-free, George. By the way, you know those things. What's the
difference between sugar-free anyway?
Well, one has sugar and the other one has taurine. Well, it's fake sugar, which
is worse for you. So you should just drink good sugar. Real sugar.
Really? Real sugar is not, yes. Fake sugar is so bad for you. So this has real
sugar in it?
Well, look at it. What does it say? I don't know. I don't drink Red Bull.
It says taurine lightly carbonated. Taurine is the energy element. What's the
sugar element?
The sugar element is- Do you think taurine is sugar? Do you think taurine is
sugar?
It could be. Man, it's good to be back. No, because I'll tell you why.
A lot of times they hide certain ingredients, right? And it's something else,
but I don't know the technical term.
I'll give you an example. It says here niacinamide, right? Oh, you know what niacinamide
is?
It could be, but here's the thing. It's a balance inhibitor. It makes sure that
your balance is good even when you're running at a high level.
Right, but it could be like, you know, bull dick. Ground up bull dick. But they,
you know, then they put a term on it, niacinamide.
And I'm drinking bull dick, but I'm really, you know what I mean, but I think
it's niacinamide.
Do you really think there's bull dick in there?
I think there's some dick in here. Yeah, I think there's some dick in here.
There is some dick, but I don't think it's bull dick.
There are stories that there's like Red Bull. What is it? There's some bull
bullish elements in here.
Uh, well, do you want to know the history of it?
Yeah, I'd love to. Seriously. It was created by a German guy.
Yeah.
And it's, by the way, it's like 20 years old. It only came to America the past
10 years.
Yeah. Cause I went to Thailand. They have the Red Bull there as well.
Red Bull started in Thailand.
I think it started in Thailand.
Listen, a German guy stole the company, like stole the idea and brought it to
Germany and the Netherlands.
And that's where it's, that's where it started to grow in Europe.
He stole the idea.
It translates to Red Bull.
The name of the company translates to Red Bull.
I'm dead serious.
In Thai, Red Bull.
I'm smiling cause I'm just good to see you back.
I know. I'm glad to be back.
In Thai, Red Bull, to say it, it's...
That means Red Bull.
Does that die?
I know.
What did you do to my head?
By the way, we got these great figurines from Vanduul and my head broke.
We're going to glue it back on and I'm really sad.
Somehow my head broke.
Dude, what's the...
Hey.
Oh, fuck.
What is this? Get this off.
Why is this here?
Well, you didn't even let George explain why.
Don't shake the table cause then I won't get...
Then my head will fall off again.
What is this?
What is it today, Bob?
Do you want to ask George?
Do you want to ask George why he did...
George, do you have sugar free Red Bull for him?
I'll go buy some, sir.
Yeah, yeah.
Look at that.
Also, what is this four?
What does four mean?
This is our fourth podcast?
What does the four mean?
Thank you, George.
I love you.
It's our fourth podcast.
No, but we've done way more than four.
We've done more than four.
It's my birthday today.
Today is my birthday.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
Today's my born day.
I was born today.
There's no way today's your birthday.
Yes, it is.
Can I read you the text that my mother sent me?
Honestly, I've got to look it up because if I didn't know it was your birthday,
and I'm
going to feel so guilty.
Yeah.
So...
No, I knew you wouldn't know.
And I said to them, I knew...
Andrew...
I said, I'll bet $1,000.
I tell these guys.
Santino.
He'll never know my birthday.
Santino birthday.
Did you know it was my birthday?
No.
Happy birthday today.
Thanks.
Yeah, thanks.
And you know what's so fucked up about this?
October 16th.
Oh, fuck.
That's today.
Well, um...
I got you something.
What'd you get me?
Um...
Regular...
Regular...
I know you don't like...
Does that have bull dick in it?
It's got bull dick.
Oh, I love these.
It's got 99 cyanide.
I don't drink this.
I don't drink that stuff, but thank you.
Is it really...
How old are you?
I feel so bad.
37.
You don't feel bad at all.
Don't lie.
No, I'll tell you why.
Liar.
Because for my birthday, right?
You got me stuff.
I got you a Chris DiStefano, and I got you a cake, and he got you ramen noodles.
And they got you Corona.
So, you know what I mean?
That was for your birthday.
That was an early birthday.
No, no, no.
That was your birthday gift.
Oh, that was my birthday to give you Corona.
Was to give me Corona.
Yeah.
Ironically enough, I brought a gift to the studio, and it's for Rudy Jules,
because I think she
deserves it.
How old are you?
I'm 37.
37.
Wow, you're that much younger than me.
Mm-hmm.
I've got so much more life to live.
But you look so much older.
It's just crazy.
Fuck you.
This is from this company, My Los Angeles.
Look what they got for Rudy.
Show everybody at home.
Show Tito.
And show the people.
What did she need more than anything?
What did you get sick of?
What did you get sick of, Bob?
Her repulsive sandals.
Oh.
She finally got new sandals.
Say thank you, My Los Angeles.
Thank you.
Thank you, My Los Angeles.
What are those?
Birkenstocks?
No.
That's a competitor, dude.
What's it called?
Ma Los Angeles.
Oh, I love Ma La La.
Look on the bottom.
It says it.
Read it out loud.
Say what it is.
They sent you shoes.
What does it say on the bottom of the shoe?
Ma Los Angeles.
Ma Los Angeles.
That's a company.
Ma LA.
Try Ma.
And put your foot up.
Let people see your foot.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Put your foot up so people can see the old sandals to the new sandals.
Put your foot up so people see.
Also, this will end up on like wiki feet or something.
Now I just realized.
Gross.
Let's see the old sandals.
My feet is dirty.
Yeah, we know.
Okay, those are the old ones.
Look at those fucking things.
I know.
Those are mongo feet.
Jesus Christ.
She climbed the fuck out of a tree, dude.
You could water ski on those.
I know.
Oh, I like it.
Like if she was an Eskimo, she wouldn't need those shoes.
The snow shoes.
Yeah, yeah.
They would look down and be like, you're okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Take your shoes off.
Let me see what they look like.
Are they comfy?
Yeah.
Yeah.
In fact, throw those other ones away.
The brown ones.
Yeah, right in the trash.
Right over there.
Please.
Honestly, I don't ever want to see those ever again.
I don't want to see those again.
Look at how sad she is.
Those are like, they're from home.
Yeah, yeah.
They're my only reminder of the Matalan.
Who made the other ones?
Those had to have been handmade.
I don't know.
I think Alayla just gave it to me.
Ah.
Yeah.
Well, I gave you new sandals from my Los Angeles.
So thank you.
Very nice.
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to.
I'm so sorry.
No, you're not.
I'll tell you why I am.
By the way, it's my first day back from COVID.
And I was like, I'm coming back.
We're shooting on my birthday.
He won't even know or care.
And you know what?
Ding, ding, ding.
I was right.
I care.
I feel bad.
You know, I'll tell you why.
I'm mad at Facebook because usually-
I'm not on Facebook.
Is that why?
Yeah, I don't do Facebook.
Yeah, because I get notifications.
That's how you know.
That's how I know.
So it'll say, Bobby, you should wish Cassie, not you, but Cassie happy birthday.
Yeah.
And I always go, no.
And I turn it off, right?
But if they said it, right, why aren't you on Facebook?
Why do I want to be on Facebook?
You know who's on Facebook?
Like aunts.
Like moms and aunts and-
I know, but your family and stuff.
You know, you can reach out to cousins.
I have high school friends.
I'm friends with them on Facebook.
The moment I moved to California, I cut those people out of my life.
That's right.
I don't talk to-
You have a new-
Oh, family.
Oh, but we miss you.
Don't forget where you came from.
That's why I moved away.
Leave me alone.
No, I connect with them in real life.
Not Facebook.
I connect with them on like, you know, on email or pictures or text.
I stay in good contact with my fam.
Have you noticed too that I'm not being mean anymore?
Yeah, it's a little annoying.
I wish you would get back to where you were.
No, no, no, I can't.
Why?
I'm not going to be mean.
All right, you can be mean-
You know, because when I turned 50, I'm 49, I mean, right?
Yeah.
And then when you got COVID, I cared so much.
I know it hurt me.
Mm-hmm.
I'm like, please, Lord, please don't let him die.
I have proof that you talk shit about me on video games saying, people were
like, what
if Santino dies?
And you're like, if he dies, he dies.
No, I never said that.
I have audio proof of that.
Literally never said that.
I have audio proof.
I'm going to play it on next week's episode.
Play it next week because you'll have to make it up because I never said that.
Who am I playing with?
I'm not playing with anybody online.
Yes, you are.
No, I'm playing with my brother who doesn't stream and this kid, Dylan.
Dylan.
No, Dylan doesn't stream.
Dylan streams.
No, he doesn't.
He's been recording stuff behind your back.
And I have not been talking about you.
You're trusting Dylan.
I don't ever talk about you.
I don't give a fuck.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
I don't talk about-
Can this be about me for a second?
It's my day.
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
Can I read you what my mom said to me?
What?
The Beast.
Read me what the Beast said.
I'm trying to get back to my old self.
Yeah, but other stuff.
Okay.
I apologize.
Thinking of my boy this morning.
That's what I hear.
You know how pretty my mom is compared to your mom?
It's unbelievable.
I know, my mom's a fucking-
My mom's actually pretty.
And your mom is, you know, a decrepit-
My mom is a yellow cockroach.
One of her eyes is much lower on her cheek.
Look, George went and got you a sugar-free Red Bull.
You're such a fucking brat.
Thank you, George.
I was just kidding.
I don't give a fuck.
No, you fucking weren't.
I was just kidding, George.
You went to the store?
No, you fucking weren't.
You were not kidding.
That's my dick.
You're such a bitch.
Oh, man.
And listen to what she said.
Yeah.
I have so many fond memories of you.
How you used to run away from me, and I couldn't run with groceries, so I got
scared.
You used to crawl out of your crib at two, and use the wall as a backboard to
throw toys back in your crib and climb back in.
Yeah.
The rage started there.
How we had to change preschools three times because you were very bored and too
disruptive.
You're dumb.
No, I just would get into fights and ruin stuff.
Yeah, because your emotions, you couldn't handle your emotions.
I go-
We probably should have skipped kindergarten and moved right into first grade.
But one of my favorites is when you were telling Dad about the D.C. trip you
were going to take.
We were going to go to D.C. in high school to go to see the White House.
Bob, don't fall asleep.
I'm not.
I'm just focusing.
Piece of shit.
You're a piece of shit.
I love your mom.
She's wonderful.
You're such an annoying person.
She's a wonderful person.
I'm so happy to be back.
How are you, Roode?
I'm good.
I'm back in the studio, baby.
Huh?
Misinformation.
I feel so good.
You don't know what it's like living with her.
That feels good.
She's a good g