Name: No Thanks Giving! | Ep 41 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2020-11-23T17:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'No Thanks Giving! | Ep 41 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'No Thanks Giving! | Ep 41 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-23. Transcript available.

No Thanks Giving! | Ep 41 | Bad Friends

You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
Happy Thanksgiving.
I hate it.
I mean, Thanksgiving isn't my thing.
Hey, Thanksgiving, don't wobble, wobble with me.
Don't wobble, wobble with me.
Don't wobble with me, man.
I thought you came off a set or something.
Do I look good today?
You look cute today, dude.
Look clean, your face looks good.
Did you have a lot of acne growing up?
So annoying.
What?
What do you mean?
I've had these scars for years.
Yeah, I just noticed them just now, so that's a good thing.
I just noticed them right now.
I like it.
It's cool.
It's your seal.
Well, it's even worse because right near it, I busted my face open when I was a
kid.
Um, happy Thanksgiving.
I know, but can I just ask you about it real quick?
Sure.
Did you have a lot of acne just here growing up?
It was all concentrated to one part of my face.
Okay, that's all I wanted to ask.
Yeah.
It's weird.
This was a boil.
It was a big boil.
Are you being real?
No.
No.
Are you angry?
I feel like you're angry right now.
It's just an annoying way to start the show.
Happy Thanksgiving?
Let's go to that.
Happy Thanksgiving to you.
Because the vibe is annoying.
Wobble, wobble, wobble.
Wobble, wobble, wobble.
Okay.
Wow.
Get me in a good mood.
You know what I mean?
Dude, when you came in here, bro, right?
I was like...
Happy Thanksgiving from the bad friends.
That's it.
We're done.
When you came in, right?
I go, did you just step off set?
Because that's how good you look.
Why are you saying that?
Are you being condescending?
No, I swear to...
Did I not say that when you walked in?
Well, first of all, you said there's good news to share.
And then you said, did you just come off shooting?
And I said no.
Right.
So then I'm like...
You know what it is?
I'm doing a skin regimen at night.
Is it really?
You look great, dude.
Whatever you're doing...
I love you.
Keep doing it.
Thank you.
All right?
Well, happy Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving to you, man.
Dude, happy Thanksgiving more to you than to me.
All right.
Dude, I'm Korean, bro.
Yeah.
Do you want to learn?
Well, I know some things.
What do you know?
Can I give you a gift?
I brought another gift.
I feel like I'm Santa on this show.
Santa Maria?
The boats, right?
Santa Maria.
The Santa Maria?
The boats has something to do with Plymouth Rock.
This is a gift for you.
Oh, shit.
What is it?
In case...
Here, I'm going to throw it at you.
Heads up.
That's in case you get cold.
It's a blanket.
Yeah, I don't want it.
Do you know about it?
No, it's been washed.
I don't care.
It's clean.
That's how the Indians died.
That's how the Indians died.
No, it's not.
Yeah, it is.
Do you like...
Oh, she loves it.
Look at she...
I got one.
I got one.
It's a trick.
I got one.
There's smallpox all over that.
Yeah, there's smallpox all over it.
You idiot.
And you look like Pocahontas.
So, I don't know much about it.
So, I know that it has to do with pilgrims, and it has to do with Indians, and
they...
Tricked them.
They tricked them.
They said, hey, let's have a dinner.
And the Indians were like, wonderful, let's eat.
Let's not make fun of them.
No, no, no.
I'm doing...
That's...
I know, but people are getting sensitive.
Okay, they go, let's...
Do a different accent.
For Indians?
Yeah, yeah.
For the Native Americans.
Do the Punjab Indian for the...
Do those Indians.
The settlers came over.
Yeah.
And they were like, we'd like to trade with you, and we'd like to dine with you
on this glorious day.
And the Native Americans were like, that sounds like a good idea.
Why don't we sit down and have a meal?
Yes.
Yes.
And the Western European men were like, have these blankets to keep warm,
because it gets cold at night.
And inside, they speckled smallpox.
I get it.
Smallpox was COVID back then.
Right.
Same thing.
It was like skin-aids.
Skates.
Yeah, skates.
For sure, yeah.
And the Native Americans were...
The Native Americans were taken advantage of, and their land was stolen, and
that's why we eat pumpkin pie.
Right.
It kind of all makes sense.
When you grew up in a family that doesn't know that history...
Yeah.
And then November comes around...
Yeah.
There's just a bunch of fucking confusion going on.
It's panic?
It's like...
Because they don't know how to do it, so my dad would go get chicken.
Right?
But it kind of looks like a chicken.
I know, still.
He would get chicken.
They would take white Wonder Bread and just crumple it up.
That's the stuffing.
That's close.
Right?
And then he would use some sort of Korean sauce, like kimchi sauce.
I love kimchi sauce.
And pour it over.
Gochujang?
Yeah, gochujang.
That's so good.
So good, right?
And he put that on chicken and white bread?
Yeah.
That's pretty good.
He goes, happy Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Right, and then we would eat it, and then the beatings would start.
Right after you ate.
You would get drunk, and then the beatings would start.
But if you ate turkeys.
And we would run around, ay-ay-ay-ay-ay, ay-ay-ay.
And he would, he had to blow a bow and arrow, and it was so scary.
Rana, Rana.
Yeah, it was so scary.
You know what, but if you had turkey, it has tryptophan in it, which gets you
tired, so then he could hit you to sleep.
Then if he hit you, you're already out.
Yeah.
Do you have Thanksgiving in the Philippines?
She doesn't know anything about it.
No.
What do you know about it that you've learned from school?
We've given such an inaccurate description for the fans.
That's not really what happened.
What really happened on Thanksgiving was...
A joyous occasion.
A joyous occasion, and nobody was taken advantage of, nobody was hurt.
It was, you know what I mean?
It was just homies kicking it.
Jules, what do you know about Thanksgiving?
What do you know about it, really?
I just know that there's always turkey, there's always pumpkin pie, and people
just eat until they get fat.
That's pretty much it.
Yeah, that's right of the nose.
Yeah, yeah.
That's Thanksgiving.
Now, what do you know?
We're joking around about it, but what do you know about the history of how it
started?
Do you know?
Not really.
Well, you have to imagine she grew up...
I'm still confused.
Yeah.
Asians don't say bless you?
No, we don't.
Do Asian people not say bless you?
No, no, no.
Wait, why?
Because, especially when it's a COVID cough.
That was a sneeze.
Whatever it is.
Asians don't say bless you?
When we're scared, we don't.
Oh, you're scared?
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
We don't when we're scared.
Have you ever said bless you?
It's not something that comes to mind, no.
Why not?
Somebody sneezes, what do you think?
I just move on with my life.
Because when Asians sneeze, we always...
We wore the masks...
Bro, do it in an Indian accent.
There we go.
It doesn't seem as racist.
Wait a minute.
When you have a mask on...
We've always...
Asians sneeze all the time.
We sneeze as well.
Cute sneezes, though.
And then we giggle.
Yeah.
Right?
And then we do a peace sign.
Do you ever say bless you when somebody sneezes?
In the Philippines, we never do it.
And then when I came here, it's really weird.
That's what I'm saying.
We never did it growing up as well.
Do you know why we do that?
Do you know what the etymology of that is?
No, I don't know what the etymology of it is, no.
Because your heart stops for a second.
Like, you stop breathing.
Physically, your heart just stops for a second.
And so people, religious, decided that you say bless God, bless you.
God bless you to make sure you're okay.
I assume many...
I've never seen anyone die.
A guy did die.
Probably one guy in the history of the world have died.
Sneezed himself to death.
But also a guy from the history of the world probably died from hopscotching.
Well, a few men have died from hopscotching.
And no one says bless you when they hopscotch.
Well, because that's your own risk.
You're hopscotching at your own risk.
My point is that...
Hopscotching at your own risk.
If it happened like a thousand times a year, then I guess the bless you would
like, you know...
It's a courtesy.
Okay.
Bless you.
Thanks.
That's all you wanted?
Kind of.
Yeah, does it feel good?
No.
You look so handsome today.
Thank you.
Something's...
You know, I'll tell you what happened.
I'll tell you what it really was.
What is it?
I received really good news.
And we'd like to announce it on this show.
Well, I received the same.
Good news.
And I didn't think...
I received the good news.
And I'd like to announce it.
I didn't take it as good.
I didn't take it as good.
Why didn't you take it as good?
Horrifying at first.
The idea of that being a reality.
The idea, yeah, yeah, of that.
But then it's like the Borg.
What's the Borg?
You don't know what the Borg is?
The movie The Borg?
No, there's no Borg.
You mean the tennis player?
Is that what you're thinking of?
Bjorn Borg?
Bjorn Borg.
Isn't he having a movie about him?
The Borg is a race of aliens.
Where is this at?
In the Star Trek universe.
Oh, I don't...
I know you don't.
I don't do it.
Yeah, exactly.
Now, Star Trek is...
Star Trek is Zulu.
Spock and Zulu.
No, I don't know Zulu who Zulu is.
Zulu?
Wasn't Zulu?
Oh, Zulu.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's an S?
Yeah.
Now, what guy was Zulu?
The Japanese...
The Nip.
The Asian guy was Zulu.
Yes.
Is Zulu a Japanese name?
Well, I guess in the future...
In space.
In space it is.
I just assumed they wouldn't make it.
Yeah.
Name...
Wait, in the original Star Trek characters...
Can you name them for me?
Spock.
Bingo.
Zulu.
Uh-huh.
Mike.
There's no Mike.
There's no Mike.
There's no Mike.
It's just not Mike?
No, no, no.
Spock, Zulu...
What's the doctor's name?
Scotty.
Very good.
And what did he do on the ship?
He beamed everybody up.
Engineer.
Same thing.
Exactly.
And then...
Uh-huh.
There was a woman...
Yeah?
Named...
Carla?
No.
Give me a hint.
Uhura.
Aurora?
Yeah, Uhura.
Is that her name?
Uhura?
Uhura?
Uhura.
These dorks would know.
They would know.
So anyway, Borg from Star Trek.
James McCoy.
James...
Bones.
Bones?
Yeah.
That's a great name.
That's great.
So anyway, but...
So after this...
What?
And Kirk.
Yeah, James Kirk.
Captain Kirk.
Captain James T. Kirk.
James T. Kirk?
Yeah.
What's the T for?
Um...
Oh, what is it?
James...
What is it?
Thomas Kirk, maybe.
Anyway, after the Star Trek...
Yeah.
Right?
The first group.
Yeah.
There was another show that came along called Star Trek The Next Generation.
I've seen that one.
Okay, so name me the characters.
There's a black guy in that one.
Name me the characters.
There's one black guy in that one.
Name me the characters.
Well, the black guy's name is Jamal.
Close.
What is it?
Geordi.
Geordi.
Yeah.
His name is Jamal.
Geordi's short for Jamal.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
Geordi LaForge.
Yes, Jamal LaForge.
He was an engineer.
He was an engineer.
Right.
What else?
And there's a black woman, and there's an Asian guy.
There was no black woman.
Yeah, there was a black woman.
Well, yeah, there was.
Whoopi Goldberg played...
Yeah, but she was like reoccurring on the show.
So what?
That works.
Fine.
What's her name?
Guinan.
Huh?
Her name was Guinan.
Guinan?
Yeah.
That's a terrible name.
I know it is.
I've never really paid attention to these nerd shows.
They're not nerd shows.
What are you fucking saying shit like that for?
How is that not a nerd show?
It's just a TV show that happens to be in space.
About nerd shit.
It's not about nerd shit.
It's about, what, science is nerdy?
Captain.
Captain.
We must progress, unless the Borg will then take us over.
Anyway, there was a group...
Dork shit.
All right, there was a group...
Anyway, there was an alien race in it called the Borg.
And were they evil?
They were bad.
Okay.
And what they do is they would assimilate cultures.
Oh.
Right?
So they would see a culture and they would just destroy them, capture them, and
then make
them the way they look, you know what I mean?
And act the way they do.
And they become a part of a collective.
They don't have their own identity, right?
They have 