Name: The Fight & Rudy's Gotta Boyfriend! | Ep 42 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2020-11-30T17:00:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Fight & Rudy's Gotta Boyfriend! | Ep 42 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Fight & Rudy's Gotta Boyfriend! | Ep 42 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-30. Transcript available.

The Fight & Rudy's Gotta Boyfriend! | Ep 42 | Bad Friends

happy cyber monday do you want a bad friends merch tie-dye shirt or hoodie they're
restocked baby
so go to badfriendsmerch.com that's the only place to get official bad friends
gear or
just go right down below in the merch bar you can see there's going to be all
the stuff restocked
so happy shopping you two are bad friends who are these two idiots
white dude and an asian dude you two are disgusting
we're bad friends what did you watch last night well it was a movie called the
dark and the wicked
and um i didn't know i've never heard anything about it so you know i saw it on
itunes i was
like i'll look at some reviews and like i saw 30 reviews on youtube so i bought
it i watched it
last night oh it's so good the dark and the wicked oh yeah who's in it no one
that you would know but
um it's a lot of white people no i know a lot of white people i know but there's
so many white
people you don't know all the white you don't know we kind of know each other
not all the whites well
name one i don't even know their names i mean i've never seen them before the
dark
the dark and the wicked but it's like um it's basically i'll just tell you the
premise of the
movie oh by the way uh maryn ireland know her michael abbott jr i know him julie
oliver
touchstone lynn andrews tom nowicki michael zags you know all those guys i know
all these
from your white meetings yeah my white meeting my white yeah yeah when you do
your zoom when you do
your zoom white meeting what is there like a billion fucking little slots there
well for there's not
there's not a billion of us there's not a billion white people i i don't think
so i'm sure there is
well it feels because your egos are so big well there's it seems like a billion
there's 375 million
americans americans yeah how many how many of them are white probably i would
say
the dominant majority 45 percent you think less than less well i think i think
that um minorities or
ethnic people collectively make up more than whites i think so okay so then we're
40 percent
so why are you guys complaining that you're the minority sounds like we're the
minority pal
what we collectively we have to get we have joined forces like the avengers
like the avengers you should
take on the great white ghost maybe you're right we're complaining too much but
the dark and the
wicked is um about so it's in the country it's so scary yeah whenever i go to a
farm i'm scared
as it is i don't want to go anywhere near farms i know me either oh they're
like i've i've done road
gigs where i'm driven by farms and i'll be with a comic and they go let's go
touch a cow i go fuck that
nope fuck that cow yeah i go moo fuck you and um i just don't trust it and uh
so crazy shit happens
on children of the corn well even real things like ed gein ed gein farmhouse
farmhouse who else what
else what else was farmhouse crazy stuff george george is born on a farm yeah
so that's all i need to
know so um basically it's in a farmhouse and so um this older couple probably
in their 70s right
perfect the father's sick so he's like kind of in hospice in house in the house
dying he's got tubes
in the yeah there's a nurse there right and then the mother um is telling her
two adult children not
to come but they come anyway don't come daddy's ain't gonna make he's not gonna
know something else
don't come i can't tell you what it is well don't don't give it away i'm not
gonna okay but don't
come because shit's shit's going down all around here well then you're gonna
come that sounds fun
what's going on no no like levitating levitations okay shit moving around so
but they come anyway
like white people do because if my dad called don't come all right okay bye
right back to video games no but you right i mean if your parents said don't
come would you come
why that no yeah that is white instinct i would go why why don't you want me to
come something
happened yeah asian instinct is we trust you yeah there's something going on
you don't have to
explain it i'll go the other way but there's an instinctual thing going on yeah
we go home yeah
yeah that's why i have to add another point of view that is when that's why i
don't like now
asian horror movies why because the characters in the asian horror movies don't
seem as scared
right someone's like oh and they're just like oh no but like if they're zombies
right
we'll fight back zombie right and they'll pick up a sword right whereas white
people would run
yeah right yeah so they don't seem as scared to me and who lives the whites the
whites live that's
true and the asians are like so the back to the dark and the wicked yeah um the
the adult children
come right and then um well it's not you can't give anything away i'm not gonna
give it away but
can i describe a scene well that's giving it away i know but it's not the plot
of the point of the
movie i think it's in the trailer all right go ahead all right so um spoiler
alert yeah spoiler alert
it's late at night let me just say just if this happened to you what would you
do okay okay your
mom decides at midnight to chop vegetables oh i'm leaving no really write you
down that i'm leaving
yeah why are you up chopping vegetables at midnight right what are you doing
and then what kind of kid
are you to not go what are you doing mom what are you doing yeah we don't you're
making the pot roast
now right so in silence right she was cutting so they go to bed the adult
children like no big deal
yeah cut you know she's going through something okay right and then she starts
cutting faster
yeah and then and then it starts going fast and she goes past the onion right
right she goes past the
onions cuts off the dad's dick no and starts chopping her own fingers oh right
but not just one part
just like it's like diced onions slice and dice yeah yeah the kids wake up and
they go to the kitchen
and they see beautifully sliced onions beautifully sliced carrots right with
fingernails and shit
finger pieces of fingers pieces of finger and blood all over the place right
and they're like then
they go oh shit what the fuck's going on right yeah and then they they go mom
right they yell out into
the farmlands i don't know what they call it farmland sounds right yeah yeah
they yell out in the
farmlands yeah mom mom and they're just you can see them running around right
and in the distance you
know the camera cuts back pans out well the camera's in a like it's a farmhouse
right it's zoomed into
them yelling mom and as it peels back you can see the feet of the mom dangling
from the farm she's she
hung herself because she cut her hand no that makes sense how does that make
sense because if you
accidentally cut your finger and you're like oh god i gotta kill myself right
it's embarrassing it's
the next step yeah the next step so that's how the movie opens oh right so then
you know where does
it go from there it gets fucking so scary cool lots of murder not murder just
suspicious things going
on well i like it did you watch it but no she does she won't watch it but shit
but there's shit that
goes on in these white people fucking horror movies it's better they're very
good because of your fright
witnessing your fright right makes me experience what it's like to be you to be
white exactly but
you'll never be white never no i'll never be a coward that's we're not yeah and
i'll never be weak
you are very weak i know i am yeah you could be white i am white why are you so
scared to watch
horror movies rude i'm not this is how she watches this is how she watches it
no no no this is how she
watches it okay she she goes into like a pill bug right yeah into a ball right
then she'll take 52,000
blankets yeah and put it on top of her right right in a ball and then one eye
is watching the whole
fucking thing why are you so scared because it's scary but i still want to
watch it but did you but
when you watch them with with tito bobby and and uh and call it was in a ring
well i was gonna say
tito kalilah but i know that i was i was gonna say tito kalilah my girlfriend's
name is kalilah
auntie kalilah when you watch it with them do you not you never get through it
you have to quit early
um or can you finish the whole thing i can finish see are you good at finishing
in one sitting oh yeah
i can't not because i'm freaked out or anything just every movie every show i i
gotta stop well
it takes you out of the momentum no no something i need a break like you know
how you need a cigarette
once in a while i need to just walk away for a little you walk away and then
you come back next
day a couple hours later next day i can't i can't do it in one swing any movie
any show any movie movie
theater's the only thing i can keep me in there the whole time right if i'm
watching movies have you
ever left a movie about a hundred times where you just stood up star wars which
one the second one
the second or third which one was the one that came out and it came out here we'll
ask resident one of
the resident dorks down below it's the one that i almost walked out i think is
the same one two
two thousand it's the one where princess leia flies in space yeah whatever that
was
yeah yeah yeah yeah gone once she did that and she did that like mary poppins
like flying through
the space get out of here i i i stood up i left and i was i was making a
decision i should i don't
know that's ridiculous so annoying that's not a force no right i'm gonna go and
then i with i was
with people just leave i go you want to go and they're like nah all right you
stayed stayed you're
a good friend oh it just got worse and worse and then like there was a part
part in there where like
um what was which one was that they went to the casino when they went to the
you know where they had
the fat chubby asian chick chick yeah which she's great actress by the way and
she got roasted
online yeah right well you didn't help just now
i know she's a very talented actress sure she's she looks like me yeah she
looks like me but uh with
a vagina she stole the role that could have been for you no way when they say
steal the role that
they're referring to your body type as well all right go ahead okay that's rude
it's real and you're
being mean and that's me you're about you're one i'm not you are that's gross
which fan which which
which star wars is it it's the second one it was called um return of the jedi
is it return no
which one is it um andres yeah last jedi the last jedi yeah and it was the last
time i watched one
you didn't see that in follow-up no i wanted to see the follow-up of it just to
see what because jg
abrams um was in the helm again right yeah so he's like i gotta fix it yeah so
i was just wondering
could he could he fix it right but you know what threw me off in the third one
is when i saw the
trailer for the third one coming out yeah and at the end of the trailer you do
you remember what you
heard someone laughing no the emperor oh right and i'm like he's alive he's
alive yeah they just gave
that away the emperor's alive the emperor the one that got thrown yeah in that
shaft in electricity
remember was it electric is that what remember he was like zapping luke oh yeah
he was zapping luke
right with his with his shit right yeah his wizard shit right right he's like
no no whatever he was
doing luke right and then fucking anakin or darth vader not my son right it
picks up right the emperor
throws him and and the emperor's flying was still with the electricity right
right with the electricity falling right
this is how far he falls
times ten times ten right yeah it probably hits the asphalt implodes yeah right
yeah whatever whatever he does then you hear in the fucking trailer he's alive
he's alive he's fucking
alive so i but i saw it anyway yeah because i want to see if he could do it
that laugh and he kind of did
you know that reminds me of what do you remember do you remember the original
batman batman one
do you remember batman one well or no with the michael keaton um the greatest
one yeah that wasn't the gre