Name: How The Bobo Ruined Christmas! | Ep 45 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2020-12-21T17:00:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How The Bobo Ruined Christmas! | Ep 45 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How The Bobo Ruined Christmas! | Ep 45 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-21. Transcript available.

How The Bobo Ruined Christmas! | Ep 45 | Bad Friends

Ho ho ho. Hi boys and girls. Vengan, vengan. Les voy a contar una historia de
Navidad.
It's time for a Christmas tale. How the bubble ruined Christmas.
It was the day before Christmas, right here in L.A. The people delighted, each
in their own way.
Faces were smiling. Stop. Stop. Stop it. This is terrible. Andres, they're
never going to understand you.
You're too fancy, B. Scoot over. Scoot over. Move. Fine. Move.
It was the day before Christmas, right here in L.A. The people delighted, each
in their own way.
Faces were smiling, and joy filled the air, excited for gifts that they ordered
this year.
The people in town were filled with glee, all except one. Who could it be?
In the hills of Hollywood, tucked just behind the sign, stood a mountain of boogers,
a stockpile of slime.
Atop booger mountain, overlooking L.A., lived a mean yellow creature, in his
gross booger cave.
Grumpy and cranky from gaming all night, he peered down on the city. He hated
the sight.
He was so sick of Christmas, so tired of it. For 49 years, he dealt with this
shit.
The festivities, the songs, they're all just so lame. It's that jerk, Santo. He
was to blame.
He must ruin Christmas, he thought to himself. He must ruin Christmas. But how,
Bobo? How?
He then had an idea, so vile and so mean. He'd give this crap town something
special indeed.
Quickly, he jumped in his ramshackled van. He raced down to the city with a
horrible plan.
At every house, pad, and condo. On each and every floor.
The Bobo White Boogers on gifts at their doors.
When the townfolks checked on their presents that night, they were greeted with
the disgustingly horrible sight.
Quickly, they opened their Santo Claus app to leave their reviews.
Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap.
Back on the north side at the Christmas workshop, Santo's business was booming
and growing non-stop.
His orders were filled and delivered on time.
Suck on it, Bezos. This holiday's mine.
With peace of mind, without disconcert, suddenly his phone rang out.
Red alert. Red alert.
Christmas spirit was plummeting as fast as it could.
Someone in Hollywood was up to no good.
Santo was enraged. How could this happen?
Quickly, he dispatched his red elf assassin.
Rudolph the Red Blade boarded a plane.
She flew to Los Angeles to investigate.
Down Hollywood Boulevard and all over town, disgusting green boogers were left
all around.
Rudolph the Ninja leapt through the streets, searching for traces of the boogery
fiend.
She found where he lurked, yet he was not there.
In the distance, she could see the Bobo's green lair.
Of course, Booger Mountain, overlooking LA, where the mean Bobo lives in his
gross booger cave.
Rudolph the Ninja snuck in with stealth, where Bobo was playing video games all
by himself.
She snuck, and she slunk, and she crept up behind.
Placed her blade to his throat, grabbed her phone, and she dialed.
FaceTime connected, and Santo saw clear that Bobo was done for.
His life will end here.
Wait, Santo cried out, to stop Rudy's blade.
He knew something was wrong.
Just look at Bobo's face.
With tears in Bobo's eyes, Santo could see.
He wasn't mean at all.
He was sad and lonely.
Santo's temper and rage was calmed and subdued.
It was a miraculous thing.
His tender heart grew.
Release him, said Santo.
This Bobo's just sad.
Instead, we'll give him the best Christmas he's ever had.
The Bobo replied, if I could have just one wish, I've always wanted a friend to
play my games with.
So upon Christmas morning, to Bobo's delight,
Santo stopped by the booger cave for a video game fight.
The Bobo was happy, but Santo was a noob.
Gaming was not something Santo could do.
Round one, fight!
You win!
Perfect!
Perfect!
Perfect!
And round after round, it was much of the same.
Santo got his ass whooped, game after game.
Santo had had enough, his temper irate.
This brutal assault he could no longer take.
That's it, you scumbag!
Santo screamed out.
The Bobo just laughed with a hollering shout.
Santo's heart shrank down to its regular size.
With a snap of his fingers, the Bobo met his demise.
Rudolph's red blade slashed down with such might.
Merry Christmas, you bastards!
And to all a bad night.
You two are bad friends.
You're these two idiots.
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
Ho, ho, ho!
Hi, Bob!
Bobby must move for a mistrial now.
That trial was an abomination and proved everything wrong with the judicial
process in this country.
Bobby must move for a mistrial and demand a proper trial trial.
The main witness in the case is a presiding judge?
Here, the judge happens to be a material witness and cannot testify unless she
recuses herself as a presiding judge over this matter.
If not, Bobo's motion for a mistrial is deemed granted and new trial must be
conducted.
Merry Christmas!
I mean, for a week I've been thinking about this.
You've been thinking about the case?
Yeah, anyway, I already lost and I paid, I'm sorry.
Ho, ho, ho!
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Ho, ho, ho!
But I want to say this before we even start.
No, we already started because we got that I'm sorry on there.
I'm sorry.
But, case in point though, you know, I showed up here right on time and I had
to wait.
You actually showed up five minutes early.
Exactly.
But it's now 8.02.
Yeah, and we started two minutes ago when you started reading that long thing.
A minute ago.
No, we literally started when you started reading that.
Give me a minute.
Give me a minute.
No, it's in it.
One minute.
You know what I mean?
Ho, ho, ho!
Give it a hole in me!
Happy...
Merry, merry!
You know, everybody knows...
Merry, merry!
Everybody...
Merry, merry, merry!
Can I just say something about your outfit though?
Yeah, well, I'm Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
The thing is that, what I don't get about Rudolph, can I just ask, I don't know
much about him.
100%, I'll tell you everything you need to know.
Thank you so much.
So, um, so Rudolph was being teased, right?
He was teased and bullied about having this red nose, right?
And so at night, probably Rudolph went to sleep crying a lot.
Yeah.
Right?
He probably couldn't sleep well because every time he'd close his eyes, the
bright shine
of the nose probably woke him up.
Right.
Right?
Imagine that.
Yeah.
You're trying to go to sleep and then all of a sudden you just see this red
glow in your
face.
All right.
Terrible.
That's, yeah.
That's how it is in my house with my wife's suits.
And then he'd wake up and all the other fucking reindeer would be like, you
fucking freak!
Yeah.
Look at your nose, you freak!
Yeah.
And they probably fucking do what like dogs do with a fucking, uh, you know,
and they piss
like this on his fucking face.
Yep.
And then one day it's really snowy out, right?
There's a blizzard or some shit.
Santa, Santa is, uh, he's like scared.
Yeah.
He's like, how am I going to navigate?
And then he realizes the freak.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
Goes, hey, Rudolph the freak, your, your head.
Uh-huh.
And Rudolph's like, why?
Right?
Right.
Because if your freak knows.
Right.
Right?
And Rudolph goes, okay.
And he does it.
And then all of a sudden everyone likes him and he's cool.
Yeah.
That's fucking a bullshit story.
What they don't tell you is.
What?
The next day, they still went back to beating the shit out of him.
I know.
They bullied him again.
That's what I always think, that they bullied him afterwards.
Of course they did.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He got his little moment in the sun.
Yeah.
But then after that, it was like, that's it.
Let's beat the shit out of him.
Because, I don't know if you know, but, um, Donner and Vixen, uh, before, they
were
in a gang.
It sounds like it.
Yeah.
Donner and Vixen were in a gang.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They were Crips.
They probably had tattoos on their bellies.
They were Crips, little underbellies, little reindeer underbellies.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, little reindeer underbellies.
Yeah, they were Crips and they hated that he was a blood.
Rudolph was a blood.
Do you know he was a blood from South Africa?
That's why he was a red nose.
He was a red nose.
He was a red nose.
He was a freak.
What's the only, what's, what's your least favorite of all of these songs or
limericks?
Well, here's, I'll tell you, I'll tell you, I'll tell you, I'll tell you, I'll
tell you.
Um.
Tell you, tell you, tell you.
Tell you.
And I was just in Hawaii and I was at an ABC store.
You know what an ABC store is?
Yes, I do.
They're like their 7-Elevens.
Same thing.
Much better.
Yeah.
They're, well, they're.
Cleaner.
They're a little bit higher end than our 7-Eleven.
I think it's more like, um, what would we call it?
It's like between CVS and, and.
It's like an upgraded, you know how they started upgrading Starbucks's?
Yeah.
It's like that.
It's kind of like that.
It's like a high end.
Yeah.
High end 7-Eleven.
7-Eleven.
Yeah.
It's a 9-Eleven.
So I was there at 7-Eleven or their ABC store.
Yeah.
And this is like in the beginning of December.
Yeah.
And they start playing Christmas music, which is always bizarre in Hawaii.
Yeah.
Well, it feels like here too.
When you hear it here, you're like, it doesn't belong.
And then they start, then they start singing this song.
Let's get it.
Yeah.
Frosty.
The snow.
The snowman.
Right?
And immediately in my head, Frosty hates Hawaii.
You can't stand it.
He would die instantly.
Instantaneously.
He'd get off the plane.
It would be the puddle.
It would be Frosty the puddle.
Just his nose and his eyes.
He would be dead.
He hates Hawaii.
Who likes Hawaii that's in the, but none of them.
None of them.
Yeah.
Santa Claus hates Hawaii.
Do you think he passes over?
He's going to travel half the Pacific Ocean for 30 kids.
How many kids?
How many kids are in Hawaii?
Yeah.
40 tops?
Maybe.
Right.
Imagine, imagine Santa Claus, right?
He thinks it's his last house in Cleveland.
Right.
Right?
All right.
I'm almost done.
Five in the morning, right?
He just drops it off.
And an elf calls him.
Yeah.
Bass.
Bass.
And Santa's like, yeah, yeah, what?
I'm almost done.
Hawaii.
Oh, fuck!
You know what I mean?
He's got to get in it.
He probably doesn't even have the presents.
Right.
He has to look around.
What are they, like coconuts?
Uh, coffee.
Here you go, kid.
Yeah.
Uh.
Santa Claus hates Hawaii.
Hates him.
Yeah.
Does it like Southern California?
No, he doesn't.
Well, it's in the mainland.
I guess, but it's easier to get, it's easier to get to.
It's easier for him to do it.
Do you think Santa judges the people?
He goes, I don't really give better gifts because of this area.
I don't like this area.
Probably.
Yeah.
That's right.
Probably.
Like he sees, he sees what, and he goes, I don't like, he goes, he looks, he
goes, Albuquerque?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Rudy, what's the best gift you ever got for Krimus?
Uh, I don't know.
Shoes?
Shoes?
That's the best that you've gotten.
I gave you shoes.
On this show, I gave you shoes.
It's such fucking bullshit what she's saying.
And the kind of fucking garbage that comes out of this ungrateful lady's
fucking mouth.
Well, hold on.
I gave you shoes.
Yeah.
Show your shoes right now because I know what's going on.
Lift your feet up to the camera because you have one of ours on that I got you.
The sandals I got you.
I'm wearing two different.
Yeah, why?
I didn't see.
What?
What do you mean you didn't see?
Because Bobby was yelling at me to go down.
Because you were late again.
Were you late again?
No, because I'm late because of her.
Yeah, no, I'm saying she was late.
It sounds like that's the truth.
That really is the truth.
No, genuinely.
So I'm yelling at her, right?
Yeah.
Let's go.
I don't want another trial, I say.
Right, you don't want another trial.
Right?
Yeah.
And she's like, but I'm sleeping or whatever she's doing, right?
And she's not wearing the right shoes or her eye is the sleep in her eyes.
I mean, it's a fucking, you know.
But what you said there, shoes is the best thing you've gotten?
That's the best thing.
Didn't I give you a fucking iPad?
You got an iPad?
Oh, but you didn't give that.
It was lik