Name: Bobby's Valentine's Ring | Ep 52 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2021-02-15T17:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby's Valentine's Ring | Ep 52 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby's Valentine's Ring | Ep 52 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-15. Transcript available.

Bobby's Valentine's Ring | Ep 52 | Bad Friends

happy valentine's day happy valentine so i came in here right first of all
offered you cookies
okay i when i when you had them and they were good huh yeah but when i get
offered a cookie
all right i look at the packaging first and when they're in a ziploc bag
because they're homemade
i didn't know that though they're in a ziploc bag did i say they were from home
yeah yeah i did okay
i didn't hear that okay i did not hear that all right number two i don't like
little designs
on it all right so let a cookie be a cookie no because the design the design is
it's a kissy lips
because it's kissy lips time of the month no whenever i'm at a comedy club all
right and i see
i see a comic thank you throw it at him when i see a comic dressed all fancy on
stage i don't trust it
okay like dressed in a suit i don't when they're fancy i don't trust it sebastian
maniscalco yeah
suit jerry seinfeld suit that's when they do specials do you not trust them
when they do specials only
when they're not doing specials exactly okay that makes all right so i looked
at the ziploc bag i
saw these fancy designs on the circuit and i you know i my first impulse was i
don't trust it right
but once she ate it yeah jewels and said they're good i decided to have one too
late and i'm gonna
have one or too late hey i'll tell you i'll show you how the kind of power i
have you don't have any
power yeah no because they're gonna get eaten by them that's what they deserve
they deserve their cookies and you
don't get to be a spoiled brat and boss people around andreas yep can you bring
me a cookie
please don't bring him a cookie dude don't do it you're worried he's working
right now give me a
cookie please or i will not continue no don't do it george i will not i will
not shoot this dude you're
such a brat if you don't give me a cookie everyone's gonna see how much of a
brat you are i need a cookie
thank you andreas give it to me and i'll give it to him give it to me you know
andreas if i don't get
a cookie in my mouth you know give it to me right dude give me that cookie if
you give it to him andres
i'm not gonna get a cookie i made them give me the cookie he loves his parents
equally split it split it
no no no you know you know you know that i won't do it you know that i will not
do the podcast george
give me a cookie right now oh okay all right i'm not doing it i'm not doing the
podcast
all right there's three in there now all right i'm gonna eat all this good pour
it in your mouth
smash it doesn't matter what's easier to eat for your old teeth your old little
brittle teeth
pour it down your throat right now
you like it it's good though isn't it it's pretty good yeah but happy valentine's
day bob you two are
bad friends i'm excited to have valentine's day with literally my two favorite
people on earth
i don't want to put that in my mouth i don't know where that's been yeah so
happy valentine's day baby
boy happy valentine's day to you just delicious cookies did you do you have any
plans for valentine's
day did you uh it was it was yesterday did you do anything yesterday for valentine's
day yeah well
i did and i got my girlfriend a bouquet of flowers really what kind i don't
know yet because because
we're filming this before valentine's day yeah i don't know yet because do you
have anything planned
for valentine's day what is it because you can tell us now they won't well i
was playing you know
you know i like the video game war zone yeah you love war zone and sometimes i
play with randoms
what do you mean like completely no you play with people that you're semi-familiar
with people i've
never met in the flesh though right but they become friends because of online
yeah so you you're you're
when you're in a war with somebody yeah i i assume it's like that in the vietnam
war probably pretty
similar if you were in the a platoon with somebody yeah you know all the guys
from vietnam were sitting
in their boxers remember forrest yeah that guy that guy remember his legs were
blown off yeah and
forrest gump i don't forgot his voice i'll try it forrest gump or bubba yeah i'll
try to do forrest gump
wait wait how did he sound no forest was like life is like say life is like a
box of like a box of
chocolates there you go that's as close as you're gonna get yeah so he said bubba
no i'm doing i know
but i i i when you're doing that with your lips it automatically like a bubba
like that stop doing
that with your lips right all right go ahead bubba bubba and he's running
running and he ran like 20
miles grabbed him yeah and it was just a carcass yeah he's picked well he was
carrying him out out of
the carcass yeah so anyway but back to war zone about valentine's day all right
so i play with
randoms and uh we go into war and um there's this one guy name i don't know his
last name but his name
is alex very specific yeah and um he's under actually in my phone it's okay it
says alex warzone cool yeah
and um he does uh if i text him something he immediately does it for me another
slave yeah and
so i go we got rid of slavery in this country a long time ago yeah yeah and um
i didn't vote on
that to get rid of it so i'm still you know me well you were around back then i
know i was yeah that's
rude because of my age okay um so i i text um alex i need bouquet of flowers he's
always what kind
this man lives in los angeles yeah yeah okay i know where he lives i don't know
what he looks
like i don't know where he lives i don't know what it looks like i have no if i
saw him at a rave
right what are you doing what are you doing at a rave by dancing oh right i
dancing yeah right
so i have the glow sticks and if alex you know me glow stick next to me i was
like what's your name
and he'd be like dude it's me alex and i would have to go specific you got to
go get more specific
he goes wars and then i'd be like oh thanks for all the little things so he's
gonna get me he's got me
face wash before okay you just said give me face wash yeah i text him face wash
does he have your home address oh yeah that's a bad idea no because he's
friends with other friends
other people that you know online bobby these aren't real friends they don't
know you don't actually know
these people no he's friends with people i've met in the flesh are you saying
that to say that no my
friend gilbert takes kung fu classes with alex and i also play with nick the
master kung fu guy
okay so these people are real part of a dojo still knows where you live anyway
so um if i tell him
get me face wash he'll he'll he'll deliver it to me so he got you face wash and
then what he's going
to get you he's going to get you a bouquet i'll get you the bouquet once you
ask for more stuff does he
ask for money ever oh i have to give money so how do you deliver him the money
a venmo yeah so let's
ask for a lot of stuff and then just be like i can't venmo you anymore because
i need i need guys
like this because i i don't go just get an assistant i could do that no she's
not you would be a she
barely likes me at this one that's not true you'd be a good assistant wouldn't
you i think so
she's just woke up from a nap so don't even yeah we're talking about not being
able to like
sell yourself at all like this is a job interview i know yeah like so are you
interested in a job at
home depot i think so let's interview i'm gonna interview right now for the
position of bobby's
assistant okay yeah yeah let's see if you're okay hi thanks for coming in i
appreciate you coming in
you are a little bit late is there a reason for your tardiness it was traffic i'm
sorry traffic you
should plan for that because bobby also is someone that needs to be you know
kept on schedule so if
you're like can i be he's gonna be like as well you're in the room during the
interview no i'm
not i'm a different can i be a different guy yeah all right i'll interview you
afterwards no no
i want to be we're gonna because i want to be your assistant oh you're with me
yeah i'm with you
okay so let me introduce my assistant before i go any jermaine any further that's
jermaine that's
jermaine hi jermaine nice to meet you uh so uh tell us do you have
qualifications on being a personal
assistant in any way um i have a bachelor degree oh you have oh from what
what from what's college um long beach oh long beach wow state yeah that's
state yes that's good
what's a bachelor degree um what is it science medicine oh why do you want to
be a personal
assistant yeah um i just want to have more experience with have you heard of um
the glorious
magnificent bobby lee oh did you know this man i heard of him and are you a fan
of his yes in what
capacity um what have you seen him in i've seen him in well he was on wait you
know that he was on a
show for eight years yes what's the show called um i'm blanking get out of get
out of my office get out
of our office you're fired wait you don't know the show no i know i'm just
blanking all right you for
she forgets so much yeah why do you forget so much yeah well yeah well she just
woke up i think that's
what it is why are you taking a nap so late in the day because i had school and
i need to she's in high
school she has to get up at six in the morning i know bro but most of us from
high school i remember i
would nap in the in the afternoon yeah i told her and then i'd be up all night
long yeah i told her
that's what everybody does yeah in fact when i used to get home from high
school yeah the victoria
secret would come in the mail and i would steal it and i would go into my room
your mom's the magazine
yeah the victoria secret i go now your mom's well it's not my dad's it could be
it was my dad's okay
we were an open family yeah i would steal it i'd go upstairs and i would jerk
off and i'd fall asleep
and then my mom at one point i would falling asleep every single day why are
these pages so stuck
together would you say that no no i throw it away she never get it she never
got them it never existed
she probably signed up for it and just never knew it it didn't it just never
came for i subscribed to
oh i did i came but it never came for her and so she would literally come in
the room wake me up and
be like why are you so tired yeah are you on drugs that's what she'd say are
you on drugs and now i was
on drugs uh-huh what drugs did you do in high school mostly weed i mostly
smoked weed yeah
and then i didn't you don't smoke weed now that much though not as much as i
used to no yeah you
know why why because i'm so tired already that if i smoke weed i can't even
enjoy the weed right
i get exhausted when i smoke weed right and she would say you're on drugs and i
would say no but
i was but i was just tired from basketball and from high school uh so and i had
come come all over
my tongue did you get straight a's no i was a bad high schooler what was it
what was your grade point
average b's and c's oh i don't know what my gpa was b's and c's but in college
i did well i had the
third worst gpa in my high school uh you know who had the first the worst one
tom de long he had died
my sophomore year tom de long died no no what the guy that had the worst yes he
died your sophomore
year and he had the worst he had the worst what was his name i forgot his name
but my senior year they
that's the reason why he was last oh wow they replaced yeah what was your gpa
like 0. can you
get an 0.0.7 you never got one passing grade no never wow but it's not because
you're stupid it's a
lack of effort yeah the asians in my school were so angry at me you were
disappointing to them yeah
they would just they would look at me like they would come into class you know
asians they they
love classes well how exciting they said you know when she goes to school no
yeah i know but asians
love it other yeah they have their notebooks they have their calculators and
their abacus and everything
yeah you know they use the real quick the abacus right 40 46 and they're just
you know but when they
when they used to see me they just go you would disappoint