Name: Podcast Wars! | Ep 53 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2021-02-22T17:00:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Podcast Wars! | Ep 53 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Podcast Wars! | Ep 53 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-22. Transcript available.

Podcast Wars! | Ep 53 | Bad Friends

Hey!
Guess what man?
What's up man?
I'm so excited.
Why?
My merch is out.
We got the new merch?
Click the thing here below.
Look below in the merch bar.
Click the thing below.
Or go to badfriendsmerch.com.
Or click the thing below.
Or click the thing below.
Do it.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
Can you see this on my face?
You see this welt?
I got a bug bite on my face.
It's normally that color though.
No, but look at how swollen this looks.
I honestly can't tell the difference.
That's amazing.
Can you tell, Rude?
Right here?
No.
Well, I put ice on it all day.
Your face is all fucked up.
Yeah.
24/7.
Look who's talking.
What do you mean?
Look who's talking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You really got a welt on your face?
You can't see right here?
I do.
First of all, what?
Hey, why?
What's wrong with you today?
Honestly, this has been tripping me out all day.
It looks weird, but it's like, you know what you look like?
I feel like I...
A villain, like Two-Face.
What is this?
This is a gift from, I think it's Sal Vulcan and Chrissy D.
Sal and Chrissy...
Chris DiStefano.
Sal Vulcano and Chris DiStefano.
No.
Yeah.
Don't know them.
What is it?
I don't know.
Oh, it's a bag of shit.
Let me see.
What is it?
It's a bag of shit.
It's a bag of shit?
Why would they...
Let me see.
Is there a note there?
Oh, there is.
Well, you have to get the note out.
Open it up.
Does it smell?
No, I can't.
Been pooing on whom...
What?
What does it say?
I don't know.
It says...
It says, you have been pooped on.
Want to know by whom?
Turn over.
Turn over.
No, I don't know.
I mean, well, we know.
It says happy...
Is that Valentine's Day?
Happy anniversary.
It's our happy anniversary.
Oh, that's our anniversary gift.
Happy anniversary gift.
Happy anniversary gift.
That's nice from the boys.
Thanks, Sal Vulcano and Chris Estefano of Hey Babe.
They sent me...
Their new show, Hey Babe.
Human shit.
Yeah.
Is this human shit?
Yeah, it's gotta be.
Let me see.
Okay, how about this?
How about this?
Let's eat it.
No, not to eat it.
Oh, come on.
Grow up.
I don't want to eat it.
Well, let's smell it though.
Okay.
You smell it?
I will.
Open it up.
This is why they're closing down, because they'll send anything.
No way.
It's poop.
Oh, the bag is wet.
Yeah, yeah.
Look at my hands are all pooped.
What are the sanitizers going to do?
What are the sanitizers going to do?
Oh my God.
What?
Smell it.
Oh my God, it's so gross.
It's so gross.
It's not shit though.
No, whatever.
That is something gross.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We gotta send them something.
Yeah, but we should really poop.
Yeah, I wanna send them something.
You got shit.
She got it all over her hands.
We should really poop in a bag.
Oh no.
We should really do it.
I'll poop in a bag for real and send it.
Me too.
You wanna fuck around East Coast?
Yeah.
Oh really?
Yeah.
Oh really, New York?
Yeah.
Oh really, New York, you think you can fuck with us?
It's not just New York.
Did it get on your clothes?
No.
Okay, good.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Give me the hand Sanny for her.
Slide.
Bad slide.
Heads up, coming at ya.
Sanny.
One, two, coming at ya.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're gonna send them poop in a bag for real.
You don't get to send us poop in a bag.
But wait, Sal and Chris, they have a podcast?
Yeah, it's called Hey Babe.
But I thought him and the Greek guy had one.
No more.
Sadly, History of Hyannis is gone.
Oh.
They each have independent podcasts now.
So Sal and Chris has one and it's called Hey Babe.
Hey Babe.
Okay.
Hey Babe.
It's called Hey Babe and they just started?
Yeah, it's on their fifth or sixth or seventh or eighth.
Let's bury them.
Well, that show will never catch up to that.
I mean, there's no way.
You could have buried them though.
We really do.
Yeah.
Yeah, because that's rude.
That's rude that they started a podcast trying to be like us?
No, but that's rude that they would send us a bag of shit.
They, I think they're trying to start a mini war, but they don't know who they're
fucking with.
It's so funny because I've had other people try to do that for me.
Um, you know who did it at first?
Hmm.
Donnell.
Oh really?
When he started his, right?
Like making memes of me.
Look how fat Bobby is.
You know what I mean?
And all that stuff.
And I was like, I'm not going to fucking bite.
It's not going to work Donnell.
Yeah.
Um, you know what I've been watching, dude?
Oh my God.
Have you heard of the Vietnam War?
Uh, the movie?
Is it a movie?
No, no.
The real thing.
Yeah.
The Vietnam War?
Yeah.
To the best of my account, the Vietnam War was over sugar cane.
No, it wasn't.
From 19...
No, let's be honest, because I've been watching it.
So let me see if you know really...
What do you mean?
You've been watching what?
A documentary about the war?
Well, Ken Burns is a documentary filmmaker that I love, right?
Oh, yeah.
Everyone loves Ken Burns.
Right.
So Ken Burns, right, made a Vietnam War documentary series.
Yeah.
And, um, I've seen it twice, but I'm re-watching it.
It's really riveting.
Who narrates it?
I don't know.
Uh...
Ooh.
Ooh, God.
What are we here for?
Ooh.
Absolutely nothing.
Say it again.
Ooh.
Ooh.
God.
Oh, God.
The music, right?
It was...
All in my brain.
All in my mind.
Whatever.
That's it.
Right, right.
All that music is so good.
Yeah, because that was...
The best music came from tragedy.
Yeah, but...
And then how come everybody spent four years talking bad about how Trump was
the worst person
out of...
And we didn't make any good music.
One song came out of it.
What song?
Fuck Donald Trump.
You know that song, right?
Hey, fuck Donald Trump.
You've heard that.
That song, yeah, yeah.
But nobody made other good music.
They were like, "It's the worst!
This is the worst four years ever!"
You're like, "Then why is no good art coming out?"
Yeah.
This should have spawned good art, because the best art came from tough times.
Yeah, that's true.
The 60s and 70s.
The race riots.
Civil war.
I mean...
Civil war.
The race riots.
Civil unrest is what I mean that was going on.
Yeah, yeah.
You've got feminism's birth.
The Vietnam War.
Mm-hmm.
All this stuff clashing.
Watergate.
Watergate.
All this stuff happening.
Well, Watergate was later.
What do you mean?
Watergate was in the 70s?
Yeah, but Vietnam War...
I'm talking about...
I'm talking about that chunk of time.
Like from this...
That decade, you're saying.
I would say two.
From 62 to like...
The late 60s was crazy, because of all the deaths.
Yeah.
Right.
And serial killers started to kind of emerge in the 60s.
The good ones, too.
Yeah, the legends.
The coolest ones.
The legends came out.
Shout out to the cool serial killers!
Hey, what's up?
No, but we had...
What do you mean?
So we had...
Did you see that documentary?
Uh-huh.
About the Cecil Hotel?
I know.
Yes.
Yes.
You saw it?
Well, because I talked to Matty Matheson about it.
You guys talked about it.
We've all been talking about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who's Matty Matheson?
The fat idiot chef that you had on that show.
Oh, yeah, yeah, the fat guy.
The fat chef.
He's not...
Also, by the way, he's not fat.
I know.
He's just...
Right.
He's retarded.
Thicky, thicky, thick boy.
Yeah.
Yeah, but...
He looks like the Kool-Aid man.
Yeah, but anybody that wants to watch a good documentary should watch the
Vietnam War one because of the fact that it was just bonkers, man.
It's nuts, right?
What do you mean?
That's the...
No, but I'm just saying, like, that's the thing that...
How did this start?
Let me ask you.
The Vietnam War?
Yeah.
The Vietnam War was started, honestly, a small argument in a chess game.
Here at Bad Friends, we love to talk about history.
We would also like to point out that we don't read books.
While convincing to some, the following information is utter nonsense disguised
as fact.
That's true.
Lyndon B. Johnson.
Yes.
He called one of the leaders of Vietnam, because they have leaders.
Yeah.
He called him a bitch.
Who's the most famous leader of North Vietnam?
He's very famous.
Pad Thai.
Pho...
Isn't it chicken pad Thai?
Yeah, chicken pad Thai.
Chicken pad Thai was one of them.
One of them.
One of them, but the other guy...
It was a general.
General Cao.
General Cao.
It depends on how you want to say it.
And his...
What was his assistant?
Mango Sticky Rice.
Mango Sticky Rice, yeah.
I loved him.
Yeah.
Uh...
The Vietnam War was a war we didn't belong in.
It wasn't...
But tell me why it started.
Why it started?
Yeah.
Why any war starts.
How?
Land.
You don't know!
It's all about land.
You don't know!
You really don't know!
It's about land.
It's not about land.
It's about religion and land.
Isn't it about...
It kind of...
Every war is about religion and land.
I know.
But you don't really know.
You're just throwing out like blankets.
Because here's why.
Because the Vietnamese...
Yeah.
The Viet Cong, first of all.
Wow!
The Viet Cong...
Yeah, yeah.
...was having a coup and uprising against the government.
Right?
We stepped in.
Mm-hmm.
And we took them down.
What?
I'm gonna come in here, Viet Cong!
That's not what happened.
Wung Chang!
That's not what happened.
What really happened was, in Vietnam...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Vietnamese War was not our war, but we intervened.
We intervened in the war.
That's right.
We intervened in their war.
Uh-huh.
We stepped in to help save part of the issue that was going on in Nepal.
Mm-hmm.
Everybody knows the Nepalese...
Yeah.
The Nepalese...
Yeah.
...were the insidiary...
...partnership crew of the Vietnamese War.
I love it.
See, this is what you're doing.
See, Jules...
Mm, take note.
Learn.
Take note.
She's not even...
She's not even here.
I know.
Look at her.
The Nepal.
Right?
What, do you judge Judy all of a sudden?
What the fuck are you doing?
No, I was listening.
What were you talking about?
The Vietnam War.
No.
Yeah, right.
Easy guess.
Let me ask you about the Vietnam War.
We're always talking about the Vietnam War.
How did it start?
The Vietnam War.
Um, I don't know how it started, but it's about, like, communists and anti-communists,
and then the North and South.
Very good.
Yeah.
Closer.
No, I know.
It's about North versus South, but not communism.
One more...
The other one.
Uh...
Come on.
Uh, racism?
Well, that's always gonna be there.
That's always gonna be there.
That's gonna be there always.
Yeah.
I don't know.
That's fine.
Fascism.
Fascism.
Oh.
What it was about was, um...
Were there Nazis?
No, there was no Nazis.
'Cause I think there was.
There were no fucking Nazis there.
You know how today people are saying that, like, Trump supporters were not...
There was Nazis that were Trump supporters?
Yeah.
How do you not know there weren't Nazis back then in Vietnam?
There could have been a couple of Nazis rolling around.
Essentially, the war is, you know, the Vietnamese trying to get from under an
oppressive...
Government rule.
No, no, colonization.
Yeah.
So the French colonized Vietnam for 60 years.
Yeah.
God bless.
God bless the French.
No.
You know.
And obviously the Vietnamese, when you're occupied by a European nation, you
want to have independence.
By the way, the weakest.
How did France fuck you up?
Get on the ground and I will hurt you.
I will hit you with a baguette.
I hit you with a piece of cheese.
Yeah.
So...
You're...
You're naughty boy.
Get on the ground.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bang, bang, boop, boop.
I am tough guy.
France.
Weakest country in Western Europe.
Go ahead.
That's fine.
I'm just telling you what happened.
It is true.
And then a little thing called World War II happened.
One of the coolest wars, by the way.
Well, not as good as Vietnam, but pretty good.
No way.
World War II was way cooler.
World War II didn't have the music or the culture and black people.
I love black people.
But...
Because you know how they write stuff on their helmet?
Right, like...
This shit gnarly, dawg.
Are they Mexican and black?
I don't know.
This shit gnarly, eh?
Hey, bro, fucking gnarly.
That's a Mexican surfer.
Hey, fucking Hankton gn