Name: KATS and Hey Babe Clap Back | Ep 55 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2021-03-08T17:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'KATS and Hey Babe Clap Back | Ep 55 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'KATS and Hey Babe Clap Back | Ep 55 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-08. Transcript available.

KATS and Hey Babe Clap Back | Ep 55 | Bad Friends

hey hey y'all hey y'all we got new merch available and i'm telling you right
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go to badfriendsmerch.com whatever you need to click or go get it also get it
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too go to
andrewsantino.com to get those tickets and buy some merch down below i thank
you you two are bad
friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an asian dude you two are
disgusting you two are
something we're bad friends what's the vote what's the what's the consensus
that you're gay people
think that i'm bisexual someone wrote a song about it someone wrote a song
about it yeah oh that's
interesting huh a love song somebody wrote okay so last week the episode did
well
a very hot guy
45% by
just a little by 45% by
dance dance dance make her dance
she won't mix together like a pro yo swirl bobby took a test cause rudy read
him out and the ants came back without a
and the ants came back without a doubt bobby trying to say that it's a bobby
like cindy no
continuation from last week bobo is back from hawaii
bro
bro jeez when i was hawaii i saw this i saw a
a couple of that woody allen thing what would oh the documentary do you watch
it no the two movies
i saw manhattan
how were they really good yeah he's a great filmmaker people don't realize
you know he does slapstick well
uh huh
no he does yeah he does yeah he does um
bananas and sleeper were slapsticky
i don't know
it's
soonyi is his dog he
i have no i have no i have no idea what you're saying right now
let's make it up
oh you want to make it up
yeah
okay let's make it up go ahead
yeah okay let's make it up go ahead
no wait a minute the in the documentary andres you saw it
not yet so did you see the document no i didn't watch it yet i wanted to watch
it
uh neil brennan had the best joke he said it's the worst woody allen movie i've
ever seen
it's funny it's funny yeah uh so he adopts this girl from where he doesn't
adopt
he she's she was already pre-adopt
what do you mean by mia farrow she's mia farrow had already had you know so she
already
this little chingling
you know because you get chinglings from over there for like cheap
yeah real cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap
yeah so what do you mean
so she she got 50 50 of them
she has a bunch
discount you know what i mean
so she adopts this girl
she got in bulk
she got chinglings in bulk
she got costco chinglings
yeah yeah yeah
so they came over right
named them you know what i mean
yeah
you're moses you know what i mean
moses
yeah there's one with the with the with thick the thick glasses
his name is moses
is moses
okay
i i'm moses
yeah you're moses
yeah but my real name ting ting
you know what i mean
no you're moses now
you're moses now
and then uh
and then so
sunyi was already
but she
they fucked up
because they adopted sunyi
she was the only one that was adopted later in life
how old was she when they adopted her
i don't know like
13
how old was she
7
7 8
okay
he he raises her as his stepdaughter
not really
he came in
and he's just like
you know
at first standoffish a bit
you know what i mean
what do you mean
why are you laughing
why are you geekling
he did raise her right
am i stupid
did he raise her andres
i don't want to say raise
because he had his own apartment
he would come by all the time
hey sunyi
it's me woody
in the beginning
you want me to film you
in the beginning she was like
you know um
they make her a slave
let me try to say these words appropriately
so that i don't get in trouble
well how could you get in trouble
you didn't
no because i'm
because i need to
i have a thought about it
i'm trying to
so when she
when she
when he first was dating mia
she was young right
and she kind of looked
but as she got older
she
she really became taller
and more attractive
and i think through time
you're talking about sunyi
became taller and more attractive
yeah yeah i think through time
you know after three or four years
he came to breakfast one day
and she you know
she probably gave him pancakes
or whatever
and he looked up
and looked at her little
you know what i mean
boink boink
yeah yeah
yeah and he went
oh well
me you know what i mean
but how old was she
when this started
when this relationship happened
i don't know
she was
how old was she andres
do you know
yeah i think
i think she was legal
barely legal
barely legal
17 maybe
at 17
so okay
and then they became lovers
but that's not
but that's not the
the crazy one
what's the crazy one
dylan
dylan
is the younger one
who was
his adopt
real adopted one
okay
who was white
okay
he adopted a white
yeah
okay
dylan was white
expensive babies huh
sorry
it cost about
half a million dollars
the ching chings from bulk
50 of them
3875
1495
two payments
yeah two payments
we'll let you do two easy payments
1495
yeah yeah
and um
and they just
they come over
in um
in a ship
yeah
like you know
when you get a european one
it comes in a plane
right
this one comes like
nine months later
in a ship
yeah the european one comes
a stork is actually carrying it
in a box
yeah yeah yeah
when you get the asian ones
it's like
you have to open up
a bunch of packaging too
you do
and then
and they're just like
you know
they're freeze-dried
they're stuffed in
and you put water on them
they're freeze-dried at first
you put water on them
and then they
yeah float
float in the
but
so wait
this dude
he adopts
we're in trouble
this is bad
he adopts the white one
so he adopts the white one
and then he goes
and you know
he
she
so you know
it always happens where
you know
she catches him
doing stuff
right
right
so the one thing
that I think
somebody caught him doing
was
having sex
with his stepdaughter
no no no
he was doing
teaching her
how to suck his finger
you know that old move
I don't care
if that's real or not
yeah yeah
no it's real
shut up
swear to god
andres
I don't know
I swear to god
Faro is a little crazy too
whoa
don't do that right now
excuse me
you know what this is
I know what it is
that's because where he comes from
he justifies
they're pig-headed
misogynistic
bull-headed males
isn't that right
yeah
where do women belong
andres
and the house
oh
right
that's how he feels
yeah
and the ratings
of that documentary
in Spain
is zero
zero
yeah
because they watch
two minutes of it
and they're like
oh fuck it
yeah
yeah
yeah
these girls
they're all crazy
yeah yeah
these are all crazy girls
so he
he got caught
he was like teaching her
to tongue
the tip of his finger
that's so gross
like yeah
so gross
right
and I'm like
pretty gross
and then
he
so Mia's
out of the house
because they have this house
in Connecticut
uh huh
he comes over
right
because it's like a weekend
yeah
and all the kids
he has so many kids
there's like 32,000 kids
and they're so
you know
and they have three babysitters
so it's like
how do you keep track
of all of them
sure
right
and
so he goes to the attic
right
you know this right
yeah
he goes to the attic
with um Dylan
and
oh yeah
is it yucky
well I don't know
what yucky is
you know
I think they're going
to the attic
what are they doing up there
they're not looking
for Christmas decorations
no the Ouija board
no he's squeezing her
tight
she's squeezing me tight
and he was playing
with my naughty nons
downstairs
oh no
and how old
she's what
12
gross
so what's going
to happen to him
now that this documentary
is out
nothing
you got a five picture deal
yeah yeah
so yeah
yeah Universal's like
pick him up
pick him up
no I
well I think
you know
because he used to
make a movie a year
it's what's interesting
he hasn't done that
for a long time
yeah but what's
interesting about him
is that um
you know this shit
that like for instance
one of my favorite
I mean
if you go to my house
you know the Woody Allen
picture I have in my house
have you seen that one
do you know who Woody Allen is
yeah
scoot the mic
yeah
no
how many
we've been doing this
for 55 weeks
and the mic starts
at the end of the table
she doesn't know
wait you don't know
who Woody Allen is
no that's why
I'm trying to look him up
well we'll pull it up
we'll pull it up here
on the screen
you can see
he was a filmmaker
who made a bunch of
very successful
very famous
very well respected films
there he is right there
how does he look
okay just bring up
that picture
will you click on
just that photo
and see how
how do you feel
about that guy
right there
how does that guy
make you feel
Jules
does he look like
he would adopt
an Asian girl
and then make her
his bride
yeah
yeah
okay
so I have a
Woody Allen
old school
framed photo
of Woody Allen
in my house
right
so when I was
watching the documentary
I called Kalilah
and I go
I screamed at her
I go
flip the
flip the fucking
yeah
take it down
no not take it down
just flip it over
don't take it down
you know what I mean
yeah
so I was like
I'm a huge
Woody Allen fan
sure
you know
I love Broadway
Danny Rose
I love
but I would love
his later ones
like Husbands and Wives
Crimes and Misdemeanors
but the movie
that I loved
that I've seen
with Kalilah before
is Husbands and Wives
but what's interesting
about that movie
is halfway during
that movie
right
so Mia is
like
stopping by
she has keys
to his apartment
and he's not home
so she just comes
to stop by
because she was
in the area
and she sees
naked photos
of Soon-Yi
on his drawer
like on the top
of a drawer
but not
she's a hustler
like
yeah yeah yeah
barf
what
barf
okay
and imagine
so she's in the middle
of she's
the co-star
of Husbands and Wives
and she sees
those photos
she sees the photos
right
and she's like
this is gonna be
a good movie
I can't say anything
yeah this is
you know
that's her daughter
right
gross
gross right
how old was
and the daughter
was young
so she calls
she's like
you know
confronts him
whatever
and she goes
I think
I need a two week
break
so they hold
production
for two weeks
but then they
keep shooting
so now
if you watch
Husbands and Wives
you know
that somewhere
in there
wow
right
she
Mia knows
get out of town
yeah yeah
so I think
I wanna watch
rewatch that movie
it just throws it
in a different context
I wanna know
yeah yeah
and we'll
how about we guess
how about let's watch
it next week
we'll try to guess
what point
that she knew
we think
she knew
there's a moment
where she questions
cause in the
she leaves him
in the movie
yes
so there's a moment
where she questions
their relationship
and I hope to think
that that's when
well maybe he's just
a good filmmaker
and he did that
all for the sake
of the film
maybe
interesting
he went
he went fucking
method on it
super method
super method
super method
yeah
so he was like
what I do is
I'll get
you know
I'll
I'll
you know
she's what
17
she's got
little breasts
yeah
little tiny breasts
and I'll
you know
I'll
I'll just film her
you know
take photos
of her vagina
I'll leave them
all over my desk
yeah
and it'll just
give up
and then Mia
we'll discover them
and then
and then
boom
we got a picture
Oscar
Mia
wow
maybe it was
maybe
so you've never
heard of this man
before
no
will you bring
a picture of him
and Soon Yee up
so we can all
take a look at
there she is
right there
right
yeah
oof tough
she kind of looks
like you Bob
oh that's tough
oh no
oh no
but she does
will you blow that up
just stretch out
so we can see it
bigger
you look like him
I do
that's me and you
that's me and you
yeah bad friends
2032
if we keep doing this podcast
that's you and me
bad friends 2032
I didn't know he had a lazy eye
I never noticed that
his left eye is lazy
he's like 90,000 years
but he
he's got one eye
looking at the camera
and the other one
looking at Soon Yee
look at that
he's like
don't you go nowhere
don't you get back
don't you get back on that ship
don't you get back
and she