Name: The Shamrock ☘️ Cult | Ep 56 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2021-03-15T16:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Shamrock ☘️ Cult | Ep 56 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Shamrock ☘️ Cult | Ep 56 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-15. Transcript available.

The Shamrock ☘️ Cult | Ep 56 | Bad Friends

Oifey.
A-off.
Oife.
Siobhan.
Siobhan.
Siobhan.
Siobhan.
No, Siobhan.
Siobhan.
It sounded with a V.
Siobhan.
Let me get the third shot of the third one.
It looks like Siobhan, but it's Siobhan.
Graine.
Graine.
Graine.
Graine.
Miadoth.
Miadoth.
Miadoth.
Miadoth.
Miadoth.
Bueba.
Dear Blah.
Dear Blah.
Dear Blah.
Dear Blah.
Call me.
Call me.
Call me.
Call me.
Oisin.
Oisin.
Oisin sauce.
Taig.
Taigna.
Grrach.
Root eggie.
That's Rooty.
Root eggie.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
Me lucky charm.
Me lucky charm.
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's the lovely day.
We drink a lot of beer and we kiss each other.
Hey.
Don't tell your father or your mother that you're gay.
It's St. Patrick's Day.
Somewhere over the rainbow is an Irish.
It is?
I brought my Irish stein here.
So I can have beer.
What about this one?
What about jump?
Jump?
Jump?
That song?
Isn't that Irish?
How's the pain?
Jump?
How's the pain?
Jump?
Jump?
Hello?
Hello?
Jump?
Jump?
Hello?
Hello?
Is that Irish?
I don't know.
That doesn't sound Irish.
When I look at them in that video, I think that they're Irish.
Well, how's the pain is Irish?
Yeah, because they're green.
They're not green people.
They wear green a lot.
They're green?
Yeah.
They're Irish.
They're always in green outfits and whatnot.
I'm going to drink Guinness for the motherland.
Oh, here we go.
This is for the motherland.
Yeah, but I'm in recovery, baby.
I want to drink it so bad.
Bob, I've had drinks in front of you before.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
Is this bad?
You can, no.
No.
You don't get any of this.
I've had drinks in front of you multiple times.
I know.
I like it.
You have green stuff, too.
Wait, wait, wait.
This is a green Pearl Edition sugar-free Red Bull.
Whoa, St. Patrick's Day.
Thank you.
I have to rip this because I want to be able to have a soda pop.
There you go.
Pretty good.
Welcome to the show.
Look at, hi, Rude.
Put on your beard, please.
Look at this big, look at the size of this thing.
Nice, nice, nice, nice.
I didn't get tanked, dude.
I like the way your cheeks get rosy.
You have, like, really rosy cheeks.
Look at you.
That's because I was out in the sun.
No, I don't think so.
I think at St. Patrick's Day, your cheeks are all rosy.
Well, whenever it's St. Patrick's Day, I eat my cheeks getting a little rosy.
Yeah.
What can I say?
That's my wife's name, too.
When you get older, I think you're going to have plump red cheeks.
Yeah, I'm going to be fat.
Like plump, though.
But I'm going to be fat.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm looking for it.
I'm excited to get fat.
Yeah.
I love that you have green on for St. Patrick's Day.
Today, I did ADR, and they did a close-up of my face.
Yeah.
And my face went from each end of the screen.
That's how fucking fat I am.
No, I'm not kidding you.
You're wide.
And they had two little heads here, which was, you know, Magnum and Perdita,
right?
Uh-huh.
And then my big fucking blob yellow fucking gross face.
Big flat head.
And you can see my fucking liver spots.
You don't have any liver spots, baby.
I do.
On the side, babe.
Is that what those are?
What do you think it was?
Lesions?
Yeah, lesions.
You have lesions?
I thought it was lesions.
What?
You got self-conscious about your ADR because you look a little less than
stellar?
So, um, we were going to—did you see Chris D. recently?
Yeah.
You did.
Today?
Yeah.
No, a couple days ago.
He's in town.
Chris D. is in town.
I know that he is.
Yeah.
And so that we were going to prank him by what?
Well, we were going to send pubes to them, but he's in L.A. for the next three
months.
We were going to send pubes to them, but they pranked—
We shaved our pubes.
But they pranked us twice.
How?
What do they—what do you mean?
No, they didn't.
They sent us poo.
They sent us poo.
That's it.
They gave you COVID.
That's the best prank in the world.
And he didn't even get it.
I know.
He didn't even get it.
That's the prank, though.
I know.
Oh, that's a good—
Are these chocolate?
We've got to get them back.
I know.
Well, what do we have to do?
Dude, they send you shit and give you COVID?
Imagine that.
Poop in the mail and COVID in my lungs.
Yeah.
That was insane.
That's insane.
I know we should kill those guys.
Yeah.
The disrespect is insane.
Open your mouth.
I've got a chocolate for you.
No, I don't want—
That's—
I don't—
Right now.
I'm only 50%.
Come on.
All right.
Okay, it didn't happen.
Close.
Rudy, you don't—
Oh, there you go.
How does that feel comfortable?
It's fine.
It's not itchy.
It's not itchy?
No.
Wait a minute.
Was there any—
Did we talk about this?
Were there ever any redheads in the Philippines?
No.
Never, right?
You've never seen one.
But if you did see one, what would you guys do?
You dig a hole.
You dig a hole.
Yeah.
I think D2 Andrew was the first one I've seen.
I'm the first redhead you've ever seen in your life?
Yeah.
How scary was that?
I thought it was weird.
Yeah, exactly.
Dink.
Right?
Okay.
Because you're used to it.
You know what I mean?
You see, like, the movies.
Right?
Yeah, you see redheads on film.
No, you see—
Also, look, look, look.
One of your favorite from—
One of your favorite characters.
He's a redhead.
Oh, yeah.
No, he's—
No, but in real life, like, you know, when I was a kid,
I would watch scary things like, you know, Lucille Ball.
Scary things?
Yeah, because you was—
I love Lucy wasn't scary.
It was a comedy show.
Because her—
I know, but her hair was so red.
It was so scary.
Right?
And then you would see, like, it, the first one.
Yeah.
You're like, oh, shit.
He's one of our heroes.
And then when you see one for the first time, a redhead, right?
There is a shock to it.
Yeah, a little bit.
Yeah.
A little bit of a shock.
Like, ooh, that's real.
We're a dying breed.
There's only—
Look up how many redheads are on Earth.
I bet you there's—
Let's guess.
How many redheads do you think are on Earth, for real?
Genuinely.
845 million.
What?
What an insanely bad guess.
What?
845 million redheads?
How could that be?
You know how many people are in the—
How many people are in the United States?
In the world, you said, right?
Yeah, but how many people are in the United States?
350 million.
Yeah, exactly.
So you think double the population of the United States is redheads?
You're right.
Let me take—
Can I take that back?
Yeah, because that's the dumbest math I've ever heard.
It's dumb.
It's insult.
I just threw it out there.
All right, well, give me another one.
All right.
Well, I drink my gunness.
I would say there's 183 million redheads on planet Earth.
Okay, Rudy, what do you think?
How many redheads are on planet Earth right now?
Maybe like 6%.
What?
What is happening in here?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
6% of the Earth is redhead?
Is that what you think?
Yeah, maybe.
Okay, 6% of the total population.
I would say the number would be around like 2.5 million redheads.
2 million redheads on Earth.
2 million?
That's it.
Yeah.
Can I adjust?
440 million.
That's 2%.
Wow.
So who was the closest?
I was.
We were wrong.
I said 183 million.
You first guessed 800 million.
You first guessed 800 million people.
I know, but my second guess, though, which is the real guess, is I was the
closest.
To 140 million people, that's approximately.
Scotland boasts the highest percentage of national redheads, with 13% of that
country being redheads.
Yeah, there we go.
Wow.
And they're treated the worst.
Are they really?
We're treated worse than any other kind of person on Earth.
That's, oh my God, really?
Who's lower than us?
The Jews.
What?
In the history of time?
Redheads!
In the history of time.
We were persecuted as well.
You guys were put in concentration camps and put into fucking mass killings.
Yep.
Yep, they did it.
Never heard of it.
Yes, they did.
Look up the redhead genocide.
Look up the ginger genocide.
You've never heard of ginger genocide?
Is there a ginger genocide?
Yes, sir.
Look up the ginger genocide.
The ginger genocide.
Oh, you know what?
1648.
Northern Ireland was oppressed, right, by England.
Of course.
Yeah, so that's something.
Still a battle going on.
Ginger genocide, right there.
Click on it.
What happened?
There was a ginger genocide.
A crime that will be committed in late 2009, early 2010 to exterminate all
ginger bitches
and their children.
In 2009?
It didn't happen.
We got, they couldn't get us.
It never happened.
They didn't get us.
Yeah.
They planned the attack and we didn't, they didn't, it wasn't, it didn't happen.
Yeah.
You know why?
We're too swift, baby.
Yeah, but when I, when I look at redheaded people, I don't think, um, I just
feel disgusted.
There's no feeling of like, I want to hurt them or I want to oppress them.
You feel bad for them?
I don't feel bad for them.
There I am.
I just feel, I'm a little liprechaun.
Who is that girl?
Jennifer Aniston.
Is it?
Yeah.
She was in the first one.
In the original?
Yeah.
God, she looks the exact same now.
30 years later or whatever that is.
Yeah.
I love actors that like have done bad movies in the, before they could be, what
do you
mean?
Leprechaun was a great movie.
Okay.
Great movie.
But it was cool to see like Johnny Depp in the first, um, Nightmare on Elm
Street Street.
Another great movie.
I don't know.
You're referencing two great movies.
Wait, wait, wait.
Nightmare on Elm Street.
Wait, wait, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Stop.
You're saying that Leprechaun.
Correct.
And Nightmare on Elm Street is a cult classic.
Sure.
So is Leprechaun.
No, it's not.
Not Leprechaun's not.
Yes, it is.
The only reason we know about it is because it's a cult classic.
Is it good?
Should I go watch it tonight?
I would absolutely watch it again tonight.
What's it about?
It's about a Leprechaun.
No, but what happens?
It's right in the title.
What happens though?
Maybe that's regular size.
This is a scene from Leprechaun.
Are you kidding me?
This is incredible.
How did you print this up so quickly?
Oh, shit.
Wow, he's on top of it.
So this is a part of the movie.
So obviously.
So is Tori Jennifer Aniston?
Yes.
Can I play?
You have to play the Leprechaun, obviously.
Of course.
Yeah, Bob.
I'll play Tori.
Okay, and then Rudy, you have to read the stage directions.
Okay.
Okay, this is the table read.
Let's imagine this is the table read for Leprechaun.
What year was Leprechaun?
19...
In the 90s.
92?
Yeah.
93?
93.
So here we go.
All right, stage...
Okay, so this is the table read for Leprechaun.
Thanks all for coming.
And Rudy Jules, take it away.
Well, let the writer have a little announcement.
They sometimes do that.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I'm...
I'll just play the writer as well.
Hi, I'm Cliff Fitzsimmons.
Cliff Fitzsimmons.
Cliff Mick Fitzsimmons.
Yeah.
I'm Cliff Mick Fitzsimmons.
How did I just say that?
That's my name.
And thank you...
Welcome to my movie that I wrote called Leprechaun.
What a film.
And the inspiration was...
I lived in Ireland for many, many years.
Well, you grew up there, right, Cliff?
Yes, I did.
And when did you move to the United States, Cliff?
In the 83.
1983.
In 1983?
Yeah.
What brought you to the States?
The desire to...
I'm a filmmaker.
I'm a writer.
And you didn't want to do anything over there.
There was nothing going on.
There was nothing going on.
It's fucked up over there.
A lot of redheads.
So here we...
And this movie is just dear to my heart
because it reminds me of my childhood
back on the ruling hills of Dublin.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Okay, wonderful.
Well, sir?
Sir?
Sir, please take it away.
Yeah, well, I'm the writer.
That's the director.
Oh, my God.
You're the director of the film?
What is your name again?
Just announce yourself.
I'm Jose.
Jose.
Jose what?
Jose what?
A hairy-faced Hispanic guy.
Jose what?
Fucking movie.
Jose...
Archnald.
Archnald.
Jose Archnald.
Ladies and gentlemen, Jose Archnald.
All right, Jose.
Well, why don't you take us through the film?
Here we go.
Tori holds a bag of gold.
The leprechaun magically appears.
Is tha