Name: We Win the Podcast Wars | Ep 57 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2021-03-22T16:00:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Win the Podcast Wars | Ep 57 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Win the Podcast Wars | Ep 57 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-22. Transcript available.

We Win the Podcast Wars | Ep 57 | Bad Friends

Well, well, well. You mother... You think you can come to my house talk to my
boys like that?
Send us . Huh? You don't know is true. Oh, yeah.
Oh, you're not saying. No. You're not saying. No. Oh, yes.
No, please, no. Andre, please, no. I get your citizenship.
You are going to get... Please, I'm sorry. I won't call ICE.
P.O. This one.
That was Andrew.
Oh, it tastes like whiskey and soy sauce.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something. We're bad friends.
Clap the boat. Clap the boat. Clap the boat. Clap the boat. Clap the boat. Clap
the boat.
Clap the boat. Clap the boat. Clap the boat. Clap the boat. Clap the boat.
Directed by... Clap the boat. Clap the boat. Clap the boat. Clap the boat. Clap
the boat.
Clap the boat. Clap the boat. Clap the boat. Clap the boat.
Where do you get a name like Archonald from? I don't know.
Where did you get that from? Where does Archonald even come from, Jules?
She just improvised. That's her, you know.
I have a lot to talk about today, man.
All right. Line it up. What do you got?
What do you got?
Well, let's... You want to start or are we starting?
We started at Clap the Boat.
Clap the boat. Listen, number one, I have to yell at Jules first.
Yeah, please. Okay.
Please, please, please, please.
So today I go... We're driving up here. I go, "How's school?"
She goes, "It's okay."
I go, "Okay. What'd you learn?" She goes, "I didn't go."
That's why I was okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was good because I wasn't there.
I go, "Why?" She goes, "I slept. Yeah, I slept in."
Oh, you missed it.
And then yesterday she missed.
Did, really?
Yeah, and they wrote emails to Kalilah and her grandparents.
And they haven't gotten it yet.
Yeah, well, because the pigeons, that's a far way to fly.
No, her grandmother's in my house right now.
Oh.
What do you mean?
I thought they were in the Philippines.
No. Kalilah's parents, mom.
Who lives in the Philippines still? Your parents?
Her mom.
Oh.
Yeah, her mom doesn't give a fuck.
If they wrote your mom a letter saying you're skipping school,
what would your mom say?
She doesn't care.
Tell me what she would say.
She wouldn't say anything.
God damn it.
You want her to make shit up?
That's what the show is.
Yeah.
That's the whole show.
57 weeks you've been here, kid.
What are you doing?
So I don't want to, I don't even know.
I was thinking about not bringing this up,
but I just can't help myself because it pissed me off.
Okay.
What's something that Jules did?
No, something that Theo and Brendan Schaub did.
Wahappa.
Can I tell you what happened?
Of course.
All right.
So you know my brother Steve, right?
100% love Stevie Weeby.
Everyone loves Steve.
You love my brother?
Yeah.
Good kid, right?
Doesn't have a car.
Killer piano player.
Doesn't have a car.
Lives in a nice little cozy apartment.
Yeah.
Cool dog.
Yeah.
Cool bed.
Cool bed.
I like your brother.
Yeah.
I love my brother.
Yeah.
And so my brother released an album.
He's a musician.
Yeah.
It's for my pops.
Ode to my pops.
No.
He has a new one.
Oh, that just came out?
Just came out.
Oh, nice.
So he wants to, you know, promote it.
Right on.
So last week, fighter than kid, they reach out to him.
Not fighter than kid, the king and the sting.
Oh yeah.
I know.
Don't roll your eyes.
I didn't.
I'm gonna say that again.
I'm gonna say that again.
I didn't roll my eyes.
Don't roll your eyes.
Okay.
King of the sting.
I know.
You can't help it.
It's hard.
Yeah.
I know.
So my brother's excited.
It's a pretty big show for him.
It's a huge show.
To promote his album.
That show is huge.
Yeah.
So my brother doesn't have a car.
So they reached out to him, by the way.
Right.
He didn't.
He doesn't know them.
Right.
Their producer, Nick.
Yeah.
Nick.
Yeah.
Right.
Goes, hey, you know, reaching out.
So Tuesday, and my brother goes, it's a little early.
Can you, can I just come a little later?
No, Theo's only in town this amount of time.
Yeah.
It's gotta be 11 or whatever it might be, right?
Sure.
And my brother goes, oh, you know what?
This is a great opportunity for me.
I will be there even an hour and a half early.
That's a little absurd, but I get it.
Well, he couldn't get a ride.
See, the only ride that he could get.
What about an Uber?
No?
He doesn't have that.
He doesn't have Uber?
No.
He also has a thing with money.
What is it?
What's the thing?
My brother has a little thing with money.
What's the thing with money?
It doesn't have enough of it?
No, he used to be like, if I was like, hey, we're at Starbucks, and I don't
have my fucking credit card, I'd be like, hey, can I get a, you know, a venti,
can you buy me a venti, you know, a drink, right?
Expresso over ice.
Mm-hmm.
My brother goes, I'll just get you a grande.
You know what I mean?
He's that type of guy.
But he's right, you don't need a venti.
That's absurd.
I know, but it's like, you know, it's always like, you know, if we're at a
restaurant, right?
I'm like, you know, I'll have the main course book, my appetizer, my brother
will just go to the waiter.
No appetizer.
He's right.
Because I'm paying for it.
He's trying to save you in extra calories.
It's bullshit.
No, no, no.
I'm on Stevie's side.
It's bullshit.
Good job, Stevie Beebe.
All right, so.
Keep those calories out of Bobby's body.
He's that type of guy.
Yeah.
But he's changing.
He's better about it now.
But anyway, so he has a friend, some poor guy, you know what I mean, who has
like, you know, a windowless Honda Civic from, you know, 1986, who barely runs,
right?
How does it not have windows?
It just doesn't have many windows.
Picks them up, right?
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Seven in the morning.
My brother hasn't slept, by the way, because he's so excited, by the way.
Yeah.
Right.
So he, they go to, you know where it is, Encino.
It's forever away.
Forever away.
Yeah.
From where my brother is.
It's the other side of the world.
It could have, it's Colorado.
Right.
He's excited.
He's in the, on the freeway.
Right.
And they're playing like, you know, they're playing hip hop.
Right.
And they're, and they're probably waving their arms like this.
Cause they just don't care.
Right.
They don't care.
So they show up early and they go, you know what?
Let's not go there directly.
Let's go to Jamba Juice to celebrate.
I get it.
You get it, right?
I get it.
You want juice.
Sometimes you gotta get yourself a Jamba Juice.
So they drink the Jamba Juice.
And the guy, the buddy goes, you know, hey man, I got shit to do.
So just drop you off there.
And my brother goes, all right.
So my brother goes to the, the building, that white building.
Oh, where they live, where they shoot.
Where they shoot.
Right.
The guy drives away.
Okay.
All right.
Also there was some sort of like argument.
I don't know exactly what happened.
There was an argument about with the, the parking attendant and my brother,
they almost
got in a fist fight.
Can I tell you how crazy this is?
What?
Tim and I got into an argument when I was there last.
That guy.
When I did, when I did Theo's show, that guy yelled at me.
That's what I, my brother said, he, his, I didn't like his tone.
He was like, you can't, you can't park here.
I was like, well, I'm here for one of the, someone that's here.
Yeah.
He goes, you can't.
Yeah.
Well, why?
You cannot park here.
Okay.
Okay.
Well, I said, I'll go get somebody.
I had to go get Nick.
Nick had to come out and go, Nick, you know, he's, oh, hey, hey, he's on the
show.
Yeah.
You know, and then he.
I've never had a problem with that.
Anyway.
No, I love him.
So my brother goes and goes up to the, gets in the building.
Yeah.
Locked.
Doors locked.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Knocks locked.
He waits.
It's 11.
No one's there.
Knocks.
No one's there.
He calls.
No one's picking up.
Nobody.
Nobody.
Then he's a little worried.
Then finally he gets ahold of Nick.
And my brother goes, Hey man.
Um, Hey dude.
So I came early and you know, I'm here for the King and sting.
And he goes, who's this?
My brother goes, Steve, Steve Lee.
And he goes, Oh fuck.
I forgot.
We forgot.
You forgot.
We forgot.
What did you forget?
About him.
Completely.
Yes.
Not the episode.
Forgot.
Wow.
Right.
So then.
Keep talking.
I'm listening.
What are you bummed?
No, I'm pissed off.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So then my brother's like.
My brother's hurt more than anything.
Cause he feels like, you know, nobody he's, he's always been, my brother's
always been
like, and I keep telling him not to compare his life to my, you know, I'm a
comedian.
It's different, but it's like, he doesn't, he wants respect.
Well, yeah.
That's his whole thing.
Everybody deserves respect.
And he wants to be acknowledged.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
As a human being.
Yes.
Right.
So my brother just.
Cried.
Yeah.
That makes perfect sense.
It broke.
It broke him.
Hold on.
I'm gonna act really mad.
Yeah.
Okay.
Like furious.
Good.
Yeah.
Hello.
Hey, what's up, dude?
Hey, what's going on?
Hey man, you're on, you're on the show.
We're recording you.
I just want to let you know up front and be candid with you.
But I got to tell you, bud, it is not going good.
The first 15 minutes, Bobby has been just losing his mind.
He's been yelling because something about his brother and you guys didn't get
him on the show and he's freaking the fuck out right now.
He's mad.
What happened?
Man, I.
I.
Can I ask you a question?
Can I ask you a question?
Oh shit.
Hold on.
Okay, Bob.
All right.
Go ahead.
Why do you, do you disrespect me and my family?
Like, are we?
I'm.
No, honestly, like when you look at other comedians, you, you probably respect
them and you respect their time.
But when you look at me in my, is it because I'm not funny to you or is because
I don't have the respect in the comedy community or I don't know what the
fucking the deal is, bro.
That's my brother, bro.
I know.
And it's like, he doesn't have money.
He fucking got his way out there and he.
We are.
No, it's not about money.
He doesn't want his money, dude.
It's, it's about when he knocked on that door and you guys weren't there.
My brother fucking cried, bro.
It's disrespectful.
And it's like, I'm just asking you, is it, did I do anything personally to you
to hurt you in any kind of way?
Because it just seems like a fucking slam on me, my career, who I am as a
person.
And I fucking have tears right now, too, dude.
It's disrespectful, bro.
So can you explain yourself?
There's no explanation except that I fucked up.
Theo and Brendan had nothing to do with it.
I booked him.
We moved the show up because Theo didn't come back from Nashville.
I could not feel worse.
This is not said in jest at all.
What about a, what about a, how about this?
What about a phone call?
What about a fucking phone call to my brother going, hey, my bad, Theo's not in
town.
So we're going to move this date.
That's what was supposed to happen.
And I just.
So what is it about my brother that you didn't fucking do that?
Nothing about your brother.
We are excited to have him on.
I hope we do have him on.
Oh, it really seems as exciting.
Because let me say something right now.
If it was fucking Tom Hardy, that wouldn't have fucking happened.
I don't know.
I'm pretty dumb.
Oh, all right.
Well, you know.
I mean, we want to have.
I'm kidding, dude.
Nick.
Nick, we're just fucking around.
We're fucking around, man.
Everything's fine, man.
It's all good.
It was an accident.
You're fucking around.
I, I, I, I.
Nick.
I did.
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
This is what I want, Nick.
Nick, this is what I want.
All right.
I'm going to say this, right.
You have to book him again.
You got to book him again.
Because my brother's trying to fucking promote his album.
Yeah.
And it's like, it hurt him.
It fucked him.
He did cry.
But my point is, is that.
He did.
But I already talked to Theo and Brendan.
I already know it was your fault.
Yeah.
This morning, they already said it was your fault.
And, and.
Wait a minute.
Are you taking the fall, Nick?
Is it actually one of their faults and you're taking the fall for t