Name: Rudy's Replacement | Ep 60 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2021-04-12T16:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy's Replacement | Ep 60 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rudy's Replacement | Ep 60 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-12. Transcript available.

Rudy's Replacement | Ep 60 | Bad Friends

hey everybody great news great news we've got new merch new merch new shirts
baby the new shirts
uh they were compiled by uh rudy jewels saying uh that we're in a band together
because we're in uh
this is the best bad friends band of all time so they're right there they're
right point in the
middle of us i think there they are there they are go to badfriendsmerch.com to
get them bad
friendsmerch.com uh also i'm on tour come see me andrewsantino.com for tickets
i am uh i'm gonna
be in addison and houston and madison and boston uh just go to andrewsantino.com
for tickets and
check that out you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude
and an asian dude
you two are disgusting you two are something we're bad friends if you go to
school up north
you're not going to be here yeah so then what no she's you know i'm well i live
with her
right so every day i'm wearing her down oh uc davis so far it's rape free it's
a lot of rape going
on did you hear about all the crime that they've just had they had that woman
andres didn't that
woman get stabbed in the eye coming out of like a both eyes both eyes yeah just
out of a with a
penis yeah with a penis yeah yeah it's unbelievable what's going on up there
really good gouged right
stabbed stabbing at uc davis uh there it is yeah charges issued campus stabbing
uc davis good
you think you think that lady in new york in that old age that filipino lady
got attacked right
in uc davis they like they like they like skin in the young oh yeah you're done
you are done
they do there's a whole um a filipino girl skin trading um underground uh black
market yeah on
bitcoin people are using bitcoin to buy filipino skin skin yeah it's disgusting
but anti kalilah is
training me anti kalilah i'm here i'm your uncle all right now listen to me all
right you're not going
nowhere by the way yeah what is she training you to fight fight back wow oh
what skills do you know
really no he's um she's gonna sign me up for uh you have the body of jiminy
cricket what are you
gonna what are you gonna do little green cartoon arms flex your arms no pull
your shirt so we can
see oh my god it's skin bone and that's it yeah no blood and the skin kind of
like hangs on the bone
yeah yeah there is no that's you right there there's yeah jiminy cricket there's
you for sure there you
are hi i'm a rudy can we get her an umbrella can we get her a purple umbrella
yeah do you know who
that is by the way from pinocchio wow what dude well i i i's not bro i don't
know if they have tv
over there she's not mentally you know don't they just watch like cockfights
what do you guys do
move on at night no they watch those live there's no tv that's right that's
right that's live yeah
yeah from picocchio yeah but look pinocchio is down there so that's you saw
that at the bottom didn't
you no sure which one of the dwarves uh did you watch all the disney movies i
don't know which one
of the dwarves would she be of the of the dwarves if we were the door if this
was 100 sleepy sleepy
for sure what would you bro bro bro oh my god bro bro last night so i'm using a
printer yeah she's
sleeping downstairs because we're remodeling upstairs no no we got dogs again
more dogs so we have we had
one dog yesterday this morning that dog mr big he's gone he died no no he didn't
die well i don't know
what happened but um but the sandwich today we put we put them out on ventura
and we found out what
happened then i take a nap i wake up right and then guess what's there three
puppies well i'm taking a
nap that happened where do you guys get these dogs dude i have no idea i think
it gets a lot of um
she's like if you say auntie kalala one more time yeah he's sick of that yeah
yeah this is not tb
dude you guys with dogs it's like the bag lady you know the old crazy bag lady
who has like tons of
it's a car that's turning into a dog bag lady we want to see help i know so
anyway last night
right it's like i don't know two in the morning right yeah she just went to bed
at 2 a.m you just
go to bed she's sleeping downstairs because we have a mr big and i i there's no
more ink in the printer
and i i go i don't want to i'm not gonna be able to she goes wake her up see
where the ink is
yeah yeah go downstairs she's on the couch jules jules jules jules jules jules
jules i mean i'm not
kidding you three minutes jules but five she does not wake up what is your
problem she does she says
you have a sleeping problem no it is honestly i can't wake up to my alarm yeah
remember like
the alarms i know you need you really do need to go consult someone about that
no we do what if
something really real happens and you you they need you to wake up for what if
what if an earthquake
happens and all the walls are falling down you're just gonna you guys are gonna
get every disaster
movie she's the one that dies yeah for sure like uh day after tomorrow right
she right when new york's
flooded yeah right she's just with the cab you know floating cabs and she's
just floating next to a
asleep going down 47th yeah yeah twister right right but just in the in the in
the
you know what i mean sleeping in the tornado sleeping in the tornado like yeah
what else does
there's a volcano yeah right the lava slowly engulfing everyone in ash right
and you would think that
once the lava hit her toes no she would wake up no she's halfway in lava and
she'll open her eyes
and then finally when it gets to here she's like yeah tito bob yeah the meteor
is already in deep
impact the meteor is already on her yeah yeah oh my god in the mushroom cloud
sleeping well we got
to get you some help and by the way you might get replaced on this show if you
can't commit
what's the nearest school that said yes um phil wait philadelphia philadelphia
university
what the fuck um i forgot well looks like you're not going there
i know what i know what it is i know what it is what university of riverside
uc riverside oh fullerton oh fullerton that's not far either that's down south
that's that's
orange county right yeah you don't know why am i asking you is that that close
fullerton is in
orange county i'm almost positive pull it up on the thing it's an hour and a
half to drive easy
yeah but how is she gonna she can drive we'll send her a car or something we'll
get her we have
to figure it out or we can make we can make uh we can make uh andres do it look
at andres already
huh pete actually you know what uh uh fancy b brings up a good point pete is
the new rookie in
town yeah we should make pete go get her right i mean what who what is pete not
honestly not a clue
that'd be well how did because he just pete just kind of like showed up one day
this is pete hey i'm
pete yeah but he's so big too he's just yeah oh i'm pete yeah i mean that kind
of like he's on the
computer right now like do they like me pete we like you very much yeah that's
something for you
guys again he has something again for us oh pete what have you got you know
what these this
relationship is like of mice and men i got you something lenny let me see what
is this thank
you very much pete thank you so much pete what is this it's not even fucking
melted hey hey hey be
nice be nice what is this pete apple pie oh it's the cheese pie we talked about
yeah yeah okay well
let's try it how long has this been sitting out i don't know if it's been
sitting out it's hard as a
rock it's hard as a rock you got i want to taste it because i've never done
cheese on pie i can't do
it come on come on bob you ate my pubes oh that's right right i think this is
not that big of a deal
all right here this is this shout out to my boy jake lacy who told me about
this from who's from the
northeast and said cheese on pie is legit cheddar cheese on apple pie i get it
you do already right
i get it i don't want another one but i get it
i do get it i get it yeah you can get it oh if it was hot oh if it was piping
piping hot and melted
on there i get it i would 100 get it are you liking it jules
yeah it's good huh yeah pete thank you pete that's interesting so what what
kind of cheese is the
best cheese well that's cheddar right sharp cheddar what cheddar is no no that's
what they say you use
you have to use chopped sharp cheddar yeah right yep you can't you they say if
you use other cheese
it just doesn't do it doesn't do the thing it doesn't take like swiss wouldn't
taste good on
here right yeah you try it though we should do it we'll get swiss next week can
you take this away
i love you pete thank you so much pete what are you by the way you're full
white right you're
nothing else i can't see behind the mask
uh sicilian actually okay sicilian so he's what region the mongo
she wants to finish hers leave her yeah she's gonna eat it
yeah do you have an extra a big keyboard for your hands he's got he's got just
gigantic
what did he say andres we can't hear him yeah he said yes oh okay okay that's
right yeah right on
well thank you pete thank you for the pie pete pete
rude so listen we're gonna we're gonna huff you up here from fullerton but i'm
hoping it's in
long beach because that's not that far long beach is just as easy it's like 28
minutes away
but if you decide to go up north to school you're gonna get replaced and we've
already
fished out andres spent some time fishing out rudy replacements are you ready
to see who might
replace you yeah all right let's check it out let's see what they've got for
the rudy replace by
the way we don't want this we should make this clear this is this is what i do
not want
because it's like you know it's lightning in the bottle it's it's it's it's one
in a million 100%
because the reason why jules was on this in the first place she didn't want to
come
no no kalilah was like my girlfriend was just like she's just gonna get out of
the house and do
something you know and just like and it's gonna get her out of her shell she's
shy she's super shy
girl not anymore you're not so she she reluctantly came here yeah right and she
would dread
it every week for a while yeah the first 15 episodes just dreading it you hated
it huh
really yeah yeah i didn't want to talk so yeah yeah how do you feel now about
talking
it's more okay yeah it's more okay right you're more oh my god
so ungrateful it's more okay you have a 70 000 instagram followers no how many
57 whatever yeah
look at her face yeah why because of bad because that's right tito andrew and
tito bobby that's
right and that's why and fancy but definitely not pete just know that yeah
fancy for sure definitely
not pete and george has his baby now right his baby's out yeah and andres said
and i'm gonna i'm
gonna call out andres right now he said some shit before you guys came i'm
gonna call out what you
said he goes i was surprised that baby was cute that's funny verbatim pretty
cute and it's so funny
because the baby was born and then you know i didn't do it i mean i heard it
sure i don't know how i
heard it yeah the baby's born i was like oh it's like it didn't register i just
went about my day
play games yeah life goes on eight hours later i'm at the dinner table and she
goes did you so
what did you talk to george you talked to what do you say i didn't talk to george
why would i she's
like you what kind of human being are you nothing what did i do i called him
when he was in the
hospital did you call him no no did you call him to congratulate him i texted
him about a work thing
and then i'll be real you haven't i'll show you congratulated him no fuck no
that's fucking weird
oh big deal it's just george i know i know that's how i felt about it so then i
then i had to make
the call and he picks up he goes hello he's surprised that i called here hold
on you can read
this hey look at this yeah let me read it let me read it look wednesday read
what it says on wednesday
what's up with the ads on anchor that's what i said because i'm like what is
the anchor yeah
yeah no no read right below you'll see what he says to me okay i go what's up
with the ads on
acres i'm t