Name: Bobby Fires George | Ep 62 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2021-04-26T16:00:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Fires George | Ep 62 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Fires George | Ep 62 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-26. Transcript available.

Bobby Fires George | Ep 62 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude
you two are disgusting you two are something we're bad friends if andreas was a
pastry what would he
be if andreas was a pastry he'd be a danish a danish no croissant is very
delicate and beautiful
he'd be a danish oh by the way a cheese danish yeah yeah mozzarella uh pete pete
of course would
be he would i know what he would be a hard muffin an old muffin i think more of
an english pudding
a bread pudding like a bread pudding yeah he'd be bread pudding what about me
if i was a
fucking pastry if you were a pastry yeah you would be uh picking a blanket
so perfect you would literally be a pig in a blanket you would absolutely be a
hot dog wrapped
in a croissant that's literally because the outside looks looks sweet your
burnt toast i'm
that's not a pastry yeah yeah i know that's why you're not even in the fucking
you know i mean
when you go to a pastry shop you're not even in the fucking a glass thing i'm a
cranberry muffin
no i'm a cran orange muffin you're in the fucking garbage pan in the fucking
back
why because you're just a bird it's like they burn it all right all right well
you're still
picking a blanket you're fat and unhealthy and disgusting but everybody kind of
likes you
that's a pig in a blanket you're fat and unhealthy and disgusting and bad for
people but
unreasonably so we still like you that's why you're a pig in a blanket and rudy
and rudy rudy has some sort of weird fruit in it yeah it's like a passion fruit
or it's like it's
like a kumquat uh like a lychee you know a lychee uh a lychee donut a lychee
donut yeah yeah yeah
yeah you're like a persimmon you're like a persimmon a weird fruit for no
reason you're a persimmon
uh look at her look at that face what what do you what are you auditioning for
apocalypto
what are yeah what are you i can see you're an apocalypto don't can't you what
do you think you
are rude um a cookie a cookie what kind of cookie yeah just the chocolate chip
cook no no no you're
not talking about your mind you're not white no you're not white you're a macadamia
nut brown sugar
cooked cookie yeah yeah something like that burnt by the way yeah burnt oozing
on the inside your way
back fight your way back what a mean guy i pulled my back golfing i know that's
so dumb no it wasn't
golfing sorry you just said it well i was golfing all day and then afterwards i
was blowing one of
the guys that i golfed with and i had pulled my when i came up i just threw out
my back it hurt so much
hilarious that was golfing man so you swing so you swing it wasn't even on my
swing i was walking i
was grabbing a club to bend down and i just popped something wow are you being
real i wasn't i didn't
stretch but does it hurt right now oh yeah yeah oh yeah so i could with you
yeah i mean physically no
you couldn't even on my worst day i'm stronger than you it's unbelievable that's
how weak you are as a
human being on my worst off day yeah i'm still remarkably stronger than you i'm
strong for my size
no you're not in my weight class no you're not yeah think about how many guys
okay let's think
about types yeah okay yeah so in this building my type dumpling is andreas no
oh you mean your weight
class weight class and we would be pitted against each other like andres how
tall are you i'm 5 10.
5 10 you're 4 7 no 5 5 4. okay you're 5 4. it doesn't matter because it's like
you know
sometimes like john jones right in the ufc yeah he was taller and you know i
mean and slimmer right
skinnier legs right than some of his opponents okay so so like andreas is might
be taller yeah but
we're the same weight class how much you wage raise 170 pounds yeah that's me
that's me you weigh 172
170 175. all right uh and then i would destroy him i would break his cheek no
way no way no i would
shatter every bone in your face dude he's a conquistador bone he's spanish they're
crazy dude
i'm korean bro what have you guys so much rage what what do you mean what what
do you have rage about
all right name me once spanish yeah maybe one spanish ufc fighter uh exactly uh
uh uh korean zombie
enrique ruiz korean zombie the korean zombie yeah okay one super boy he's very
talented okay yeah so
you think maybe one spanish uh uh sergio garcia no there is no sergio garcia
yes there is there isn't
uh enrique valdez there's a lot of redheads though huh yeah paul felder i think
is about
anyway and corey we talked about last week so you would be against drace and
you think you'd beat
him and then pete i'd go against pete but you know why i couldn't beat pete
because pete's got go
ahead and say it the syndrome he's got what strength well he's got um he's got
somebody's strength he
guys you know he's got h rs i don't think it's hidden yeah he's got it pete
loaf's around here loaf
is the word pete loaf's around here he reminds me of my friend brady i've
talked to about brady who
like you know i mean yeah yeah yeah pull up the pole yeah pull a pull out of
the ground so and then
who would she fight she would get the winner of you and and well with people
that we know probably uh
astro pavinsky oh what a good fight that's a great fight what a great fight i
would go with jules
i don't know no jewels i i want to say jewels but no weapons do you know have
you ever gotten to a
fist fight jules no have you ever been any sort of fight with another girl like
when you were younger
did you get into like a slapping fight no nothing nothing see what i mean i'm
too weak wait did you
get in fights in high school mostly when i was younger than high school high
school was a few
yeah there was this jewish kid who lived up the street from me can we even say
that
all right there was this jewish human right that's good okay there was this jewish
human that lived up
this yeah yeah yeah yeah and um i used to bully the out of him like i like on
the bus like he'd be
eating like you know like a little breakfast sandwich that his mom made and i
would just go and hit it out of
his hand what yeah why would you do that and then he would go what the fuck i've
been and we would go
fuck you or whatever you know what i mean yeah like i was so mean to him yeah
like i would just like
you know hit him in the back of the head just in the hallway what it's very it's
terrible yeah
and so the one day um and my brother was um friends with his little brother
right and my brother would
at nights go bob yeah can you not pick on you know my my friend oliver's
brother yeah and i go nah so
one day i was on the this is so embarrassing so one day so one day i was on the
school bus and i hit him
on the head this kid right yeah and he goes that's it i go what what's it after
school there was a there
was like a field right by between our houses it was like this empty field right
he goes meet us
meet me at that field you made at 4 30 and we're gonna duke it out and then i
don't know he must
be a promoter or something but everyone the school was there right afterwards
right right it was like
a circle right and i got i go i'm there right i think i took my shirt off what
i don't know why but
i took my shirt off i go what's up man next thing i know i'm on the floor yeah
what he punched me so hard
i'm on the floor and i'm like winded too right and i get up and i just start
doing you know just start
swinging haymakers haymakers right yeah nowhere near him right and he does a
straight and my
just a strip right in my head like i i pop back i fall on the ground again and
now i'm like bleeding
right and my brother now he was in the front of the circle right now he's
somewhere like in the back
yeah like just go just contemplating his life right and i go time out i think i
time out you can't time
out a fight i know come on come on hey man he hits me again right cut it out he
beat the out of me
beat the on me what was his name then this is what i hear i'm not kidding
i hear this a car right my mom had a red like red like sports car my mom is on
the dirt on the field
coming again coming to get me right she goes get in right i'm bleeding you're
right and all the kids
are laughing at me yeah like i get in the car and i never bullied anyone again
that's what you get i know
i deserve it you definitely get it that's like that's like if if like it can
encapsulate my life
that's it that's it right you're the bully that can't really fight yeah i talk
i talk
shit right and i you know i talk a big game right but when it comes down to it
i'm a i'm i'm a bastard
i i get destroyed right i'm meat well but but also then why do you think you
were allowed to talk
shit it's fun what do you think about that kid made you pick on him for real
did other people pick
on him and you think because he played the trombone oh yeah yeah he always had
a trombone hey you got
to pick up right right he had a trombone and it had nothing to do with that he
was just i didn't
even know what the jewish meant right it wasn't i never saw should lose list
before that or whatever
yeah yeah it wasn't no it's not because he was jewish because i was like in
sixth grade you didn't
even know that i don't know you know i know anything about it you know what i
mean right and then later
you know in high school i think i saw like in history class some films about
holocaust and i think
i walked out to him when i said hey man sorry about you know four years ago
when you beat the
shit out of me in that field yeah you were sorry for him beating the shit out
of you yeah yeah no
problem man how did your mom know did your brother go scram kid i'm like oh
sorry what did your
brother snitch how did your mom find out no she was just happened to be driving
down she looked and she
saw me getting my ass fucking walloped it's getting my head walloped yeah do
people get in fights in
the philippines in school did you see a lot of fights a lot in my public school
yeah oh and they
would use like pencils and then they would smart stab what yeah that's smart
and say that's smart did
you ever see girls fight or was it only boys that fought i also saw girls and
then they would just
rip their skirt off their shirt yeah i was scared no comment i got beat up by a
guy named david kotch
david kotch yeah yeah so i took karate taekwondo yeah and i took it for like
two weeks i'm not kidding
you yeah you thought you were a black belt yeah i thought i knew everything i
needed those i just
stopped going i'm good and the only thing that in the beginning they teach you
is to bow yeah right and
then block so i had this like old korean like taekwondo teacher it was in this
mini mall in powe you
know what i mean uh-huh you go block right and i'm like black you know block
black and that's all i
took and i remember david kotch and i got a fight yeah and he kicked me in the
nutsack i was falling
backwards block and i ended up like like this on the ground you know what i
mean so i was thinking
i should have taken more classes you're nuts going i've never won i never won a
fight ever but i was
a good wrestler i was undefeated well that's the thing with fights you should
have just gone to the
ground with them that was later in high school i started wrestling and i
started you know my brother
and i are very good at wrestling the worst i ever the worst i ever had was in
college me and my buddy
colin and my buddy travis and a bunch of idiots we were drunk and we were in an
apartment complex
and notorious is archstone notorious like bro bro what's all oh what's all dude
everyone wanted
arizona arizona is just like san diego wait wait you went to college in arizona
arizona state
what in uh phoenix yeah we've talked about this before because my brother went
there
we've talked about this before i forget yeah i don't know that's fine okay uh i
don't memorize
i don't live in tempe yeah did you really yes of course that's where i went to
college but it was
all bros it's all by the way arizona state is all bros from southern california
that can't get into california schools right yeah and they want t