Name: Bobby Lee Rocks the Scissor Bros | Ep 68 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2021-06-07T16:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Rocks the Scissor Bros | Ep 68 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-06-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobby Lee Rocks the Scissor Bros | Ep 68 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-06-07. Transcript available.

Bobby Lee Rocks the Scissor Bros | Ep 68 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and asian dude
you two are disgusting well you two are something we're bad friends
you're my friend you're very bad probably the worst friend you look like
muppet you look like godzilla's pre-com
stevie weeby is in the house
you got a baby got a baby and you got a lady
and she's gone she's in vegas all the guys are hitting on her right now
but he is in vegas too he is jerking off on her chest
jerking off on her chest
brendan shop wants to fuck her too
brendan shop wants to do all night long all night long he wants to grab her by
the head
hair dog hair dog he's got a very very big muscular penis he wants to incident
her insert
inside her filipino flower his dick has deltoids
bad friend bad friends friends to the end friends to the end
you gonna sing a lyric you sing the next for the next you sing the next you
sing the next
junk go ahead they can't hear you do the mask take the mask off
but what what do you mean take the mask off
oh are you recording yeah we are next you're doing the next you're doing the
next yours okay
bad friend my friend andrew yeah he is a ginger yeah yeah colder than winter
yeah he is bad friends my brother bobby he has a tummy he has a tummy he has a
tummy
bad friends bad friends bad friends bad friends bad friends last name santino
has red pubes downstairs downstairs he has freckles too bobby has gangrene on
his feet it smells like
diarrhea and fungus don't talk about my feet okay don't talk about my feet bad
friends
his feet are so gross bad friends jeremiah you're next don't talk about my body
bad friends
don't talk about jeremiah is next bad friends his feet look like they died in a
coal mine
in 1922. we did it we did it welcome jules good to see you hi okay good what's
up andrew no no let's
not we let's not do that okay okay sorry you know let's oh good yeah good to
see i love you and my
family and i love you the most take the wig off you'll play jeremiah um why don't
we start off um
with a little prayer oh yeah i brought a knife oh you still want to do the bit
oh just for one
more minute yeah yeah yeah okay yeah go to start with a prayer okay uh dear
heavenly father
mm-hmm thank thank thank you for uh blessing us today and uh allowing me to see
my brother
i am going to get vaccinated soon i are you really gonna yeah i am what do you
know who to call
yeah my friend my friend eric is working on it as we speak wait wait a clinic
wait eric
do it eric works at a clinic he knows someone at a clinic right you but you
could just uh anyway okay
so this is my prayer though yeah all right this is my prayer um thank you for
allowing jeremiah
to be here today yeah rudy thank you tito bobby thank you for like uh allowing
us to start scissor
bros podcast together yeah uh and thank you for our health and that we're
allowed to podcast during
the these times these times thank you for allowing us to have food in our
systems every day yeah in our
bodily systems yeah we need nutrients and thank you for the sun light whoa that
you know a lot of
people don't ever think the sun oh yeah yeah yeah without the sun what happens
you die maybe you will
okay yeah yeah yeah yeah and then do the closer we say this in your name let's
do our god how do you
what's the song how does it go our god is an awesome god he reigns from heaven
above all right right
okay our god is an awesome god yeah i love it i love it because do you still
believe in jesus no
what happened because you were so devout oh i got brainwashed oh yeah okay good
yeah that allowed me
not to get girls in high school you already know yeah yeah yeah yeah you
probably do you jerk off
still every night you know what i was i was abstaining for months you know that
yeah i know you
were doing good for like two three months you were doing good i folded brother
what happened in a
major i just got you know yeah yeah but like you because i've done that i think
i've lasted myself about
27 days it's difficult i was doing meetings and everything oh you were oh yeah
yeah yeah yeah
zoom meetings all that yeah no the baby jeremiah how is it is it a boy or girl
it's a boy so happy
yeah and so excited yeah what's the boy's call i texted bobby and he didn't
respond his name is wilder
wow that's a great name like gene wilder yeah like wilder watkins wilder watkins
that's a
great name wilder j watkins strong wow beautiful did you did you did you have
an argument with your
girl about that no we came up with it together oh she was like who said it
first though she did she
brought up we were watching a gene wilder movie and she goes what about wilder
i go i love that's
great yeah i love how that happens yeah yeah because i'm glad it's not like you
know the standard like
call it jeremiah because you're first born right and it's gonna be i don't have
that much ego on me
oh you don't jeremiah jr no yeah have you been at the comedy stores or any uh
no it just opened up on
friday and i went i went last night and saturday oh it was just weird it was
good to be back just
i didn't perform i just went to hang out what was the capacity there like how
many people were in the
probably about in the main room probably about 75 80 people okay yeah yeah that's
yeah the main
room but they were still like scattered but it was good to see everybody i saw
you know the whole gang
yeah you know bill burr was there a bunch of people and then last night i went
to you know brian monarch
showed down in hollywood have you been to that one supernova yeah i've done a
couple times it's great
i mean it looks amazing it's an amazing show i went there with spade and um tim
dylan yeah and um
it was just i just needed to go just to get my juices flowing i'm scared of it
oh you haven't done
it in a while yeah i'm scared of it are you rusty yeah i'm rusty i don't know
what i'm you don't
i'm scared to do it you're scared to do it so it's like you're open mic again
yeah i i feel like it
no well settle down i think i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry don't you apologize
listen steve i'm trying to
i haven't seen you in a long time i love you i haven't seen you so long you don't
miss me
of course i miss you but i i feel like i see all the time because we play warzone
together every night
yeah but it's not the same i know because you get annoyed by me when we play
warzone you just i feel
like you're not having fun anymore you're doing cold war i'm not having fun
with you're not you're not
enjoying resurgence you know you know i know i'll tell you well i think what's
your excuse because we
want just listen to what you're saying what okay listen to what you're saying
okay and then put your age
into it oh yeah yeah yeah so i'm 50 and we're talking about you know what i
mean you're not funny
oh i know i'm a man child yeah i know but it's like that i think that's a part
of it yeah because
when you went up you me and dylan are dealing uh chemical engineering chemical
engineering you is
and then when we wherever whenever we drop into chemical engineering you get
really excited like a
little baby yeah because i like going i have oh yeah great you know i have a
routine what am i you
know you have my routine yeah you know what i want to go in i know what chest
is there yeah yeah
i'll get my frog it makes me want to vomit all right then then we don't we can
play no i want to
put no okay i've tried to play with steve recently yeah what happened no
because we have a full squad
he's like i already have trios yeah i'm already doing it's nothing against you
though oh i know
we have a squad it's a numbers game i get it exactly exactly yeah but um are
you really going to get
vaccinated to be honest because when i called you you're like um no i didn't
know anti-vaxx or don't
i i'm i i'm going to i'm just lazy about it i'm going to take him yeah i just
saying because you
do you said to me on the phone i just want to dude i'm not i'm not i'm not
saying i'm just saying i'm
going to get i just said have you gotten back to you guys well i don't know
what it does to the body
that's what you said so yeah i've been on youtube i don't know what you said
youtube no no i'm not
doing i don't know what that does to the bottom there ain't no no no no i'm not
going on the
reptilian shit's different the reptilian yeah it's different i'm going to get
back so you don't want
to kill me an alien race no no no no i want to see mom yeah come on oh you do
yeah okay because i text
her every day i do too every day she texted you first right absolutely she does
these long oh i love the
inspirational inspirational quotes it's weird does she send emojis or bitmojis
ever no quotes
inspiration she doesn't like she'll have like it'll be like um a photograph of
a butterfly yeah and
i'll say you know today is the only day that we have live in the moment and
they'll be just this
butterfly oh yeah yeah i love it and then i don't know what to expect so i'm
like i never heard that
before or heart emoji what heart emoji you send a heart emoji all the every day
that's all you put
you don't know i say i i do three or four i go i love you mom one day yeah i
love you where's your phone
i'm i'm gonna read you what i let's see if they're similar okay no i didn't say
the same stuff yeah yeah
yeah yeah i'm because i'm very similar on mine too so let's all right so i'm
gonna go where's mom
where's mom mom okay so so here here's mine right and these are like yours all
right so
so she goes um wait i'll you read three or four i'll read three or four which
is you want to do
responses here's my response okay three or four good night and dream beautiful
dreams no read hers
first to give context oh all right yeah yeah don't okay okay sorry you are here
for a reason there's
nothing accidental about you there's a specific purpose assignment and mission
on earth that only
you can fulfill never doubt your specialness then i go good night and dream
beautiful dreams
that's better than mine okay at cigna pharmacy i picked up some medication and
on the way home i
stopped at albertson's and got some groceries yeah good night exclamation point
wishing you a peaceful
night's rest that's your response no and then my response is you too oh my
heart all right all right
all right i'll give you one okay so this is my mom she does a dr seuss okay she
goes
why fit in when you were born to stand out dr seuss then she says stay safe and
healthy good night
and sweet dreams love you and then my response is that's a good quote mom hope
everything is okay
ask if you need something you're doing way better than me um time to go to bed
stay safe and take care
good night and sleep tight love you and my response night mom heart
that's all the imp that's all do two more and then we'll wrap it up
we'll wrap it up i'll do one more i'll do one more okay all right 93 degrees
does she says 93 degrees
right now i think the summer is around the corner good night and sleep tight
hope you're feeling good miss you
so much i love you with all my heart you're killing me yeah go ahead um it's
windy outside but the
temperature is perfect today take care and stay safe good night and sleep tight
love you
what's your response oh my i love you i did a repeat you did a repeat
but i left a heart emoji yeah but that's i did a repeat yeah you didn't really
know what you're
right i need to do more thoughtful here you know i want to do what it is i want
to do repeats can i be
honest yeah since dad passed yeah it's been tough you know like because i don't
know how to communicate
like i don't know how to explain this but i i i think i just subconsciously
keep it brief like so oh
you're trying to detach so it's that when she dies no no no no no nothing like
that i think it's just
because i don't i don't know what to say like i you know your responses are way
more thoughtful no it's
i'm i'm sitting there i spend 45 minutes on it oh you do yeah oh no no mine's
the opposite i just go
oh no no i just kind of stare and i go what do i say yeah right and somet