Name: Stabbed With Ramen | Ep 72 | Bad Friends
Uploaded: 2021-07-05T16:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stabbed With Ramen | Ep 72 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stabbed With Ramen | Ep 72 | Bad Friends' from Bad Friends on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-05. Transcript available.

Stabbed With Ramen | Ep 72 | Bad Friends

Hey, we here at Bad Friends want to show some love to our Bad Friends family.
Jenna Sunday, who is an artist that works with us.
She's made so much incredible stuff that you guys have seen.
VFX stuff when the spiders crawl across the table on the show
and lightning and storms and light changes.
She's a part of our family, and we want to help her.
So can you help Ian and the family with Ian's liver transplant?
Yeah, her brother is sick, and we're trying to promote her GoFundMe
because we believe here we're a family of Bad Friends.
We hope you guys are a part of our family.
We hope that you guys help contribute to helping one of our family members
get through an extremely tough time.
It'd mean a lot to us.
So be a bad friend and go donate if you can.
In fact, I'm going to donate right now.
Donate now.
And we'll put the link in the description so everyone can click on it.
Bob's donating right now.
So thanks for being a bad friend and donate.
Hey!
Hey, guys!
Tomorrow night, we're going to be at Brea together.
At Brea Improv.
8 p.m.
It's a great show.
I've got Andrew on it and Chad and JT from their podcast are going to do it.
And then some other people might show up.
Who knows?
Who knows?
We're going to be doing shows.
And also, go to andrewsantino.com.
I'm going to be in Houston in a couple of weeks.
Houston's up first.
Then I go to Madison.
Then I go to Nashville and Boston.
And I'm all over the place.
So go to andrewsantino.com.
Houston, show up.
All right?
And also, Tuesday night, before the Brea Improv, Jules is going to do a little
set.
Jules will be doing a set.
So if you want to see-
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's going to be doing a set.
Yes, you don't have a choice.
So make sure you come out to see Jules do her first stand-up comedy show.
Yeah!
Yeah!
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
White dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
Where's my Red Bull?
Who are you?
What do you mean?
That's the new Andres.
I told you, I got rid of Andres and I wanted someone new.
Do you know what his name is?
I'm going to call him what I want to call him.
What's your name?
Chango.
It's actually Ignacio.
Oh, Ignacio.
What did he say?
Ignacio.
Look at me.
His attitude.
Ignacio.
Ignacio.
Ignacio.
Who is this guy?
That's Ignacio.
I love him.
Ignacio?
I got rid of that bag of trash Andres.
Human garbage, yeah.
And I got Ignacio.
Ignacio.
Look at me.
Yeah.
Say Egna.
Like Egna.
Go Egna.
Egna.
And then go,
Erio.
Leo.
No.
Erio.
Leo.
No, look.
E.
E.
Leo.
Egna.
E.
Leo.
Egna.
Leo.
Egna.
Leo.
Perfect.
Yeah.
Perfect.
Ignacio, thanks for coming.
Yeah.
Thanks for filling in.
He's like made out of half human, half stone.
Ignacio?
Yeah, his face.
It's just like.
He was very serious.
Yeah, he looks like one of those shelter.
Shelter Island?
The shelter Island statues.
Yeah.
Do you remember those?
Is that what he looks like?
Yeah.
Just get off my island.
Get off the island.
Yeah.
Last night.
Is he Spanish?
Yeah.
Of course.
Will he shut the fuck up?
No, no.
Because he's talking way more.
Ask him.
He's talking more than Andrea's talk.
So where are you from in Espan?
Espania?
Espania.
From Sevilla.
Sevilla.
Oh, bro.
Sevilla is the most beautiful place on earth.
Great soccer team.
It's spelled Seville, right?
Yes.
Great soccer team.
That's how white people say it.
Seville.
We went to Seville on vacation.
Yeah.
That's how white people do it.
We have tapas.
Okay, check it.
We flew to Seville.
Yeah.
All right?
And then they have this stuff called Carpaccio.
You ever had Carpaccio?
It's nuts.
What?
No, it's Carpaccio.
We had him.
He's doing a bit, Ancencio.
What the fuck is his name?
I forget his name right.
Ancencio.
Ignacio.
Ignacio.
Ignacio.
Shut the fuck up.
What is Ignacio's name in American?
I can tell you right now.
What is it?
Ted.
Ah, Ted.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Good to see you, Ted.
You look like a Ted.
Well, thanks for filling in, Ted.
No problem.
My pleasure.
What do you think about our new Andres?
I prefer Andres.
Whoa.
He's right there, the guy.
He's right there.
That's crazy.
Why don't you like Ignacio?
He's more serious.
He is more serious.
He's more serious, yeah.
You know what he does for a living, this guy?
What?
You're not going to believe this.
Can I guess?
Sure.
He works in a mine somewhere.
Did he talk to you before the show?
He looks like he works in a mine.
He used to.
He used to run a mine.
He gathers iron ingots.
He does?
Yeah.
Well, no, he was the foreman.
Okay, bring up the ingots.
Yeah.
He's a heart surgeon, dude.
He used to be a heart surgeon.
What kind of hearts?
Like farms?
Bovine.
Farm animals?
He would do surgery on bovine hearts, cow hearts.
They have open heart surgery, cows?
Yeah, they do.
Why?
High cholesterol.
High fat, high cholesterol.
Their diet's insane.
Look at how fat they are.
Well, they're hamburgers.
If you're a hamburger, you're going to give yourself high cholesterol.
How many cows have you performed heart surgery on, Ignacio?
I lost the count.
You know, you need to get that valve, you know?
You need to get that valve.
He lost count.
Get him out of here.
What is this?
It's my brother.
So, you want to work for the Scissor Bros podcast, huh?
What makes you think you can cut it here?
I'm tired of working with divas, and I'm ready to work with real artists.
What is your greatest asset as an employee?
Well, I call myself the Quentin Tarantino podcast.
Oh, my God.
I have rescued, you know, forgotten talent and made them stars again.
Oh, my God.
I think I can make you stars.
Did you have any issues with your last employer?
If so, please explain in detail.
Okay.
So, I work with two comedians.
Who are they?
Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino.
You might have heard of them.
Oh, yeah.
We've heard of those guys.
Yeah, we've heard of them.
Yeah, and, you know, they're funny-ish.
They just yell a lot, you know.
They do yell a lot.
We don't.
We don't.
You guys have a lot more positive energy, right?
That's exactly what we tried to do.
Yeah, he's doing the Scissors.
Oh, wait, wait, what'd you do?
So, you know about it?
He knows about the Scissors.
I love the Scissors, yeah.
He's starting to go on.
Yeah.
Well, are you comfortable with male nudity?
Yes.
When can you start?
They're trying to steal our people, Bob.
The nerve.
First, they steal our show.
Then they steal our employees.
They're not going to pay him anything.
They won't be able to afford him.
There's no chance.
And also, I'm very supportive of my brother.
So, should we just give them Andres?
They can have him.
All right.
You heard it here first.
You can have him.
We fired him.
You get our leftovers.
You can have him.
You can have our leftovers.
By the way, we're losing Ignacio.
He's got to go.
Ignacio's got to leave because he's got to get home to...
Bye, Nathi.
Bye, Nathi.
Thanks for filling in, I guess.
I guess.
No problem.
I miss Andres.
So much.
What if I just clapped and Andres was back in the chair?
Oh, I would love it.
They just jump-cutted it.
No way, dude.
I never thought I would miss Andres.
You didn't?
Uh-uh.
I miss him.
He was there last night, though.
What a night.
What a night we had last night.
What a night last night we had.
My God.
Micah, what a night.
So, Bob and I went down to the Bray Improv.
It was called Bobby Lee Does New Material with Friends,
and he didn't tell them they were going to do new material.
That's what the name of the show was.
So, we all show up, and nobody knows we're supposed to do new material.
And he starts complaining that some of the other comics that were on the show
were doing material that was a material, stuff that they'd done before.
And then we all said, when did you want us to do new stuff?
And you said, that's what the show is.
But nobody knew that.
Yeah, it's called Bobby Lee's shit show.
If I, if, listen.
You are a shit show, so it could be just called Bobby Lee's show.
Andy.
Don't do it, boob.
Don't do it.
But when you make me mad, I gotta call you Andy.
What happened last night was Bob and I did a show.
Bob didn't tell anybody that you were supposed to do new material.
So, we all went out there.
Well, no, no, no.
Andrew, let me just ask you something.
Can I say something, by the way?
Can I just say something?
Can I finish?
You've been talking a lot.
Can I finish?
Go ahead.
Bobby didn't want to go last on his own show.
So, he wanted to go in the middle, which is crazy.
Yes, it is.
You're supposed to headline your own show.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
The whole reason why I did it in the first place is, I'm not going to raise my
voice,
is because I haven't been going up at all, ever.
Doesn't matter.
It was my second time up, right?
And I wanted an environment where I wasn't playing at the store because I don't
like playing.
I just wanted to just kind of get my chops back up.
I know.
So, the whole point of it was, I thought, maybe I'll create like an open mic
situation,
but that's more insulated.
And I'll do it where I can control it at the very improv.
I thought 100 people would show up, 50 people.
It's 400.
How many?
400?
Sold out.
Yeah.
Both last Tuesday and this Tuesday.
And I'm not going to do, my next, last one is next Tuesday.
I'm not doing it anymore.
Because it's like, it's too much.
Why?
Because it's like, I'm going up and doing 10 minutes.
And then it's like, people are going, well, I paid money, you know what I mean?
What do you mean?
The whole show was packed with comics.
People loved it.
It was great.
I know, but people want me to do more time.
Well, what happened last night was Bobby went up in the middle and did some
time.
And then I was supposed to close the show or go last.
And then I said, you got to come up on stage with me.
And you did.
And we had a blast, didn't you?
We did 40 minutes.
I didn't want to do it.
Yeah, you did.
No, in the beginning, I didn't.
But then I'm like, oh, I don't think he's going to do stand-up.
I wasn't going to.
Right.
So you grabbed the other mic and then you and I did a 25 minute.
34 minutes.
34 minute improv.
We did a bunch of improv.
Here, let me show you why, how this, Pete's got it, why you came up on stage in
the first
place.
Because a gentleman in the front row yelled out, Bobby, let's see your wiener
or something.
And I said, he's not going to show you his wiener.
And then Bobby said, yes.
This is crazy.
Let's press play and find out.
So you take him backstage.
Yeah.
I just want to take a photo with you, Bob.
Can I take a photo with you?
Oh, he just wanted a picture.
You look great.
I love it.
I love it.
Can I take a photo with you?
No, no.
I want to see your dick.
Can I take a photo with you?
Insane.
I got my dick out.
He wanted a picture that bad.
Yeah, I took a photo.
Get your camera.
Fuck you.
You've seen that, bro.
Fuck.
I don't look at that, bro.
Don't get the dumb hoops up.
You know what I'm doing?
You're salty.
That he got what he wanted, finally.
Cute.
Very sweet.
Yeah.
Very sweet.
No, we continued on.
So this guy, so this guy, so this guy, so this guy goes, let me see your penis.
Obviously, I'm not going to just fucking, not everyone gets to see it.
That's right.
Right?
Special people do.
He's a celebrity.
He's repped by APA.
Does he really have a, yeah, I'm with CAA, but my dick is APA.
Yeah, repped by APA.
Is he lit or theatrical or?
Lit.
Lit.
Oh, yeah.
He's a writer.
He's written three scripts.
Get out of town.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Good.
So this guy goes, let me see your dick.
I go, because you don't want to get canceled, right?
And you're kind of thinking of the modern times.
So I go, how do I pull this?
I'll bring him up on stage.
Yeah.
I'll bring him behind this curtain.
Privately.
Privately.
He asked.
He asked.
So there's no problemo there.
No, and you did it in a private location.
I pulled it out.
He doesn't look at it.
Okay.
And he looks at me right in the eyes, and he goes, I don't want to see it.
Can I get a photo?
Yeah, all he wanted was a picture.
Yeah, but it's like, now I look like the fool.
No, you don't look like a fool.
My penis is out, Andy.
